英语冷笑话若干

[生命的狂想]

看笑话是其次，学英语是关键，不要一笑而过，或一傻而走。如果你有没有看懂含义，至少英文你是要学会的！这些英语，你在课本里是绝对看不到的！

为学地道英语，三观全颠倒！节操碎一地！

和妻子开始浪漫的度假旅行了，临出发前，我们彼此讨论在爱爱的时候自己都有些什么特殊癖好希望让对方来完成的。 　
她说：“我啊，一直很想戴上手铐试试看呢。” 　
于是我就在她的手提箱里塞了一公斤可卡因。
As me and the wife headed off on a romantic holiday we talked about what kinky things we'd like to do to each other.
She said, "I've always wanted to be handcuffed."
So I planted a kilo of coke in her suitcase.

a romantic holiday 浪漫的假期
kinky things爱爱。。。。。真形象。。。
handcuff手铐
其实妻子是想玩kinky things 。。。。这个老公还真狠

 

[生命的狂想]

回复: 英语冷笑话若干

经过多年的拼命努力我才有了今天的身份和地,一名找不到工作的大学毕业生。
I worked very hard to get to where I am in life.An unemployed university graduate.


very hard to非常努力去做什么事。
I am in life我现在的样子。
unemployed失业的。

 

[生命的狂想]

回复: 英语冷笑话若干

切，我室友骂我不该偷看他的邮件，多大点事儿啊。 　
就为这，我就不告诉他他下个星期二有个面试！
I can't believe my flatmate accused me of opening his mail.
Cheeky cunt.
Just for that, I'm not going to tell him he's got a job interview next Tuesday.


accuse of 因某事控告某人
Cheeky cunt.是一句粗话，类似于“*”
Cheeky厚脸皮的;无耻的
cunt 【粗】女性之阴部 2. 【俚】淫妇 3. 【粗】**
a job interview 面试

 

[生命的狂想]

回复: 英语冷笑话若干

不列颠代表队的泳将们要想见金， 可就只能靠在泳池里撒尿了
If any of the Team GB swimmers want to see gold in swimming
they've got to piss in the pool.

GB=GREAT BRITAIN
piss
vi. 1. 【粗】小便;撒尿
vt. 1. 【粗】撒尿弄脏
n. 1. 【粗】小便
int. 1. 呸!(表示厌恶等)

 

[生命的狂想]

回复: 英语冷笑话若干

和老婆去城里，正走在路上，
路边一堆小孩子里有个开始冲我喊：“喂！哥们儿！知道不你老婆丑死啦！！” 　
“你特么给我滚远点！”我当即冲老婆吼道。
I was walking through town earlier with my wife,
when a group of teenagers shouted "Oi, mate! Your missus is seriously fucking ugly!"
"Why don't you just fuck off!" I shouted...At my wife.

a group of teenagers 一群年轻人
missus 太太;【口】老婆 这个仅在口语中使用
fucking ugly真TM丑
fuck off 滚！

 

[生命的狂想]

回复: 英语冷笑话若干

Mom .Granddad sure does love his baths.He's been in there for three days now.
妈妈。祖父还真是喜欢泡澡啊。都在浴缸里泡了三天了呢

sure does love真的很喜欢，酷爱。
He's been in there for three days now. 一句现在完成时的句子，过去某一时间开始并一直持续到现在并且有可能还会持续的动作,并切对现在有影响。

 

[生命的狂想]

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48岁的小店店主贾维德阿里被歹徒用刀刺中，生命垂危，已经昏迷了两周之久，他的家人不得不做出了一个艰难的决定 　 停止营业，去医院探望他Crimewatch: 48 year old shopkeeper Javed Ali was brutally stabbed and after 2 weeks lying in a coma his family had to make the agonising decision.
To shut the shop and go visit him in hospital.

shopkeeper店主
lying in a com 昏睡(状态);昏迷
visit 看望某人用VISIT

 

[生命的狂想]

回复: 英语冷笑话若干

买了一包阿斯达的玉米片，包装盒上印着“100%由再生纸制成”。 　
怪不得味道像屎一样啊
I bought Asda own brand Cornflakes the other day. It said on the box, "Made from 100% recycled paper."
No wonder they tasted like shit.

Cornflakes玉米片
recycled paper再生纸
tasted like shit.吃起来象屎一样

 

[生命的狂想]

回复: 英语冷笑话若干

进了麦当劳，我径直走到柜台前对收银员说：“给我一份巨无霸套餐谢谢。”
她用眼神指了指旁边排着的长队：“那你旁边这些排着队的十个人呢？”
“不用，他们跟我不是一起的
I walked straight up to the counter at McDonald's and said to the cashier, "I'll have a Big Mac meal, please."
"What about the 10 people that are queuing beside you?" she asked.
"Nothing for them," I said. "They're not with me."


walk straight up径直走过去
cashier收银员
are queuing正在排队

 

[生命的狂想]

回复: 英语冷笑话若干

每次我在超市购物、看到有女性拿起一根黄瓜的时候，我都会冲她们挤眉弄眼地猥琐一笑……就是为了看看有多少姑娘会飞快地红着脸把黄瓜放回去
Whenever I'm in the supermarket and I see a woman picking up a cucumber, I give them a little wink and a smile... just to see how many go red and put it back.

pick up拿起
cucumber黄瓜
little wink and a smile挤眉弄眼

 

[生命的狂想]

回复: 英语冷笑话若干

老婆在展示她新买的长筒靴，她转着圈说：“噢噢~~~真是合身啊，简直就像是我自己的皮肤一样！” 　
我拿起鞋盒说：“这个自然是猪皮的嘛
The wife was showing off her new knee-length boots."Oooh," she said, "nice and tight. I feel like I'm wearing my own skin."
"That's no surprise," I said, glancing at the box, "they're made of pig's leather."

nice and tight真是合身
glance at 拿起

 

[生命的狂想]

回复: 英语冷笑话若干

我一个不留神，用射钉枪意外地射中了老婆的手。 　
好吧，这得怪她，谁让她用手去挡眼睛呢
I just accidentally shot my wife in the hand with a nail gun.
Well, that's what she gets for trying to cover her eyes.


just accidentally一不留神

 

[生命的狂想]

回复: 英语冷笑话若干

妻子去世后不久，我便投入了酒精的怀抱。 　
将这个消息告诉我的警官说：“您真的觉得现在是开香槟的时候吗？
After my wife died I found myself quickly turning to drink.
The officer who gave me the news asked, "Do you really think this is an appropriate time to be opening a bottle of champagne?"

quickly turning to迅速进入
an appropriate time适当的时间
be opening a bottle of champagne开香槟

 

[生命的狂想]

回复: 英语冷笑话若干

刚买来了一个充气娃娃，可是我不想马上就用。 　
还是先放个几天再用吧，不然会显得我很饥渴似的
I've just got myself a sex doll but I don't want to f u c k it yet.
I'll leave it a couple of days as I don't want to seem desperate

a sex doll充气娃娃，不用我说了，大家都知道是什么。。。
a couple of days 几天。一段时间。
desperate饥渴的

 

[生命的狂想]

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和妻子一起去镇上吃晚餐，回程路上我们的车在红灯区里抛了锚。 　
不一会儿，六个妓女围到了我们的车边.
其中一个开了口：“嘿老斯！这娘们儿不是我们这块的啊――满身肥肉，丫没多收你钱吧啊？
The wife and I went into town for dinner last night and on the way back the car broke down in the red light district.
six prostitutes circling the car until one of them said, "Hi Stu! She's not from our patch - I hope the fat bitch isn't charging you over the odds!"


the car broke down 车抛锚了
prostitutes .妓 女
Stu 老头，老家伙

 

[生命的狂想]

回复: 英语冷笑话若干

妻子冲进房间，激动地喊道：“你一定猜不到我今天在超市碰到了谁！！！” 　
我回答：“太对了，所以我还是好好看球吧嗯
My wife burst into the room and said, "You'll never guess who I saw in Tesco today!"
I said, "Right, I'll carry on watching the football then."


回答的太牛了！下次就这么对付爱唠叨的人！
burst into 冲进去。冲近来。
You'll never guess 你绝对猜不到。
Tesco 多次出现过的英国超市的名字

 

[生命的狂想]

回复: 英语冷笑话若干

你能否想象一个没有欢笑的世界？ 　
一个没有拥抱与亲吻的世界？ 　
一个只有悲伤笼罩的世界？ 　
一个无法决定自己的生活、甚至说出自己的意见的世界？ 　
告诉你吧，那样的世界是存在的。 　
结个婚就知道了。
Can you imagine a world without laughter?
A world without hugs & kisses?
A world of constant sadness?
A world of not being able to make your own choices or having your own opinion?
Well that world exists.
Just get married.

 

[生命的狂想]

回复: 英语冷笑话若干

教你如何做一道便宜却鲜嫩一尝的鸽肉饼。 　
首先，准备一些面包屑和擀面杖。 　
然后，带着面包屑和擀面杖去公园里
Follow this recipe to make a cheap, but surprisingly tender, pigeon pie.
First, get some breadcrumbs and a rolling pin.
Then, take the breadcrumbs and rolling pin to the park...

Follow this跟着，跟随。以前有个很火的英语节目叫《Follow me》跟我学。

breadcrumb面包屑
rolling pin擀面杖

 

[生命的狂想]

回复: 英语冷笑话若干

我发现妻子该减肥了。 　
今早她起床拉开窗帘，兴奋地说：“今天真是阳光明媚！” 　
而我躺在床上四周还是一片漆黑
I think it's time my wife went on a diet.
She threw the bedroom curtains open this morning, saying "Oh my god, what a lovely sunny day."
And I was still lying in total darkness.

go on a diet.减肥
in total darkness.一片漆黑

 

[生命的狂想]

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现在各种商品上的警示标签真的是蠢爆了。我买了一罐除臭剂，罐头上用大字写着：“请勿入眼。” 　
太迟了好吗！我已经看到了啊混蛋！！！！！！！
Warning labels are fucking stupid. I bought some Deodorant and it says on the can, "Avoid Contact with Eyes"
TOO LATE, I've already seen it.

TOO LATE太迟了。
Warning labels 警示标签
Avoid Contact with Eyes请勿入眼