- 主题发起人 streetparty
- 发布时间 2017-06-03
http://www.freitagfuneralhome.com/publications/funeraletiquette.htm
下面的也许有帮助。
Funeral Etiquette
A guide to thoughtful behavior.
When someone you know dies, or faces a death in their family, your first instinct may be to help- but you may not be sure of what to say or what to do. It is natural to feel this way.
One of the highest privileges you can accept is helping a friend or family member during their time of grief. This booklet has been prepared to guide you on the proper etiquette of funerals and visitations, so you will feel more confident, knowing your actions are appropriate, and welcome. It will also give you some helpful advice on how you can be of comfort to the bereaved.
The Condolence Visit.
While you may feel hesitant about intruding on the family during their grief, the condolence visit is important. It reassures the bereaved that while their loved one is gone, they are not alone; that while they have suffered a great loss, they are still connected to the living, and that life will, indeed, go on.
When should I visit?
Immediately upon learning of a death, intimate friends of the family should go to the home of the mourner to offer sympathy and ask if they can render any service. There are many ways you can be helpful, by providing food or assisting with child care, making phone calls or answering the door.
You may make a condolence visit at any time, before the funeral or after, especially in the first weeks following the death. If you call early you may certainly pay another visit to let the bereaved know they remain in your thoughts.
You may prefer to visit the family at the funeral home. This setting may be more comfortable for you and the family, as they are prepared for visitors. The newspaper will provide information about calling hours, or you may call the funeral home for instructions.
How long should I stay at a condolence call or visitation?
You need not stay long; fifteen minutes gives you enough time to express your sympathy and offer your support. Of course, if the bereaved indicates they would like you to remain for a while, take your cue from them and stay longer. Use your own judgment. If you feel your presence is of comfort, offer to stay as long as the family needs you and you are able.
What should I say?
Using your own words, express your sympathy. Kind words about the deceased are always appropriate. Depending on your relationship to the family, you may say something like: "I am so sorry about John. He was a good friend, and I will miss him very much."
If the bereaved wants to talk, they usually simply need to express their feelings; they aren’t necessarily looking for a response from you. They may say things that seem irrational or pose questions that have no answer, and the kindest response is usually a warm hug, and a sympathetic, "I understand."
What should I not say?
Do not ask the cause of death; if the family wants to discuss it, let them bring it up.
Don’t give advice. The family should be allowed to make their own decisions without influence from well-meaning friends.
Don’t make comments that would diminish the importance of the loss. Comments such as "you are young, you’ll marry again," or "he was suffering so much, death was a blessing," or "I’ve been through this myself," are not comforting to the bereaved.
Religious & ethnic customs.
Customs may differ among various communities, ethnic groups and religions, and we have tried to indicate a few of the most important differences here. Please feel free to contact us for guidance, as we are well versed in the customs of many faiths. For more details, you may also refer to a more comprehensive guide, such as those by Emily Post or Amy Vanderbilt.
Mourning in the Jewish faiths.
In families of Jewish faiths, interment of the deceased usually occurs within twenty-four hours of death, at which time the family returns home for a seven-day period of mourning. The first days of mourning are reserved for the family; friends usually wait until at least the third day to visit. Calls are generally made in the evenings or on the Sunday of the week of the death; calls are not made on the Sabbath (from Friday afternoon until after dark on Saturday).
Remember, customs will vary depending if the family is of the Orthodox or the Reform Jewish faith. Please ask us if you need guidance.
The Formal Visitation.
A formal visitation provides a time and place for friends to offer their expressions of sorrow and sympathy. This practice is most common among the Protestant and Catholic faiths. The obituary notice should tell you the visitation hours and when the family will be present, or you may call the funeral home for this information.
Meet the family.
Upon arrival, go to the family, and express your sympathy with an embrace or by offering your hands. Don’t feel as though you must avoid talking about the person who has died. Talking can help the grieving process begin. Offer a simple statement of condolence, such as "I’m so sorry. My sympathy to you and your family," or "Your grandmother was a fine person. She will be missed by many."
If you were an acquaintance of the deceased but not well-known to the family, immediately introduce yourself. You may say something like, "Hello, we have not met, but George and I worked together several years ago. My name is Mary Smith."
Emotions.
Do not feel uncomfortable if you or the bereaved becomes emotional or begins to cry. Allowing the bereaved to grieve is a natural healing process. However, if you find yourself becoming extremely upset, it would be kinder to excuse yourself so as not to increase the strain on the family.
Pay your respects to the person who has died.
Viewing the deceased is not mandatory. However, if offered by the family, it is customary to show your respects by viewing the deceased and, if you desire, spending a few moments in silent prayer. The family may wish to escort you to the casket, or you may proceed on your own.
Signing the register.
Always enter your name in the register book, using your full name so the family can better identify you. If you were a business associate of the deceased, it is appropriate to note your company affiliation if the family may not otherwise know you.
Conduct.
After you have spoken to the family, it is perfectly appropriate to engage in quiet conversation with friends you may meet at the visitation. Your simple presence will mean a lot to the family. You do not need to stay for the entire visitation, but try not to leave during prayers, if they are being offered.
Other Expressions of Condolences.
While there is no substitute for a personal visit if you are physically able to do so, there are many other ways to express your sympathy.
Flowers.
A floral tribute can be of great comfort to the family. If you can imagine walking into a room filled with the loveliness and the soft fragrance of beautiful flowers, you can understand how something so simple can be so meaningful.
You may send your flowers to the funeral home or the residence before the funeral. It is also appropriate to send flowers to the residence after the funeral. Your florist can guide you in selecting something appropriate within your price range.
There are only a few exceptions when flowers are not appropriate. If the family requests flowers be omitted, or that donations in lieu of flowers be made, you should honor the request. You should not send flowers to an Orthodox Jewish funeral. Flowers are not sent to a Catholic church, although they are welcomed at the funeral home. Protestant churches will generally accept flowers, but many families prefer flowers be sent to the funeral home, with the casket having a floral offering from the family for the funeral.
Mass Cards.
When the deceased was Catholic, mass cards may be sent instead of or in addition to flowers. Catholics and non-Catholics may arrange for a mass to be said for the deceased. Contact us for information about obtaining a mass card, which you may mail or give personally to the family, usually before the funeral. Or, you may leave your card on the tray provided at the funeral home. It is also appropriate to arrange a mass on the anniversary of the death.
Memorial Gifts.
A gift of remembrance is always appropriate, especially when the family had requested such a gift in lieu of flowers. It is nice to personalize your gift to the deceased, for example, by making a gift to his or her alma mater, or contributing to medical research for the disease they suffered. Or, the family will suggest a specific charity or other memorial fund.
We can provide you with the appropriate card to inform the family of your gift. You should also provide the family’s name and address to the charity so they can send proper notification. It is also acceptable to mention your gift in a note of condolence, without mentioning the monetary amount. You might say, "Because Aunt Louise loved the ballet so much, we have made a gift to the city ballet in her honor."
Cards and notes.
Sending a card of sympathy is always in good taste, even if you were simply an acquaintance of the deceased. If the family is not likely to recognize your name, it is kind to add a few words to your expressions of sympathy, such as "Margaret and I were classmates in college…"
If you were well-acquainted with the deceased and/or the family, a personal note is a gracious way to convey your feelings. These letters are often saved and treasured by the family. Like flowers, they are tangible symbols of caring.
The best letters are simple but sincere expressions of your sympathy for the family, of your affection for the deceased, and your desire to be of some help to the family. Try to relate a personal and fond memory of the deceased- how you first met, perhaps- and also tell how he or she may have influenced your life. And of course, all notes should be handwritten.
Phone calls.
If you are local, a visit is preferred. Out-of-town friends should telephone as soon as possible to offer condolences and offer their services. Keep your call brief, since many others will be calling at this time. If a friend or family member is fielding phone calls for the mourners, be sure to leave your name and a brief message, and ask if there is a good time when you may call again.
Telegrams.
Telegrams are appropriate from those who are not intimate with the family, for example, a business associate or a former neighbor. The family will appreciate your message of concern.
Gifts for the family.
The most welcome gift at this time is food. The bereaved may have little interest or energy for managing household duties. Also, there may be several visitors in the house who need to be fed. During the days immediately following the death, bring substantial dishes that require little preparation other than perhaps reheating. Or, you may want to bring something to help the family with their hosting duties, such as cookies or some other food they may serve to visitors.
It would also be kind to remember the children, who are going through a difficult time. A small gift such as a book or a quiet toy like a puzzle would be appropriate.
Give of your time. Volunteer to undertake a specific task to ease the family’s strain- watch the children, care for the pets, vacuum the house, run errands.
Money is not an appropriate gift, although exceptions may be made when the family is left in extreme financial difficulty. In that case, friends may wish to pool contributions to make a gift of assistance.
The Funeral Service.
The funeral service will differ depending on the religious and personal beliefs of the family. The service may be held at a church, temple, funeral home or residence. Most families choose the funeral home as the setting, with a brief service often following at graveside.
Seating.
Whether the service is held at the funeral home or at a place of worship, enter quietly and be seated. Depending on the size of the funeral, you may be assisted by an usher. The first few rows are usually reserved for family members, but you should feel free to sit closely behind them to offer your support and comfort.
The ceremony.
The ceremony is generally conducted by a member of the clergy. Do not worry if you are unfamiliar with the religious customs of the family. Follow the guide of others.
Conclusion of ceremony.
Often, the family will want a few private moments with their loved one after the ceremony. If you are informed that the service is concluded, you will want to leave promptly, and wait in your car if you plan to be part of the funeral procession. You are not obligated to participate in the procession, but the moments can be difficult for the family.
Please turn on your headlights so you will be identified as part of the procession, and remember to turn them off when you arrive at the cemetery.
At the cemetery.
If there is a graveside service, the chairs at the casket are reserved for immediate family members. You may be asked to stand for the brief graveside service, which may include a short prayer or other words of strength and encouragement. An announcement is generally made at the end of the remarks indicating if the family will be receiving visitors at home following the service.
What is appropriate dress?
Black is not required today for the visitation or the funeral. You should dress in a way to show respect to the family and other mourners. This usually means a suit and conservative tie for men, and conservative clothes for women. Children should be dressed in their better clothes, such as what they might wear to church. The most important thing is not how you are dressed, but that you are there.
Should children come to a funeral?
Parents are the best judge of whether their child is old enough to comprehend death and whether attending the funeral will be meaningful to them. It is important that children be allowed to express their grief and share in this important ritual. Children can also be naturally uplifting to those in grief, a hopeful reminder of the future. If you bring young children, carefully explain to them the importance of being on their very best behavior. If a very young child becomes cranky or noisy, remove them promptly so as not to disturb the dignity of the occasion.
Immediately After the Funeral.
Immediately after the funeral, the family often extends an open invitation to join them for food and a quiet reception at home. This provides an opportunity for friends and family to talk, and provides some rest and refreshment, especially for those who have traveled to the funeral.
It is a nice gesture to offer to bring food ahead of time for this post-funeral gathering. Your offer of food at any time in the days, weeks and even months after a death will be greatly appreciated by the family who will be busy attending to other details while also trying to cope with the day-to-day routine. Be specific in your offer; for example, you may say "I would like to prepare a chicken casserole for your dinner; may I bring it over on Thursday?"
Afterwards.
After the difficult and busy days surrounding a death, the family is faced with the challenge of resuming their lives. Your understanding and help at this time can be a major comfort.
What should I say when I run into the bereaved in public?
What you say depends upon whether or not you have already had contact with the bereaved. If you have already paid a condolence call, or attended the visitation or funeral, simply greet your friend warmly and express an interest in their well-being.
If this is your first meeting since the death, your impulse may be to express your sympathy. However, it is kinder to not bring up the death directly, as you may bring about tears, which, in a public place, could be painful to your friend. Rather, be tactful with your comments, perhaps saying something like, "I understand these must be difficult days for you…" If you wish, inquire when a good time might be to visit, or make a specific invitation to lunch or dinner.
What can I do to help later?
The family will continue to need your support for many months to come. Don’t disappear after the funeral. Drop a note or make a phone call on a regular basis. Ask them to lunch. Continue to include them in your social plans; they will let you know when and if they are ready to participate.
It is also especially kind to remember the family on special occasions during the first year of their bereavement. A note to the widow or widower on his or her wedding anniversary, or a phone call on the birthday of the deceased will be appreciated. Don’t worry that you will be bringing up the pain of the loss; they are well aware of their loss. Rather, your acknowledgement doesn’t just recognize the death, it reaffirms that a life was lived.
We hope that this will answer any questions that you may have. As always, if you have any additional questions, please feel free to call us at (856) 455-2600 or write to us at questions@freitagfuneralhome.com
下面的也许有帮助。
Funeral Etiquette
A guide to thoughtful behavior.
When someone you know dies, or faces a death in their family, your first instinct may be to help- but you may not be sure of what to say or what to do. It is natural to feel this way.
One of the highest privileges you can accept is helping a friend or family member during their time of grief. This booklet has been prepared to guide you on the proper etiquette of funerals and visitations, so you will feel more confident, knowing your actions are appropriate, and welcome. It will also give you some helpful advice on how you can be of comfort to the bereaved.
The Condolence Visit.
While you may feel hesitant about intruding on the family during their grief, the condolence visit is important. It reassures the bereaved that while their loved one is gone, they are not alone; that while they have suffered a great loss, they are still connected to the living, and that life will, indeed, go on.
When should I visit?
Immediately upon learning of a death, intimate friends of the family should go to the home of the mourner to offer sympathy and ask if they can render any service. There are many ways you can be helpful, by providing food or assisting with child care, making phone calls or answering the door.
You may make a condolence visit at any time, before the funeral or after, especially in the first weeks following the death. If you call early you may certainly pay another visit to let the bereaved know they remain in your thoughts.
You may prefer to visit the family at the funeral home. This setting may be more comfortable for you and the family, as they are prepared for visitors. The newspaper will provide information about calling hours, or you may call the funeral home for instructions.
How long should I stay at a condolence call or visitation?
You need not stay long; fifteen minutes gives you enough time to express your sympathy and offer your support. Of course, if the bereaved indicates they would like you to remain for a while, take your cue from them and stay longer. Use your own judgment. If you feel your presence is of comfort, offer to stay as long as the family needs you and you are able.
What should I say?
Using your own words, express your sympathy. Kind words about the deceased are always appropriate. Depending on your relationship to the family, you may say something like: "I am so sorry about John. He was a good friend, and I will miss him very much."
If the bereaved wants to talk, they usually simply need to express their feelings; they aren’t necessarily looking for a response from you. They may say things that seem irrational or pose questions that have no answer, and the kindest response is usually a warm hug, and a sympathetic, "I understand."
What should I not say?
Do not ask the cause of death; if the family wants to discuss it, let them bring it up.
Don’t give advice. The family should be allowed to make their own decisions without influence from well-meaning friends.
Don’t make comments that would diminish the importance of the loss. Comments such as "you are young, you’ll marry again," or "he was suffering so much, death was a blessing," or "I’ve been through this myself," are not comforting to the bereaved.
Religious & ethnic customs.
Customs may differ among various communities, ethnic groups and religions, and we have tried to indicate a few of the most important differences here. Please feel free to contact us for guidance, as we are well versed in the customs of many faiths. For more details, you may also refer to a more comprehensive guide, such as those by Emily Post or Amy Vanderbilt.
Mourning in the Jewish faiths.
In families of Jewish faiths, interment of the deceased usually occurs within twenty-four hours of death, at which time the family returns home for a seven-day period of mourning. The first days of mourning are reserved for the family; friends usually wait until at least the third day to visit. Calls are generally made in the evenings or on the Sunday of the week of the death; calls are not made on the Sabbath (from Friday afternoon until after dark on Saturday).
Remember, customs will vary depending if the family is of the Orthodox or the Reform Jewish faith. Please ask us if you need guidance.
The Formal Visitation.
A formal visitation provides a time and place for friends to offer their expressions of sorrow and sympathy. This practice is most common among the Protestant and Catholic faiths. The obituary notice should tell you the visitation hours and when the family will be present, or you may call the funeral home for this information.
Meet the family.
Upon arrival, go to the family, and express your sympathy with an embrace or by offering your hands. Don’t feel as though you must avoid talking about the person who has died. Talking can help the grieving process begin. Offer a simple statement of condolence, such as "I’m so sorry. My sympathy to you and your family," or "Your grandmother was a fine person. She will be missed by many."
If you were an acquaintance of the deceased but not well-known to the family, immediately introduce yourself. You may say something like, "Hello, we have not met, but George and I worked together several years ago. My name is Mary Smith."
Emotions.
Do not feel uncomfortable if you or the bereaved becomes emotional or begins to cry. Allowing the bereaved to grieve is a natural healing process. However, if you find yourself becoming extremely upset, it would be kinder to excuse yourself so as not to increase the strain on the family.
Pay your respects to the person who has died.
Viewing the deceased is not mandatory. However, if offered by the family, it is customary to show your respects by viewing the deceased and, if you desire, spending a few moments in silent prayer. The family may wish to escort you to the casket, or you may proceed on your own.
Signing the register.
Always enter your name in the register book, using your full name so the family can better identify you. If you were a business associate of the deceased, it is appropriate to note your company affiliation if the family may not otherwise know you.
Conduct.
After you have spoken to the family, it is perfectly appropriate to engage in quiet conversation with friends you may meet at the visitation. Your simple presence will mean a lot to the family. You do not need to stay for the entire visitation, but try not to leave during prayers, if they are being offered.
Other Expressions of Condolences.
While there is no substitute for a personal visit if you are physically able to do so, there are many other ways to express your sympathy.
Flowers.
A floral tribute can be of great comfort to the family. If you can imagine walking into a room filled with the loveliness and the soft fragrance of beautiful flowers, you can understand how something so simple can be so meaningful.
You may send your flowers to the funeral home or the residence before the funeral. It is also appropriate to send flowers to the residence after the funeral. Your florist can guide you in selecting something appropriate within your price range.
There are only a few exceptions when flowers are not appropriate. If the family requests flowers be omitted, or that donations in lieu of flowers be made, you should honor the request. You should not send flowers to an Orthodox Jewish funeral. Flowers are not sent to a Catholic church, although they are welcomed at the funeral home. Protestant churches will generally accept flowers, but many families prefer flowers be sent to the funeral home, with the casket having a floral offering from the family for the funeral.
Mass Cards.
When the deceased was Catholic, mass cards may be sent instead of or in addition to flowers. Catholics and non-Catholics may arrange for a mass to be said for the deceased. Contact us for information about obtaining a mass card, which you may mail or give personally to the family, usually before the funeral. Or, you may leave your card on the tray provided at the funeral home. It is also appropriate to arrange a mass on the anniversary of the death.
Memorial Gifts.
A gift of remembrance is always appropriate, especially when the family had requested such a gift in lieu of flowers. It is nice to personalize your gift to the deceased, for example, by making a gift to his or her alma mater, or contributing to medical research for the disease they suffered. Or, the family will suggest a specific charity or other memorial fund.
We can provide you with the appropriate card to inform the family of your gift. You should also provide the family’s name and address to the charity so they can send proper notification. It is also acceptable to mention your gift in a note of condolence, without mentioning the monetary amount. You might say, "Because Aunt Louise loved the ballet so much, we have made a gift to the city ballet in her honor."
Cards and notes.
Sending a card of sympathy is always in good taste, even if you were simply an acquaintance of the deceased. If the family is not likely to recognize your name, it is kind to add a few words to your expressions of sympathy, such as "Margaret and I were classmates in college…"
If you were well-acquainted with the deceased and/or the family, a personal note is a gracious way to convey your feelings. These letters are often saved and treasured by the family. Like flowers, they are tangible symbols of caring.
The best letters are simple but sincere expressions of your sympathy for the family, of your affection for the deceased, and your desire to be of some help to the family. Try to relate a personal and fond memory of the deceased- how you first met, perhaps- and also tell how he or she may have influenced your life. And of course, all notes should be handwritten.
Phone calls.
If you are local, a visit is preferred. Out-of-town friends should telephone as soon as possible to offer condolences and offer their services. Keep your call brief, since many others will be calling at this time. If a friend or family member is fielding phone calls for the mourners, be sure to leave your name and a brief message, and ask if there is a good time when you may call again.
Telegrams.
Telegrams are appropriate from those who are not intimate with the family, for example, a business associate or a former neighbor. The family will appreciate your message of concern.
Gifts for the family.
The most welcome gift at this time is food. The bereaved may have little interest or energy for managing household duties. Also, there may be several visitors in the house who need to be fed. During the days immediately following the death, bring substantial dishes that require little preparation other than perhaps reheating. Or, you may want to bring something to help the family with their hosting duties, such as cookies or some other food they may serve to visitors.
It would also be kind to remember the children, who are going through a difficult time. A small gift such as a book or a quiet toy like a puzzle would be appropriate.
Give of your time. Volunteer to undertake a specific task to ease the family’s strain- watch the children, care for the pets, vacuum the house, run errands.
Money is not an appropriate gift, although exceptions may be made when the family is left in extreme financial difficulty. In that case, friends may wish to pool contributions to make a gift of assistance.
The Funeral Service.
The funeral service will differ depending on the religious and personal beliefs of the family. The service may be held at a church, temple, funeral home or residence. Most families choose the funeral home as the setting, with a brief service often following at graveside.
Seating.
Whether the service is held at the funeral home or at a place of worship, enter quietly and be seated. Depending on the size of the funeral, you may be assisted by an usher. The first few rows are usually reserved for family members, but you should feel free to sit closely behind them to offer your support and comfort.
The ceremony.
The ceremony is generally conducted by a member of the clergy. Do not worry if you are unfamiliar with the religious customs of the family. Follow the guide of others.
Conclusion of ceremony.
Often, the family will want a few private moments with their loved one after the ceremony. If you are informed that the service is concluded, you will want to leave promptly, and wait in your car if you plan to be part of the funeral procession. You are not obligated to participate in the procession, but the moments can be difficult for the family.
Please turn on your headlights so you will be identified as part of the procession, and remember to turn them off when you arrive at the cemetery.
At the cemetery.
If there is a graveside service, the chairs at the casket are reserved for immediate family members. You may be asked to stand for the brief graveside service, which may include a short prayer or other words of strength and encouragement. An announcement is generally made at the end of the remarks indicating if the family will be receiving visitors at home following the service.
What is appropriate dress?
Black is not required today for the visitation or the funeral. You should dress in a way to show respect to the family and other mourners. This usually means a suit and conservative tie for men, and conservative clothes for women. Children should be dressed in their better clothes, such as what they might wear to church. The most important thing is not how you are dressed, but that you are there.
Should children come to a funeral?
Parents are the best judge of whether their child is old enough to comprehend death and whether attending the funeral will be meaningful to them. It is important that children be allowed to express their grief and share in this important ritual. Children can also be naturally uplifting to those in grief, a hopeful reminder of the future. If you bring young children, carefully explain to them the importance of being on their very best behavior. If a very young child becomes cranky or noisy, remove them promptly so as not to disturb the dignity of the occasion.
Immediately After the Funeral.
Immediately after the funeral, the family often extends an open invitation to join them for food and a quiet reception at home. This provides an opportunity for friends and family to talk, and provides some rest and refreshment, especially for those who have traveled to the funeral.
It is a nice gesture to offer to bring food ahead of time for this post-funeral gathering. Your offer of food at any time in the days, weeks and even months after a death will be greatly appreciated by the family who will be busy attending to other details while also trying to cope with the day-to-day routine. Be specific in your offer; for example, you may say "I would like to prepare a chicken casserole for your dinner; may I bring it over on Thursday?"
Afterwards.
After the difficult and busy days surrounding a death, the family is faced with the challenge of resuming their lives. Your understanding and help at this time can be a major comfort.
What should I say when I run into the bereaved in public?
What you say depends upon whether or not you have already had contact with the bereaved. If you have already paid a condolence call, or attended the visitation or funeral, simply greet your friend warmly and express an interest in their well-being.
If this is your first meeting since the death, your impulse may be to express your sympathy. However, it is kinder to not bring up the death directly, as you may bring about tears, which, in a public place, could be painful to your friend. Rather, be tactful with your comments, perhaps saying something like, "I understand these must be difficult days for you…" If you wish, inquire when a good time might be to visit, or make a specific invitation to lunch or dinner.
What can I do to help later?
The family will continue to need your support for many months to come. Don’t disappear after the funeral. Drop a note or make a phone call on a regular basis. Ask them to lunch. Continue to include them in your social plans; they will let you know when and if they are ready to participate.
It is also especially kind to remember the family on special occasions during the first year of their bereavement. A note to the widow or widower on his or her wedding anniversary, or a phone call on the birthday of the deceased will be appreciated. Don’t worry that you will be bringing up the pain of the loss; they are well aware of their loss. Rather, your acknowledgement doesn’t just recognize the death, it reaffirms that a life was lived.
We hope that this will answer any questions that you may have. As always, if you have any additional questions, please feel free to call us at (856) 455-2600 or write to us at questions@freitagfuneralhome.com
记号
跟中国区别不大，盖棺论定，赞美死者的人生，温馨回忆既往在一起的时光，可以是动人泪流，也可以是幽默搞笑的。见过弟弟发言回忆哥哥的幽默，引发全场嬉笑，继而怀念流泪的。
跟中国的区别是，这边老人上山基本算是喜事，finish ，complete,圆满了。
同样的观念也在影响着中国，去年暑假回国，赶上老姑妈高寿过世，我不可回避地需要致悼词，我主要是跟表哥表妹们一起温馨回忆，肯定赞扬她美好的一生。希冀她的最宝贵的精神遗产流芳百世。绝大多数与会者是肯定我的悼词的。
跟中国的区别是，这边老人上山基本算是喜事，finish ，complete,圆满了。
同样的观念也在影响着中国，去年暑假回国，赶上老姑妈高寿过世，我不可回避地需要致悼词，我主要是跟表哥表妹们一起温馨回忆，肯定赞扬她美好的一生。希冀她的最宝贵的精神遗产流芳百世。绝大多数与会者是肯定我的悼词的。
To a comedian mom:
Mom:
I received the note that you slipped under my bedroom door last night. I was very excited to read it, thinking that it would contain amazing, loving advice that you wanted to share with me. Imagine my surprise when I opened it and saw that it began with the salutation, “Dear Landlord.” I have reviewed your complaints and address them below:
1. While I appreciate your desire to “upgrade” your accommodations to a larger space, I cannot, in good conscience, move [my 13-year-old son] Cooper into the laundry room. I do agree that it will teach him a life lesson about fluffing and folding, but since I don’t foresee him having a future in dry cleaning, I must say no.
Also, I know you are a true creative genius (and I am in awe of the depth of your instincts), but breaking down a wall without my permission is not an appropriate way to express that creativity. It is not only a boundary violation but a building-code violation as well. Additionally, the repairman can’t get here until next week, so your expansion plan will have to be put on hold.
2. Re: Your fellow “tenant” (your word), Cooper. While I trust you with him, it is not OK for you to undermine my rules. It is not OK that you let him have chips and ice cream for dinner. It is not OK that you let him skip school to go to the movies. And it is really not OK that the movie was “Last Tango in Paris.”
As for your taking his friends to a “gentlemen’s club,” I accepted your rationale that it was an educational experience for the boys—and you are right, he is the most popular kid in school right now—but I’d prefer he not learn biology from those “gentlemen” and their ladies, Bambi, Trixie and Kitten. And just because I yelled at you, I do not appreciate your claim that I have created a hostile living environment.
3. While I’m glad to see you’re socializing, you must refill the hot tub after your parties. In fact, you need to tone down the parties altogether. Imagine my surprise when I saw the photos you posted on Facebook of your friends frolicking topless in the hot tub.
I think it’s great that you’re entertaining more often, but I can’t keep fielding complaints from the neighbors about your noisy party games like Ring Around the Walker or naked Duck, Duck Caregiver.
I’m more than happy to have you use the house for social gatherings, but you cannot rent it out, advertise as “party central” or hand out T-shirts that say “F—Jimmy Buffett.”
In closing, I hope I have satisfactorily answered your complaints and queries. I love having you live with me, and I am grateful for every minute Cooper and I have with you. You are an inspiration. You are also 30 days late with the rent.
Much love,
Melissa
Mom:
I received the note that you slipped under my bedroom door last night. I was very excited to read it, thinking that it would contain amazing, loving advice that you wanted to share with me. Imagine my surprise when I opened it and saw that it began with the salutation, “Dear Landlord.” I have reviewed your complaints and address them below:
1. While I appreciate your desire to “upgrade” your accommodations to a larger space, I cannot, in good conscience, move [my 13-year-old son] Cooper into the laundry room. I do agree that it will teach him a life lesson about fluffing and folding, but since I don’t foresee him having a future in dry cleaning, I must say no.
Also, I know you are a true creative genius (and I am in awe of the depth of your instincts), but breaking down a wall without my permission is not an appropriate way to express that creativity. It is not only a boundary violation but a building-code violation as well. Additionally, the repairman can’t get here until next week, so your expansion plan will have to be put on hold.
2. Re: Your fellow “tenant” (your word), Cooper. While I trust you with him, it is not OK for you to undermine my rules. It is not OK that you let him have chips and ice cream for dinner. It is not OK that you let him skip school to go to the movies. And it is really not OK that the movie was “Last Tango in Paris.”
As for your taking his friends to a “gentlemen’s club,” I accepted your rationale that it was an educational experience for the boys—and you are right, he is the most popular kid in school right now—but I’d prefer he not learn biology from those “gentlemen” and their ladies, Bambi, Trixie and Kitten. And just because I yelled at you, I do not appreciate your claim that I have created a hostile living environment.
3. While I’m glad to see you’re socializing, you must refill the hot tub after your parties. In fact, you need to tone down the parties altogether. Imagine my surprise when I saw the photos you posted on Facebook of your friends frolicking topless in the hot tub.
I think it’s great that you’re entertaining more often, but I can’t keep fielding complaints from the neighbors about your noisy party games like Ring Around the Walker or naked Duck, Duck Caregiver.
I’m more than happy to have you use the house for social gatherings, but you cannot rent it out, advertise as “party central” or hand out T-shirts that say “F—Jimmy Buffett.”
In closing, I hope I have satisfactorily answered your complaints and queries. I love having you live with me, and I am grateful for every minute Cooper and I have with you. You are an inspiration. You are also 30 days late with the rent.
Much love,
Melissa
US President Barack Obama’s Eulogy For His Friend, Senator Ted Kennedy
Your Eminence, Vicki, Kara, Edward, Patrick, Curran, Caroline, members of the Kennedy family, distinguished guests, and fellow citizens:
Today we say goodbye to the youngest child of Rose and Joseph Kennedy.
The world will long remember their son Edward as the heir to a weighty legacy; a champion for those who had none; the soul of the Democratic Party; and the lion of the United States Senate—a man who graces nearly 1,000 laws, and who penned more than 300 laws himself.
But those of us who loved him, and ache with his passing, know Ted Kennedy by the other titles he held: Father. Brother. Husband. Grandfather. Uncle Teddy, or as he was often known to his younger nieces and nephews, “The Grand Fromage,” or “The Big Cheese.”
I, like so many others in the city where he worked for nearly half a century, knew him as a colleague, a mentor, and above all, as a friend.
Ted Kennedy was the baby of the family who became its patriarch; the restless dreamer who became its rock.
He was the sunny, joyful child who bore the brunt of his brothers’ teasing, but learned quickly how to brush it off.
When they tossed him off a boat because he didn’t know what a jib was, six-year-old Teddy got back in and learned to sail.
When a photographer asked the newly elected Bobby to step back at a press conference because he was casting a shadow on his younger brother, Teddy quipped, “It’ll be the same in Washington.”
That spirit of resilience and good humour would see Teddy through more pain and tragedy than most of us will ever know.
He lost two siblings by the age of 16. He saw two more taken violently from a country that loved them. He said goodbye to his beloved sister, Eunice, in the final days of his life.
He narrowly survived a plane crash, watched two children struggle with cancer, buried three nephews, and experienced personal failings and setbacks in the most public way possible.
It’s a string of events that would have broken a lesser man.
And it would have been easy for Ted to let himself become bitter and hardened; to surrender to self-pity and regret; to retreat from public life and live out his years in peaceful quiet. No one would have blamed him for that.
But that was not Ted Kennedy. As he told us, “…ndividual faults and frailties are no excuse to give in — and no exemption from the common obligation to give of ourselves.”
Indeed, Ted was the “Happy Warrior” that the poet Wordsworth spoke of when he wrote:
As tempted more; more able to endure,
As more exposed to suffering and distress;
Thence, also, more alive to tenderness.
Through his own suffering, Ted Kennedy became more alive to the plight and the suffering of others—the sick child who could not see a doctor; the young soldier denied her rights because of what she looks like or who she loves or where she comes from.
The landmark laws that he championed—the Civil Rights Act, the Americans with Disabilities Act, immigration reform, children’s health insurance, the Family and Medical Leave Act—all have a running thread.
Ted Kennedy’s life work was not to champion the causes of those with wealth or power or special connections.
It was to give a voice to those who were not heard; to add a rung to the ladder of opportunity; to make real the dream of our founding.
He was given the gift of time that his brothers were not, and he used that gift to touch as many lives and right as many wrongs as the years would allow.
We can still hear his voice bellowing through the Senate chamber, face reddened, fist pounding the podium, a veritable force of nature, in support of health care or workers’ rights or civil rights.
And yet, as has been noted, while his causes became deeply personal, his disagreements never did. While he was seen by his fiercest critics as a partisan lightning rod, that’s not the prism through which Ted Kennedy saw the world, nor was it the prism through which his colleagues saw Ted Kennedy.
He was a product of an age when the joy and nobility of politics prevented differences of party and platform and philosophy from becoming barriers to cooperation and mutual respect—a time when adversaries still saw each other as patriots.
And that’s how Ted Kennedy became the greatest legislator of our time.
He did it by hewing to principle, yes, but also by seeking compromise and common cause—not through deal-making and horse-trading alone, but through friendship, and kindness, and humour.
There was the time he courted Orrin Hatch for support of the Children’s Health Insurance Program by having his chief of staff serenade the senator with a song Orrin had written himself; the time he delivered shamrock cookies on a china plate to sweeten up a crusty Republican colleague; the famous story of how he won the support of a Texas Committee chairman on an immigration bill.
Teddy walked into a meeting with a plain manilla envelope, and showed only the chairman that it was filled with the Texan’s favourite cigars. When the negotiations were going well, he would inch the envelope closer to the chairman. (Laughter.)
When they weren’t, he’d pull it back. (Laughter.)
Before long, the deal was done. (Laughter.)
It was only a few years ago, on St. Patrick’s Day, when Teddy buttonholed me on the floor of the Senate for my support of a certain piece of legislation that was coming up for vote. I gave my pledge, but I expressed scepticism that it would pass.
But when the roll call was over, the bill garnered the votes that it needed, and then some.
I looked at Teddy with astonishment and asked how had he done it. He just patted me on the back and said, “Luck of the Irish.” (Laughter.)
Of course, luck had little to do with Ted Kennedy’s legislative success; he knew that.
A few years ago, his father-in-law told him that he and Daniel Webster just might be the two greatest senators of all time.
Without missing a beat, Teddy replied, “What did Webster do?” (Laughter.)
But though it is Teddy’s historic body of achievements that we will remember, it is his giving heart that we will miss.
It was the friend and the colleague who was always the first to pick up the phone and say, “I’m sorry for your loss,” or “I hope you feel better,” or “What can I do to help?”
It was the boss so adored by his staff that over 500, spanning five decades, showed up for his 75th birthday party.
It was the man who sent birthday wishes and thank-you notes and even his own paintings to so many who never imagined that a U.S. senator of such stature would take the time to think about somebody like them.
I have one of those paintings in my private study off the Oval Office—a Cape Cod seascape that was a gift to a freshman legislator who had just arrived in Washington and happened to admire it when Ted Kennedy welcomed him into his office.
That, by the way, is my second gift from Teddy and Vicki after our dog Bo.
And it seems like everyone has one of those stories—the ones that often start with “You wouldn’t believe who called me today.”
Ted Kennedy was the father who looked not only after his own three children, but John’s and Bobby’s as well.
He took them camping and taught them to sail. He laughed and danced with them at birthdays and weddings; cried and mourned with them through hardship and tragedy; and passed on that same sense of service and selflessness that his parents had instilled in him.
Shortly after Ted walked Caroline down the aisle and gave her away at the altar, he received a note from Jackie that read, “On you the carefree youngest brother fell a burden a hero would have begged to been spared. We are all going to make it because you were always there with your love.”
Not only did the Kennedy family make it because of Ted’s love—he made it because of t heirs, especially because the love and the life he found in Vicki.
After so much loss and so much sorrow, it could not have been easy for Ted to risk his heart again.
And that he did is a testament to how deeply he loved this remarkable woman from Louisiana. And she didn’t just love him back. As Ted would often acknowledge, Vicki saved him.
She gave him strength and purpose; joy and friendship; and stood by him always, especially in those last, hardest days.
We cannot know for certain how long we have here.
We cannot foresee the trials or misfortunes that will test us along the way.
We cannot know what God’s plan is for us.
What we can do is to live out our lives as best we can with purpose, and with love, and with joy.
We can use each day to show those who are closest to us how much we care about them, and treat others with the kindness and respect that we wish for ourselves.
We can learn from our mistakes and grow from our failures.
And we can strive at all costs to make a better world, so that someday, if we are blessed with the chance to look back on our time here, we know that we spent it well; that we made a difference; that our fleeting presence had a lasting impact on the lives of others.
This is how Ted Kennedy lived. This is his legacy.
He once said, as has already been mentioned, of his brother Bobby that he need not be idealized or enlarged in death because what he was in life—and I imagine he would say the same about himself.
The greatest expectations were placed upon Ted Kennedy’s shoulders because of who he was, but he surpassed them all because of who he became.
We do not weep for him today because of the prestige attached to his name or his office.
We weep because we loved this kind and tender hero who persevered through pain and tragedy—not for the sake of ambition or vanity; not for wealth or power; but only for the people and the country that he loved.
In the days after September 11th, Teddy made it a point to personally call each one of the 177 families of this state who lost a loved one in the attack.
But he didn’t stop there. He kept calling and checking up on them. He fought through red tape to get them assistance and grief counselling.
He invited them sailing, played with their children, and would write each family a letter whenever the anniversary of that terrible day came along.
To one widow, he wrote the following:
“As you know so well, the passage of time never really heals the tragic memory of such a great loss, but we carry on, because we have to, because our loved ones would want us to, and because there is still light to guide us in the world from the love they gave us.”
We carry on.
Ted Kennedy has gone home now, guided by his faith and by the light of those that he has loved and lost.
At last he is with them once more, leaving those of us who grieve his passing with the memories he gave, the good that he did, the dream he kept alive, and a single, enduring image—the image of a man on a boat, white mane tousled, smiling broadly as he sails into the wind, ready for whatever storms may come, carrying on toward some new and wondrous place just beyond the horizon.
May God bless Ted Kennedy, and may he rest in eternal peace.
Your Eminence, Vicki, Kara, Edward, Patrick, Curran, Caroline, members of the Kennedy family, distinguished guests, and fellow citizens:
Today we say goodbye to the youngest child of Rose and Joseph Kennedy.
The world will long remember their son Edward as the heir to a weighty legacy; a champion for those who had none; the soul of the Democratic Party; and the lion of the United States Senate—a man who graces nearly 1,000 laws, and who penned more than 300 laws himself.
But those of us who loved him, and ache with his passing, know Ted Kennedy by the other titles he held: Father. Brother. Husband. Grandfather. Uncle Teddy, or as he was often known to his younger nieces and nephews, “The Grand Fromage,” or “The Big Cheese.”
I, like so many others in the city where he worked for nearly half a century, knew him as a colleague, a mentor, and above all, as a friend.
Ted Kennedy was the baby of the family who became its patriarch; the restless dreamer who became its rock.
He was the sunny, joyful child who bore the brunt of his brothers’ teasing, but learned quickly how to brush it off.
When they tossed him off a boat because he didn’t know what a jib was, six-year-old Teddy got back in and learned to sail.
When a photographer asked the newly elected Bobby to step back at a press conference because he was casting a shadow on his younger brother, Teddy quipped, “It’ll be the same in Washington.”
That spirit of resilience and good humour would see Teddy through more pain and tragedy than most of us will ever know.
He lost two siblings by the age of 16. He saw two more taken violently from a country that loved them. He said goodbye to his beloved sister, Eunice, in the final days of his life.
He narrowly survived a plane crash, watched two children struggle with cancer, buried three nephews, and experienced personal failings and setbacks in the most public way possible.
It’s a string of events that would have broken a lesser man.
And it would have been easy for Ted to let himself become bitter and hardened; to surrender to self-pity and regret; to retreat from public life and live out his years in peaceful quiet. No one would have blamed him for that.
But that was not Ted Kennedy. As he told us, “…ndividual faults and frailties are no excuse to give in — and no exemption from the common obligation to give of ourselves.”
Indeed, Ted was the “Happy Warrior” that the poet Wordsworth spoke of when he wrote:
As tempted more; more able to endure,
As more exposed to suffering and distress;
Thence, also, more alive to tenderness.
Through his own suffering, Ted Kennedy became more alive to the plight and the suffering of others—the sick child who could not see a doctor; the young soldier denied her rights because of what she looks like or who she loves or where she comes from.
The landmark laws that he championed—the Civil Rights Act, the Americans with Disabilities Act, immigration reform, children’s health insurance, the Family and Medical Leave Act—all have a running thread.
Ted Kennedy’s life work was not to champion the causes of those with wealth or power or special connections.
It was to give a voice to those who were not heard; to add a rung to the ladder of opportunity; to make real the dream of our founding.
He was given the gift of time that his brothers were not, and he used that gift to touch as many lives and right as many wrongs as the years would allow.
We can still hear his voice bellowing through the Senate chamber, face reddened, fist pounding the podium, a veritable force of nature, in support of health care or workers’ rights or civil rights.
And yet, as has been noted, while his causes became deeply personal, his disagreements never did. While he was seen by his fiercest critics as a partisan lightning rod, that’s not the prism through which Ted Kennedy saw the world, nor was it the prism through which his colleagues saw Ted Kennedy.
He was a product of an age when the joy and nobility of politics prevented differences of party and platform and philosophy from becoming barriers to cooperation and mutual respect—a time when adversaries still saw each other as patriots.
And that’s how Ted Kennedy became the greatest legislator of our time.
He did it by hewing to principle, yes, but also by seeking compromise and common cause—not through deal-making and horse-trading alone, but through friendship, and kindness, and humour.
There was the time he courted Orrin Hatch for support of the Children’s Health Insurance Program by having his chief of staff serenade the senator with a song Orrin had written himself; the time he delivered shamrock cookies on a china plate to sweeten up a crusty Republican colleague; the famous story of how he won the support of a Texas Committee chairman on an immigration bill.
Teddy walked into a meeting with a plain manilla envelope, and showed only the chairman that it was filled with the Texan’s favourite cigars. When the negotiations were going well, he would inch the envelope closer to the chairman. (Laughter.)
When they weren’t, he’d pull it back. (Laughter.)
Before long, the deal was done. (Laughter.)
It was only a few years ago, on St. Patrick’s Day, when Teddy buttonholed me on the floor of the Senate for my support of a certain piece of legislation that was coming up for vote. I gave my pledge, but I expressed scepticism that it would pass.
But when the roll call was over, the bill garnered the votes that it needed, and then some.
I looked at Teddy with astonishment and asked how had he done it. He just patted me on the back and said, “Luck of the Irish.” (Laughter.)
Of course, luck had little to do with Ted Kennedy’s legislative success; he knew that.
A few years ago, his father-in-law told him that he and Daniel Webster just might be the two greatest senators of all time.
Without missing a beat, Teddy replied, “What did Webster do?” (Laughter.)
But though it is Teddy’s historic body of achievements that we will remember, it is his giving heart that we will miss.
It was the friend and the colleague who was always the first to pick up the phone and say, “I’m sorry for your loss,” or “I hope you feel better,” or “What can I do to help?”
It was the boss so adored by his staff that over 500, spanning five decades, showed up for his 75th birthday party.
It was the man who sent birthday wishes and thank-you notes and even his own paintings to so many who never imagined that a U.S. senator of such stature would take the time to think about somebody like them.
I have one of those paintings in my private study off the Oval Office—a Cape Cod seascape that was a gift to a freshman legislator who had just arrived in Washington and happened to admire it when Ted Kennedy welcomed him into his office.
That, by the way, is my second gift from Teddy and Vicki after our dog Bo.
And it seems like everyone has one of those stories—the ones that often start with “You wouldn’t believe who called me today.”
Ted Kennedy was the father who looked not only after his own three children, but John’s and Bobby’s as well.
He took them camping and taught them to sail. He laughed and danced with them at birthdays and weddings; cried and mourned with them through hardship and tragedy; and passed on that same sense of service and selflessness that his parents had instilled in him.
Shortly after Ted walked Caroline down the aisle and gave her away at the altar, he received a note from Jackie that read, “On you the carefree youngest brother fell a burden a hero would have begged to been spared. We are all going to make it because you were always there with your love.”
Not only did the Kennedy family make it because of Ted’s love—he made it because of t heirs, especially because the love and the life he found in Vicki.
After so much loss and so much sorrow, it could not have been easy for Ted to risk his heart again.
And that he did is a testament to how deeply he loved this remarkable woman from Louisiana. And she didn’t just love him back. As Ted would often acknowledge, Vicki saved him.
She gave him strength and purpose; joy and friendship; and stood by him always, especially in those last, hardest days.
We cannot know for certain how long we have here.
We cannot foresee the trials or misfortunes that will test us along the way.
We cannot know what God’s plan is for us.
What we can do is to live out our lives as best we can with purpose, and with love, and with joy.
We can use each day to show those who are closest to us how much we care about them, and treat others with the kindness and respect that we wish for ourselves.
We can learn from our mistakes and grow from our failures.
And we can strive at all costs to make a better world, so that someday, if we are blessed with the chance to look back on our time here, we know that we spent it well; that we made a difference; that our fleeting presence had a lasting impact on the lives of others.
This is how Ted Kennedy lived. This is his legacy.
He once said, as has already been mentioned, of his brother Bobby that he need not be idealized or enlarged in death because what he was in life—and I imagine he would say the same about himself.
The greatest expectations were placed upon Ted Kennedy’s shoulders because of who he was, but he surpassed them all because of who he became.
We do not weep for him today because of the prestige attached to his name or his office.
We weep because we loved this kind and tender hero who persevered through pain and tragedy—not for the sake of ambition or vanity; not for wealth or power; but only for the people and the country that he loved.
In the days after September 11th, Teddy made it a point to personally call each one of the 177 families of this state who lost a loved one in the attack.
But he didn’t stop there. He kept calling and checking up on them. He fought through red tape to get them assistance and grief counselling.
He invited them sailing, played with their children, and would write each family a letter whenever the anniversary of that terrible day came along.
To one widow, he wrote the following:
“As you know so well, the passage of time never really heals the tragic memory of such a great loss, but we carry on, because we have to, because our loved ones would want us to, and because there is still light to guide us in the world from the love they gave us.”
We carry on.
Ted Kennedy has gone home now, guided by his faith and by the light of those that he has loved and lost.
At last he is with them once more, leaving those of us who grieve his passing with the memories he gave, the good that he did, the dream he kept alive, and a single, enduring image—the image of a man on a boat, white mane tousled, smiling broadly as he sails into the wind, ready for whatever storms may come, carrying on toward some new and wondrous place just beyond the horizon.
May God bless Ted Kennedy, and may he rest in eternal peace.
刚去查了obituary, 果然是有捐钱给医院的建议（in lieu of flowers). 就in memory of 老太太，捐了$25给指定的机构。
还在guestbook上留了几句condolence的话。发布后忽然有点不确定是不是应该在guestbook上留言；这是不是告诉人家要做客去参加funeral呀？我没打算去葬礼的。
肯尼迪挺不是东西的， 他开车把一个姑娘掉河里了， 他自己跑出来， 第二天才去报警，
Chappaquiddick incident
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chappaquiddick_incident
Similar threads
2024-01-30有新回复
全楼:0.00
xmcnwlcwh
2022-11-14有新赞
全楼:0.00
recluse