第一篇ESSAY已经改好送出了,一篇质量很高的申请文书呀!
在这里,我就贴下我自己的评论,因为我觉得对于写大学申请文书应该会有帮助。
1. Make sure that every word has its significance (in other words, each word needs to be tightly connected to the theme) and highlights the theme.
2.Use fewer rhetorical questions. I know that you are trying to use these questions as leads of your essay. It is a good strategy for elementary school students. But you are a high school student now. People care less about your questions than your answers to them.
3. Say something about the college (if the college requires a supplementary essay, then you can do this in that essay, not your personal statement. I know COMM APP is a wicked system that does not allow you to tailor your PS for one specific college). In your PS, it does not have to be long. 5~7 sentences about the appealing aspects of the college to which you apply will suffice. For example, you can say that you want to work with a specific professor who specializes in environmental engineering or a unique program that interests you. Anything that makes YOU match THIS school will do. You need to convine the AO that you are not only a good student but also a perfect fit for the university!