开心一笑 绝望主妇第二集剧本

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我把第二集发上来
发表于: 2005-12-14- 10:24 AM 发表主题:

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Desperate Housewives
Episode 02.01 - Next
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Mary Alice Voiceover: Previously on Desperate Housewives-
Edie:You're awfully brave buying a place site unseen.
Mrs. Applewhite:We could tell from the advertisement it was just what we were looking for.
Mary Alice Voiceover:Sometimes...
Gabrielle: Who ever said you were the father?
Johnidn't you think it was strange that you have the only lawn on wisteria lane that needed to be mowed
three times a week?
Carlos:I am going to kill you!
Mary Alice Voiceover: ...the truth about our loved ones...
Tom:You asked peterson's wife to make sure he wouldn't promote me,so I quit. I'm gonna bea stay-at-home dad.
Lynette:We should... talk about this.
Tom:You're goin' back to work.
Mary Alice Voiceover:...can lead you into harm's way.
Rex:I think I'm having a heart attack.
Bree:You are gonna come through this operation just fine.
Bree:Hello?
Dr. Craig:Rex passed away about ten minutes ago.I'm so sorry.
Zach:Mr. Delfino took my dad away to kill him.Now I'm gonna kill Mr. Delfino.
End of Recap
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[Wisteria Lane -Nighttime]
(Ida Greenberg comes out her front door holding a paper bag with a bottle hidden inside.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"It was an accepted fact among the residents of Wisteria Lane that Ida Greenberg liked her liquor."
(She looks around to see if anyone is looking then drinks from the bottle.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"People had seen her drunk at sewing bees..."
(Bree sitting on a couch with various neighbors, Ida included. She hiccups.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"...the Department of Motor Vehicles..."
(Lynette standing in line at the DMV. Ida is one person ahead of her. She hiccups.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"...and the first Methodist church."
(Edie Britt is sitting in a church pew behind Ida, who burps.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Ida had tried to quit drinking many times, but she couldn't."
(Ida staggers down the street, holding the bottle. She looks up to the sky.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Then one night in a moment of despair, she challenged God to quench her never-ending thirst."
(Ida drinks from the bottle as Mike Delfino's truck comes around the corner.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Luckily for Ida, God was listening."
(Mike pulls his truck into his driveway. He gets out and opens the front door.)
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[Mike's House]
(Mike enters his house and sees Zach standing there, holding a gun. Susan is sitting at the kitchen table. Bongo, Mike's dog, begins whining, barking and growling. Zach slowly raises the gun at Mike.)
Mike: "Zach, listen to me."
(Zach pulls the hammer of the gun back. Susan leaps out of her chair and rushes toward Zach.)
Susan: "No!"
(Susan knocks Zach over and the gun goes flying. Mike pulls Zach off Susan and pushes him to the wall. Susan rolls away and picks up the gun. She points it toward where Zach is.)
Susan: "Not so tough now, are you?"
(Bongo continues barking. He runs at Susan and bites her pant leg. He pulls on her jeans.)
Susan: "Uh! Ow! Oh! Bongo, no! Bongo! Bongo! Oh!"
(Mike turns and sees Bongo biting Susan. He rushes toward Susan and lets Zach go.)
Mike: "Bongo, no!"
(Mike pulls Bongo off Susan. Susan falls into the chair and the gun she is holding goes off.)
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[Wisteria Lane - Nighttime]
(Ida is holding the bottle. The bullet hits the bottle Ida is holding and shatters. Ida stands there holding the broken bottle.)
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[Mike's House]
(In the confusion, Zach runs out of Mike's house and down the street.)
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[Wisteria Lane - Nighttime]
(Ida looks down at the broken bottle then up to the sky.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"It was at that moment it occurred to Ida, God may work in mysterious ways, but he isn't particularly subtle."
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Opening Credits
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[Wisteria Lane-Daytime]
(Inside Mary Alice Young's house, a picture of hers sits on a table, with spiderwebs on it.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"It had been a year since my death, and a lot had changed on Wisteria Lane. Children had learned new games."
(Outside young boys shout and play balls.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"New neighbors had moved in."
(Mrs. Applegate and her son, Matthew, are in their front yard taking down the real estate signs.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Old houses had been rebuilt..."
(Edie Britt's house in construction looks almost completed. Edie is outside directing the workman.)
Edie: "I told you guys twice. Okay, Craig, what's going on? Let's see."
Mary Alice Voiceover:"And fresh tragedies had occurred. In one house, a widow was getting ready to tell her friends of her husband's passing."
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[Bree's House]

(Bree is sitting at the dining room table. In front of her is a small framed painting of her and Rex on their wedding day. Her hand rests patiently on the cordless phone, watching the clock which read 5 minutes to 9:00.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"But until the time was right, she would wait. And life, as it tends to do, would go on."
(Bree continues to watch the seconds tick by on the clock.)
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[Hospital Room]
(Susan in lying in a hospital gown with cotton in her mouth and swollen lips.)
Susan: "I look like hell. I need a hairbrush."
(Julie approaches and lightly fluffs her mom's pillow.)
Julie: "Yeah, um, that's not gonna help."
(Mike and a officer enter the room.)
Mike: "Susan, Officer Romslo is here for your statement."
(The officer looks at Susan's swollen lips.)
Officer Romslo Romslo: "Zach Young do that?"
Mike: "No. Uh, she fell. Bit her lip. It was an accident."
Officer Romslo: "Okay. So, uh, walk me through what happened."
Susan (mumbling): "Well, I went over Mike's to feed the dog."
Officer Romslo: "I'm sorry?"
Julie: "Feed the dog."
(Susan removes the bloody cotton from her mouth.)
Susan: "Uh, and I turned around, and there was Zach Young - and that's Zach with an "h" - pointing a gun at me."
(Julie points to the cotton.)
Julie: "The doctor said keep that in."
(Susan puts the cotton back in her mouth.)
Susan: "Ouch."
Mike: "You gotta understand, Zach's had a tough time. He's got emotional issues.
Susan: "Yeah, he's crazy!"
Mike: "Still, I don't think he meant to hurt anybody."
Susan: "Uh, hello! Uh, he was waiting there for you to come home so he could kill you."
Officer Romslo: "Is that what happened when you got home? The kid took a shot at you?"
Mike: "Actually, Susan fired the gun."
(Susan spits out the cotton.)
Susan: "Okay, that's because I was wrestling it away from Zach so that he wouldn't shoot you."
(The officer stares at Susan as her mouth begins to bleed again.)
Susan: "Oh, God! Oh, there's blood."
Julie: "Could we do this later? She's kind of a mess right now."
Susan: "Yeah."
Mike: "Yeah, I think I can fill in the rest for you."
Officer Romslo: "I'd appreciate it. You feel better, Mrs. Mayer."
Susan: "Thanks."
(Officer Romslo and Mike leave the room.)
Susan: "Ow! That hurts."
Julie: "I'm gonna get you more ice. "
Susan: "Okay."
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[Hospital Hallway]
(Julie comes out of the room and sees Mike and the officer talking. They don't see her.)
Mike: "No, I'm telling you. Susan really flew off the handle when she jumped the kid."
(Julie looks shocked.)
Officer Romslo: "So you're saying this was more of a domestic squabble?"
Mike: "Definitely, yeah. Are we required to press charges?"
Officer Romslo: "Well, you're not really required, but it's something you should really consider when a handgun is involved."
(They walk out of Julie's hearing. Julie stares after them, then goes to get ice. The clock on the wall reads 4 minutes to 9:00.)
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[Gabrielle's House]
(Gabrielle gets out of the shower and wraps a towel around herself. She looks on the floor and sees rose petals strewn all over the floor. She follows the petals into her bedroom and finds John laying on her bed, in his boxer shorts, drinking from a champagne flute.)
Gabrielle: "John! How did you get in here?"
John: "I know where you keep the key. Mimosa?"
Gabrielle: "No, I'm pregnant, you jackass!"
John: "I made yours with seltzer."
Gabrielle: "Do you have any idea what you've done? That little stunt you pulled yesterday in the courtroom could get Carlos sent away for eight years!"
John: "Yeah, I thought you might be a little mad about that. But once you calm down, you'll see that it's just the two of us. It's gonna be awesome."
(Gabrielle sees John duffle bag on the floor.)
Gabrielle: "You brought luggage?"
(Gabrielle, still wrapped in a towel, carries the bag down the stairs. John follows her to the front door.)
John: "He's gone. We don't have to sneak around anymore. We can have a real relationship. It's what's best for the three of us."
Gabrielle: "The three of us? How exactly does that benefit Carlos?"
John: "I'm talking about my baby."
Gabrielle: "You don't know it's your baby. I don't even know it's your baby. And I don't wanna know 'cause it doesn't matter!"
(Gabrielle opens the front door and throws John's bag outside, grunting.)
John: "So what, you don't love me?"
Gabrielle: "Well, up until the point that you told my husband we were having an affair, I was quite fond of you. Since then, not a fan!"
(Gabrielle shoves John outside and slams the door. The clock shows 2 minutes to 9:00.)
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[Lynette's House]
(Lynette comes running downstairs, dressed professionally, with a briefcase in her hand.)
Lynette: "Hey!"
Tom: "Hey."
(The kids are sitting in the living room, finger painting.)
Lynette: "Oh, why on earth would you let them finger paint before breakfast?"
Tom: "It's my job to clean that up now, so it's my call, right?"
(Lynette pours herself coffee.)
Lynette: "You're right. I'm sorry."
Tom: "Hey, I thought the meeting wasn't until one."
Lynette: "Oh, I have a thousand things to do before that. Borrow a decent scarf from Bree, buy a lipstick I don't hate."
(Parker runs up to Lynette, holding a picture. His hands are covered in finger paint.)
Parker: "Mommy, Mommy, look!"
(Lynette quickly backs away.)
Lynette: "Aah! No! No! No, nobody touches Mommy, okay? I love you, I love your finger painting, but if you touch me with those messy hands, I will cut them off."
(Lynette places her fingertip on Parker's head and turns him away from her.)
Lynette: "Go on. Off. Good."
Tom: "It's okay. A little nervous?"
Lynette: "Who? me? I've been out of work for seven years, I'm a woman of a certain age in a business that values youth above all else. Why should I be nervous?"
Tom: "You are experienced. You are brilliant. You are going to nail this job interview, okay?"
Lynette: "Thank you."
(Tom approaches her and leans in for a kiss.)
Lynette: "Uh, no. I can't. You're very, so..."
Tom: "Yeah."
Lynette: "Thank you. Here."
(Lynette leans over and carefully kisses Tom on the lips.)
Lynette: "Oh, my cell phone."
(She runs upstairs.)
(The clock on the counter shows 1 minute to 9:00.)
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[Bree's House]
(Bree is sitting with her hand on the cordless phone, tapping it as she watches the seconds tick to 9:00. The clock chimes 9:00 a.m. Bree picks up the phone and dials.)
Bree: "Lynette, hi, it's Bree. I do hope I's not calling too early. Hmm? Oh, of course you can borrow that scarf. I'll press it for you. Um, I have, uh, some news. Rex died."
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(Gabrielle's Front Porch)
(Susan, holding an ice bag on her mouth, sits with Lynette and Gabrielle.)
Susan: "I thought they were gonna operate. What happened?"
Lynette: "Apparently Rex's heart just gave out."
Susan: "Oh, my god. So when can we see Bree?"
Lynette: "She said she was gonna call. She's got a lot of things to do, planning for the funeral, that sort of thing."
Gabrielle: "She doesn't look that busy to me."
(They all turn and see Bree standing by her trash can in the driveway, holding a carton of milk. They walk up to her.)
Lynette: "Hi. What are you doing out here?"
Bree: "Oh, I'm just waiting for, uh, Rex's mother. She's gonna be here any second. "
Gabrielle: "Honey, we are so sorry."
Bree: "Oh, do one of you drink soy milk? I was cleaning out the fridge this morning, and Rex is the only one who drinks it. I just bought it on Friday. I'd hate to throw it away."
(Lynette, Susan and Gabrielle shake their heads no.)
Bree: "What a waste."
(Bree puts the milk into the trash can.)
Lynette: "Aw, sweetie."
Susan: "Honey, you can let it out."
Bree: "No. No, I can't afford to fall apart right now."
Susan: "Why?"
Bree: "You're about to find out."
(A taxi comes squealing around the corner. A woman is sticking her head out the back window, shouting.)
Phyllis: "Bree! Oh, stop here. This is the house."
Susan: "Is that?"
Bree: "Yes, that is Rex's mother."
(The woman sobs as she climbs out of the cab and staggers over to where the women are standing.)
Phyllis: "I can't believe it. It's like some hideous nightmare. My life is over! My life is over!"
(She clings to Bree.)
(Bree pats her on the back and the ladies stare at Rex's mother.)
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[Advertising Agency]
(A young man carries a plate of food into the office where Lynette is sitting with an interviewer, Nina Fletcher. Phones ring in the background.)
Nina: "It appears there's a seven-year gap since your last position. What, did you take some time off?"
Lynette: "I was a stay-at-home mom. I wish it had taken time off."
Nina: "Boy or girl?"
Lynette: "A girl. And three boys."
Nina: "Four kids?"
Lynette: "Yeah, of course, they won't get in the way of the job because my husband's staying home with them from now on."
Nina: "I knew I could never do both jobs justice. That's why I chose not to have a family. I didn't want to be one of those kind of women. You know, sloughing things off onto coworkers because of a pediatrician appointment or a dance recital. I get really neurotic about putting people out."
Lynette: "With all due respect, Nina, won't be an issue. I can leave home at home."
Nina: "And it's not gonna break your heart to leave those sad little faces behind?"
Lynette: "Are you kidding? This office is paradise. Grown-ups talking about grown-up things. No screaming, no vomiting, no boogers under the table. You're gonna have to drag me outta here kicking and screaming - weekends, holidays, whenever."
Nina: "All right, Ed wants to make the final decision. So I will bring you back tomorrow at three for a follow-up."
Lynette: "Well, that, that sounds great. Thank you."
Nina: "Lynette, be early. Show me something."
Lynette: "Okay."
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[Bree's House]
(Danielle is helping her grandmother unpack her suitcase. Andrew is sitting at the table. Danielle picks up a teddy bear from the suitcase.)
Danielle: "No way. Dad did not have a teddy bear."
Phyllis: "He most certainly did. Oh, that was Doolittle. Your father never went anywhere without him."
(Bree walks into the room carrying a tea tray.)
Bree: "Here's your tea, Phyllis."
Phyllis: "Oh. (picks up an orange tie from the suitcase) Oh! Look, Bree. This was the tie that Rex wore when he graduated from prep school. I think he should wear it. You know, for the funeral?"
Bree: "Phyllis, that's an orange tie."
Phyllis: "Well, those were his school colors: green and orange."
Bree: "Well, um, he's being buried in a blue suit."
(Andrew gets up and walks to the suitcase.)
Phyllis: "Maybe he could be buried in a different suit."
Bree: "I don't think so, but thank you, though."
Andrew: "You, uh, you kept dad's old comic books?"
Phyllis: "Oh, yes, I kept everything. Look here. I even kept the dirty magazine that he hid under his mattress. He didn't think I knew about it, but I did."
Andrew: "Well, looks like dad was into big breasts."
Phyllis: "Oh, yes. That's why I was surprised when he married your mother."
(Bree stares at Phyllis. Phyllis meets Bree's eyes and Bree smiles.)
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[Jail Visiting Room]
(Carlos sits back in his chair, not talking to Gabrielle sitting across from him.)
Gabrielle: "So you're just not gonna talk to me, is that it? Fine. I don't need to talk. Okay. Yes, I had a little affair. It wasn't the best thing to do, and I'm not proud of it. But it's not the worst thing that could have happened. Nobody died. Oh, don't be such a martyr, Carlos. Okay, it takes two people. How many times did you go off on your little business trips and leave me alone? See, so technically, you cheated, too. It's just your mistress was your work."
(Carlos stands up from the table and starts to walk away.)
Gabrielle: "No, okay. That was a stretch. I'm sorry. Carlos, wait! Come back. Look, I wanna start over. We're gonna have a baby. Isn't that what you always wanted? Carlos, wait! I said I was sorry and I love you! What more do you want?"
Carlos: "I want a paternity test."
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[Betty's House]
(Betty Applewhite is sweeping her front porch as Bree and Danielle approach. Bree is holding a basket of cookies.)
Bree: "Mrs. Applewhite, hi. I am Bree Van de Kamp, and this is my daughter Danielle."
Betty: "Hello."
Danielle: "Hi."
Matthew: "Hey, I'm Matthew."
Betty: "This is my son."
Bree: "Hi. I would have been over sooner to introduce myself, but I'm afraid there's been a death in my family."
Danielle: "My dad."
Betty: "I'm so sorry."
Matthew: "I lost my dad, too. I know what you must be going through right now."
Danielle: "Thank you."
Bree: "Anyway, I'm afraid that my visit has an ulterior motive. The organist at our church is on vacation, and Edie Britt mentioned that you used to be a concert pianist, and - "
Betty: "I would be honored to play for you. Why don't I bring some sheet music over later and we can plan some selections?"
Bree: "Thank you. That's just a huge weight off my shoulders. (She hands the cookies to Betty.) Oh, these are for you."
Betty: "How sweet. Bree, we widows have to stick together."
Bree: "Bye."
(Bree and Danielle leave.)
Betty: "Pretending your father's dead? Don't you find that a little morbid?"
Matthew: "Well, I just thought it could help our cover story, okay? Just, you know, win 'em over."
Betty: "Oh, sweetie. I know you meant well. But in the future, you leave the cleverness to me."
(Betty walks into the house, carrying the cookies.)
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[Susan's Front Yard]
(Susan is pounding a security sign into the grass as Julie approaches.)
Julie: "Since when are we protected by Dorset security?"
Susan: "We're not. It's a deterrent in case Zach comes back. I told Mike I didn't sleep last night, so he got me this sign. That guy is so supportive. You know he's out right now in a ride-along with the searching for Zach?"
Julie: "Really?"
Susan: "Yeah. He's determined to see that kid behind bars. So tomorrow at school, I want you to let everybody know that we got this new, expensive security system."
Julie: "Mom."
Susan: "Just work it into the conversation. You know, put the word out there."
Julie: "I've gotta tell you something."
Susan: "Emphasize the motion detectors."
Julie: "Mom, stop, stop. Listen."
Susan: "What? What is it?"
Julie: "Yesterday I overheard Mike telling that cop that he didn't wanna press charges against Zach. He made the whole thing sound like it was your fault."
Susan: "My fault?"
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[Hospital]
(Gabrielle enters the Prenatal and Neonatal Care Department and approaches the desk. A young lady with multi-colored hair and various face piercings is sitting behind the desk, reading.)
Gabrielle: "Hi, uh, I need a paternity test."
Receptionist: "Well, we'll just schedule you for an exam."
Gabrielle: "Oh, no, no. I don't need to take a test. I am just trying to reassure my husband of what I know is true in my heart. So if you could just slip me someone else's test results, I could make my own. I got Photoshop for Christmas. Oh, come on. You look like a fun-loving girl. I am sure you've been in a couple hairy situations of your own."
Receptionist: "Just because I choose to express myself doesn't mean that I condone adultery. Sorry."
(The receptionist walks away and Gabrielle turns and sees a young lady sitting down looking at a sheet of paper and crying. Gabrielle walks over to her and sits down.)
Gabrielle: "Paternity test results? I know. I'm in the same situation."
Woman: "Really?"
Gabrielle: "Mm-hmm."
Woman: "I just found out the clinic screwed up and gave me an egg that belonged to some lesbian. It was supposed to implanted in her lover, and now my husband's freaking out because he thinks that our baby's gonna be gay!"
Gabrielle: "Okay. We're in slightly different situations. But do you wanna get a cup of coffee and talk about it?"
Woman: "Yeah. That'd be nice. Thanks."
Gabrielle: "Yeah. Us girls have to stick together. We shouldn't let a stupid piece of paper ruin our life."
(Gabrielle pulls the paper from the woman's hands.)
Woman: "Yeah!"
(The woman gets up and walks off. Gabrielle follows, folding the paper neatly.)
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[Bree's Living Room]
(The Reverend, Bree, and Phyllis are sitting. Phyllis takes sheets of paper out of her purse and writes things down.)
Reverend: "Obviously, I've known Rex for years, but when it comes to writing a eulogy, I like as much input from the family as possible."
Bree: "Oh. Well, um, what kind of input?"
Phyllis: "Oh, he means anecdotes, little stories. Isn't that what you mean, Reverend?"
Reverend: "Well, yes, but, uh, also-"
Phyllis: "I thought that you might need some help, so last night I stayed up all night and tried to remember funny things and moments that said so much about Rex as a person."
Reverend: "My. How, how many pages do you have there?"
Phyllis: "Fifteen."
(Phyllis stands to hand the Reverend the sheets. Bree reaches over and grabs them from Phyllis' hand. They all sit down. Bree begins reading the sheets.)
Phyllis: "Well, you're hardly going to have to write anything at all, Reverend. Some of those anecdotes are just priceless."
Bree: "Phyllis, these are all things that happened to Rex before he went to college."
Phyllis: "So?"
Bree: "Well, don't you think it'd be nice if Reverend devoted part of the eulogy to his life after he was married?"
Phyllis: "Oh, well, yes, of course. The Reverend will mention that part of his life."

Bree: "He's going to do more than mention it. That's the part he'll focus on. In fact, I think three anecdotes from Rex's childhood is more than enough."
(She hands the Reverend several of the sheets.)
Reverend: "Um, that, that seems fair."
Phyllis: "Well, whatever you think is appropriate."
Reverend: "Fine."
Phyllis: "I just thought if we were going to focus on a time in Rex's life, that we might as well focus on the happiest time."
Reverend: "Let's talk flowers. Now I know lilies are traditional, but I think I can get you a deal on some white roses."
Bree: "Reverend, if you don't call her on that incredibly insensitive comment, I'm gonna lose it."
Reverend: "I'm sure she didn't mean it the way it sounded."
Phyllis: "I knew exactly what I was saying."
Reverend: "Ladies!"
Bree: "The happiest time in Rex's life was not his childhood. He loved being a husband and he loved being a father."
Phyllis: "He may have loved being a father, but your marriage was a disaster."
Bree: "Phyllis, is there something you'd like to say?"
Phyllis: "You made the last years of Rex's life miserable and now he's dead and he'll never have another chance at happiness."
Bree: "You are no longer invited to the funeral."
Phyllis: "What?"
Reverend: "You're not serious?"
Bree: "Oh, yes, I am. I am going to hire security, and those security men are going to have sticks and if you so much as set foot in that sanctuary, they will be instructed to beat you with those sticks"
Reverend: "Bree, this is your grief talking."
Bree: "Reverend, if you don't back me up on this, so help me, I will pull the funeral out of your church."
Reverend: "Bree!"
Bree: "I am not kidding. I will go nondenominational so fast, it will make your head spin."
(Bree smiles at Phyllis and walks out of the room.)
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[Edie's Construction Site]
(Edie is drinking coffee as Susan approaches.)
Edie: "Ugh. (She throws the cup away.) Susan! I heard what happened with Zach. How are you doing?"
Susan: "Fine. Is Mike here?"
Edie: "Inside. Jeez. You must have been terrified. I mean, he put poor Felicia in the hospital. Did he pistol whip you?"
Susan: "No."
Edie: "Oh, come on. You can tell me. Did he slap you around?"
Susan: "No."
Edie: "Well, don't get me wrong. I'm, I'm thrilled that you're okay. It's just that when someone holds someone else hostage, they usually rough 'em up a little."
Susan: "It wasn't like that."
Edie: "Oh. Not even a little kicking?"
Susan: "Edie!"
(Edie walks toward the house and passes Mike coming out.)
Edie: "Someone to see you."
Mike: "Well, hey, how's it goin'?"
Susan: "Good. There's a rumor going around that you don't wanna press charges against Zach. Is that true?"
Mike: "Yeah."
Susan: "Wow. Um, I find that confusing."
Mike: "Look, if we make a big deal out of this, he could end up going to prison."
Susan: "He held a gun to my face, so I'm thinking, good."
Mike: "I've been to prison. He couldn't handle it."
Susan: "Who cares?"
Mike: "I care."
Susan: "Well, you should care more about me. I'm your girlfriend. We're moving in together. He's just a neighbor. You don't even know Zach."
Mike: "I know enough about him to know that deep down, he's a good kid."
Susan: "Mike, he wanted to kill you."
Mike: "But he didn't."
Susan: "You never asked me why Zach wanted to shoot you. Aren't you curious?"
Mike: "Does it matter?"
Susan: "Zach said you kidnapped his father so you could kill him."
Mike: "I didn't kill Paul Young."
Susan: "I didn't think you did. Now tell me why Zach does."
Mike: "I found some evidence that suggested that Paul murdered Deirdre. Sixteen years ago, Deirdre had a baby, and Paul and Mary Alice Young kidnapped him and raised him as their own. Deirdre tracked him down here to Wisteria Lane and demanded her baby back."
Susan: "So Paul killed her?"
Mike: "Actually, it was Mary Alice."
Susan: "Oh, my God."
(Edie comes out of the house and hands Mike his cell phone.)
Edie: "Mike? I answered your phone. It's the ."
Mike: "Yeah. Delfino. You did? Okay, I can be there in 20 minutes. (He hangs up.) Zach's dead. They want me to come identify the body."
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[Morgue]
(Mike and Susan approach a covered body.)
Officer Romslo: "Thanks for coming down. Since the kid's father is missing, we didn't know who else to call. So, you folks ready?"
(Mike nods. A medical examiner lifts the covering over the body. A blond teenager with spiked hair lies on the table. Mike walks away from the table.)
Susan: "That's not Zach."
Officer Romslo: "You're sure?"
Susan: "He had a gun in my face for six hours. I know what he looks like."
(Susan turns and looks over at Mike.)
Susan: "Can you give us a minute?"
Officer Romslo: "Sure."
(Susan walks over to Mike.)
Susan: "Zach is your son, isn't he?"
Mike: "Yeah. I'm pretty sure."
Susan: "How long have you known?"
Mike: "Paul Young told me. Deirdre got pregnant before I went to jail and, um, told me she had an abortion. Guess she lied."
Susan: "I see."
Mike: "When I took Paul out to the desert, and I was so angry, I just wanted to hurt him the way they hurt Deirdre. But then when he told me that he and Mary Alice had taken care of Deirdre's baby, my baby, that rage just went away. Kept me from doing something really stupid."
Susan: "Wow. I'm gonna take a cab home, okay?"
(Susan leaves.)
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[Bree's House]
(Bree is cleaning the kitchen counter.)
Andrew: "Mom, Grandma's leaving, all right? You have to talk to her."
Bree: "No, I don't. If you heard the things that she said to me-"
Andrew: "Look, I'm sure she was a real bitch, okay? But she's family. That makes her our bitch. Let her say good-bye to dad."
Bree: "She went out of her way to be cruel to me. I don't want her at the funeral."
Danielle (crying): "Mom, if you don't let Grandma come, I will never forgive you."
Andrew: "Did I ask for your help? You know dad would want her there."
(Bree removes her cleaning gloves and walks into the front hall where Phyllis is standing by her bags.)
Bree: "It's true Rex and I did not have the perfect marriage, but for eighteen years I tried my very best, and for that I am entitled to your respect."
Phyllis: "Of course you are. Of course I respect you."
Bree: "Well, then why did you say those things to me?"
Phyllis: "I guess I thought it would be easier to be angry at you than to be angry with Rex. I mean, what was he thinking, leaving me?"
(She begins to cry and Bree hugs her.)
Bree: "I do want you to come to the funeral."
Phyllis: "Oh, you don't know what that means to me, Bree. Thank you."
(She begins walking up the stairs, then stops and turns back to Bree.)
Phyllis: "Someone should get my luggage."
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[Lynette's House]
(Lynette is in a black suit carrying her briefcase and Penny. )
Lynette: "Okay, let's get outta here. Tom?"
Tom: "Yeah?"
(She turns and sees Tom lying on the floor.)
Lynette: "What's the matter?"
Tom: "My back - I threw it out. I was holding Parker upside down."
(Lynette puts Penny into the playpen and grabs Tom's feet.)
Lynette: "Okay. Come on. Give me your feet."
(Lynette pushes his feet toward his body. A cracking noise is heard and Tom groans.)
Lynette: "How's that? Is that better?"
Tom: "Honey, can you push the interview? Because I don't think I'm gonna be able to take care of Penny like this."
Lynette: "Don't do this to me. I don't have time to make a phone call, and I promised that woman I would not let the kids interfere with this job."
Tom: "But that was a stupid promise."
(Lynette pushes Tom's legs toward his body again and he grunts.)
Lynette: "Remember that time when you were away in Tucson, and I had a 104 fever, but I still managed to take the kids trick-or-treating?"
Tom: "Honey, I don't think that's helping."
Lynette: "Tom, being a mom is like being an E.R. doctor. There are no days off, so get up! Get up!"
Tom: "Okay."
(He tries to stand, but can't move.)
Lynette: "Jeez, are you crying?"
Tom: "Just a little. I'll be fine. You just go. Just go."
Lynette: "Oh, for god sakes!"
L(ynette picks up Penny and the diaper bag.)
Tom: "Give 'em hell, honey!"
Lynette: "You!"
(Lynette leaves, carrying Penny.)
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[Advertising Agency]
(Lynette rushes into the office, carrying Penny. A male secretary is at the font desk.)
Secretary: "Hi, Mrs. Scavo. You can wait inside. They'll be right in."
Lynette: "Great. Listen, uh..."
Secretary: "Stu."
Lynette: "Stu. You look like a bright, uh, responsible young man, and I bet you just love kids. Am I right?"
(Stu stares at Penny.)
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[Nina's Office]
(Lynette waits in Nina's office. Nina and Ed enter.)
Lynette: "Ah."
Nina: "Oh. Ed Ferrara, Lynette Scavo."
Lynette: "Thanks so much for having me in."
Ed: "Nice to meet you. Please, sit."
Lynette: "Thank you."
Ed: "We're gonna have to make this quick. I gotta leave in five to catch a plane. I got Celtic tickets on the floor."
(Ed crumples up some paper and tosses it toward a little basketball net over the trash can. He makes the shot.)


Ed: "It's a great resume. I see you worked with the Donahues. You know, I snaked the Oslo candy account from 'em last year. (He tosses another crumpled paper and the basketball net and makes it.)So you've done a lot of copy work?"
Lynette: "I have. But when I moved over to Cenn and Simmons-
(Lynette can see Stu holding Penny up in the air.)
Lynette: "Um, I got to do a broader range of campaigns."
(She sees Stu lay Penny down on the edge of the desk as he goes over to talk to a pretty young lady.)
Lynette: "Um...T... uh, V...and...uh... radio...uh, billboards."
(She sees Penny crying.)
Lynette: "Could you excuse me for a minute?"
(Lynette runs out to the outer office.)
Ed: "What's going on?"
Nina: "I have no idea."
(Lynette picks up Penny.)
Lynette: "Stu, you are an idiot. You're an idiot, an absolute idiot."
(She rushes back into Nina's office, carrying Penny.)
Lynette: "Hi. Guys, I'd like you to meet Penny. She gives me all my best ideas."
Nina: "You brought your baby to the interview?"
Lynette: "It won't be an ongoing thing."
Nina: "You bet it won't."
Ed: "Nina, it's fine. Any chance we can get that little lady to be quiet?"
Lynette: "Not until I change her diaper. Could you just give me two minutes?"
Ed: "Sorry. Plane."
Lynette: "Well, then watch me multitask."
(She throws the diaper bag at Nina and lays Penny on the sofa and continues talking while removing Penny's dirty diaper.)
Lynette: "Here's how I see it. You guys run a really good shop, but if you want your agency to go to the next level, you have to focus on two things. First, you've gotta win some awards. Do some P.S.A.s, pro bono stuff, whatever it takes, because whether they admit it or not, clients care about what's in your trophy case. Two, your web site. It's the first thing a client's gonna look at, and it's hard to navigate. There's no site map. It just wasn't built for people who grew up without computers. There. And third, I don't have a third. Yeah, so that's it."
Ed: "Okay, you're in."
Lynette: "Seriously?"
Ed: "Yeah. Take the office across the hall. I gotta run."
(Ed leaves the office. Nina looks shocked.)
Lynette: "Well, all right!"
(Lynette tosses the dirty diaper toward the basketball net. The diaper hits the glass wall above it and falls on the rug.)
Lynette: "Okay, obviously, I'm gonna clean that up."
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[Jail Visiting Room]
(Gabrielle hands Carlos a piece of paper labeled "DNA Testing.")
Gabrielle: "Here it is in black and white. It's your kid. What? Why aren't you smiling?"
Carlos: "It's not enough."
Gabrielle: "What, you want a father's day card?"
Carlos: "You knew the one thing that I demanded was fidelity, and you still went out and screwed around behind my back."
Gabrielle: "You knew the one thing I didn't want was a child, and you still tricked me into getting pregnant!"
Carlos: "It's not the same thing."
Gabrielle: "Damn straight. What you did was worse."
Carlos: "We're not very nice people, are we?"
Gabrielle: "No, we're not."
Carlos: "Oh, when we got married, I thought we were gonna be so happy."
Gabrielle: "Me too. Look on the bright side. At least we're still rich."
Carlos: "Thank god for that."
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[Mike's House]
(Mike comes out his door for his newspaper. Susan is sitting there and startles him.)
Susan: "So it occurred to me that I was really rude at the morgue. When you told me about Zach, I was so busy freaking out, I never actually congratulated you."
Mike: "Congratulated me?"
Susan: "I know how much you've always wanted a child, and now you have one."
Mike: "Thanks."
Susan: "Obviously, um, it was quite a shock, but it's good news any way you slice it."
(Susan stands up and approaches Mike. He can see that she's crying.)
Mike: "What's wrong?"
Susan: "So naturally you'll be wanting to have a relationship with him, and that, that takes time, a lot of time."
Mike: "Susan."
Susan: "And out of all the mixed-up teenagers in the world, Zach is just the one kid that I can't be around. I can't have Julie around him. So, um, what I'm trying to say is..."
Mike: "We can't move in together."
Susan: "But I am so happy for you. Really, you have a child, and that is good for you."
Mike: "Isn't there any way?"
Susan: "No. No, I'm so sorry. I'll, I'll, um, I'll see you around."
(Susan rushes away as Mike watches her leave.)
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[Church]
(Betty plays the organ as the Reverend leads the Van De Kamps in. Phyllis looks down at Rex in the open coffin and smiles. Danielle approaches and sees the teddy bear in the coffin with Rex. Andrew looks into the coffin, then walks to his seat. Bree approaches. She looks and sees that Rex is wearing the orange tie. She looks at Phyllis. Bree walks over to the pew and sits down. Betty stops playing the organ.)
Reverend: "Today we've come together to celebrate the life of Dr. Rex Van de Kamp."
(Bree stares at Rex lying in the coffin.)
Bree (to Phyllis): "What is he wearing?"
Phyllis: "What?"
Reverend: "A life filled with love and laughter and most importantly-"
Bree: "I left him an hour ago, and he was wearing Ralph Lauren."
Phyllis: "But it's what Rex would have wanted. He loved that prep school."
Reverend: "But whichever coat he was wearing, Rex always brought an irresistible enthusiasm and a
single-minded determination to..."
(Later in the service, the Reverend is still talking.)
Reverend: "So as we mourn the passing of Rex Van de Kamp, we give thanks to God, for we do not grieve as those who have no hope but as those who place their trust in God."
(Bree stares at the coffin. Betty begins playing a hymn. Everyone stands. Two men begin covering Rex in the coffin and lowering the lid. Bree jumps up.)
Bree: "Wait!"
(The organ stops abruptly.)
Bree: "Do not close that coffin."
(Bree walks slowly down the aisle of the church, glancing down each pew. She stops at Lynette and Tom.)
Bree: "Give me your tie."
Tom: "What?"
Bree: "Give me your tie!"
Lynette: "Give it to her! Give it to her!"
(Tom removes his tie quickly and hands it to Bree. Bree walks back to the coffin with it. Everyone stares. Bree uncovers Rex, removes the orange tie, lifts Rex up, and puts Tom's tie on Rex. She lays Rex back down, and ties the tie.)
Bree: "You look magnificent."
(The Reverend signals at Betty. Betty begins playing and Bree walks out of the church into the sunlight.)
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[Wisteria Lane - Daytime]
(Susan, Lynette, Bree and Gabrielle are walking home together.)
Susan: "So it looks like Mary Alice killed Zach's birth mother in order to keep her from taking Zach away."
Lynette: "Oh, my god. I mean, I knew Mary Alice had killed herself over something big, but wow. Can you imagine living with that guilt?"
Gabrielle: "Isn't it bizarre that Paul and Mary Alice had this secret all those years, and we didn't even know about it?"
Susan: "No, not really. I mean, what do we actually know about our neighbors? I mean, we can tell if they keep their lawns nice or they take their trash cans in, but when they do those things, we stop asking questions 'cause if people are good neighbors..."
Bree: "...we don't really care what happens behind closed doors."
(As they walk by the Applewhite house, piano music is heard.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"It had been one year since my suicide-
Lynette: "Makes you wonder, doesn't it?"
Mary Alice Voiceover:"And a lot had changed on Wisteria Lane. There were new flowers, new houses and new neighbors, the kind anyone would want living right next door."
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[Betty's House]
(Betty is playing the piano. Matthew enters the room, holding a tray with food on it.)
Matthew: "Is that another hymn?"
Betty: "I know. It's silly, but playing those songs today at the funeral just got me in the mood. This is your grandmother's favorite. Did you remember butter?"
Matthew: "I make up this tray every night."
Betty: "Of course you do. I'm sorry. Oh, look you added a flower."
Matthew: "Thought it'd be nice."
Betty: "How'd I get so lucky to have a child like you? You really do try to think about others. That flower is a small act of kindness you thought no one would notice, and yet you did it anyway. Says a lot about how you were raised."
Matthew: "Well, I guess you did your job."
Betty: "I guess so. I'll get the tray. You take the gun."
(She hands a revolver to Matthew and picks up the tray. They walk to the basement. Matthew tucks the gun in his back waistband. They go downstairs. Betty steps aside as Matthew unlocks a padlocked door. Betty enters a room and places the tray on a table. She turns the tray around as though facing it toward someone. She walks to the door and looks back at the rose on the tray.)
Betty: "It really is a lovely gesture."
(She walks out of the room and Matthew relocks the door. A hand reaches for the glass on the tray. A thick leather strap is wrapped around the wrist.)



~ The End ~
http://desperatehousewives.ahaava.com/passingmeby_DH1024x768.jpg/


Desperate Housewives
Episode 02.02 - You Could Drive a Person Crazy
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Mary Alice Voiceover: Previously on Desperate Housewives-
Lynette:Why on earth would you let them finger paint before breakfast?
Tom:It's my job to clean that up,so it's my call.
Mary Alice Voiceover: Some households reversed roles.
Karl:Let's give this another shot.
Mary Alice Voiceover:Some old flames...
Susan:You want me back?
Karl:Yeah.
Mary Alice Voiceover:...were put out...
Dr. Craig:It has to be something you're ingesting.Who prepares your meals?I understand you've been having some marital problems
Mary Alice Voiceover:...and while some learn to forgive...
Mikeeirdre got pregnant before i went to jail.
Susan:Zach is your son,isn't he?
Mike:Yep.
Susan:Wow.
Mary Alice Voiceover:Others could not bring themselves to forget their past.
End of Recap
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[Wisteria Lane -Daytime]
(A young boy on a bicycle in the middle of the street delivers newspapers.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"The remarkable thing about Danny Farrell was that he had only been a paperboy for six months. And in that time, he had become the enemy of every woman on Wisteria Lane. If there was a puddle on someone's property, he found it."
(Flashback to Danny tossing a newspaper into a small puddle. Gabrielle looks down at the paper in the water and looks toward Danny in anger.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"If a new rosebush had just been planted, he destroyed it."
(Flashback to Danny tossing a newspaper directly into a rose bush with yellow flowers bending the blooms. Bree sees the destroyed flowers and looks toward the retreating Danny with disgust and anger.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"If a cat was enjoying a moment in the sun, he ended it."
(Flashback to Danny tossing a newspaper right next to a cat on the lawn. The cat is startled and takes off. Ida Greenberg sees the newspaper on the lawn that frightened her cat and looks toward the paperboy in anger.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"People wondered if Danny would ever change."
(Danny pulls a paper out of his vest, and it falls into the street. He looks at it, shrugs, and continues biking down the street.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"They should have talked to Susan Mayer."
(Susan comes out her door in her robe holding a cup of coffee. She sees her newspaper lying in the middle of the street where Danny had dropped it. She sets her coffee down and starts toward the middle of the street.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"She could have told them: obnoxious boys tend to become obnoxious men."

(Susan bends to pick up her paper and hears a door open. She looks up at Edie's newly built house and sees her ex-husband Karl come out in his boxer shorts and a robe, searching for the paper.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Just like the one she had been married to."
(Susan rushes over to Edie's house.)
Susan: "Hey! Karl, I see you. Just stop right there!"
(Karl picks up the newspaper and begins walking back to the house. He stops when he hears Susan yelling.)
Karl: "Hey, Susie Q."
Susan: "What are you doing?"
Karl: "Just gettin' the paper"
Susan: "That's Edie's paper, and this is Edie's house!"
Karl: "Do we have to do this now? I haven't had my coffee yet."
Susan: "Did you spend the night with Edie? Oh, my god!"
Karl: "Susie, just calm down."
Susan: "You are forbidden from ever seeing her again. Do you hear me? Forbidden!"
Karl: "We're divorced. You can't tell me who I can date."
Susan: "I live on this street. Your daughter lives on this street. I will not have you flaunting your sexcapades in front of us."
Karl: "Sexcapades?"
Susan: "Forbidden!"
Karl: "I, I, I would love to continue this, but it's time for breakfast, and Edie is making me a Frittata."
Susan: "Well, I just bet she is!"
(Susan storms back toward her house as Karl goes back into Edie's house. Danny pulls up behind her on his bicycle. )
Danny: "Mrs. Mayer, I gotta talk to you!"
Susan: "Oh, now is not a good time, Danny."
Danny: "You're a month behind in your payments."
Susan: "I'll take care of it, I promise."
Danny: "My dad says, if you read something and don't pay for it, that's the same as stealing."
(Susan continues storming back to her house as Danny pedals beside her yelling. Ida Greenberg, across the street pushing her grocery cart, stops to watch the scene.)
Susan: "Hi, Ida." (to Danny)"Can we talk about this later? I just found out my ex is dating my neighbor, and I'm really ticked off."
Danny: "Save it! I provide you a service, and I deserve to be paid for that service."
(Susan watches Danny bike away.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Yes, the women of Wisteria Lane believe Danny Farrell to be the enemy."
(Danny turns back toward Susan as he bikes away and yells. )
Danny: "Deadbeat!"
(Susan throws the newspaper she is holding toward the retreating Danny. The newspaper flies through the air and ends up in the front spokes of the bike. The bike stops abruptly and Danny pitches forward, flying over the handlebars.)
(Susan gasps. She looks guiltily toward Ida.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"They also believed the enemy of my enemy is my friend."
(Ida gives Susan a thumbs up. Susan smiles.)
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Opening Credits
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[Wisteria Lane -- Daytime]
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Beautiful lawns, spacious homes, happy families. These are the hallmarks of suburbia. But if you look beneath the veneer of gracious living..."
(A young woman opens her garage with a remote. The door sticks halfway, then goes back down.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"...you will see a battle raging, a battle for control."
(The young lady hits the remote hard several times, but the door continues to go up and down only halfway.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"You see the combatants everywhere, engaged in their routine skirmishes..."
(Boys play ball on a nicely-kept front yard. A man comes out yelling at them.)
Man: "Hey, keep off the grass! Go on, get outta here!"
(Children are waiting on the sidewalk on the way to school. A crossing guard enters the street with a "Stop" sign. A car goes whizzing by. Another car honks.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"...fighting fiercely to have dominion over the world around them."
Crossing Guard: "You! Oaf!"
(The guard throws the "Stop" sign at the passing car.)
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[Lynette's House]
Mary Alice Voiceover:"All the while knowing...it's a battle they will lose."
(Lynette comes down stairs with her coffee cup. She walks to the kitchen sink and sees it is full of dirty dishes. Tom is sitting at a dirty kitchen table doing a crossword puzzle. Parker is also sitting at the table. Penny is in her high chair next to Tom.)
Tom: "Oh, hey, honey, um, just stick that anywhere. I'll take care of it."
Lynette: "Wow. It's really pilin' up."
Tom: "Oh, uh, don't worry. I have a system."
Lynette: "Really?"
Tom: "Yeah, every two days, I clean."
Lynette: "Two days."
Tom: "Yeah, I let the mess accumulate for two days, and then I clean until it's sparkling, and then, uh, the cycle starts all over again."
Lynette: "And why have I never seen the sparkling part?"
Tom: "Well, because by the time you get home from work, the boys have messed everything up again."
Lynette: "See, that's what I would call a flaw in the system."
Tom: "What are you doing?"
Lynette: "I think I'm asking you to clean the house."
Tom: "Really? 'Cause it sounds to me like you're criticizing me."
Lynette: "No. No, no, no, no. No. I'm not saying it has to be sparkling."
Tom: "How many times did I come home to a mess and I never said a word?"
Lynette: "Please, don't take this the wrong way. I think you are doing a terrific job, but let's be clear. When you came home, it was to clutter. I mean, come on, this is more than that."
(Lynette picks up a dish with a fork stuck to it. A bug goes scurrying across the table. Lynette hits it with the "Wall Street Journal" she is holding.)
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[Pashmutti's Dry Cleaners]
(Bree and Phyllis are standing at the counter waiting as Mr. Pashmutti is handing dry cleaning to two ladies. He chats with them.)
Phyllis: "Look at him, just chatting away. So inconsiderate."
Bree: "Phyllis, we've only been waiting here for two minutes." \
Phyllis: "I told you when we left the house that I needed to eat. I have low blood sugar. Do you wanna see me keel over?"
Bree: "No. In theory."
(Mr. Pashmutti hands Bree her dry cleaning.)
Mr. Pashmutti: "Here you are."
Bree: "Thank you."
Mr. Pashmutti: "By the way, Mrs. Van de Kamp, I heard about your husband's passing. I'm so sorry. Dr. Van de Kamp was one of my favorite customers, truly."
Bree: "That's very sweet of you. Thank you."
Mr. Pashmutti: "I'm not just being polite, Mrs. Van de Kamp. How are you feeling?"
Bree: "Well, Mr. Pashmutti -"
Phyllis: "We're holding up as best we can under the circumstances."
Bree: "I'm sorry. This is, uh, Rex's mother, Phyllis."
Mr. Pashmutti: "I'm so sorry about your son."
Phyllis: "Thank you. You know, the hardest thing is to lose a child."
Mr. Pashmutti: "I can't even imagine."
Bree: "Come on, Phyllis. Let's get you something to eat."
Phyllis: "We had no warning. I was doing dishes when I got the call."
Mr. Pashmutti: "Really?"
Bree: "Phyllis, there are people waiting, so..."
(Bree walks away. Phyllis stays put and begins talking to the people in line.)
Phyllis: "Excuse me. I, I'm so sorry, but my son just passed away."
Stranger: "Oh, I'm so sorry."
Phyllis: "Thank you. I mean, I was telling Mr. Pashmutti here, my life is, is over. My life is over!"
(Mr. Pashmutti and the others look on sympathetically as Phyllis sobs. Bree shakes her head.)
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[Jail Visiting Room]
(Gabrielle sits across from Carlos at a long visitor's table. Also at the table are other prisoners with their visitors. Carlos has a checkbook in front of him on the table.)
Gabrielle: "This is ridiculous, you know that?"
Carlos: "Pen."
(She hands him a pen.)
Gabrielle: "Don't you think I have better things to do than to bring you checks every day? Checks that I could be signing at home?"
(He hands the pen back.)
Carlos: "This one's dry."
(She pulls another one from her purse and hands it to him.)
Gabrielle: "You know, taking away my access to our account, that's just vindictive."
Carlos: "Thank you."
Gabrielle: "Do you know how long it takes me to schlep out here to this hellhole?"
Carlos: "Exactly. It's the only way I can guarantee you'll come and visit me."
Gabrielle: "That's ridiculous. You're my husband. I love you. Obviously, I would come visit."
Carlos: "I thought it was obvious that when you love someone, you wouldn't have an affair. I was wrong, wasn't I?"
Gabrielle: "I'm getting really tired of this song, Carlos. Isn't it about time you forgave me?"
Carlos: "You want my forgiveness, you got it. My trust, that you're gonna have to earn."
Gabrielle: "Be careful, Carlos. Up until now, I've been really lonely in that big bed of ours, but when you're rude to me, it makes me wanna be not so lonely."
Carlos: "Comments like that are exactly why you'll never again have access to my money."
Gabrielle: "Why are all rich men jerks?"
Carlos: "Same reason all beautiful women are bitches. So, same time tomorrow?"
Gabrielle: "Sure, baby."
(They kiss. Gabrielle takes the checkbook and walks out.)
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[Susan's House]
(Susan is doing the laundry. Julie is sitting in the room with her.)
Susan: "What do you mean, you know?"
Julie: "I mean, I know."
Susan: "What are you saying, that your father actually told you he was gonna be having a one night stand with Edie Britt?"
Julie: "Uh, mom, this wasn't a one night stand. He's been going out with Ms. Britt for a few months now."
Susan: "What? How could you not tell me that? We share everything. That's what we're known for. That's our thing."
Julie: "Because I knew you'd wig out. Besides, haven't you always told me to respect people's privacy?"
Susan: "Oh, I've never applied that concept to your father's sex life and you know it."
Julie: "Are you done?"
Susan: "No! I have not even begun ripping into Edie Britt yet. Oh, that peroxide vulture! I just know as sure as I am standing here that she went after your father just to tick me off."
Julie: "Wrong again."
Susan: "What?"
Julie: "He asked her out."
Susan: "You lie."
Julie: "It's true. He called her for a date six months ago. The day after my birthday party."
Susan: "The one at the piano bar?"
Julie: "Yeah. What is it?"
Susan: "Oh, um, your father just came over that day and told me some stuff. You know, some stuff that I haven't and can't tell you."
Julie: "Wait. Whatever happened to we share everything? Isn't that our thing, what we're known for?"
Susan: "Um, actually, I think what we're known for is sharing clothes. Yeah. I think that's our thing."
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[Betty's Basement]
(Darkened basement steps lead to a door. Inside the room, chained hands pull on the chains which are attached to bars, causing them to clang loudly.)
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[Betty's Dining Room -- Nighttime]
(Matthew and Betty are sitting at the dining room table, eating. Matthew stops and listens to the clanging.)
Matthew: "Why does he keep doing that?"
Betty: "He knows it's annoying. He's just trying to get to us."
Matthew: "Yeah, well, it's working."
(Matthew goes to the basement door, opens it, and yells down the dark steps.)
Matthew: "Knock it off, down there, do you hear what I'm saying?"
Betty: "Matthew. Matthew! Sit down."
(Matthew comes back to the table and sits down.)
Betty: "You know we don't talk to him. That's part of his punishment."
Matthew: "How can you just sit here hour after hour and listen to that?"
Betty: "Well, that's part of mine."
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(Jail Visiting Room)
(Gabrielle sits at the long visitor's table. A buzzer sounds and Carlos enters the room accompanied by a guard.)
Gabrielle: "Carlos, what is this big emergency? I had to cancel my hair appointment with Eduardo today. Baby, what is it?"
Carlos: "I'm completely freaked out."
Gabrielle: "Why?"
Carlos: "There's this guy, his name's Richie, and he's been saying some stuff to me, and I'm getting worried."
Gabrielle: "Honey, you and your macho pride. Just tell him you're flattered, but you don't swing that way."
Carlos: "He's not hitting on me, you idiot, he's threatening me."
Gabrielle: "Really? How?"
Carlos: "He said he's gonna beat me up unless I come up with some money."
Gabrielle: "Well, how much money?"
Carlos: "Seven thousand dollars."
Gabrielle: "Seven thousand dollars?!"
Carlos: "Keep your voice down."
Gabrielle: "Why would he think you have that kind of money?"
Carlos: "Because yesterday, in a visiting room filled with criminals, my wife referred to me as a rich man."
Gabrielle: "Oh, right. Sorry."
Carlos: "That's why I needed you to bring the checkbook."
Gabrielle: "He's actually willing to take a check?"
Carlos: "No. You're gonna take the money to his girlfriend, and if she doesn't get it by tomorrow, I'm screwed."
Gabrielle: "Honey, I think this is a mistake. If we give in to extortion, the guy's just gonna keep coming back for more money."
Carlos: "What choice do I have?"
Gabrielle: "You're a strong guy. You went to college on an athletic scholarship, for God sakes!"
Carlos: "Yeah, it was for golf!"
Gabrielle: "Oh."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Susan's House]
(Someone knocks on the front door. Susan opens it to find Mike.)
Mike: "You have all my pants."
Susan: "Yeah, I know. Come on in."
Mike: "I, uh, thought when I took my stuff back to my house, I got everything."
Susan: "Oh, it's fine. They're in the garage."
(Mike goes out the side door to the garage and comes back in carrying a box.)
Susan: "So how have you been doing?"
Mike: "Good. Um, I'm, uh, good."
(He tosses the box onto the couch.)
Mike: "I've got a question for you."
Susan: "Sure, what is it?"
Mike: "Where are we now?"
Susan: "Where are we?"
Mike: "Yeah. We're not moving in together and we're not broken up, so where are we?"
Susan: "I don't know. Since the guy who held me hostage turned out to be your son, I think logic dictates that I should move on. The problem is, I'm crazy about you."
Mike: "So..."
Susan: "So, I'm thinking we should keep it casual."
Mike: "Casual. What the hell does that mean, exactly, um, casual?"
Susan: "Uh, well, I, I don't, I don't think there's anything wrong with us seeing a movie once in awhile."
Mike: "Movie. Okay. Is that it?"
Susan: "Jogging? There's no law against jogging."
Mike: "Anything else?"
Susan: "Shopping. That's casual. That's fun."
Mike: "Anything else we can do? Anything at all?"
(Mike leans over and kisses Susan. Susan kisses him, then pulls away.)
Susan: "Mmm, brunch. Brunch would be nice."
(Mike nods and picks up the box with his clothing in it.)
Mike: "Sounds good to me."
(Mike walks out the door.)
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[Bree's House]
Phyllis (on the phone): "All I can do is take it one day at a time. Yes. Oh, oh, okay. Well, thanks so much for calling."
(Bree comes downstairs and sees Phyllis crying into the phone.)
Bree: "Who was that?"
Phyllis: "Oh, someone named Alan Hanley."
Bree: "My electrician? Why were you on the phone sobbing to my electrician?"
Phyllis: "Oh, he called to offer you his condolences."
Bree: "Then why didn't you put me on?"
Phyllis: "Oh, well, we got to talking, and then he had to go. He, he had some very beautiful things to say about Rex."
(She begins to cry again.)
Bree: "For God sakes, Phyllis, don't you ever worry about dehydration?"
Phyllis: "Are you saying that I am too emotional?"
Bree: "I'm saying that even Italians take a break now and again."
Phyllis: "My son is dead. I'm grieving."
Bree: "So am I, but no one would ever know it with your incessant caterwauling."
Phyllis: "Bree!"
Bree: "People want to know how I'm doing, but the minute they ask, you, you jump into the spotlight, and they forget all about me. I need consoling, too, Phyllis. Have you ever thought of that?"
Phyllis: "I'm sorry. It won't happen again."
Bree: "Thank you."
Phyllis: "Of course, if you didn't constantly suppress your emotions, people wouldn't forget to console you."
Bree: "Excuse me?"
Phyllis: "Well, it's true. You're stoic to the point of being cold."
Bree: "I am not cold. I just, well, I don't like public displays of emotion."
Phyllis: "Well, that's fine, but people wonder why they haven't seen you cry. I mean, some people actually wonder if you truly mourn Rex."
Bree: "People have said that?"
Phyllis: "A few, yes."
(Phyllis leaves the room.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Rundown Neighborhood -- Daytime]
(Gabrielle's car is parked in front of a rundown home. Gabrielle walks toward the house clutching her purse and an envelope to her chest. An older woman is sitting on the porch shucking corn.)
Gabrielle: "Excuse me. I'm looking for Rita Rivara."
(The woman takes her cane and taps on the front door. A pretty young lady comes out.)
Gabrielle: "Hi, are you Rita?"
Rita: "Yeah, who are you?"
Gabrielle: "I'm, uh, I'm Gabrielle Solis. Our, our husbands are roommates at the prison."
Rita: "Richie and I aren't married."
Gabrielle: "Oh, I see. Well, uh, your boyfriend asked my husband to give this to you. It's a sort of favor. It's all there. Seven thousand dollars."
(Rita takes the envelope, looks inside, and throws it on the ground.)
Rita: "Son of a bitch!"
(She goes back into the house, slamming the door. Gabrielle sees the older woman eying the money.)
Gabrielle: "Oh, don't even think about it."
(Gabrielle picks up the money.)
Gabrielle: "Um, hello! Is there a problem?"
(Rita comes back out and grabs the money.)
Rita: "Let me ask you a question."
Gabrielle: "Okay."
Rita: "This might seem kind of weird, but what do you think of my breasts?"
Gabrielle: "Excuse me?"
Rita: "I mean, how do they look to you?"
Gabrielle: "Uh, they're, they're nice."
Rita: "Thank you. I like 'em, too."
Gabrielle: "You're right. That was weird."
(Gabrielle turns and begins walking away.)
Rita: "You have no idea what this money is for, do you?"
Gabrielle: "Uh, no. No. You, you seem to have everything you need."
Rita: "Richie wants me to get a boob job. He wants 'em bigger. He's obsessed with huge breasts."
Gabrielle: "So are you gonna do it?"
Rita: "I told him if he came up with the cash, I would. I just never thought the moron would actually come up with it."
Gabrielle: "Not that it's any of my business, but it's your body. I wouldn't change anything unless I really wanted to."
Rita: "But if I don't do it, he'll leave me."
Gabrielle: "Honey, he's in jail. How far is he gonna go? Maybe it's time you stood up for yourself. Tell him you don't need the surgery."
Rita: "It's worth a shot."
Gabrielle: "There you go. I am so proud of you."
(Gabrielle grabs the money back and walks away.)
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[Lynette's House -- Nighttime]
(A tired-looking Lynette climbs out of her car and walks to the house.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"When Lynette went back to work, she was aware her new job would be demanding. What she hadn't anticipated was the night shift."
(Lynette looks around the kitchen. It is a total mess.)
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(Lynette's Bedroom)
(Lynette comes out of the bathroom, in pajamas, drying her hands on a towel. She throws the towel across the room and climbs into bed where Tom is asleep.)
Tom: "Hey, honey, I thought I heard you come in about an hour ago"
Lynette: "I did. I had to load the dishwasher."
Tom: "You didn't have to do that."
Lynette: "Yeah, I sorta did."
Tom: "I'm sorry. I've just fallen behind on my housework. I just had so many errands to run today. But I'll make up for it tomorrow, okay? I promise. That's the beauty of my system: it's flexible."
Lynette: "You know, for the sake of our marriage, please don't mention the system again."
Tom: "I said I was sorry."
Lynette: "What in the world?"
(Lynette sits up quickly and pushes the blankets back.)
Tom: "No, no, don't touch that. Don't touch that. Um, Penny had a little, um, spitty-uppy on the sheets"
Lynette: "And you didn't change them?"
Tom: "The towel is very clean."
Lynette: "Oh, that's disgusting."
(Lynette picks up the towel covering the spit-up.)
Tom: "No, it's just a little spitty, a little milky spit-up on the sheets. Please, I made a judgment call. Please respect that."
Lynette: "No, I can't respect that, and do you know why? It's stupid. I'm gonna get new sheets."
(Lynette gets out of bed with the dirty towel.)
Tom: "We are not changing the sheets!"
Lynette: "Why are you yelling at me?"
Tom: "I am not yelling at you and this is not about spit up."
Lynette: "Of course it is."
Tom: "No, it isn't. It's about control. And as you and I both know, you have some issues in this area."
Lynette: "Why are you fighting so hard to sleep on baby vomit?"
Tom: "I am fighting for a principle."
Lynette: "Being too lazy to change the sheets is not a principle."
Tom: "You know what? You're not gonna win this one. So you'd better just crawl back into bed, and let's go to sleep."
(Tom lies back down and pulls the covers up over himself. Lynette pulls the covers off and starts taking the sheets off. Tom grabs them. They fight over the sheet.)
Lynette: "No, Tom! Tom, no! I'm gonna change the sheets!"
Tom: "Oh, come on!"
Lynette: "No, you come on! Just get up! Get up!"
Tom: "That's it!"
Lynette: "All right, fine! Fine! Fine! Fine! Ah!"
(Lynette grabs a pillow, climbs on the bed and begins hitting Tom with it. She gets off, taking the pillow with her. Tom is spread-eagled on the bed. Lynette takes the pillow downstairs and lies down on the couch, after pulling out a truck hidden in the cushions and throwing it across the room.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Normally Lynette would have spent a sleepless night telling herself she didn't have control issues."
(Lynette turns on the TV with the remote.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"But she couldn't. She was too busy figuring out how to bend Tom to her will."
(On the screen, the movie "Willard" is playing. Lynette stares at the rats crawling all over the man on the screen.)
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[Lynette's House -- Daytime]
(Lynette enters, holding a small box.)
Lynette: "Hello? Hi!"
(When no one answers, she stoops down with the box and opens it. A rat emerges.)
Lynette: "Okay. Welcome to the Promised Land. Go on! There! Good job!"
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[Wisteria Lane -- Daytime]
(Betty gets out of her car parked in front of her house. Next door, Susan waters her lawn. She sees Betty move quickly towards the front door. Susan comes running up.)
Susan: "Uh, Betty? Betty? Oh, Betty, can I ask you a question?"
Betty: "Of course. It's Susan, right?"
Susan: "Yes, hi. I was just wondering, are you having some remodeling done on your house or something?"
Betty: "No. Why?"
Susan: "Well, uh, I work at home, so I'm home a lot working. And I just keep hearing these noises lately. Uh, it's hard to concentrate."
Betty: "Well, I haven't noticed anything."
Susan: "Really? Well, it sounds like it's coming from your house. You know, it's like a clanging, clanging."
(From inside Betty's house, clanging starts up.)
Susan: "There! There, that was it. Did you hear it?"
Betty: "Oh, yes. Matthew's very handy. He's always doing projects around the house. I guess I just don't notice the noise anymore."
Susan: "Even at two o'clock in the morning? 'Cause that's kind of hard to miss."
Betty: "I'm so sorry. Matthew is something of an insomniac, Susan. But I will talk to him, and we'll put a stop to it."
(Matthew walks up to them from the sidewalk, holding a bag. As he passes the ladies, he greets Susan.)
Matthew: "Afternoon, Mrs. Mayer."
Susan: "Hi, Matthew."
Betty: "Well, it was nice chatting with you, Susan."
(Betty goes into the house.)
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[Restaurant]
(Bree is on her cell phone.)
Bree: "This is my third phone call, Mr. Flannery. And if someone doesn't call me back soon, I'm going to be irritated."
(She hangs up.)
Phyllis: "Is everything all right?"
Bree: "That darn insurance company is dragging its heels on paying Rex's policy, and I don't understand why."
Phyllis: "Well, he died unexpectedly. And that brings up a lot of questions. It's probably easier when people are just diseased."
Bree: "Probably."
(Lynette approaches the table. She kisses Bree on the cheek.)
Lynette: "Hi. Hi."
Bree: "Hi. Oh, hi, Lynette."
Lynette: "I'm sorry. Am I interrupting?"
Bree: "No, no, not at all."
Lynette: "I saw you walk in, and I've been meaning to call since the service, but work's been so crazy so...how are you doing?"
Bree: "Um, I'm all right."
(Phyllis sniffs loudly. They both stare at her, but ignore her.)
Lynette: "Well, you look amazing."
Bree: "Do I?"
Lynette: "Absolutely. Well, I can't imagine what you're going through."
(Phyllis begins to sobs loudly. Lynette and Bree both stare at Phyllis.)
Bree: "Phyllis? You're going to have to stop that."
Phyllis: "I can't help it. When people talk about Rex, I, I, I just get emotional."
Lynette: "Well, I'm very sorry for your loss, too, Phyllis."
Phyllis: "He was my firstborn. I don't know what I will do without him."
Lynette: "Oh, I'm so sorry. (to Bree) Is she gonna be okay?"
Bree: "Um, yeah. Sure. Hold on a second."

(Phyllis continues to sob loudly. Bree gets up, walks over to Phyllis, lifts Phyllis' chin toward her, then slaps Phyllis' cheek. She walks back to her chair and calmly sits down. Phyllis stops crying and stares at Bree in shock.) Bree: "There we go. Feel better? Lynette, you were saying?"
Lynette: "I forgot."
Bree: "That's all right. It was really sweet of you to stop by."
Lynette: "Okay."
(Lynette walks away.)
Bree: "So, uh, are we ready to order, or do you need a little more time?"
(Phyllis is speechless.)
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[Hospital]
Mr. Flannery: "I've been in the insurance industry for fifteen years. I've never received a phone call like this."
Dr. Craig: "I'm having second thoughts about Rex's death. I've known Rex and Bree for nearly twenty years. And I've never had any reason to suspect they were anything but a happy, loving couple, which is why this seems so strange."
(He hands a note to Mr. Flannery, who opens it, revealing the note that Rex wrote before his death, reading "Bree, I understand and I forgive you.")
Dr. Craig: "I found it in Rex's room after he coded."
Mr. Flannery: "I forgive you?"
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[Bree's Front Yard]
(Bree is planting flowers. George drives up and walks up to Bree.)
Bree: "George. What are you doing here?"
George: "I'm here to kidnap you."
Bree: "What?"
George: "Get your purse. I'm gonna take you bowling."
Bree: "I, I, I don't know how to bowl."
George: "Or to the movies or for a frozen yogurt. Whatever you want."
Bree: "Um, thank you, but I just couldn't."
George: "Ah, Bree, I'm sure you haven't gone anywhere in weeks. You gotta get out and do things. It'll help. Trust me."
Bree: "I do. I'm just, I'm just not ready yet. But it was very sweet of you to think of me."
George: "Well, you know, I tried."
Bree: "And I appreciate that."
(George hugs Bree.)
George: "It's all right. Let it out."
(Bree begins to cry. George smiles.)
(From the house, the upstairs curtain moves slightly. Phyllis watches as Bree cries on George's shoulder.)
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[Jail Visiting Room]
(Gabrielle sits across from Carlos. Carlos' face is bruised.)
Carlos: "You want me to die in here, don't you?"
Gabrielle: "Carlos, what happened?"
Carlos: "What do you mean, what happened? You talked Rita out of taking the money."
Gabrielle: "Is that what Richie said?"
Carlos: "Yeah, the subject came up in between kidney punches."
Gabrielle: "Well, it's not my fault. She didn't want the money."
Carlos: "Why wouldn't she want seven thousand dollars?"
Gabrielle: "Because it's for a boob job."
Carlos: "So?"
Gabrielle: "So, her boobs are fine. And, honestly, what he's doing to her self-esteem is just cruel. I feel sorry for her."
Carlos: "Please. You don't care about her self-esteem any more than I do. You just didn't want to give up all that money."
Gabrielle: "Well, I do think it's silly to give someone seven thousand dollars if they don't want it."
Carlos: "Listen to me, you're gonna go back there, you're gonna put that money in Rita's hands, and you're gonna convince her that life is not worth living unless she has jugs the size of Texas. Do I make myself clear?"
Gabrielle: "I just realized Rita and I have a lot in common."
Carlos: "Please don't tell me you have low self-esteem, 'cause if I laugh now, I'm gonna crack the one good rib that I have left."
Gabrielle: "We are both controlled by our husbands, which is idiotic because they're both behind bars. We should have all the power."
Carlos: "I am not trying to control you. I just don't wanna end up in the morgue!"
Gabrielle: "This isn't about that."
Carlos: "Gabrielle, the morphine's wearing off. I really don't have time for these games."
Gabrielle: "Me either, Carlos. And if you expect me to go back and sweet talk her into getting the operation, I can't show up empty-handed."
Carlos: "Fine, bring me the checkbook. I'll make out a check for some cash."
Gabrielle: "See, I was thinking I'd be writing the checks."
Carlos: "Gabrielle-"
Gabrielle: "Careful, Carlos, you're not in a position to argue."
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[Wisteria Lane -- Daytime]
(Susan comes out of her house with her purse. She walks to her car and sees Edie on roller skates approaching.)
Edie: "Whoo-hoo! Susan!"
Susan: "Hey, Edie."
Edie: "So, uh, whee! How much do you hate me?"
Susan: "What?"
Edie: "Oh, Karl said that you know all about our dirty little secret."
Susan: "Yes, yes, I do."
Edie: "Well, I feel awful. I should have told you that I was doing your ex. Well, it would've been the classy thing to do."
Susan: "Well, etiquette is a lost art for a lot of people."
Edie: "Oh, you've gotta believe me, I never, ever thought anything would happen with us. But on our first date, Karl took me to a Mexican restaurant. You know what I get like when I drink tequila. A couple of shooters and my bra unhooks itself."
Susan: "Circumstances beyond your control. I get it. So if you'll excuse me."
Edie: "Hey. Hey, hey. I am offering you an opportunity here. I mean, go ahead, vent. Let me have it. Come on, tell me what a bitch I am. Yeah, for snacking on your leftovers. I deserve it. Come on, bring it on."
Susan: "Honestly, Edie, I don't mind. You can skate off into the sunset with Karl. Be my guest."
Edie: "Well, that's good to know. You know, I probably shouldn't tell you this, but, while we were in my Jacuzzi last night, Karl said it was the best sex he's ever had, bar none."
Susan: "Actually, I'm glad that you shared that, because here's a tidbit for you. Karl said he's still in love with me."
(Susan drives away. Edie laughs lightly. In her car, Susan sighs and smiles. She drives up the street to the crossing guard holding the "Stop" sign. As the children cross in front of her, she smiles. She looks in her side view mirror and sees Edie skating up to her car. Edie skates up to the driver's window.)
Susan: "Edie, what are you doing?"
Edie: "You are a lying liar."
Susan: "We're in the middle of the street. Would you get out of here?"
Edie: "Karl never said that!"
Susan: "Okay, Karl asked me to get back together the day after Julie's birthday. I said no, which I'm guessing is the reason for the now legendary tequila bra-popping incident. Please let go."
Edie: "Oh, no. We're not finished here."
Susan: "Well, yes, we are. I'm gonna go."
(Susan begins driving forward slowly. Edie hangs on the side of her car.)
Edie: "You don't have the guts."
Susan: "In five seconds, I'm gonna punch it."
Edie (holds up a set of keys): "Yeah? I'll key your car!"
Susan: "Not if you're sucking my exhaust, you won't."
Edie: "Take back what you said!"
Susan: "No, I won't!"
Edie: "Admit it, you'd do anything to destroy my happiness!"
Susan: "Edie, for god's sake. Why would I care if you end up with a man I despise?"
Edie: "'Cause you and Mike are finished. Yeah, word's out. And now that you can't be happy, you don't want anyone else to be, period."
(Edie begins to skate away.)
Susan: "Edie, come back here! We're not finished yet!"
(Susan backs her car up quickly, trying to catch Edie, when she hears a "thud" and Edie falls.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Susan's House]
(Susan opens her door. Karl is there.)
Susan: "It was an accident, Karl. Edie knows it was an accident, right?"
Karl: "She knows you could've killed her. As it is, she's got a shattered tibia."
Susan: "Oh, my god. I'm so sorry. I sent roses. Did she get the roses?"
Karl: "Yep. She cut herself on the thorns."
Susan: "Oh, my god."
Karl: "Why'd you tell Edie about our little conversation?"
Susan: "Well, she was gloating about sleeping with you, and I just wanted to shut her up."
Karl: "Oh. So you were jealous?"
Susan: "No! No! It's just, we were married. And, and she's trying to make this tawdry little affair you guys have going on par with that and it's just, I got mad."
Karl: "Susan, you remember the, the morning you saw me with Edie's paper? Well, the night before, I had asked her if she'd like to live together. And she said yes. Susan?"
Susan: "Just give me a moment. I'm asking God to kill me."
Karl: "Oh, look, she, she, she's fun. She goes with the flow. You know, at this time in my life, I need that."
Susan: "Are you in love with her?"
Karl: "Would you care if I were?"
Susan: "I want you to be happy. I even sort of want Edie to be happy."
Karl: "But what?"
Susan: "I wanna be happy first! Mike and I were supposed to move in together, you know? This was supposed to be my time."
Karl: "I heard you and the plumber were having problems. Is it over?"
Susan: "I don't know. It's really complicated. So you never answered my question. Are you in love with her?"
Karl: "I don't know. But I can promise you this much: I have never loved another woman the way I loved you."
Susan: "You walked out on me."
Karl: "Yeah, but look how far I got. I'm just up the street."
(Karl laughs and kisses Susan on the forehead.)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Outside Lynette's House -- Nighttime]
(Parker runs out of the house towards Lynette's car as she pulls into the driveway.)
Parker: "Mommy, Mommy, thank god, you're home!"
Lynette: "Hey, sweet pea. Why? What's wrong?"
Parker: "Daddy found a rat."
Lynette: "Oh, did he now?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Lynette's House]
Lynette: "Honey?"
(Lynette enters the house to see it is spotless. Tom comes downstairs carrying a bucket and wearing rubber cleaning gloves.)
Lynette: "I'm home."
Tom: "Hey, babe."
Lynette: "Hey."
Tom: "Hi, how was your day?"
Lynette: "It was good, but, more importantly, how was yours?"
Tom: "Parker told you about the rat, huh?"
Lynette: "Yep."
Tom: "Oh, my god, it was so disgusting. I came down the steps, and there it was, sitting on the counter eating a leftover grilled cheese sandwich."
Lynette: "The sandwiches from yesterday?"
Tom: "Okay, yes, the house has been too messy. Obviously, my system has some kinks in it. But check it out. I got my act together."
Lynette: "Wow. So, um, I, I take it you took the rat outside?"
Tom: "Oh, no, I smashed it with a shovel."
Lynette: "You killed it?"
Tom: "Not with the first blow. Whew. Disgusting."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Outside Lynette's House -- Nighttime]
(Lynette comes outside with a bag of trash. She lifts the trash can lid and talks into the can.)
Lynette: "Hey. Little guy. I just wanted to say I'm really sorry about what happened with the shovel. Neither one of us saw that coming. I know it's not much consolation, but you really helped my marriage. That's a lot for a little rat to accomplish in one lifetime. Well, it's getting late, so, hats off to ya!"
(Lynette puts the trash bag in the can and puts the lid on.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Doctor's Office]
(Betty Applewhite is sitting across from the doctor.)
Psychiatrist: "So you'd say the abuse started a few years into your marriage?"
Betty: "It, it started so slowly, I didn't realize what was happening. I mean, he'd slap me over some little problem. But he'd always apologize. Then it got worse. And one day, eight years ago, my son spilled soda on our new carpet. Before I could move to protect him, Virgil had knocked him on the ground and began kicking him. I wanted to protect my baby, but I didn't get there in time."
Psychiatrist: "What happened to your son?"
Betty: "He died. I came across one of his baby pictures last weekend. That's when the nightmares started again. The last doctor I saw said that I needed to let go of my guilt, and then I would start sleeping again. Of course, that's easier said than done. And I am getting so tired."
Psychiatrist: "I'm gonna start you on Nitrazepam. That should do the trick."
Betty: "Thank you."
Psychiatrist: "I certainly hope your husband was punished for what he did."
Betty: "Oh, there was retribution. I made sure of that."
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[Bree's House]
(Phyllis is cleaning. Bree comes in. She picks up files from the desk.)
Phyllis: "Where you off to?"
Bree: "I'm, uh, I'm going to see Rex's lawyer. We're going to go over some details involving Rex's will. Phyllis, obviously, I'm just mortified over slapping you. I, I've just been in a weird place since Rex's death, but, that's no excuse. I'm very, very sorry."
Phyllis: "No need to apologize. You're family. All's forgiven."
Bree: "Really?"
Phyllis: "It's been a difficult time for all of us. I totally understand. Now, go. You don't want to be late for your meeting about Rex's will."
(Bree leaves. Phyllis looks at Bree's list of people she needs to call. Her finger stops at the insurance company. She picks up the phone and dials Mr. Flannery's number.)
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[Insurance Office]
(Mr. Flannery picks up the phone when it rings.)
Mr. Flannery: "Claims. This is Joe Flannery."
Phyllis: "Hello, um, could I speak to someone about the death benefits for Rex Van de Kamp, please? This is his mother."
Mr. Flannery: "Yes, uh, we've already spoken to his wife several times. We are moving as quickly as we can."
Phyllis: "Are you aware that my daughter-in-law has a boyfriend?"
Mr. Flannery: "I'm listening."
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[Betty's House]
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Control."
(In the kitchen, pills are lying on a cutting board. Betty cuts up a pill into powder and puts it into a bowl of soup.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"It's extraordinary the tactics people employ to obtain it."
(Betty mixes the soup and picks up the tray. Matthew, holding a gun, opens the basement door.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Some rely on deception."
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[Lynette's House]
(Lynette watches as Tom wipes up the kitchen table.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"While others engage in outright trickery."
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[Gabrielle's House]
(Gabrielle is writing out checks, smiling.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Then there are those who resort to extortion."
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[Bree's House -- Nighttime]
(George and Bree talking in the front yard. Bree is laughing )
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Why do we fight so hard for control?"
(Sitting in a parked car down the street is Mr. Flannery watching Bree and George. Mr. Flannery takes some pictures of Bree putting her hand on George's arm.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Because we know to lose it is to put our fate in the hands of others. And what could be more dangerous?"


~ The End ~
发表于: 2005-12-23- 11:58 AM 发表主题:

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Desperate Housewives
Episode 02.03 - You'll Never Get Away From Me
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Mary Alice Voiceover: Previously on "desperate housewives"-
Mary Alice Voiceover: As one affair ends...
John:We don't have to sneak around anymore.We can have a real relationship.
Mary Alice Voiceover: Another begins.
Karl:Edie!I had asked her if she'd like to live together,and she said yes.
Mary Alice Voiceover: And yet another...
Bree:This is Rex's mother Phyllis.
Mr. Flannery:Claims.This is Joe Flannery.
Phyllis:Are you aware that my daughter-in-law has a boyfriend?
Mary Alice Voiceover:...is exposed.
Nina:It's not going to break your heart to leave those sad,little faces behind?
Mary Alice Voiceover:And while some people can't wait to get out of the house,others are being kept there,against their will.
End of Recap
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[Cemetery - Daytime]
(Bree and Phyllis are walking among the gravestones.)
Phyllis: "Now which one is Rex's headstone? I always forget."
Bree: "It's right down this row."
Phyllis: "Oh. Oh, yes. That's right."
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Over the years, Bree Van de Kamp had grown increasingly concerned over her mother-in-law's forgetfulness."
(Flashbackhyllis is standing with a tape measure hanging around her neck.)
Phyllis: "Oh, honey, did I forget to take the pins out of that dress?"
(Bree, trying on a dress, pulls a pin out of the dress.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Her lapses had become more frequent..."
(Flashback hyllis and Bree in the front yard.)
Phyllis: "Sweetie, didn't I tell you I was gonna paint that chair?"
(Bree slowly turns around, revealing green paint all over the back of her clothes.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"More glaring..."
(Flashbackhyllis is holding a mop.)
Phyllis: "Oh, dear. Didn't I mention I waxed the floor?"
(Bree lies on the floor where she had just slipped and fallen.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"And more dangerous."
(Present: Bree and Phyllis are walking through the cemetery.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Yes, Bree was worried about Phyllis' faulty memory, but she was more than happy to remind her, especially when it came to the important things."
Bree: "So have you given any thought to when you might be ending your visit? What?"
Phyllis: "Have I become a burden? Is that what you're saying?"
Bree: "I was simply asking when you were planning to leave. There was no agenda behind the question."
Phyllis: "Oh. I, I don't know. Why don't we play it by ear?"
Bree: "Yes, let's."
(As they approach Rex's grave, they stop suddenly.)
Phyllis: "What on earth?"
Bree: "Oh, my god. What happened?"
(They slowly approach a large, coffin-shaped hole in the ground.)
Phyllis: "It looks like someone dug Rex up."
Bree: "Well, I got that, but why? Why would they do that?"
Phyllis: "I don't know. Unless..."
Bree: "Unless what?"
Phyllis: "Maybe this has something to do with that insurance investigator."
Bree: "Insurance investigator?"
Phyllis: "He came by asking all sorts of questions."
Bree: "I don't know what you're talking about, Phyllis."
Phyllis: "Maybe you were at the store. Anyway, he was very suspicious."
Bree: "Suspicious?"
Phyllis: "Oh, yes. He has a theory that Rex didn't die of a heart attack. He thinks he was poisoned."
Mary Alice Voiceover:"It was in that moment Bree could finally see the truth."
Phyllis: "Did I not mention that?"
(Phylllis walks away from Bree and smiles.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Her mother-in-law's memory was fine. It was her soul that was faulty."
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Opening Credits
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[Wisteria Lane - Daytime]
Mary Alice Voiceover:"The parties took place on the front lawn of forty-three, forty-seven Wisteria Lane every Sunday afternoon."
(A table on the lawn is covered with a flowery tablecloth.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Chloe Pendergast would bring the tea set, which was appropriate, since she was the hostess."
(A young girl approaches the table carrying a serving tray and places it on the table.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Brittany Chries provided formal attire from her mother's closet."
(Another young girl pulling a wagon approaches. A box on the wagon contains many colorful articles of clothing.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"And Marissa Anne McKay invited the additional guests, some of whom hadn't been to a party in years."
(A third young girl approaches carrying a variety of dolls and stuffed animals. She places them around the table.)
(The three young girl, all dressed up, are sitting around the table, having a pretend tea.)
Girls: "Cheers."
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Of course, it never occurred to the young girls that while they were busy playing out their fantasy, one of the older girls in the neighborhood was engaging in a fantasy of her own."
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[Gabrielle's House]
(Gabrielle stands at the window, holding a cup of coffee, watching John, who is shirtless, as he prunes the trees outside her house. He smiles at her and she waves. He throws the pruning shears down and approaches the house.) (Gabrielle smiles coyly. He comes inside and they begin kissing.)
(Gabrielle stands at her window when she awakens from her daydream and sees an overweight shirtless man pruning her bushes. He rubs his nose and she frowns.)
(Gabrielle comes out her front door. The gardener, Ralph, almost runs into her.)
Gabrielle: "Hey..."
Ralph: "Oh, hi, Mrs. Solis."
Gabrielle: "Ralph."
Ralph: "Off to the mall again?"
Gabrielle: "You know me."
(Gabrielle walks past him to her car.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"There was nothing Gabrielle enjoyed as much as shopping."
(Gabrielle pulls her convertible to the curb. She scoots down in the seat and looks across the street at John mowing someone's lawn.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"And even when she couldn't afford to take anything home, she took satisfaction in looking at the merchandise."
(Gabrielle watches him with a smile on her face.)
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[Susan's Front Yard-Daytime]
(Susan is pacing in front of her house, looking at her watch. She looks at Edie's house, down the street. Mike, working on his truck, sees her as she begins walking quickly toward Edie's house. He approaches her.)
Mike: "Hey, Susan. What's going on?"
Susan: "It's Karl's weekend to have Julie, and they're always back by six. That's our custody agreement, back by six, and it's after six."
Mike: "It's, like, six-fifteen."
Susan: "Well, see? There you go."
Mike: "I'm sure they just forgot."
Susan: "Well, I have a court order. It's out of my hands."
Mike: "Yeah, it'd still be nice if you gave him a grace period."
Susan: "Oh, I'm being nice. I could have him arrested. I mean, don't get me wrong. I am all for Julie spending time with Karl. He is still her dad, and she loves him."
Mike: "But-"
Susan: "But he's with Edie. I mean, she's not exactly the maternal type. I wouldn't be a good mother if I wasn't concerned. I mean, who knows what passes for a kid-friendly, good time in there? Drugs? Porn? Smoking?"
(They reach Edie's house and hear singing.)
Julie (singing): "Let it shine, shine, shine, let it shine."
Mike: "Doesn't sound like they're having an orgy in there."
(Susan and Mike look through Edie's window and sees Edie sitting on the couch playing the guitar. Karl is standing near Julie who is singing.)
Julie (singing): "All through the night, I'm gonna let it shine. All through the night, I'm gonna let it shine."
Mike: "Well, obviously, they saw us coming."
Julie (singing): "Let it shine, shine, shine, let it shine."
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[Lynette's Front Yard -Daytime]
(Tom and Parker are playing catch. Penny is in the playpen on the porch. Lynette drives up.)
Tom: "Woo! That's a strike!"
Lynette: "Hey, guys!"
Parker: "Hey, Mommy."
Tom: "Hey! Look who's here!"
Lynette: "Parker, guess what I got."
Parker: "What?"
Lynette: "School supplies."
Tom: "School supplies!"
Lynette: "Yeah, and the best part of it is I got you a really cool backpack."
Parker: "Whoa, look at that. Pretty neat, huh?"
Parker: "Wow. Thanks."
Lynette: "So on your first day of school, you and your dad can find your cubby and you can hang it up."
Parker: "You're not taking me?"
Lynette: "Actually, your dad's gonna take you to school on your first day."
Tom: "Yeah, just me and you, big guy. I'll be right there to hold your hand."
Parker: "But I thought mommy was taking me."
Lynette: "Yeah, well, honey, I have to work. Mommy's boss is a mean, mean lady and if I miss work, I'll lose my job and then we won't have any money to buy food. Honey, you gotta believe me, if I could be there, you know that I would."
(Parker gives the backpack back to Lynette and folds his arms across his chest.)
Lynette: "All right. I didn't know it was that important to you. I will talk to my boss and I will see what I can do."
Parker: "Thank you, mommy."
(Parker takes back the backpack and goes into the house.)
Tom: "Wow, I don't want to rain on your parade, but he just totally manipulated you."
Lynette: "Well, hey, when a kid's that good, you gotta give him his due."
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[Police Station]
(Bree is sitting across from the detective in his office.)
Bree: "An autopsy? Detective, Rex died of a heart attack."
Detective: "Well, there were some anomalies in the doctor's report."
Bree: "Anomalies? What anomalies?"
Detective: "Ma'am, I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to discuss this any further with you."
Bree: "Am I a suspect?"
Detective: "I didn't say that."
Bree: "Well, if I am, you're wasting your time. I loved Rex and anyone who knows me will tell you that I was incapable of hurting him."
Detective: "You sure about that?"
Bree: "You talked to Phyllis."
Detective: "Again, I can't discuss the case."
Bree: "She's my mother-in-law. Of course she said horrible things about me."
Detective: "Ma'am, lower your voice."
Bree: "She blamed me for every problem that Rex and I ever had."
Detective: "So there were problems with the marriage?"
Bree: "Well, it was a marriage. Of course there were problems."
Detective: "May I record this just so there's no confusion over your statement?"
Bree: "No, you may not record this."
Detective: "So you refuse to make a statement?"
Bree: "I'm not refusing anything. All I'm saying is stay away from Phyllis. She's a, she's a raving loon."
Detective: "Ma'am, perhaps you'd be more comfortable with an attorney present."
Bree: "You want a statement? Fine, I'll give you a statement."
(The detective holds up a tape recorder and presses the record button.)
Bree: "My husband died of a heart attack. I loved him very deeply, and your mother did a lousy job."
(Bree grabs her purse and storms out of the detective's office.)
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[Bree's House - Daytime]
(Phyllis, in her bathrobe, comes downstairs slowly, looking sleepy.)
Mary Alice Voiceover: "To Bree's way of thinking, there were two kinds of people in the world."
(Bree peeks from around the corner. Once Phyllis goes into the kitchen, Bree quietly runs upstairs.)
Mary Alice Voiceover: "Those who were useless before their morning coffee-"
(Phyllis, barely awake, pours herself a cup of coffee.)
Mary Alice Voiceover: "-and those who weren't."
(Bree, in Phyllis' closet, takes out Phyllis' clothes and her suitcase. Bree throws the suitcase on the bed.)
(Phyllis, eating a piece of toast and holding her coffee, comes out of the kitchen. Bree is at the front door with Phyllis' bags all packed and Bree is holding Phyllis' traveling suit and shoes.)
Phyllis: "What's going on?"
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[Bree's Front Yard - Daytime]
(A cab driver, parked by the curb, closes the trunk of his car. Bree has Phyllis by the arm, nearly pushing her toward the cab.)
Phyllis: "Don't rush me, Bree! I'm an old woman! Don't rush me."
(Phylllis gets in the cab. Bree slams the door.)
Bree: "Get her out of here."
(As the cab drives away, Phyllis leans out of the window.)
Phyllis: "I will tell you one thing: you wouldn't be acting this way if you didn't feel guilty about something!"
(Bree waves good-bye to Phyllis.)
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[Jail Visiting Room]
(Gabrielle sits at the visitor's table filing her nails.)
(A buzzer sounds, the door opens and the guard bring Carlos in. Carlos sits and Gabrielle hands him a card.)
Carlos: "What's the occasion?"
Gabrielle: "Uh, our anniversary."
Carlos: "Oh, right."
Gabrielle: "How could you forget our anniversary? You sit in a cell all day long staring at a calendar."
Carlos: "What's the big deal? Our marriage was a sham anyway."
Gabrielle: "Oh, we're not doing this again."
Carlos: "In real marriages, wives are faithful."
Gabrielle: "Yeah, and husbands remember anniversaries, so I guess we're even."
Carlos: "Are you equating forgetting our anniversary with cheating on me?"
Gabrielle: "You are clearly determined to ruin this special day for us."
Carlos: "What is wrong with you that you don't feel guilty?"
Gabrielle: "I feel tons of guilt, so back off."
Carlos: "You never even apologized."
Gabrielle: "I apologized a million times."
Carlos: "Yeah, but you always followed it up with an excuse. "I was lonely, you weren't home enough, a woman needs to be loved-"
Gabrielle: "A woman does need to be loved, and since you didn't give it to me, I had to find it elsewhere."
Carlos: "So that's what the teenager was doing in our bedroom. Filling you with love."
Gabrielle: "Say what you want, but John Rowland loved me like no one ever has. Not as a trophy or as a possession, but for me. He loved me."
(Carlos laughs.)
Gabrielle: "No, he really did."
Carlos: "Mm-hmm."
Gabrielle: "Let me count the ways. Um, gently, savagely, frequently, upside down..."
(Carlos slams his hand on the table. The guard comes over.)
Guard: "Is there a problem here?"
Gabrielle: "No, it's our anniversary. We're just reliving the good times."
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[Wisteria Lane - Daytime]
(Gabrielle drives her Aston Martin car into her driveway. Matthew comes up to her.)
Matthew: "That's an amazing car. Aston Martin, right?"
Gabrielle: "Uh-huh. Brand-new. Limited edition. A little anniversary present from my husband."
Matthew: "He's very generous."
Gabrielle: "More than he knows."
(Gabrielle walks into her house.)
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[Susan's House-Julie's Bedroom]
Susan: "I'm sorry. What?"
Julie: "I'm singing at church for the family follies. Edie's going to accompany me on guitar. She's really good."
Susan: "So you and Edie are, are gonna be an act."
Julie: "Is that a problem?"
Susan: "No. No. I mean, I'm a little surprised that you didn't ask me to accompany you first."
Julie: "On what? You don't play an instrument."
Susan: "I play the piano. You know that."
Julie: "How would I know that? I've never seen you play."
Susan: "Well, I played in high school."
Julie: "So the last time you tickled the ivories was sometime in the late seventies?"
Susan: "It was the early eighties. Well, I'm not gonna argue with you. You want to do the show with Edie, and I think that's super. So she's really good, huh?"

Julie: "She knows her guitar. Apparently, there are a lot of musicians in her family, sort of like the Von Trapps."
Susan: "Hmm."
Julie: "Except, you know, her brother OD'd."
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[Betty's House]
(Betty and Matthew are setting up the meal tray in the kitchen.)
Matthew: "All I'm asking you is to go out and play a little bit of ball. Is that such a big deal?"
Betty: "Matthew, you are such an excellent player, darling, that people will want to be your friend. Then next thing you know, God knows who will be wanting to drop by and calling. Sweetie, we need to keep a low profile."
(Matthew takes the gun out of the drawer.)
Matthew: "Yeah, I know, but I have got to get out of this house sometime. I'm going crazy here, okay?"
(As Matthew opens the basement door, the door is pushed violently towards him. Betty falls backward dropping the tray. The man from the basement attacks Matthew, slamming him against the furniture and pushing him down to the floor. The man smashes things around the room and tries to run. Betty trips him and Matthew jumps on top of him. Betty grabs the gun and hits the man hard on the head. The man falls down.)
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[Betty's House-Outside]
(Susan walks up to the front door and rings the bell.)
(Matthew, still on top of the man, looks toward the front door. Betty puts the gun down on the table, steps over the man and goes to the door.)
Betty: "What is it?"
Susan: "Oh, my daughter is singing a song at church and I want to accompany her on the piano and I haven't played in years. Oh, you were just so amazing at Rex's funeral the other day, I was wondering..."
Betty: "I don't give lessons."
Susan: "Oh. Oh, okay."
(Susan sees red stains on Betty's shirt.)
Susan: "Oh. You have a little, uh, on your..."
Betty: "I'm baking cherry pie. Excuse me."
(Betty goes back into the house and closes the door quickly. Susan walks away. Matthew is standing at the basement door, out of breath. The man is no longer on the floor.)
Matthew: "What happened to maintaining a low profile? You keep being rude to everybody, they're gonna start whispering about us."
Betty: "You're right. We do want to fit in."
(Betty gets a wet sponge and starts cleaning the blood off the floor.)
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[Lynette's Office]
(Lynette exits her office. Stu is sitting at the desk outside the door.)
Stu: "Lynette, check it out."
(Lynette looks at the computer screen. A wide open mouth is on the screen.)
Stu: "Jason's mouth."
(Stu points at Jason who is holding a camera in front of his mouth.)
Lynette: "Stu, isn't that the new video conference setup?"
Stu: "Yeah. Isn't the resolution fantastic?"
(Lynette walks away, into Nina's office.)
Lynette: "Hey, Nina."
Nina: "Mm-hmm?"
Lynette: "Uh, about tomorrow morning..."
Nina: "Mm-hmm?"
Lynette: "You know how the first hour of the morning meeting is always so slow? 'Cause I've got this thing..."
Nina: "Good god, this is not about your kids again, is it?"
Lynette: "I know, I promised I wouldn't do this, but Parker really needs me to be there on his first day of kindergarten. He's so freaked out I can't be there."
Nina: "I'm sorry. How is this my problem?"
Lynette: "Because we can't escape the fact that I have kids. I love my job, but to be fair, there's gotta be some balance."
Nina: "Okay, how about the people that don't have the kids? Did you ever consider that they might need a little more balance in their lives, hmm? Like, maybe they want to go see a matinee or perhaps they want to come in a little late after a big crazy night out or maybe they just want to get a hair cut, which I, myself, have not been able to do for two months. So, no, this is about fairness to the people who are childless by choice, okay?"
Lynette: "Okay. Good point. And I'm sorry about your hair. I can see why you're upset."
(Lynette walks out of Nina's office. Stu holds the camera in front of Lynette. She knocks his hand away.)
Stu: "Open wide."
Lynette: "Not now, Stu. Hang on a sec."
(Lynette stops suddenly and looks at the camera.)
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[Lynette's House]
(The computer from Stu's desk is in on the kitchen table. Parker is holding the camera.)
Parker: "I don't understand."
Lynette: "This system is gonna let mommy be with you on your first day of school. The resolution is fantastic."
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[Wisteria Lane-Daytime]
(Gabrielle drives up to a curb to watch John garden someone else's lawn.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"The next day, Gabrielle decided to cheer herself up with another round of window shopping. But this time, she was taken aback by what was on display."
(An older woman comes out of the house John is working at. She approaches John, runs her hand over his back and signals him to come inside. Gabrielle looks shocked. John puts down the hedge trimmer and goes inside. Gabrielle gets out of her car, sneaks up to the window and, amid faint moanings coming from inside, drops her jaw in apparent shock. Gabrielle walks back down the front steps and sees the electric hedge trimmer. She picks it up and starts it.)
(Later, John comes out the door. The older lady is in her robe. They kiss. Gabrielle watches from across the street, smiles and drives away. John and the lady look at the front yard. All the flowers have been cut off from all of the pots lining the walkway.)
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[Felicia Tilman's House-Daytime]
(Mike knocks at the front door, holding a flowering plant. A bruised and battered Mrs. Tilman opens the door. She is wearing a neck brace.)
Mike: "Mrs. Tilman."
Felicia: "Mr. Delfino."
Mike: "I, uh, heard you were back from the hospital. I brought you these."
Felicia: "Oh, I can't tell you how long it's been since I got flowers from a handsome man. I mean, I could, but I don't want your pity."
(Felicia comes outside onto the porch. Mike sees her suitcases stacked at the front door.)
Mike: "Where are you off to?"
Felicia: "I'm going back to Utah for a few weeks. The recuperation's taking longer than the doctors anticipated. Speaking of my attack, have they caught young Zachary yet?"
Mike: "No, actually, that's why I'm here."
Felicia: "So the flowers were just a ruse. Figures."
Mike: "I'm trying to find Zach before he gets in any more trouble. Do you know any friends that he might have, anywhere he might be holed up? I know you were close to him."
Felicia: "Funny thing. Since he beat me and threw me down the stairs, we just don't stay in touch like we should. Since when do you care so much about Zach Young?"
Mike: "It's complicated."
Felicia: "I'll bet. I'm sure he's out there somewhere trying to find his father, which I trust you made impossible."
Mike: "No, I let Paul go. I couldn't go through with it."
Felicia: "That was a mistake."
Mike: "He will spend the rest of his life running from the . I think that's punishment enough."
Felicia: "Zach is the only connection that Paul has with his dead wife. At some point, he will run back here looking for him. I don't like to be negative, but you really should have killed him."
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[Bree's House -Nighttime]
(Bree, Danielle, and Andrew are having dinner.)
Bree: "At the risk of ruining a lovely evening, I have some unpleasant news. The dug up your father today."
Andrew: "What?"
Danielle: "Why?"
Bree: "Well, apparently, they want to do an autopsy. They don't think that he had a heart attack. They think that somebody was poisoning him."
Danielle: "Who would have poisoned daddy?"
Bree: "Well, apparently, I'm a suspect. Well, they always look at spouses first. It has something to with statistics. It's just a formality. I'll be cleared in no time. Would you two please stop looking at me like that? Obviously, I did not kill your father. I loved him deeply."
Danielle: "Yeah, but you and dad had a lot of problems. Everyone knows that."
Bree: "Yes, we had issues, but I would never have hurt him."
Danielle: "What about the night daddy had his second heart attack? You must have loved him a lot to make the bed before taking him to the hospital."
Bree: "I was in shock, Danielle. You know that. Andrew, surely you don't think I murdered your father."
Andrew: "I know you didn't. You're not capable of murder."
Bree: "Thank you."
Andrew: "That wasn't a compliment. It takes guts to kill somebody."
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[Betty's House - Daytime]
(Susan is playing the piano with Betty standing nearby, watching.)
Susan: "Thank you so much for changing your mind about helping me. I really appreciate it."
Betty: "I'm happy to help. And I'm sorry if I seemed rude before. I, I was having a bad day. That's good. That's really good. You might want to lay off the pedal."
Susan: "Really? Oh, I thought it made it sound more professional."
Betty: "It doesn't."
(Susan keeps playing. Loud hip-hop music begins playing from somewhere within the house.)
Susan: "Boy, your son really likes to play his hip-hop music loud."
Betty: "The good news is it drowns out the sound of the dryer. Arch your fingers, Susan."
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[Betty's House-Basement]
(A stereo sitting on a table plays loudly while Matthew mounts a lock on the basement door using an electric drill.)
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[Edie's House]
(Edie is on the couch playing the guitar while Julie is singing.)
Julie (singing): "Let it shine, shine, shine, let it shine."
(Susan walks in, clapping.)
Susan: "Hi. I'm sorry to interrupt. I knocked, but I guess you guys didn't hear me."
Edie: "No, we heard you. We were just hoping that whoever it was would go away. I'm still hoping that'll happen."
Julie: "What's up, mom?"
Susan: "Well, I have good news. Um, I've been taking piano lessons with Betty Applewhite, and, uh, well, I just thought maybe I could join you guys. You know, like a trio. Doesn't that sound fun?"
Edie: "I don't do trios, but thanks anyway."
Susan: "Well, I don't mean to be technical here, but this show, I mean, it really is supposed to be a family thing, and I hate to point out you're not family."
Edie: "No, but I have talent, and to most audiences, talent trumps family."
Susan: "Well, what makes you so sure I don't have talent?"
Edie: "Hmm, just a hunch."
Susan: "Yeah, well, we've all seen your talent, which is a nice way of telling you why don't you put some curtains on your bedroom window?"
Julie: "Guys!"
Edie: "Oh, come on, be honest. You didn't want any part of this until you found out that I was involved."
Susan: "That is so not true!"
Edie: "Oh, yes, it is. It burns you that your own daughter picked me over you."
Susan: "She did not pick you. It just didn't occur to her that I would agree to do it. Well, now she knows, and if she had it to do over again, she'd pick me."
Edie: "No, she wouldn't."
Susan: "Well, why don't we put it to a test? Julie, who would you rather have play with you?"
Julie: "Oh, no, no, no, no."
Susan: "No, it's okay, honey. Who do you want to be with you in the family talent show?"
Edie: "Yes, who do you want with you in front of all of those people? And remember, it's a church. They are going to be judging you."
Julie: "Oh, okay. Well, first of all, you both suck, but if I had to choose, I guess I'd pick my mom. Sorry, Edie."
Edie: "Fair enough. I'd like my pitch pipe back, please."
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[Gabrielle's House-Daytime]
(Gabrielle walks down the sidewalk to get her mail. John comes up to her.)
John: "It was you, wasn't it?"
Gabrielle: "Hello, John. Long time, no see."
John: "One of the neighbors saw an Aston Martin driving away" (points to Gabrielle's car) and what do you know?"
Gabrielle: "Well, someone had to tend to the yard. You were busy elsewhere."
John: "You saw us?"
Gabrielle: "Yes, and I have to say she's old enough to be your mother. Hell, she's old enough to be my mother."
John: "Joan's only forty-one."
Gabrielle: "Joan? You're calling her Joan?"
John: "Why shouldn't I? She's my friend."
Gabrielle: "I know you're friends, and I have a hunch you don't do to your friends what I saw you doing to that wrinkly old lady."
John: "Okay, so you caught me doing it with somebody else. What's the big deal?"
Gabrielle: "You're supposed to be in love with me."
John: "What?"
Gabrielle: "How many times did you say it? How many times did you whisper in my ear, "You're the only woman I'll ever love?""
John: "I don't know. A bunch."
Gabrielle: "So were you lying to me? Were you just trying to get me into bed?"
John: "No, of course not. I loved you, but we broke up."
Gabrielle: "Yeah, like five minutes ago! Haven't you ever heard of a mourning period?"
John: "I know it seems quick, but I have feelings for her. In fact, I think I may be in love with her."
Gabrielle: "Oh, my god."
(She clutches her stomach.)
John: "What's the matter? Is it the baby?"
Gabrielle: "No. Oh, no, no. It's me. I am beyond stupid."
(Gabrielle sits on her front steps.)
John: "You're not stupid."
Gabrielle: "Oh, no, I am. Yesterday, I was still fantasizing that it could work with you, that a one-bedroom apartment might be cozy."
John: "Mrs. Solis, please."
Gabrielle: "Oh, my god. I almost left my husband for someone who calls me Mrs. Solis."
John: "So, are you upset because you want to get back together? Because I can break up with Joan."
Gabrielle: "That's okay, sweetie. I'm good."
John: "So this is it for us?'Cause I really feel like we should end it better than this."
Gabrielle: "Actually, John, given how stupid both of us have been, this an entirely appropriate ending."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Police Station]
(Bree, Andrew and Danielle enter the Detective's office.)
Detective: "Mrs. Van de Kamp. What can I do for you?"
Bree: "I would like to submit myself to a lie detector test to eliminate any uncertainty about what happened with my husband."
Detective: "Are you sure you don't want a lawyer present?"
Bree: "I'll waive all that. My only stipulation is that I want my children to be able to see me answer the questions."
Detective: "I think we can accommodate you."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Investigation Room]
(Bree is connected to a lie detector. The Detective, Andrew and Danielle are watching through a one-way mirror.)
Technician: "Is your name Bree Van de Kamp?"
Bree: "Yes."
Technician: "Were you married to Rex Van de Kamp?"
Bree: "Yes."
Technician: "Did you and your husband temporarily separate last year?"
Bree: "Yes."
Technician: "Did you kill your husband?"
Bree (emphatically): "No."
(Bree looks at the lie detector screen. The line remains even.)
Technician: "Do you know a man named George Williams?"
Bree: "Yes."
Technician: "During your separation from your husband, did you have a relationship with Mr. Williams?"
Bree: "What does that have to do with anything?"
Technician: "Just yes or no responses, please."
Bree: "Well, I'm not gonna respond to something that's none of your business."
(The detective enters the room.)
Detective: "Mrs. Van de Kamp, if you want us to take this polygraph seriously, answer the questions we ask, okay?"
(The detective leaves the room.)
Danielle: "Who's George Williams?"
Andrew: "He's our pharmacist."
Technician: "During your separation, did you have a relationship with Mr. Williams?"
Bree: "Yes."
(Bree looks at the screen. The line remains unchanged.)
Technician: "Are you in love with Mr. Williams?"
Bree: "What? "
Technician: "Are you in love with Mr. Williams?"
Bree: "No."
(Bree looks at the screen. The lines are spiked.)
Bree: "Um, I, I was thinking of something else just then, so why don't you ask me the question again?"
Technician: "Are you in love with Mr. Williams?"
Bree: "No."
(The lines on the screen are spiked all the way to the top of the screen.)
Danielle: "Did you see that?"
Andrew: "Yeah. I saw it."
(Bree looks at the mirror. Andrew walks away.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Wisteria Lane-Daytime]
(Betty is taking flowers out of her SUV. Susan walks up with sheet music.)
Betty: "Hello, Susan. Are you ready for your lesson?"
Susan: "Yep, I am. I think I'm going to make another push for using that pedal. I think it adds grandeur."
(As they walk to Betty's house, a car screeches up with the horn honking.)
Karl: "I want to talk to you!"
Susan: "I'm busy now."
Karl: "I cannot believe you kicked Edie out of Julie's performance!"
Susan: "I did not kick Edie out. Julie made that call."
Karl: "Because you played the mom card."
Susan: "Well, it is a family recital, and Edie is not family."
Karl: "One day, she could be."
Susan: "Oh, don't even joke like that."
Karl: "How about your plumber-slash-convicted murderer, huh? He seems to keep popping up at "family" events."
Susan: "It was not murder, it was manslaughter, and that's totally different. Mike and I aren't even living together, and he cares about Julie."
Karl: "Well, so does Edie, huh? She was really looking forward to performing with Julie."
Susan: "If you think Edie Britt cares about anybody other than herself, you are living in a fool's paradise. You don't know her the way I do, and the only reason she's interested in Julie is to mess with my head."
Karl: "Hey, that's both crazy and self-absorbed. That's a twofer! Way to go! Whether you choose to believe it or not, they're both great together, and if you don't believe me, ask Julie."
(Karl gets in his car and drives away.)
Susan: "I'm sorry you had to witness that."
Betty: "Oh, that's okay, hon. I have lived my share of family knock-down drag-outs."
Susan: "Well, I hope it wasn't as ugly as me and Karl."
Betty: "You'd be surprised."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Lynette's Office]
(Lynette sits at her desk, setting up the video conferencing system. Parker and Tom are on the computer screen.)
Lynette: "Parker, honey, can you hear me? Tom, why isn't he talking?"
Tom: "Um, honey, there are a lot of kids here. He's a little stressed. Parker, say hi, say hi."
Parker: "Mommy?"
Lynette: "Oh, hey, honey, this is so exciting. Your first day of school. You're going to make so many friends."
(Nina sticks her head in the door.)
Nina: "Lynette, staff meeting, now."
Lynette: "Uh, right, yeah. I'm going to be right there."
Nina: "Now. Now, now, now!"
(Nina walks out and puts her coffee cup on Stu's desk.)
Nina: "Stu, this coffee, it's cold."
Lynette: "Honey, I'm gonna be right back."
Parker: "Mommy? Where are you going?"
Lynette: "Right back."
Parker: "Mommy, come back!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Conference Room]
(The staff is sitting around a large table.)
Nina: "Okay, let's turn to page five."
Lynette: "Damn. I forgot my prospectus. Any extra copies? No? Oh, I'll be right back."
(Lynette gets up and rushes out of the room.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Lynette's Office]
Lynette: "Hi, I'm back. How's he doing?"
Tom: "Um, um, honey, he's upset because he wanted to show you his cubby. You left."
Lynette: "Oh, honey, I'm here. I'm here. You can show me your cubby now."
(Stu sticks in head in Lynette's office.)
Stu: "Nina found extra copies. She wants you back now."
Lynette: "Okay. I'll be back in two seconds, sweetie."
Parker: "Mommy! Mommy! Don't go!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Conference Room]
(Lynette sits at the table with the other staff members.)
Nina: "So the big issue here is second-quarter billing."
(Lynette gets up and starts leaving the room.)
Nina: "Where are you going?"
Lynette: "Ladies' room."
Nina: "No."
Lynette: "Nina, nature is calling."
Nina: "Lynette, hold it for ten minutes. We have to get through this."
(Lynette sits down again.)
Nina: "What I'd like to do is trade out the invoicing structure. Let's take a look at our graphs on page ten, please."
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Lynette had been struggling to balance her career and her family. She finally saw an opportunity to tip the scales in her favor."
(Nina drinks from her coffee cup, then sets it down on a folder. Lynette sees that the cup is tilted and near the edge of the table.)
Nina: "Instead of badgering clients with invoices on the shorter term campaigns, I say we bill on delivery."
Lynette: "Yes!"
(Lynette hits the table hard. The cup moves closer to the edge.)
Lynette: "Bill on delivery, yes!"
(She hits the table again. The cup moves to the edge of the table.)
Nina: "Are you having a seizure?"
Lynette: "No, no, I'm just, I'm very excited. It's a really good plan. Yeah."
Nina: "Now, what happened on the Burman account is that they were sent duplicate bills by Tina and Ron in accounting and I'm not pointing any fingers, but Tina, Ron, about walking in and seeing all my lines lit up with disgruntled.."
(Lynette sits back in her chair and lifts the table up with her knee. The coffee cup falls into Nina's lap. She jumps up.)
Nina: "Aah! Ohh! Hot! Hot! Help. Stu! Aah! Aah!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Lynette's Office]
Lynette: "And that's why we packed you extra cookies so you could share with all your new friends, remember?"
Parker: "Uh-huh."
Tom: "I think we're good to go now, honey."
Lynette: "You're gonna be great, Parker. I love you."
Parker: "I love you, too, mommy."
(Lynette throws a kiss to Parker and turns the screen off. She spins in her office chair and sees the staff hovering around Nina, who is holding ice packs to her inner thighs.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Pharmacy-Daytime]
(Bree enters and walks up to the pharmacy counter.)
George: "Bree, hi. What can I do for you?"
Bree: "Well, for starters, you can help me prove to the that we didn't conspire to kill my husband."
George: "Okay."
Bree: "So because of the anomalies in Rex's blood, the started to wonder if I'd been poisoning Rex."
George: "That's absurd. Lots of things can cause high potassium levels: renal failure, low sodium."
Bree: "Well, that's why I took the polygraph, to prove to them that I was innocent."
George: "Obviously, you passed."
Bree: "Sort of. Well, I think the now have a different theory, which is if I wasn't poisoning Rex on my own, then maybe you were helping me."
George: "You're kidding."
Bree: "No, that's why I need you to take the polygraph, too."
George: "What? "
Bree: "It's the quickest way to prove to the that they're wrong."
George: "I...I don't understand. We're just friends. Why would the assume that people in a platonic relationship would want to murder someone?"
Bree: "Um, um, during the test, they asked me some questions about you and, um, us and whether we had a relationship and I said yes, because it's true. And then they asked me something else, something I hadn't considered."
George: "Which was?"
Bree: "They asked me if I loved you."
George: "What did you say?"
Bree: "I said no."
George: "Oh."
Bree: "But according to the polygraph, that wasn't exactly true."
George: "Well, I don't, I don't know if that means anything. Polygraphs aren't completely reliable."
Bree: "I think perhaps the machine picked up on something, something that I wasn't aware of."
George: "Wow."
Bree: "That's why I need you to take the test and answer the detective's questions, because I'm not going to know exactly how I feel until we put this behind us, but then, once we do..."
George: "We can move on."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Church]
Emcee: "Can those Chicorelli sisters dance or what? Wow, look out Broadway! Now don't forget that we will have cookies and juice set up in the basement after we're done here. We want to see you all there. And for our next act, please welcome the musical stylings of Julie and Susan Mayer."
(The audience applauds.)
(Susan and Julie come out on stage. Julie goes to the microphone and Susan sits at the piano. After a couple of seconds of silence, Susan gets up and whispers in Julie's ear.)
Susan: "I'll be right back." (into the microphone) "Oh, um, I'm just gonna need a couple of seconds, so feel free to pray."
(Susan runs down to Edie in the audience sitting next to Karl.)
Susan: "The other day when I saw you making music with my family, I got a little jealous and I went a little crazy and I pushed you out. Seeing you sitting here today, well, I can see how much you care about Julie, and she comes first, and it should be you up there playing with her, not me. So I'm sorry."
Karl: "Thank you, Susan."
Edie: "How convenient that you decided this after I showed up without my guitar."
Susan: "Well, like I said, I'm sorry. I wish it could be you up there."
Edie: "You know, I play piano."
[Later]
Emcee: "And so let's all welcome Julie Mayer and her Aunt Edie."
(The audience applauds. Susan sits next to Karl, while Edie is at the piano. She begins to play.)
Karl: "You did a good thing."
Susan: "Yeah, well, I try."
(Edie plays the piano off-key. Julie cringes as she begins to sing.)
Julie (singing): "This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine. This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine."
(Julie turns to look at Edie.)
Edie: "Ohh, give me a break. This thing has, like, ninety flats in it."
Susan: "Poor Julie."
Karl: "Stop it. You're loving this."
Susan: "No, not at all."
(Susan pushes the camera Karl is holding up to film.)
Julie (singing): "Let it shine, shine, shine let it shine."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Jail Visiting Room]
(Carlos enters. He sits across from Gabrielle.)
Carlos: "So, they said you needed to see me. What is it? What's going on?"
Gabrielle: "Um, I've been thinking, you know, about, um, everything that happened with John, and, and, um, I was really selfish and stupid. And I'm sorry. I really am sorry. That's all I had to say, really."
Carlos: "You know what? That is the best anniversary gift that you've ever given me."
(Carlos reaches across the table and holds Gabrielle's hand.)
Gabrielle: "Really?"
Carlos: "Yeah."
Gabrielle: "Actually, the one you gave me is really nice, too."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Wisteria Lane-Daytime]
(Chloe Pendergrass holds her tea party with her friends.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Everyone enjoys a game of make-believe now and then. Of course, the ways in which we play can vary greatly."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Lynette's Office]
(Lynette picks up a framed picture of her and Parker from her desk.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Sometimes we tell ourselves work won't interfere with our family life."
(Nina sticks her head in the door.)
Nina: "Lynette, staff meeting, now."
Lynette: "Yeah."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Wisteria Lane -Daytime]
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Sometimes, we imagine certain relationships to be more meaningful than they really are."
(John is mowing a lawn. Gabrielle jogs by. John waves to her, but Gabrielle doesn't respond.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Betty's House]
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Occasionally, we put on a show, as if to convince ourselves our secrets aren't really all that terrible."
(Matthew and Betty are preparing the meal tray. Matthew gets the gun.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Police Station]
(Bree and the Detective are standing on the glass side of the one-way mirror into the investigation room.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Yes, the game of make-believe is a simple one."
(Inside the room, George is taking a lie detector test.)
Technician: "Did you know Rex Van de Kamp?"
George: "Yes."
Technician: "Did Mrs. Van de Kamp ask you to poison her husband?"
George: "No."
Technician: "Did you poison Rex Van de Kamp?"
Mary Alice Voiceover:"You start by lying to yourself..."
George: "No."
(The line on the polygraph is unchanged.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"And if you can get others to believe those lies, you win."
(George smiles.)



~ The End ~




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hwf
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Recap部分可是偶对着片子和字幕弄出来的哦,版权归我.费用为零.

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AMPK2004
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辛苦了，我代表人们感谢你！

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hwf
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/http://desperatehousewives.ahaava.com/Jenniferdhbg21024x768.jpg/


Desperate Housewives
Episode 02.04 - My Heart Belongs to Daddy
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mary Alice Voiceover: Previously on "desperate housewives"...
Parker:You're not taking me?
Lynettead's gonna take you.
Mary Alice Voiceover:Lynette's new job came with a price.
Carlos:If this charge sticks,I get sent away for eight years.
Mary Alice Voiceover:And Carlos paid for his mistakes.
Technician:Are you in love with Mr. Williams?
Bree:No.
Bree:I think the machine picked up on something that I wasn't aware of.
Mary Alice Voiceover: While Bree detected feelings she'd never known.
Susan:You come within 10 feet of her,I will have you arrested.Now get out.
Mary Alice Voiceover: Susan discovered something...
Susan:Zach is your son,isn't he?
Mary Alice Voiceover:...too close to home.
End of Recap
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Fairview County Jail-Outside Yard]
Mary Alice Voiceover:"The residents of the Fairview County Jail looked forward to every Tuesday."
(The yard is built around a fenced-in walkway. Inmates are milling around the yard.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"That was the day that Gabrielle Solis came to visit her husband."
(Flashback - Gabrielle enters the fenced in enclosure. All the inmates gather near the fence to watch her walk through the enclosure.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"The inmates went out of their way to give her compliments whether she wanted them to or not."
(Flashback-The inmates make kissing noises and whistle as Gabrielle walks through. Gabrielle shakes her head in disgust.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"With each visit, these accolades became increasingly inventive."
(Flashback - Gabrielle in a gold outfit walks through. The inmates continue to make sexual gestures and cat calls.)
Inmates: "Who's your daddy! Look over here!"
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Still Gabrielle was not flattered. In fact, Gabrielle started to dread this special attention."
(Flashback -Gabrielle enters the enclosure. Inmate makes gestures as though he is riding a horse. Gabrielle is disgusted and ignores them.)
Inmates: "Ride' em.. Ride' em!"
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Until one day when-"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Present - Fairview County Jail-Daytime]
(Gabrielle is walking down the fenced in area with Carlos' lawyer, Mr. Doyle.)
Gabrielle: "I don't think a conjugal visit is such a ridiculous request."
Mr. Doyle: "With all due respect, Mrs. Solis, let's just get through the discovery phase first, okay?"
Gabrielle: "But, I don't think I can wait that long."
Mr. Doyle: "I am trying to get your husband out of jail. You want me to just stop everything so you can have a booty call?"
(Gabrielle smacks the attorney with her purse.)
Gabrielle: "Excuse me! We are husband and wife. When we make love it is a very sacred covenant."
Mr. Doyle: "Huh!"
Gabrielle: "Okay, look, all we need is twenty minutes."
Mr. Doyle: "I said no."
Gabrielle: "You can't tell me no.You work for me. You will make it happen!"
Mr. Doyle: "You can't force me to do anything. I am not your maid. Or your gardener."
(Gabrielle slaps Mr. Doyle. All the inmates along the walkway are watching.)
Inmates: "Oh, Oh, ha!"
Mr. Doyle: "I could have you arrested for that."
Gabrielle: "Oh really. Then how about for this?"
(Gabrielle slaps him again, even harder. He falls against the fence.)
Mr. Doyle: "You crazy bitch! Ow!"
(Inmate #1, behind the fence, pokes Mr. Doyle with a stick.)
Inmate #1: "Apologize to the lady!"
Mr. Doyle: "Big mistake, pal. I play golf with the warden. You're gonna rot in-ow!"
(Inmate #2 on the other side, pokes Mr. Doyle with a stick.)
Inmate #2: "You heard him. Apologize!"
(Gabrielle looks on in shock.)
Mr. Doyle: "Look, fellows, I am just trying to do my job. This is all her fault. If she weren't so damn horny... Ow! Ow! Ow! All right, all right."
(Inmates behind Mr. Doyle continue to poke him with sticks. He staggers toward the exit gate as the inmates continue to poke and yell at him.)
(A whistle blows. A guard in the tower shoots tear gas into the crowd. The inmates continue to poke Mr. Doyle. One inmate grabs him by his tie and pulls him into the fence.)
Inmates: "Apologize!"
Mary Alice Voiceover:"It was at that moment, it occurred to Gabrielle this was the nicest compliment she had ever received."
(Gabrielle watches and smiles.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Opening Credits
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Wisteria Lane-Twilight]
Mary Alice Voiceover:"There was one thing all the fathers on Wisteria Lane had in common."
(Flashback - A car drives up in front of a home. A man gets out of car and runs up to the front door as 2 kids run out the front door and hug their daddy.)
Kids: "Daddy, daddy."
Mary Alice Voiceover:"They could return home after a hard day's work the family they left behind."
(Flashback - Man #2 approaches his porch and two little girls run out and hug him.)
Little Girl: "Daddy, daddy."
Mary Alice Voiceover:"And not feel at all guilty about the precious moments they had missed."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Wisteria Lane -Nighttime]
(Lynette pulls into her driveway and runs into her house.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Sadly, the same could not be said for the working mothers."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Lynette's House]
(Parker is fast asleep in his bed. Lynette creeps into the room quietly. She sees a black umbrella lying on the bed next to Parker. She covers Parker with the blanket and taps him with a kiss.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Lynette's House-Kitchen]
Tom: "Hey, honey. I held dinner for as long as I could. It just got-"
(Lynette kisses Tom.)
Tom: "-too late for them."
Lynette: "You couldn't have given them coffee or something? I just feel like I'm missing out on their lives entirely."
Tom: "Hey, you sit, eat and I will fill you in."
(Lynette sits down at the kitchen table where there is a plate of spaghetti. She picks up the bread and begins eating.)
Tom: "Oh, don't eat that. That's been sitting out for hours. That's for Mrs. Mulberry." (getting a plate out of the oven) "This is for you."
(Tom brings a warm plate to Lynette.)
Lynette: "I'm sorry, who?"
Tom: "Oh, Mrs. Mulberry. Parker has an imaginary friend. Um, British nanny. I think he really locked into the whole Mary Poppins thing."
Lynette: "Is that why he's sleeping with an umbrella?"
Tom: "He carries it with him everywhere. It's a security blanket."
Lynette: "When did this start?"
Tom: "About a week ago, I guess."
Lynette: "And you don't find it odd that Parker's new nanny made her appearance right at the time I went back to work?"
Tom: "Kids have imaginary friends. It's no big deal."
Lynette: "I agree with you to a point when they're flying kangaroos or giant robots, not surrogate mommies."
Tom: "Hey, Parker is having a little trouble adjusting, that's all. Apparently, so are you. Honey, don't be so sensitive."
Lynette: "I hope you're right. At the risk of sounding too sensitive," (pointing to Mrs. Mulberry's plate) "How come she gets a bigger portion?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Susan's House-Nighttime]
(Susan is on the front porch, holding a swan made of tin foil. Mike kisses her, then walks away.)
Susan: "What, that's it?"
Mike: "You're the one who said you wanted things to be casual between us."
Susan: "Yeah, but that doesn't mean we have to act like brother and sister. I mean, you bought me ribs. I have gratitude to express."
(Susan pulls Mike to her and kisses him. Mike kisses her back, then pulls away.)
Susan: "What's wrong?"
Mike: "I can't do this. This casual thing. It's, it's weird."
Susan: "No, no, it's not. We're just gonna pretend like it was when we first started dating. We'll just see each other occasionally. You know, until we get this Zach thing resolved. You know, we'll just be easy about it. No commitments. Except, of course, neither of us is allowed to date anybody else."
Mike: "Look, I know how you feel about Zach, and I don't blame you. But he's part of the package right now and either you can accept that or you can't."
(Susan nods.)
Mike: "Anyway."
(Mike begins to walk away. Susan watches as Mike leaves.)
Susan: "Mike, wait!"
(She runs after him. She catches up with him.)
Susan: "I accept."
Mike: "Are you sure?"
Susan: "Zach's your son, and, and I have Julie and you're totally accepted her. I mean, granted, she's been the model child, so far, but she's almost fifteen. She's gonna turn on me any minute. You better be there to help me when it gets ugly."
Mike: "I will."
(They smile and Susan kisses Mike.)
Susan: "Good night."
(She walks back toward her house.)
Mike: "Uh, Susan."
Susan: "Yeah?"
Mike: "Technically, we don't have to be casual anymore."
Susan: " I can be naked in twenty seconds! That includes travel time."
(Susan pulls Mike toward his house.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Fairview Jail Visiting Room]
(Couples are sitting across from each other.)
Gabrielle: "Carlos, will you calm down?"
Carlos: "You incited a prison riot!"
Gabrielle: "It wasn't a riot. It was more of a melee."
Carlos: "Who's going to defend me now? Doyle knew my case. He knew the judge."
Gabrielle: "He called me a bitch."
Carlos: "Well, were you acting like one?"
Gabrielle: "He refused to help me get a conjugal visit."
Carlos: "Hold it. My lawyer's in traction because you wanted sex?"
Gabrielle: "Not just for me. For us. In case you haven't noticed, Carlos, our marriage is still on shaky ground."
Carlos: "And you thought a conjugal visit would fix it?"
Gabrielle: "It couldn't hurt! Ever since you've been in here, all we do is bicker!"
Carlos: "That's all we ever did when I was out! That's what we do!"

Gabrielle: "Yeah, but when we would finish arguing, we had this great sex! Now all we do is fight and there's no payoff and it sucks! You and I need to get laid!"
(Everyone in the room turns to look at her.)
Gabrielle: "Oh, don't judge me! You're not in here because you got caught helping the poor." (to Carlos) "See, we'd be enjoying this argument more if we had something to look forward to!"
Carlos: "Fine! Get the damn lawyer. And make it quick."
(Gabrielle leaves.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Outside Bree's House-Nighttime]
(Bree stands outside with George. He leans forward and she kisses him on the forehead.)
George: "I take it that was my goodnight kiss."
Bree: "George, you're a very special friend, you are, but Rex hasn't been dead four weeks so I think kissing on the lips is-"
George: "Further than you want to go."
Bree: "Exactly. I hope you don't mind."
(George takes hold of Bree's hands. The front door of Bree's house slams. They turn and see Andrew come out holding a trash bag. They drop hands.)
Bree: "Andrew. What are you doing?"
Andrew: "Taking out the garbage."
Bree: "Of course. You remember Mr. Williams."
George: "Hi, Andrew."
Andrew: "George."
Bree: "Ah, well, it's getting late, so-"
George: "Yeah. So let me know if you want to go out to dinner again soon. There's a couple new restaurants I would like to try."
Bree: "You know, we've been eating out a lot lately. Why don't you come over Friday for a home-cooked meal. Wouldn't that be nice?"
(Andrew stands next to Bree.)
George: "I would love that."
Andrew: "So you leaving or what?"
George: "We're not done talking."
Andrew: "She said it was getting late. In case you missed that, that was a hint."
Bree: "Andrew, that wasn't a hint."
George: "I'll go when I'm ready."
Bree: "Actually, it is getting late, and I am tired, so..."
Andrew: "See, you heard the lady. Now take off."
(Andrew pushes George.)
Bree: "Andrew!"
George: "It's okay. He's not really that tough. He knows I would never hit a child."
(Andrew shoves George with both hands.)
Bree: "Andrew!"
(George pushes Andrew with one hand.)
Bree: "George."
(Andrew shoves George and knocks him down.)
Bree: "Stop it, the two of you, this instant! This was a perfectly lovely evening and now the both of you have ruined it. I will not tolerate this kind of behavior. Do you understand?"
(Andrew nods. Bree turns toward George, who is still on the ground. George gets up.)
Bree: "All right then. George, we'll see you Friday for dinner. I'll be serving fish."
(Bree turns and walks inside. Andrew follows her. George stares after him.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Lynette's house -Morning]
(Lynette is sitting on Parker's bed, waking him. Parker is holding the umbrella as he sleeps.)
Lynette: "Hey buddy, wake up sleepyhead. Parker. Hi, hi pal. What do you say you and me go get some donuts, okay, before mommy has to go to work. Yeah?"
(She pulls Parker up, but he falls back down asleep, hugging his umbrella.)
Lynette: "Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on."
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[Lynette's Car-Morning]
(Lynette climbs in. Parker is sitting in the back seat.)
Lynette: "All right. Ah. So, what do you think you are going to have, huh? Jelly? Cause I think I'm gonna have a bear claw."
(Lynette begins backing up the car.)
Parker: "Stop! We forgot Mrs. Mulberry!"
Lynette: "What? Oh, um. Well, since I'm here, maybe she could just relax in the house for a little while, okay?"
Parker: "No! I need her!"
Lynette: "Okay."
(Lynette unbuckles her seat belt and gets out. She stands outside the passenger door and pretends to talk to someone.)
Lynette: "Hello, Mrs. Mulberry. Don't forget to buckle up."
(Back in the driver's seat, she begins to back up the car.)
Lynette: "Here we go."
Parker: "Wait! You forgot her umbrella!"
Lynette: "Well, Parker, we don't have time."
Parker: "No! She needs it!"
(Lynette unbuckles her seat belt and runs inside the house.)
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[Lynette's House - Bedroom]
(Tom is helping one of the twins get ready.)
Tom: "Hey, what are you still doing here?"
Lynette: "I'm looking for Parker's umbrella. Have you seen it?"
Tom: "Nope, no, sorry. Hey honey, you'd better hurry. You're gonna be late for work."
Lynette: "Thank you for that."
(Lynette runs out of the room. She runs outside, carrying a wide sun hat, and gets into the car.)
Lynette: "I couldn't find Mrs. Mulberry's umbrella so I brought her her sun hat instead, all right? And, here we go."
Parker: "It's in the shower."
Lynette: "What?"
Parker: "Mrs. Mulberry said she left it in the shower."
Lynette: "Well, why didn't Mrs. Mulberry volunteer that information before I turned your room upside down looking for it, hmm?"
Parker: "Are you going to go get it?"
Lynette: "No! I'm not going to get the damn umbrella! I'm so sorry, sweetie. I am not mad at you."
(Parker unbuckles his seat belt and climbs out of the car.)
Lynette: "What are you doing?"
(Parker opens the other passenger door, then slams it.)
Parker: "We don't want donuts."
(Parker goes back into the house. Lynette puts her head on the steering wheel and sighs.)
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[Bree's House]
(Bree is folding laundry when Andrew comes in wearing a ripped T-shirt.)
Bree: "Andrew! You are not leaving the house dressed like that."
Andrew: "I'm, I'm just gonna meet some of the guys at the swim club."
Bree: "I don't care. Here, put this on. Every time you leave this house, you represent this family. And the least you can do is not humiliate us."
(Andrew removes the ripped shirt and puts on the shirt Bree hands him.)
Andrew: "A ripped T-shirt is just a look."
Bree: "Yes. A bad one. I hope you haven't made plans for tomorrow night."
Andrew: "Look, if you think I'm having dinner with the pharmacist, you're crazy."
Bree: "Part of the reason I'm having him over is so that you can get to know him."
Andrew: "Yeah, well, I don't want to get to know him."
Bree: "Honey, the feelings that you're having are perfectly normal, but George isn't trying to take your father's place. He's, well, he's just a friend."
Andrew: "Really? Just a friend? So you're not planning on getting more serious with this guy in the future?"
Bree: "You know, I haven't even thought about it."
Andrew: "You're so transparent, it's pathetic. You're worried about a ripped T-shirt humiliating this family? Wait 'till people see that you're dating the town nerd less than a month after your husband's funeral."
Bree: "I'll be serving dinner tomorrow at seven. Please don't be late."
Andrew: "Sorry, but, I already have plans."
Bree: "Andrew, don't you have a meet at the swim club?"
Andrew: "Yeah. So?"
Bree: "Doesn't it require a large entrance fee? One that you can't afford by yourself?"
Andrew: "Are you blackmailing me into coming to dinner?"
Bree: "Oh, you don't know the lengths I'd go to for even seating."
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[Wisteria Lane -Daytime]
(Susan is putting up a "missing" flier of Zach on a tree. Edie approaches wearing a bright pink cast on her leg.)
Edie: "Mayer! Is this yours?"
(She holds up the flier.)
Edie: "It blew into my front yard."
Susan: "Oh, sorry. I'm helping Mike find Zach. You know, so we can all rest easy at night."
Edie: "Uh huh. And put him in jail? Oh, I don't think Mike would do that to his own son."
Susan: "You know?"
Edie: "That Mike's Zach's real father? Yes. Julie told Karl, Karl told me and I sent out a few e-mails."
Susan: "Well, thanks for your discretion."
Edie: "Boy. You would do anything to get Mike Delfino to love you. So what's gonna happen to little creepy when he gets here? Are you gonna be tucking him in at night? Making him breakfast in the morning? Careful to bob and weave as he tries to blow your head off?"
Susan: "You know, Edie, could you just back off? I mean the truth is we're probably never gonna find Zach, anyway. It's a needle in a haystack."
Edie: "Oh, I see, and then you'll still come off as little Miss Perfect self-sacrificing girlfriend. Putting his needs ahead of yours. Oh, why you conniving little shrew. I don't know why we're not closer."
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[David Bradley's Law Office]
Mary Alice Voiceover:"There was a reason David Bradley was the most successful lawyer in all of Fairview."
(Flashback - David is sitting across the desk from an attractive blond.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"His arguments were persuasive."
David: "No one ever has to know."
(He grabs the blond and begins kissing her.)
(Flashback -He pushes a brunette against the wall and begins kissing her.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"His manner was forceful."
David: "Take it off. Take it off."
(Flashback -His office door opens. Another woman comes out wearing a skimpy dress.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"And he tended to win on appeal."
David: "Please."
(He begins kissing woman #3.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"And when it came to the more challenging cases-"
(Present time. Gabrielle is sitting across from David while he looks through Carlos' file.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"He knew it was to his advantage to raise the first objection."
David: "I'm not gonna take your case."
Gabrielle: "What?"
(The intercom beeps.)
David: "Yes?"
Secretary: "Sorry to interrupt, Mr. Bradley. Your dinner just cancelled. Did you want me to pull your reservation?"
David: "No, I still have to eat!" (to Gabrielle) "I'm sorry. Where were we?"
Gabrielle: "You were about to turn me down, then you reconsidered once you realized I was gonna throw a ton of money at you. Which I am."
David: "Ah. It's not about the money for me anymore, Mrs. Solis. The fact is if I don't feel passionately about a client, if I don't feel that fire in my belly, I don't bring my A game to court. And from what I've read, it will take my A game to save your husband."
Gabrielle: "Is this about the gay bashing thing? He's innocent."
David: "He went berserk and attacked a man in court."
Gabrielle: "Yeah, but that was a jealously thing. The man that my husband was trying to kill in court is not the least bit gay. Trust me."
David: "Your file also says you're seeking conjugal visits. Trying to keep the old marriage alive, huh?"
Gabrielle: "Why does everybody have a problem with me having sex with my husband?"
David: "Can I be frank?"
Gabrielle: "Only if it ends with me getting what I want."
David: "Your marriage is doomed. "
Gabrielle: "Excuse me?"
David: "I've been doing this for a long time, Mrs. Solis. I know what incarceration can do to a relationship. Marriage is hard enough, but when you throw in cement walls and armed guards, iron bars, it tends to go downhill rather quickly. Conjugal visits, not withstanding."
Gabrielle: "But, I-"
David: "Listen. You want my advice? Walk away. You're young. You made a mistake. Learn from it. Maybe next time you'll marry smarter. If you'll excuse me, I have dinner reservations."
Gabrielle: "Reservation! You're eating alone, remember? And I have a feeling it's not the first time!"
(Gabrielle grabs the file and walks out. David smiles as she leaves.)
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[Parker's School-Headmasters's Office]
Lynette: "I'm so sorry I couldn't get here sooner. I forgot my husband had to take our youngest to the pediatrician..."
Headmaster Lentz: "It's all right, Mrs. Scavo."
Lynette: "So, what did Parker do?"
Mrs. Truesdale: "Are you aware that your son has an imaginary friend? Mrs. Mulberry?"
Lynette: "Yes. We've met."
Mrs. Truesdale: "Well, um, yesterday Parker demanded that Mrs. Mulberry get her own easel during art, which was fine. But today it was a desk, and unfortunately we didn't have an extra desk."
Lynette: "Oh. That must have been ugly."
Patty: "It was."
Mrs. Truesdale: "Patty was rammed with this."
(She passes over the umbrella.)
Lynette: "Oh, I am so sorry."
Headmaster Lentz: "Mrs. Scavo. Have you experienced a death in your family recently?"
Lynette: "No. No. Why?"
Mrs. Truesdale: "Imaginary friends are often created as a coping mechanism, to deal with loss."
Lynette: "Uh huh."
Headmaster Lentz: "Or it might occur as a result of some major change or extensive alteration in their lives."
Mrs. Truesdale: "Exactly. A manifestation of some deep-seated unhappiness. Can you think of anything that might shed a little bit of light on this for us?"
(Lynette begins to cry.)
Headmaster Lentz: "Mrs. Scavo?"
(Lynette cries louder. Patty hands a tissue box to the Mrs. Truesdale, who hands it to Headmaster Lentz, who hands it to Lynette.)
Lynette: "Thank you."
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[Bree's House]
(Bree clears the table from dinner as George and Andrew sit across from each other at the dining room table.)
George: "And I'm thinking it's the Golden Gate bridge. What a great place to get a picture of the sunset. So I lean out, way over the rail to get the shot. Next thing I know, the arrived. People had called nine-one-one from their cell phones. Thought I was suicidal."
(George laughs. Andrew, sitting across from him, also laughs. Bree seems pleased. She carries plates into the kitchen, where Danielle is washing dishes.)
Bree: "I can't believe how well those two are getting along."
Danielle: "Yeah. It's freaky."
Bree: "Andrew is being polite and engaging. He's even laughing at George's jokes."
Danielle: "That's why it's freaky. George's jokes aren't funny."
(In the dining room, George and Andrew are still laughing.)
Andrew: "So, George. Can I ask you a question? It's kinda personal."
George: "Sure."
Andrew: "Have you ever actually been with a woman?"
George: "Excuse me?"
Andrew: "Well, let's be honest. I think it's obvious by the way that you talk and act that you're not a player. So, I was just curious to find out if you had ever actually gotten in the game."
George: "My experience with women is none of your business."
Andrew: "I think it is. I mean, you're dating my mom. And we both know that at your age, dating's a little more than just holding hands."
George: "We're not dating, exactly."
Andrew: "Well, sure you are. And you know what? I think it's great, but I want to make sure my mom's happy, you know and it would really set my mind at ease to know she's with a guy who knows how to please a lady."
George: "This is inappropriate."
Andrew: "You know, my parents had a great sex life. Yeah, I heard 'em through the wall in my bedroom once."
George: "Please shut up."
Andrew: "You should have heard my mom too. She had this, this weird moan. It was kinda like 'ummm, uh!' Isn't that bizarre? That's the sound my mom makes when she climaxes."
(George stares at Andrew. Bree and Danielle enter the room, carrying dessert.)
Bree: "Okay, time for cobbler. Sorry, one of the dessert plates doesn't match. I tried to replace it but it's Spode Florence. It's a rare pattern. Belonged to my grandmother, but hopefully, once you taste the dessert, you'll forget all about it."
George: "I'm not hungry."
Bree: "George, you have to have this. It's absolutely scrumptious." (Bree takes a bite) "Ummm, ummm!"
(Andrew mouths "That's it" to George while pointing to his mother. George jumps up and slams his hand on the table.)
George: "Go to your room!"
Bree: "George."
George: "You heard me. Go to your room."
Andrew: "Mr. Williams, what's wrong? Did I say something wrong?"
George: "Bree, please back me up."
Bree: "Well. What did he say?"
George: "I can't say. It's too sordid, but he said it! Are you gonna back me up or what?"
Bree: "George, I can't allow you to discipline my child if you won't even tell me what he did."
(George stares at Andrew, who smiles slightly. George storms out of the house.)
Bree: "George! George!"
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[Gabrielle's House]
(Gabrielle enters the kitchen, carrying shopping bags. She pushes the button on the answering machine.)
David: (on machine) "Mrs. Solis. David Bradley. Look I feel really bad about the tone of our meeting so to make up for it, I'm gonna do you a favor. The more I think of it, the more I'm convinced your marriage is a train wreck, the gnarly type, you know, mass casualties. Anyway, I'm passing on the name of a divorce lawyer. K-"
(Gabrielle hits the "off" button, hard.)
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[David Bradley's Law Office]
(Gabrielle storms in.)
Gabrielle: "You have some nerve, leaving that message on my machine."
David: "You realize this is entirely inappropriate."
Gabrielle: "I will tell you what is inappropriate. You making sweeping assumptions about the state of my marriage."
David: "Care for a drink?"
Gabrielle: "No. I like to keep a clear head when I'm telling people off. What makes you think you know anything about me or my husband?"
David: "Well, your husband's record speaks for itself. But you, I'd rely on my instincts."
Gabrielle: "Would those be the same instincts that picked out that cologne?"
David: "You're privileged. You're pampered. You're spoiled. You want what you want, when you want it. You want excitement. A quickie every five months in a prison trailer isn't gonna scratch that itch."
Gabrielle: "With all due respect, I will decide for myself what needs to be scratched and when."
David: "Mrs. Solis, you are a beautiful, desirable woman. Your husband is a dimwit. A corrupt violent criminal. You could do so much better."
Gabrielle: "Are you hitting on me?"
David: "What would you say if I were?"
Gabrielle: "I'd say I'm pregnant!"
David: "So, I see you're stuck."
Gabrielle: "I'm not stuck, Mr. Bradley. Believe it or not, I love my husband."
David: "I charge seven hundred dollars an hour plus Xeroxing."
Gabrielle: "I'll pay you six and I expect a conjugal visit tomorrow by noon."
David: "Aren't you demanding?"
Gabrielle: "Like you said. I want what I want when I want it."
(She walks out of the office.)
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[Fairview Memorial Park - Daytime]
(Mike and Susan are walking through the park, holding fliers.)
Mike: "So, a woman I talked to in Social Service said a lot of runaways hang out here. What?"
Susan: "I'm just happy to be spending the day with you."
Mike: "At homeless shelters and bus stations? I'm gonna go ask these guys if they've seen Zach. I think we'll cover more ground if we split up."
Susan: "Okay."
(Mike kisses Susan before he walks away.)
Mike: "Thanks."
(Susan walks around by herself, handing out fliers to people she passes.)
Susan: "Have you seen this boy? Hey, missing kid. Anyone? Going once, going twice..."
(At an ice cream stand, Susan takes two sundaes, holding one in each hand. She gestures to the fliers.)
Susan: "Oh. Do you mind keeping those and pass them out when people get their ice cream?"
Ice Cream Vendor: "Huh."
Susan: "What?"
Ice Cream Vendor: "Well, isn't that him?"
(He points to a nearby bench.)
Ice Cream Vendor: "Over there."
(Susan sees Zach sitting on the bench.)
Susan: "Oh. Zach. Zach!"
(Susan runs to Zach, still holding the ice cream. Zach sees her and takes off running.)
Susan: "Whoa. No, no no. No, no no, oh. Don't, don't, don't. Don't, don't, Zach, don't run away. Wait! Come on, just, would you just get back here? Come on really, just, let's just talk."
(Susan chases after Zach, as the ice cream drips all over her.)
Susan: "Damn it, Zach. It's enough already."
(Zach is cornered and picks up a plank of wood and holds it up toward Susan. Susan tosses the ice cream and runs away.)
(Mike is standing by a statue, looking around. Susan comes running up, looking behind her. She is a mess, covered in ice cream and fudge sauce.)
Mike: "Nobody here has seen Zach. But theress a halfway house on the west side I want to check out. Are you okay?"
Susan: "I got you some ice cream."
Mike: "You did?"
Susan: "But then I got hungry."
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[Bree's House]
(Susan, Gabrielle, and Bree stand in the kitchen.)
Susan: "So then I just threw my ice cream at him and ran. Well, somebody say something."
Gabrielle: "Thank God you were in flats."
Bree: "I'm still recovering from Mike is Zach's real father."
Susan: "I should have told Mike I saw Zach. I'm a horrible person, right?"
Gabrielle: "No, Susan, come on. Zach attacked Felicia. He, he blew up your kitchen. Evidently he tried to kill Mike. We can all agree this kid's a freak!"
Susan: "What do you think, Bree?"
Bree: "Well, I think given everything that's happened, um, it's perfectly justified that you'd be frightened of Zach."
Susan: "But-"

Bree: "But, Zach is Mary Alice's son. He grew up playing in our yards. If he has any hope of surviving, I have to believe he's better off here than on the street."
(Susan nods.)
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[Lynette's House]
(Tom and Lynette are doing dishes together.)
Lynette: "I couldn't have imagined how much going back to work would upset Parker."
Tom: "Look, he's gonna be fine. He's just gotta get used to daddy providing all the love. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I am kidding. Kids are resilient. He will adapt."
Lynette: "Tom, he attacked a teacher with an umbrella."
Tom: "It was a poke. He poked her."
Lynette: "I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't be working."
Tom: "The kids would certainly benefit from having two stay-at-home parents, although buying food might become an issue."
Lynette: "Maybe I can change my work schedule. Try to get some flex time."
Tom: "Would Nina go for that?"
Lynette: "No! No, no, no, no, no! It would help if you came up with some ideas."
Tom: "How about hugs?"
Lynette: "Hugs?"
Tom: "Yeah. read about in one of those family magazines that kids are supposed to get, like, ten hugs a day. It makes them feel more secure. I say pile on the hugs."
Lynette: "That'll fix everything? Hugs?"
Tom: "Yeah. Come here. Come here. Hi."
Lynette: "Hi."
Tom (hugging Lynette): "It's working, isn't it?"
Lynette: "Shut up."
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[Lynette's House - Parker's Room]
(Parker is sitting in his bed, reading by flashlight under an open umbrella. Lynette enters.)
Lynette: "Hey, buddy. You busy?"
Parker: "Yes. Mrs. Mulberry is reading to me."
Lynette: "Well, isn't she nice. It's time for bed, so I'm gonna tuck you in, okay?"
(Lynette closes the book and takes the umbrella.)
Parker: "No!"
(Lynette closes the umbrella and sits next to Parker.)
Lynette: "I know things have been hard for you since I started back to work, but it is just as hard for me to be away from you. And, you just have to remember that even when I'm not around, my love for you is real. You may not be able to see it, but it's not imaginary like Mrs. Mulberry. It's real. Okay, honey?"
Parker: "Mrs. Mulberry is real. She said you're a liar."
Lynette: "Parker!"
(Parker pulls the sheet over his head. Lynette pulls it down.)
Lynette: "Parker."
Parker: "We're reading."
(He pulls the sheet back over him.)
(Lynette pats Parker's head and walks out.)
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[Fairview Memorial Park -Daytime]
(Bree and George are having a picnic at a picnic table.)
George: "I don't understand. Why can't we see each other anymore?"
Bree: "Because. Ever since I found out what Andrew said, I've been doing some soul searching and I realize that everything that's happened is completely my fault."
George: "Oh no. That's, that's ridiculous."
Bree: "No, it's not. All the things that Andrew's been saying, the way he's been acting, it's all connected to his father's death and it's clear to me that I need to spend more time focusing on him and his needs."
George: "You know, you're right. You do need to focus on Andrew."
Bree: "Thank you, George, for being so understanding."
George: "Of course. So have you thought about counseling? That place you sent him to, that behavioral modification camp. He got counseling there, right?"
Bree: "But I only sent him there because his behavior at the time was so completely out of bounds."
George: "You don't think that what he said to me was out of bounds?"
Bree: "I just think if I spend a lot of time with him, it'll really help."
George: "Why not do both? Let him spend a few months with some caring professionals, then bring him home."
Bree: "What he said to you was horribly rude. That camp, it's extreme and unless I felt like Andrew was getting really out of control, then-"
George: "Well, let's hope it doesn't come to that. You know, in spite of everything that's happened, I really like Andrew."
Bree: "Oh George, really?"
George: "Yeah. Truth is, he reminds me of me."
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[Fairview County Jail Conjugal Visit Trailer]
Guard: "Conjugal visit rules are you got forty-five minutes.We call every fifteen minutes to make sure you're still here.You understand?"
Gabrielle: "Yes, we got it. Uh, we interrupt our lovemaking to answer the phone or you call out the dogs."
(Gabrielle pushes the guard out of the trailer. She turns toward Carlos.)
Gabrielle: "I'm ready whenever you-"
(Carlos is already in his underwear.)
Gabrielle: "Obviously are."
(Gabrielle jumps into Carlos' arms. They fall on the bed and begin kissing.)
(Later, clothes are strewn all over the floor. Carlos and Gabrielle in bed.)
Gabrielle: "Carlos, are we gonna make it?"
Carlos: "We just did. You wanna go again?"
Gabrielle: "No. I'm talking about us. Our relationship, our marriage. Carlos, you're gonna be a father. When you get out of here, you're gonna need to get a job and make an honest living, for me and our child."
Carlos: "Babe, I've learned my lesson. Okay, when I get out of here, everything's gonna be different. We're gonna start over with a new life, and a great family and nothing is gonna get in the way of that. Hey, so you never told me. How's the new lawyer? Do you like him?"
(The phone rings. Carlos reaches over and answers.)
Carlos: "Yeah. Yeah, I'm still here."
Gabrielle: "Okay, enough chit chat. We only have thirty minutes left and I want to make the most of it."
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[Fairview Memorial Park]
(Susan is wandering around the park. She sees Zach sitting on a bench. Zach's foot is bandaged. He picks at the bandage before looking up to see Susan approaching. )
Susan: "Okay, please, please don't run."
Zach: "I can't. I hurt my foot."
Susan: "How?"
Zach: "I landed on it funny when I was running away from you. What do you want?"
Susan: "Just to talk to you."
Zach: "Why?"
Susan: "Because, I have a lot of things to say so you can just listen. I'll buy you some food. When was the last time you ate?"
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[Restaurant]
(Zach is eating.)
Zach: "My dad's alive? Where is he?"
Susan: "I don't know. He, he disappeared."
Zach: "But Mike did not kill him? He's alive, you swear?"
Susan: "I swear."
Zach: "Maybe he went to Utah. I mean he used to have a life there. Before me. I don't know, I just need to get some money to find him."
Susan: "Zach, you know what I think? I think you should come back with me."
Zach: "Why?"
Susan: "Because there are still people at home who care about you and there's things that you need to know."
Zach: "Like what?"
Susan: "Well, I can't tell you. You know, you messed up a lot of people's lives. You can't run away from that."
Zach: "Do you mean Julie?"
Susan: "What?"
Zach: "I know that I messed up her life but I didn't mean to. I really miss her out here. I think about her all the time."
Susan: "Yeah, well, Julie's a really special girl."
Zach: "Has she said anything about me? Because if she has, then I might still have a chance with her. If I come back with you, then I could make it up to her."
Susan: "Do you know what I think? I think you were right. I think you should try to find your father first."
Zach: "Yeah?"
Susan: "Yeah. Now that you know he's okay, you should go to him. He'll want to take care of you. That's what parents do. Let me help. How much money do you think you'll need to get to Utah?"
(Susan opens her purse.)
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[Lynette's House - Nighttime]
(Lynette is lying in bed, awake. She gets up and goes into Parker's room. He is sleeping and his umbrella has fallen to the floor. Lynette strokes Parker's head, then grabs the umbrella.)
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[Outside Lynette's House]
(Lynette goes to the trash can. She opens it and jams the umbrella inside.)
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[Wisteria Lane-Daytime]
(The garbage truck is stopped in front of the Scavo house. The worker picks up the can containing the umbrella and dumps it inside the trash truck. He jumps on the side of the truck and it takes off. As it pulls away, the umbrella falls out of the truck, onto the street, and opens.)
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[Lynette's House]
(In the kitchen, Tom is reading the paper at the table while Lynette sorts through work papers. Parker runs downstairs.)
Parker: "Daddy. I can't find Mrs. Mulberry's umbrella. Where is it?"
Tom: "Well, I don't know, sport. Honey, have you seen the umbrella?"
Lynette: "No, can't say that I have."
Tom: "Okay, listen, don't worry about it. I'm sure Mrs. Mulberry is around here somewhere."
Lynette: "Or, uh, maybe she's not. She could have left. You know. Maybe she had some other little boy that she needed to help."
Parker: "Like who?"
Lynette: "I don't know. It could be a little boy in, uh, England named Spencer."
Tom: "Lynette?"
Lynette: "I mean this is conjecture on my part, but it is possible that someone like little Spencer needs Mrs. Mulberry more 'cause he doesn't have a daddy and a mommy who love him. Yeah, that's it. He's an orphan with no hands. Okay?"
(Parker nods.)
Lynette: "You're so sweet. Come here. I love you. You all right? Go get dressed."
(Parker runs upstairs.)
Tom: "What have you done to Mrs. Mulberry?"
Lynette: "Until there's a body, there's no evidence of a crime."
(Later, Parker, Lynette, and Tom walk out the front door. Parker sees the open umbrella in the street.)
Parker: "Mrs. Mulberry! She's back."
Lynette: "Oh. Goodie!"
Parker: "Mrs. Mulberry's back."
(Just then, the garbage truck drives by and runs over the umbrella. Parker runs out to the crushed umbrella. He turns and grabs Lynette and cries on her.)
Lynette: "Oh."
Parker: "She got run over. She's dead."
Lynette: "Oh. Don't you worry. I'm here."
Tom: "Maybe it's okay, buddy. Maybe we can call nine-one-one."
Lynette: "No, Tom. She's gone."
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[Swim Meet]
(Andrew is getting ready to race. He waves to Bree, sitting on the side. He sees George approaching Bree with a gift bag. Andrew watches as George finds Bree and sits next to her.)
Announcer: "Swimmers, take your mark."
Bree: "George, what are you doing here?"
George: "Don't worry, Bree, I'll be quick. I thought about what you said and you're right. Andrew needs his space."
Bree: "Thank you, George."
George: "It's best that I stay away and I completely understand if you want to change pharmacists, but I did want to give you a little goodbye gift."
Bree: "Oh."
(A starter pistol fires and the swimmers begin racing.)
(Bree opens the box and pulls out a plate.)
Bree: "George, it's my pattern. Where did you find it?"
George: "I got lucky at an online auction."
(Andrew, swimming in the race, is distracted as he watches Bree and George.)
Bree: "I love it. Thank you."
(Bree hugs George, who begins to kiss her neck. Bree tries to pull back.)
Bree: "George."
(Andrew stops swimming when he sees George kissing his mother. George looks over at Andrew.)
(Bree pushes against George.)
Bree: "George. George. George!"
(Andrew swims across the swimming lanes and climbs out of the pool. George and Bree see him.)
Bree: "Andrew, what are you doing?"
(Andrew jumps on George and begins punching him in the face.)
Bree: "Andrew! Andrew!"
(George stands up, trying to get away and Andrew jumps on his back.)
George: "You crazy-"
Bree: "Stop it!"
(The coach comes over and pulls Andrew off. Bree helps George into a chair.)
Andrew: "Did you see it? He was kissing her!"
Bree (to George): "Oh my God. You're bleeding."
Andrew: "That freak was kissing her!"
Coach: "I don't care. You gotta calm down now!"
(George looks over at Andrew with the hint of a smile on his face.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bree's House]
(In his room, Andrew is packing a suitcase. He places a picture of Rex in his bag as Bree watches.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"The world is filled with good fathers. How do we recognize them? They're the ones who are missed so terribly that everything falls apart in their absence."
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[Fairview County Jail Conjugal Visit Trailer]
(Gabrielle is asleep and Carlos is watching her. He places a hand gently on her stomach.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"They're the ones who love us, long before we've even arrived."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Wisteria Lane-Nighttime]
(Mike is walking his dog and finds a flyer of Zach on the ground.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"They're the ones who come looking for us when we can't find our way home."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Lynette's House -Nighttime]
(Tom walks in the bedroom to find Lynette sobbing in bed.)
Tom: "Hey, what's wrong?"
Lynette: "Because of me, my son's imaginary friend got crushed by a garbage truck. I am the worst person in the world."
(Tom puts his arm around Lynette.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Yes, the world is filled with good fathers."
Tom: "Honey, he is gonna get over this in no time. Trust me. And one day, when he is all grown up, you and Parker are gonna laugh hysterically about this."
Lynette: "You really think so? Really?"
Mary Alice Voiceover:"And the best are the ones who make the women in their lives-"
Tom: "I promise."
(He kisses her forehead and hugs her.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"-feel like good mothers."




~ The End ~

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/http://desperatehousewives.ahaava.com/Jenniferdhbg1024x768.jpg/


Desperate Housewives
Episode 02.05 - They Asked Me Why I Believe In You
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mary Alice Voiceover: Previously on "desperate housewives"...
Bree:The dug up your father today.They think that somebody was poisoning him.Apparently,I'm a suspect.
Mary Alice Voiceover:Bree felt threatened by the past.
Carlos:Get the damn lawyer.
Gabrielle:Are you hitting on me?
Mary Alice Voiceover:Gabrielle was threatened by seduction.
Zacho you mean Julie?If I come back with you,then I can make it up to her.
Susan:You should find your father first. Let me help.
Mary Alice Voiceover:And while some threats...were kept under control...
Paul:Let's get this over with.
Mary Alice Voiceover:Some were left free to return.
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[Advertising Agency]
(Lynette and two co-workers are pitching an ad campaign to Nina.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Since her first day on the job, it had been clear to Lynette Scavo that her new boss, Nina, was unusually tense."
(Nina, watching the presentation, does not look happy. Lynette sees Nina is holding a pencil tightly then suddenly snaps the pencil in half.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"To help relieve her tension, Lynette tried giving her boss thoughtful gifts."
(Flashback-Lynette walks into Nina's office and places a wave machine on her desk as Nina rubs the back of her neck.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"A soothing wave machine-"
(Flashback -Lynette walks into Nina's office with a basket of candles and oils. Nina is exercising her jaw. )
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Aromatherapy candles-"
(Flashback -Lynette walks into Nina's office and places two Chi balls on her desk.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Even meditative Chi balls."
(Present -Nina continues to watch the pitch.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"But nothing seemed to ease Nina's tension."
Nina: "Distilled the old-fashioned way? Do you know, it actually hurts my teeth to say that out loud."
(She grabs the pitch sign out of their hands.)
Nina: "You folks are going to toddle back to your little holes and you are gonna come up with a decent slogan or I will can all your asses the old-fashioned way!"
(She rips the sign in half.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Until one day, when it occurred to Lynette there was one form of relaxation she had yet to try."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[O'Donnell's Bar]
(Nina and Lynette are sitting in a noisy bar. The waiter puts two drinks on the table in front of them.)
Lynette: "It's a gimlet. You'll love it."
Nina: "What exactly is your plan here? To get me all liquored up so I'd buy the revised pitch?"
Lynette: "Don't be ridiculous. Could we get a trough of these, please?"
Nina: "I can't remember the last time I was in a bar. Must have been the last time I had a boyfriend, which was-oh god, I'm a nun."
Lynette: "So why don't you go out and get in the game?"
Nina: "Believe it or not, when it comes to meeting men, I am shy."
Lynette: "Well, I'm not. So, uh, what about that guy over there? He's been checking you out since we walked in."
Nina: "He's cute."
Lynette: "So, go over there."
Nina: "No."
Lynette: "Oh, for god's sakes."
(Lynette gets up and walks away from the table.)
Nina: "Where are you going? Lynette. Sit!"
(Lynette walks up to the guy she pointed out.)
Lynette: "Hey, Stretch. See my friend over there? She thinks you're cute."
(The guy looks over at Nina, who waves shyly.)
Lynette: "Why don't you buy her a drink?"
(The guy smiles and nods.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Advertising Agency-Daytime]
(Lynette walks through a busy office. The elevator door opens and a disheveled Nina strolls in, carrying a coffee cup.)
Nina: "Hey, everyone. Hi. Oh, it's a beautiful morning, isn't it?"
(The receptionist hands some messages to Nina.)
Nina: "Thank you, sweetie. Oh, hey, Lynette. I read the new mock-up proposal. Oh, you guys hit it out of the park!"
Lynette: "Wow."
Nina: "I like that color."
Lynette: "Thanks. Hey, Nina."
Nina: "Yeah?"
Mary Alice Voiceover:"And although it had come about in a unexpected manner..."
Lynette: "Are those the same clothes you were wearing last night in the bar?"
Nina: "Yep!"
Mary Alice Voiceover:"...Nina's tension had finally been released, the old-fashioned way!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Opening Credits
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Wisteria Lane - Daytime]
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Everyone in this world needs someone they can depend upon."
(A home care worker is helping an elderly woman down the steps.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Be it a faithful companion."
(Two woman friends are talking.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Trusted confidant."
(A young boy is sitting on the lawn petting his dog.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Or loyal friend."
(Lonnie Moon pulls his car into Susan's driveway.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"For Susan Mayer, that dependable someone was her book agent, Lonnie Moon. It was Lonnie who helped Susan promote her first children's book."
(Flashback-Susan at a party with lots of kids. Behind her is a sign which reads "Meet Susan Mayer, Author of 'Ants in My Picnic Basket'.")
Mary Alice Voiceover:"It was Lonnie who rushed Susan to the hospital the night Julie was born."
(Flashback-Lonnie is helping a pregnant Susan walk down the hall. He carries her suitcase, but it accidentally opens, spilling everything on the floor.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"It was Lonnie who took Susan's mind off her painful divorce with a fun vacation."
(Flashback -Susan and Lonnie, wearing sombreros, ride a donkey.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Yes, Lonnie was Susan's rock. Sadly for Susan, her rock was about to crumble."
(Present-Lonnie walks up to Susan's door. Susan sees him approaching and runs to the door. Her TV is on.)
TV Announcer: "For those of you just joining us, we have a new development on the Melanie Foster case. Earlier today..."
Susan: "Lonnie. What are you doing here?"
Lonnie: "It's past noon, which now means it is now socially acceptable to start drinking."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bar]
(Susan and Lonnie are drinking beers.)
Susan: "I can't believe I let you talk me into this. I am so behind in my work. But I'm glad I came. This is fun."
Lonnie: "I've gotta be honest. I had an ulterior motive."
Susan: "Oh?"
Lonnie: "I've decided to start my own agency."
Susan: "You're leaving Muir and Hunt? You helped build that place."
Lonnie: "I know, but I just feel it's time. And now the question is, will you come with me?"
Susan: "Well, of course."
Lonnie: "Okay. To the future."
(They clink glasses and drink.)
Susan: "I'll just call the agency and let them know I'm going with you."
Lonnie: "Oh, I don't think that necessary."
Susan: "Really? Ah, I think it might be rude not to. Lonnie, what's going on?"
Lonnie: "Okay. There's been some bad blood between me and the partners."
Susan: "Why?"
Lonnie: "I got into this thing where I had to move a little client money around temporarily to cover some expenses."
Susan: "You had to move money? What does that mean?"
Lonnie: "I took a little from here and I moved it there. It was no big deal."
Susan: "Really? 'Cause it sorta sounds like embezzlement."
Lonnie: "Why do people keep using that word?"
Susan: "Who else is using that word?"
Lonnie: "Nobody. The partners and their forensic accountants."
Susan: "Oh, my god. Lonnie, did you move some of my money?"
Lonnie: "Absolutely not! I swear! Susan, don't look at me that way. I know what I did was wrong and I feel like a complete idiot for doing it, but please, please don't hate me."
Susan: "Well, I don't hate you. I couldn't hate you. You're my Lonnie."
Lonnie: "So, will you still come with me?"
Susan: "You know what? This is one of those times when you find out who your real friends are, so yeah."
Lonnie: "Oh, thank you, thank you. You are one special lady, Susan Mayer."
(They hug.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Fairview County Jail Visiting Room]
(Carlos is looking at an ultrasound picture of the baby.)
Carlos: "Is that the baby's head?"
Gabrielle: "No, it's his foot."
Carlos: "That looks like a head to me."
Gabrielle: "Well, that settles it. When this baby's born, I'll be in charge of putting on the socks."
Carlos: "You're glowing today, you know that? Pregnancy agrees with you."
Gabrielle: "Yeah? Well, if you don't mind the hemorrhoids and the nausea, it's quite the party."
(Carlos grins. Gabrielle looks at her watch.)
Gabrielle: "I wonder where David is. He should have been here by now."
Carlos: "So this new lawyer is good?"
Gabrielle: "He's quite the shark. You're gonna love him. He hasn't lost a case in six years. He argued in front of the State Supreme Court and he made our conjugal visit happen pretty damn fast."
Carlos: "Well, hey, I'm a fan already."
(The door opens and David comes in.)
David: "Sorry I'm late."
Gabrielle: "Oh, David."
David: "Good to see you, Gabby. Carlos, I'm David."
(David leans over to shake Carlos' hand. Carlos notices that David has his hand on Gabrielle's shoulder and she is smiling up at him.)
Carlos: "I don't think so."
(He gets up and walks away.)
Gabrielle: "What the hell are you doing?"
Carlos: "That guy's not gonna be my lawyer. Find a new one."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Police Station]
(Bree is sitting in the detective's office with her attorney.)
Bree's Attorney: "You haven't filed a single charge. Either determine a homicide or release the body."
Detective 2: "We've got a court order which says until we're done with it, the corpse is ours."
Bree: "He is not a corpse. He is a man named Rex Van de Kamp. He was a loving husband, a devoted father, and a successful doctor. So successful, in fact, that he left me enough money to sue the city, this precinct, and you two gentlemen personally just for the fun of it."
Detective 2: "Mrs. Van de Kamp, we don't respond well to threats so if I were you-"
Detective Barton: "Release the body."
Detective 2: "What?"
Detective Barton: "The evidence we have is minimal, at best. Mrs. Van de Kamp was gracious enough to come down here and take that lie detector test. I think it's the least we can do for her."
Bree: "Thank you. So, uh, what will happen now?"
Detective 2: "Obviously, we will put Mr. Van de Kamp back just like we found him."
Bree: "Yes, and I'm sure you will bury him with all the dignity of a dead hamster. No, I want Rex released to me and I will make all the arrangements."
Detective 2: "Fine."
Bree's Attorney: "And of course, you'll be paying all the costs."
Detective Barton: "Of course."
Bree: "Detective Barton, you are clearly a gentleman."
(Bree looks down at the other detective and walks out of the room with her attorney.)
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[Advertising Agency]
(Employees are watching a TV tuned to the news.)
Female Reporter: "People have gathered at Attenborough High School where Melanie attended the past-"
(Lynette is on the phone in the other room.)
Lynette: "No, it's fine, I'll pick it up on my way home. So, what do you want?"
(She begins to gather all of her stuff together, then walks out of her office.)
Lynette: "Oh, Parker hates pepperoni. How about sausage? Yeah. And a small cheese. Okay, perfect. Love you."
(Nina comes up to Lynette.)
Nina: "Hey, you."
Lynette: "Hey."
Nina: "You want to hit O'Donnell's? I owe you a beer. Actually, I owe you so much more than that."
Lynette: "You're welcome, but I really need to get home."
Nina: "No, come on. I had such a good time last night."
Lynette: "Um, why don't you ask Trudy? She loves going out."
Nina: "Trudy? Are you kidding? I don't need the competition. Have you seen Trudy without her jacket. She's hot!"
Lynette: "Oh, is she now?"
Nina: "I didn't mean that you're not hot. It's just, you're married."
Lynette: "Ah."
Nina: "You know, you're off the market. I don't have to worry about fighting you for guys. Come on, Lynette, just one quick little drink. I was actually starting to think that you and I were becoming pals."
Lynette: "Pals? 'Cause sometimes it's hard to tell. You know I wasn't feeling the love today when you mocked my campaign in front of the clients."
Nina: "That was just putting on a show for work. In the future, always assume that I am winking, inside. Come on, I hate to go to a bar alone. I feel like such a loser. "
Lynette: "Okay. One drink."
Nina: "Yeah! One or two."
Lynette: "No."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Betty Applewhite's House]

(Betty is sorting through her mail on her front porch. She holds a package that was delivered to her house, and sees it is addressed to Zach Young. She goes to the Young home where mail is stacked in boxes on the front porch. She puts the package into one of the boxes.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Edie's House]
(Edie is on crutches with a pink cast around one leg.)
(The TV is on with the volume turned down.)
Edie: "Thank you so much for bringing my mail over. You know, I, I have some of yours in the kitchen."
Betty: "Well, that's the fourth time.What's up with this postman?"
Edie: "Oh, I know. He used to be great. Then he had this stroke. Now we're lucky he doesn't drool on the coupons. But feel free to snoop around. Be right back."
(Edie leaves the room. Betty goes over to the TV. She sees on the screen "Breaking News-Arrest in Foster Case." The reporter is standing in front of a station. She turns the volume up quickly.)
TV Reporter: "Possible. Now for those of you just joining us, families in Chicago breathed a sigh of relief today as an arrest was finally made in the brutal attack of local high school student, Melanie Foster."
(On the screen, are taking a young black man out of the car into the station.)
TV Reporter: "Word of the suspect's capture comes as small comfort to the Foster family-"
Edie: "Betty?"
(Edie enters the room to see that Betty has left. The TV volume is still turned up.)
TV Reporter: "The Fosters lost their seventeen-year-old daughter almost four months ago."
Edie: "Betty?"
TV Reporter: "The body was found in a local park less than a mile from Attenborough High."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Betty's House]
(Betty rushes into her house. As she enters, she hears the TV reporter on the TV.)
Betty: "Did you see the news? They've arrested somebody."
Matthew: "Yeah. Looks like we're in the clear."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bree's House]
(Bree, Gabrielle, Susan, and Edie are playing cards in the dining room.)
Bree: "Well, I have some good news. The are finally releasing Rex's body."
Gabrielle: "About time."
Susan: "You must be so relieved."
Bree: "You know, mostly I'm annoyed that the whole thing happened in the first place. I mean how in the world can anyone accuse me of murder?"
Edie: "Well, you are wound pretty tight. What? The super mom is always the first to snap. They've done studies."
Bree: "Anyway, I was hoping that you were all free Friday morning because that's when I'll be hosting the re-burial."
Gabrielle: "The what?"
Bree: "Look, I know it's an imposition, but Danielle is away on a class trip and Andrew is back at Camp Hennessey for a little refresher course. Well, it's just gonna be a very brief and, and dignified ceremony and I was hoping that you could say a few words and, um, I'm gonna read a poem."
Gabrielle: "We would love to come."
Susan: "Absolutely."
(Bree gets up and goes into the kitchen. Susan looks at Edie.)
Edie: "I'm busy. Sorry."
Susan (whispering): "Edie!"
Edie (whispering): "She's going to read a poem."
(Susan kicks Edie under the table as Bree comes back into the room.)
Edie: "Oww! Fine, yes, yes, we'd all love to come."
Bree: "Thank you. You don't know how much this means to me. I've realized looking back that I was still in shock during Rex's first funeral. I don't think it had quite hit me yet what had happened so that's why this small ceremony means so much to me. Because I realize now that this is the last chance I'm gonna have to say goodbye."
(Gabrielle takes Bree's hand.)
Edie: "Unless, of course, they dig him up again."
(The ladies all look at her.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Fairview County Jail]
(Inmates and their significant others are gathered in a circle with a chaplain overseeing a therapy session with inmates and their wives, including Carlos and Gabrielle.)
Bob: "Sure, there were times when Lisa was rude and obnoxious. But I know now that that was no excuse to always be beating on her. Oh, baby, I'm just so sorry."
(Bob and Lisa hug. The chaplain applauds and the others join in. Carlos and Gabrielle do not applaud.)
Chaplain: "Good job, you two. This is an example of how to use incarceration to your benefit. It's a chance for people to take a step back and observe the obstacles they face in their marriage."
Mona: "Can I go now? 'Cause I have a lot to say about the obstacles I'm facing in my marriage."
Lamar: "We don't got any obstacles."
Mona: "Yes we do, Lamar, we got big ones."
Chaplain: "Okay, hold on, you two. I think that it's Carlos and Gabrielle's turn."
Carlos: "Thanks, but we're good."
(Carlos puts his hand on Gabrielle's leg. Gabrielle pushes his hand away.)
Chaplain: "This is your third group session, but you have yet to share anything. Come on, talk to us. How's your marriage?"
Gabrielle: "Shaky at best."
Chaplain: "And why is that?"
Gabrielle: "I don't know. I hired a brilliant lawyer to get my husband out of this hellhole and he fired him. For no reason at all."
Chaplain: "Carlos?"
Carlos: "I just didn't like him."
Gabrielle: "Why not? He's experienced, he's intelligent, he's successful."
Carlos: "Exactly. I'd prefer an attorney you didn't find so damn appealing."
Gabrielle: "Oh my god. You fired him because you're jealous?"
Carlos: "Well, don't I have the right to? You know she cheated on me."
(Bob gasps loudly.)
Gabrielle: "Oh, Bob, you beat your wife. You are so not allowed to gasp."
Lisa: "Don't you talk that way to him."
Gabrielle: "One more word out of you, Lisa, and I will back hand you myself."
Chaplain: "Okay, calm down."
Carlos: "Thousands of fat, bald attorneys out there in the world and she's gotta get the one that looks like an underwear model."
Gabrielle: "I'm not discussing this anymore. You can rot in here for all I care."
(Everyone is quiet.)
Chaplain: "So, uh, Mona, what do you feel are the biggest problems in your marriage?"
Gabrielle: "By the way, he was wearing a suit. How do you know he had a good body?"
Carlos: "Do you know?"
Gabrielle: "No!"
Lamar: "I bet he's hot!"
(Everyone stares at Lamar.)
Mona: "Do I need to say what our biggest problem is, or can everybody figure it out for themselves?"
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[Susan's House]
(Susan and Julie are reading in the living room when Mike walks in.)
Mike: "Why are you reading that contract?"
Susan: "I told you. Lonnie wants me to sign with his new agency."
Mike: "But you didn't say you were seriously thinking about going with him?"
Susan: "I know. I know. It's just, Lonnie's family. You know he's always been there for me. He paid my rent when I was waiting for my first royalty check. He called me everyday when Karl left. I mean, I just owe him so much."
Mike: "Susan, he committed a felony."
Susan: "Okay, who in this room has not committed a felony, raise your hand. Ah, ah, ah. Not so fast."
Mike: "Your agent represents you. You gotta be able to trust him. How is that gonna be possible now?"
Susan: "Well, it's possible because I have faith in people. I mean, Lonnie knows he messed up and he's sorry. He's making restitution. What, you don't believe people deserve second chances?"
Mike: "Not when they messed up this much. No."
Susan: "Really? So that's it with you. You just get one shot and you screw up and you're out. I didn't know you were such a cynic."
Mike: "I'm sorry, all right? I guess it's just the way I'm wired. I've got a job over in Greenwood, so, I'll call you later tonight."
(Mike kisses Susan and leaves.)
Julie: "You okay?"
Susan: "Julie, I did something bad. Something really, really bad. Aren't you gonna ask me what it was?"
Julie: "Do I ever have to?"
Susan: "Last week, when Mike and I went to the park searching for Zach, I sort of found him."
Julie: "No!"
Susan: "Yes, and I gave him money and I sent him away and I didn't tell Mike."
Julie: "Holy crap! What are you gonna do?"
Susan: "I don't know. What would you do if this happened to you?"
Julie: "See, this would never happen to me. This kinda thing only happens to you."
Susan: "Will you stop judging and help me?"
Julie: "Well, obviously you're gonna have to tell him."
Susan: "Well, I can't do that. You heard what he said about his wiring. I betrayed him. He'll never forgive me."
Julie: "Okay. Don't tell him."
Susan: "Well, how can I not? I feel so guilty, I can barely look him in the eye when he talks about Zach."
Julie: "So, where do you think Zach went?"
Susan: "Utah. Oh lord. Why did I do this?"
Julie: "I have a feeling you did it for me."
(Susan nods.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Wisteria Lane - Daytime]
(A postman places a package in an white box marked US Mail on Paul Young's porch. The piled-up mail from before is no longer there.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Advertising Agency - Nighttime]
(Lynette is gathering her things. Nina walks in.)
Nina: "Hey, girl."
Lynette: "Hi."
Nina: "I hope you are in the mood for margaritas cause it is Salsa Night at O'Donnell's."
Lynette: "Oh, fun, but I can't go tonight because I promised the twins that I would help them finish their science project."
Nina: "Lynette. If the late hours are going to be an issue for you, we should probably talk about finding you a less demanding account."
Lynette: "You're gonna take me off Kamarov because I won't go drinking with you?"
Nina: "No. Oh, god, no. Honey, I get it. You have a family. Home has to come first for you."
Lynette: "Thank you."
Nina: "I mean, for me, the client comes first. Me being a perfectionist is my own neurotic issue and I know that I really need to work on that. But trust me. I will never sleep again if this campaign gets mucked up. I'll figure something out. You go home. Have a good night."
Lynette: "Nina."
Nina: "Yeah?"
Lynette: "I can handle the extra hours."
Nina: "Oh, Lynette. You sure?"
Lynette: "Yeah."
Nina: "I'll get my coat."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[O'Donnell's Bar]
Nina: "Wow, this place is rowdy after happy hour, huh?"
Lynette: "Yeah."
Nina: "Hey. Look at that guy. Right there. The end of the bar. The shoulders with the tan jacket."
Lynette: "Yeah?"
Nina: "Go get him for me."
(Nina pushes Lynette toward the guy.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Betty's House - Nighttime]
(Betty is sitting at the kitchen table, wearing cleaning gloves and writing a letter. A timer dings. Betty removes the gloves.)
(She walks down the dark stairs to the basement, carrying a tray with food. She opens the door. Caleb is sitting quietly on the cot.)
Betty: "Hey there."
(She places the tray in front of Caleb. He begins eating.)
Betty: "So, they're going on about Melanie Foster on the news. It's time we talked about her, Caleb. Until you start accepting responsibility for what happened, you know I can't let you out of here."
(In the kitchen, Matthew walks in and sees the letter Betty had been writing.)
Matthew (yelling): "What the hell is this? Mom! Where are you?"
Betty: "I'll be right back. And I will expect you to answer me."
Matthew: "Where are you?!"
(Betty closes the door to the basement. She pushes the lock, but it doesn't catch. She doesn't notice.)
Betty: "I'm coming! I'm coming!"
(In the kitchen, Betty meets up with Matthew.)
Matthew: "What were you gonna do with this?"
Betty: "Don't."
Matthew (reading the letter): "'I know who really killed Melanie Foster. You've arrested the wrong man.' What are you thinking?"
Betty: "The need to know the truth."
Matthew: "The hell they do! This is our chance!"
(In the basement, the door is pushed from inside. The lock uncatches. The door opens.)
(In the kitchen, Betty and Matthew are still talking.)
Betty: "I can't let an innocent man go to jail."
Matthew: "You want to do the right thing? Well, then call nine-one-one and tell them you got a killer locked up in the basement."
Betty: "He is not a killer. He was confused. He didn't know what he was doing."
Matthew: "He knows a lot more than you give him credit for."
Betty: "I'm mailing the letter."
(In the basement, Caleb comes out of the room and listens from the stairs.)
Matthew: "Do you realize what's gonna happen? Mom, are, are you thinking it through?"
Betty: "I'm mailing the letter."
Matthew: "If you do, you better hope to God they don't find us. 'Cause they're not gonna care how slow Caleb is. They'll just execute him."
(On the stairs, Caleb overhears them and slowly backs down the stairs, going back into the room, closing the door behind him.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Lonnie's House - Daytime]
(Susan walks in the unlocked front door.)
Susan: "Lonnie, are you here? It's Susan. Lonnie?"
Lonnie: "Susan? What are you doing here?"
Susan: "Well, I just came over to give you the contract. Your door was open."
Lonnie: "Oh. Great."

(The living room is filled with boxes and few pieces of furniture. Clothes are hung on the wall. Everything is in disarray.)
Lonnie: "Sorry the place is such a mess. I've been working here till we get the new offices painted. Wait till you see them, they're gonna be really beautiful."
(Susan looks into the kitchen, which is also a mess, with groceries all over the place.)
Susan: "Where's Jeannie?"
Lonnie: "She's with the kids up in Minnesota visiting her mom. They love it up there. Keep changing the date on dear old dad."
(Susan flips a light switch, but nothing happens.)
Susan: "There's no electricity."
Lonnie: "There isn't? Oh, I'm such a dummy. I've been, I've been so swamped I must have forgotten to pay the electric bill."
Susan: "Lonnie, how much financial trouble are you really in?"
Lonnie: "I'm fine."
(Lonnie sees the signed contract in Susan's hand.)
Lonnie: "You know what it is? I had to pay all those people back at the same time. Restitution plus interest. It's not something I recommend. It sucks you dry."
(Lonnie slowly tries to take the contract out of Susan's hand. Susan pulls it away.)
Susan: "I'm gonna ask you a question and I want you to tell me the truth. Did you steal from me?"
Lonnie: "Absolutely not!"
Susan: "Please don't lie. Just tell me."
Lonnie: "Is that what you want to hear? Do I have to say it so that we can move on?"
(Susan nods.)
Lonnie: "Fine. I did it. But yours was the first money I paid back so the slate's been wiped clean. Let's just move past it, Susie."
Susan: "I'm sorry. I just can't trust you anymore."
Lonnie: "Yes, you can!"
Susan: "No, I can't."
Lonnie: "You can."
Susan: "Can't."
Lonnie: "Give me the contract!"
Susan: "No!"
Lonnie: "Okay, okay. Fine."
(Lonnie grabs the contract out of Susan's hand and runs. Susan grabs him.)
Susan: "What are you doing? Are you trying to take me down with you?"
Lonnie: "I am not going down!"
(The both fall on the floor and begin wrestling for the contract.)
Lonnie: "My life is great. I have never been happier and I've never been fitter! Get off me, you Amazon!"
(Susan grabs the contract out of Lonnie's hand and falls back, breathing heavily.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Gabrielle's Porch - Daytime]
(Gabrielle is doing her yoga. David walks up.)
Gabrielle: "What are you doing here?"
David: "You left me a message. You said that you wanted to talk to me."
Gabrielle: "Yeah. I thought you'd schedule an appointment later. Right now, I'm, I'm sort of disgusting and sweaty."
David: "I'm a criminal lawyer. I've seen worse."
(He walks into her house. Gabrielle follows and closes the door.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Gabrielle's House - Interior]
David: "So did you find a new lawyer for Mr. Charming?"
Gabrielle: "I don't want a new lawyer. I want you. So does Carlos, he just doesn't realize it yet."
(He picks up a bottle of wine from the wine rack.)
David: "Nineteen eighty-eight Romane Conte Latosh. I'm impressed."
Gabrielle: "Look, to be honest, Carlos is a little threatened by you. He thinks if we spend too much time together that something might happen."
David: "Somebody's got an active imagination. Corkscrew?"
(She takes the wine from him.)
Gabrielle: "David, we're not here to drink wine, okay? This is business. Now you have to convince Carlos that he can trust you."
David: "How am I gonna do that?"
Gabrielle: "I don't know. Tell him you're happily married or gay!"
(He takes another bottle out of the rack.)
David: "Yeah, right."
Gabrielle: "You're a lawyer. You lie to juries all the time. Can't you just make something up?"
David: "I'm past the point in my career where I have to beg for work. I'm sorry."
(She takes the wine from him again.)
Gabrielle: "Okay, skip it. I'm holding my marriage together by my fingernails. If Carlos serves his full sentence, I don't think we're gonna make it. So please, I need you."
David: "I'll say this much for Carlos. He's got excellent taste-in wine. Momshashay. It's good stuff."
Gabrielle: "Are you gonna help me or not?"
David: "We'll go see Carlos tomorrow. I'll turn him around for you."
Gabrielle: "Really. What are you gonna say?"
David: "I'll play it by ear. I don't want to sound to over rehearsed."
(David picks up a bottle of wine and walks out.)
Gabrielle: "Hey, that's my wine!"
David: "Deduct it from my bill."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Lonnie's House - Daytime]
(Susan and Lonnie are sitting on the floor.)
Lonnie: "It all started with bad real estate investments."
Susan: "You should have just come clean."
Lonnie: "Yeah, well, you tell one lie, the second one comes easy. Then you're making up new lies to cover up the old ones. Pretty soon you can't turn back, you know?"
Susan: "I do."
Lonnie: "When Jeannie finally caught on, she took the kids, she took the furniture. The bank locked me out of my own house."
Susan: "Wow."
Lonnie: "That's why I can't lose you as a client."
Susan: "Well, I'm sorry, but you have."
Lonnie: "I don't blame you."
Susan: "You'll never lose my friendship, though. I mean that."
Lonnie: "Really?"
Susan: "Of course. You're my Lonnie."
(She pats his face.)
Lonnie: "You're my Susie.You're my Susie."
(Lonnie leans over and tries to kiss Susan. Susan pulls back, shocked.)
Susan: "Oh! What the hell are - is wrong with you?!"
Lonnie: "I'm your Lonnie. That's what you said."
Susan: "Not like that!"
Lonnie: "But I thought, I mean there's always been this magnetism-"
Susan: "No! There has not been and there never will be."
(She grabs her purse and runs out of the house.)
Susan: "Oh, my god!"
Lonnie: "But I was just coming clean!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Chicago Police Department Parking Lot - Daytime]
(Detective Morgan comes out. A female detective comes running after him.)
Female Detective: "Hey, Morgan. Got a letter from some guy claiming he attacked Melanie Foster."
Morgan: "You ran me down for that? I got dozens of kooks coming out of the woodwork all saying we arrested the wrong guy."
Female Detective: "This one knows about the axe."
(She hands Morgan the letter. They go back into the station.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Fairview City Morgue]
(Bree is sitting in a waiting room.An orderly enters, pushing a gurney with a covered body on it.)
Orderly: "Here you go, Mrs. Van de Kamp."
Bree: "Thank you. Ah, the hearse is right outside, so if you'll just follow me."
Orderly: "Oh shoot, there's a form I need you to sign. I think I left it back in the office."
Bree: "That's all right. I'll wait."
Orderly: "Okay."
(He leaves. Bree slowly approaches the gurney.)
Bree: "I'm here, sweetheart, and I'm gonna take care of everything. But you knew that, didn't you? You've always known that you can count on me."
(Detective Barton walks in.)
Barton: "Mrs. Van de Kamp."
Bree: "Detective Barton. What are you doing here?"
Barton: "Oh, just taking care of some business. Is this-"
Bree: "Yes. This is Rex. I, I want to thank you again for what you did. It was so refreshing to be treated with kindness after weeks of just ludicrous accusations."
Barton: "The doctor doesn't think they're ludicrous."
Bree: "Well, I know, but Rex died in his care. Of course he'd like to blame someone else."
Barton: "But the tests he did, uh?"
Bree: "Oh, please don't talk to me about tests. Rex was not poisoned and no one I know believes that he was."
Barton: "Rex did."
Bree: "What?"
Barton: "Well, the doctor told Rex he was being poisoned and Rex believed him."
Bree: "How would you know that?"
Barton: "Oh."
(Detective pulls a letter wrapped in plastic out of his pocket. He hands it to Bree. Bree reads it. The letter reads, "Bree, I understand and I forgive you.")
Bree: "Where did you get this?"
Barton: "We found that in Rex's bed after he died. That is his handwriting, isn't it?"
(Bree sits down.)
Barton: "You know what I think? Rex felt guilty for the way he treated you. The adultery; the public humiliations. That's why he forgave you. He understood why you did it."
Bree: "How can he have believed this?"
Barton: "Look, my wife cheated on me, too. I know how much it hurts. And so will a judge. Everyone understands crimes of passion. But every day that you stonewall makes you look more and more like a cold, calculating killer. We both know that's not you. But I can't help you unless you start telling the truth."
(The detective takes back the letter. Bree physically composes herself.)
Bree: "I'm sorry, but I, I have to go. I have some things that I need to take care of."
(Bree walks to the gurney and tries to push it. It's stuck.)
Barton: "Bree! It is obvious your husband loved you very much. Don't you think you owe it to him to admit the truth?"
Bree: "Detective, I know exactly what my husband deserves. Now would you be a dear?"
(The Detective unlocks the gurney.)
Bree: "Thank you."
(Bree pushes the gurney out the doors.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Fairview County Jail Visiting Room]
(Gabrielle and David are sitting in the visiting room. Carlos is brought in.)
Carlos: "What's he doing here?"
David: "I have a pitch for you. I want to explain to you why it's in your best interest to allow me to represent you."
Gabrielle: "Oh for Pete's sake, Carlos. At least listen to the man."
Carlos: "I guess it beats sitting in my cell."
David: "Now, I don't think you have a problem with me as a lawyer. Clearly, I'm the real deal. I sense your problem with me is more personal."
Carlos: "You sense right."
David: "You want to know if I'm interested in sleeping with your wife. Well, the answer is yes."
(Gabrielle laughs loud and nervously.)
Gabrielle: "Carlos, he's kidding. Tell him you're kidding."
Carlos: "Shut it."

David: "And clearly Gabrielle is willful, self-centered, and manipulative. She's also beautiful enough to be worth the trouble. So, the minute we leave this room I'm gonna aggressively pursue her. And when I succeed, which I will, we are gonna fly to my chateau in Chamany and have dinner in a local bistro. They make the best racolin in all of Europe. We'll make love by the fire and afterwards a little midnight skiing." (to Gabrielle) "You ski, don't you? You're athletic, you'll learn." (to Carlos) "Anyway. All of this only happens if you fire me. If you keep me on, you're wife's off limits. I'd get disbarred for sleeping with a client's wife and nobody's worth that, not even her. That's my pitch. I'll let you think about it."
(David get up and walks out.)
Gabrielle: "Honey. I am so sorry. Honestly, that guy's insane!"
Carlos: "Oh, you just can't wait, can you?"
Gabrielle: "What?"
Carlos: "He's my lawyer."
Gabrielle: "But, Carlos-"
Carlos: "And that's all there is to it."
(Carlos walks out.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[O'Donnell's Bar -Nighttime]
(The bar is filled with people and loud music is playing. Lynette and Nina are sitting at a table. A guy is talking to Nina.)
Guy: "How about a dance."
Nina: "How 'bout it? Yes."
Lynette: "Well, you guys have fun. This is the fifth night in a row I haven't been home to tuck in my kids, so I'm gonna go."
Nina: "No! You're gonna stay put. It is Friday night and you have all weekend to play with your kids. Watch my purse."
(Nina goes off with the guy to dance. Another man sits down by Lynette.)
Chuck: "Hey, I'm Chuck."
Lynette: "Chuck, I'm gonna stop you right there."
(She holds up her hand, showing him the wedding ring on it.)
Lynette: "Happily married."
Chuck (reaching in his pocket): "Well, looks like we've got something in common."
(He shows her his own wedding ring.)
Lynette: "Chuck, get your hand off my thigh. No! Not up my thigh. Off my thigh! Come on, what's the matter with you! I'm not available. And I'm not that easy!"
Chuck: "Well, what are you doing in a pick-up bar at ten-thirty at night?"
Lynette: "Well, I don't usually do this."
Chuck: "Oh, come on. Honey. Who are you kidding? I've seen you here every night this week. You're a regular!"
(Chuck shakes his head and leaves.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"At that moment, it occurred to Lynette that Chuck, though inebriated, had a valid point. The time had come to declare a war of independence. And the surest path to victory would require an aggressive campaign of shock and awe."


(Lynette, in the bathroom, lets down her hair, puts lipstick on, unbuttons her shirts, and takes off her vest. She reenters the bar wearing just her vest with no blouse. She struts into the room and tosses her purse to the bartender, then begins dancing in a very sexy manner. She struts up to where Nina is dancing and pushes her aside, taking her dance partner.)
(Later, at the bar, Lynette downs shots with a bunch of guys. The guys lift her onto the bar where Lynette dances like a stripper. The guys are cheering and whistling. Nina is watching from their booth.)
(Lynette comes back to the table and sits down next to Nina.)
Lynette: "It's crazy here tonight. Don't you want to dance?"
Nina: "No, thanks. I think I'll sit this one out."
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Lynette savored her victory, confident that she would never again have to engage her opponent on this particular battlefield."
Lynette: "Woo! I love this song. Here, hold my purse."
(She pushes her purse at Nina and goes back to the dance floor.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Fairview Cemetery - Daytime]
(Lynette, Gabrielle, Susan, and Edie are standing at Rex's empty grave. Bree walks up.)
Susan: "Bree! Where have you been? We were starting to get worried."
Bree: "I'm sorry. I was just attending to some last minute details. Right this way."
(Bree leads them away from Rex's grave site.)
Gabrielle: "Where are we going?"
Bree: "To Rex's grave site."
Edie: "Well, I thought this was his grave site."
Bree: "I'm changing it."
Susan: "Why?"
Bree: "Well, he did something to upset me and I want him gone!"
Susan: "What did he do?"
Bree: "You know, it's so unpleasant I'd rather not get into it. Have you seen these gravestones? Some are from the eighteen hundreds. Just fascinating."
Lynette: "Bree, wait, you're gonna have to explain. Rex is dead. What could he have done to upset you?"
(Bree stops and turns to face the women.)
Bree: "My husband, the man I spent my life with for eighteen years, died thinking that I murdered him!"
Susan: "What?"
Bree: "Yes, the cardiologist shared this moronic theory with Rex and Rex believed him!"
Gabrielle: "Are you sure?"
Bree: "Yes, because he left a note. And it said, and I quote, "Bree, I understand and I forgive you." I spent eighteen years of my life with this man. How could he not know me?"
Edie: "Well, maybe he was forgiving you for something else."
Bree: "I have done nothing to be forgiven for! I was a fantastic wife! When he was sick, I nursed him. When we were low on money, I stayed within a budget. I cooked his meals, I mended his clothes. For the love of god, I used to check his back for acne. And that miserable son of a bitch has the nerve to understand and forgive me! Well, the joke's on him because I do not understand and I do not forgive!"
(Two maintenance workers nearby stop their work to listen to Bree yell. Susan looks over at them.)
Susan: "Hi. We're just going to a funeral."
(The workers go back to work.)
Bree: "Right this way."
(She continues walking and the ladies follow her. They walk over another section of the cemetery. A crane is lowering a coffin into a hole.)
Gabrielle: "Honey, I know you're hurt but are you sure you're not gonna change your mind? I mean, there's no turning back after this."
Bree: "If you think I'm gonna lay next to someone for eternity who thinks I'm a murderer, you're crazy. As far as I'm concerned, let him decompose with strangers."
(Bree takes off her wedding ring and throws it into the grave on top of the coffin. The ladies look shocked and Bree storms away.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Everyone in the world needs someone they can depend on."
(Bree is walking and the ladies are right behind her. Lynette puts her hand on Bree's shoulder.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Be they faithful friends-"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Fairview County Jail]
(Carlos is sitting with David as the attorney speaks.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"...determined advocates-"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Lynette's House]
(Tom is standing on the porch, holding Penny, when Lynette approaches and reaches for her daughter.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"...or a loving family."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Lonnie's House]
(Lonnie is sitting alone, eating pizza.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"But occasionally in life, the people we thought would always be there for us-leave."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Mary Alice's House]
(Pictures of Mary Alice and Zach are on the table with a large stack of unopened mail.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"And if that happens-
(Paul picks up a knife and begins opening the mail.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"-it's amazing the lengths we'll go to, to get them back."


~ The End ~

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Desperate Housewives
Episode 02.06 - I Wish I Could Forget You
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Mary Alice Voiceoverreviously on Desperate Housewives:
Bree:My husband died thinking that I murdered him.
Mary Alice Voiceover:Bree put the past behind her.
David: If you keep me on as your lawyer, your wife's off limlits.
Mary Alice Voiceover:While Carlos gambled with his future.
Susan:How much money do you think you need to get to Utah?
Mary Alice Voiceover:Susan interfered with the family reunion.
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Mary Alice Voiceover:"George Williams had never been lucky in love."
(Flashback: George gets out of his car carrying flowers and walks up to a front door. He opens his mouth and sprays a breath freshener in it.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"It seems that the women he dated always invented reasons not to consummate their relationship."
Young Woman: "Um, I'm afraid we'd wake my roommate."
(She slams the door on George.)
Career Woman: "Uh, I have to get up really early for work."
(She slams the door on George.)
Slutty Woman: "I'm, uh, saving myself for marriage."
(She slams the door on George.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Sadly for George, it was one unoriginal excuse after another."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bree's House]
(Present Day: George knocks on Bree's door.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"But since he'd started seeing Bree Van de Kamp, George couldn't help but feel..."
Bree: "Hi. The kids are gone. We have the house all to ourselves tonight."
Mary Alice Voiceover:"...his luck was about to change."
(After dinner, Bree and George enter Bree's living room and sit on the sofa.)
Bree: "I thought the duck turned out well. Although the sauce was a little bit thick, but judging by how many helpings you had, I think I got away with it. What are you thinking about?"
George: "Your hair. Would you mind if I...?"
Bree: "Uh, no, go ahead."
(George reaches for the clip holding Bree's bun and her hair falls to her shoulders.)
Bree: "That better?"
(George moves closer on the couch and kisses Bree.)
Bree: "That was nice."
(George falls onto Bree, pushing her down onto the couch, kissing her.)
(Bree pushes George back slightly.)
George: "It's okay that I'm doing this right?"
Bree: "Well, I thought we were going to let the duck digest a bit more, but what the heck."
(She pulls George back to her.)
Bree: "Oh!"
(She grabs her neck.)
George: "What's wrong?"
Bree: "I don't know. I felt something weird."
George: "Oh, that was my tongue. It extends farther than most. I should have warned you."
Bree: "No, no, no, it wasn't your kiss. I felt something weird on my neck."
(George pushes her down again and starts kissing her. Bree continues to scratch at her neck.)
George: "What, what are you doing?"
Bree: "I don't know. I'm just really starting to itch."
George: "Oh."
(They sit up and Bree begins to scratch all over. George stares at her neck.)
Bree: "What is it?"
George: "You, you've got a huge rash."
(Bree jumps up and runs to a mirror. She sees the rash on her check which is now spreading to her face. She continues to scratch.)
Bree: "Oh, ah, ah, it's starting to spread to my face."
George: "Are you allergic to something you ate?"
Bree: "Oh, I don't think so. I've made duck, l ate a thousand times."
George: "Something is causing that rash."
(Bree stares at George. She opens the front door and begins pushing him out.)
George: "Bree, Bree, please don't."
Bree: "I'm sorry, George, but you have to go."
George: "But the kids are away. I was sort of hoping we could make love tonight."
Bree: "How are we going to do that, George? You have just given me hives."
(Bree slams the door in George's face.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Though painful to hear, George had to admit at least this excuse was original."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Opening Credits
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Susan's House]
Mary Alice Voiceover:"It's a fact that little girls dream of big, white wedding. Of course, the exact same thing can be said for big girls."
(Susan is pinning a wedding dress on her mother, Sophie Bremmer.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Some of whom can get incredibly anxious waiting for the boys in their lives to make those dreams come true."
(Mike is sitting on the couch reading the newspaper. Susan sneaks a peek at Mike to see if he is watching her and accidentally pokes her mom with a pin.)
Sophie: "Ouch. Oh. Watch it, Susie."
Susan: "Mom, why don't you just go see a dressmaker?"
Sophie: "Wait, I have the perfect idea. You get in the dress and I'll pin it." (to Mike) "We wear the same size."
Susan: "Since when?"

Sophie: "Since forever." (to Mike) "You have to leave though. You can't stay. You can't see Susie in a wedding dress. Not until your big day."
Susan: "Mom!"
Mike: "No, it's not a problem. I can see her in it."
(Susan and her mom look at Mike in shock.)
Sophie: "You can?"
Susan: "You can?"
Mike: "I assume you want to pick out your own wedding dress when we get married, right?"
Sophie: "Oh, that sounds like a proposal."
Mike: "Did it?"
Susan: "Yeah, it did."
Mike: "Huh, what do you know?"
Sophie: "Are you planning to pop the question?"
Mike: "Well, if she knows it's coming, the question won't really 'pop' now, will it?"
Susan: "He's right, mom. Oh, I want it to be just like you do. You know on your own terms and you get down on one knee and the whole production."
Mike: "That's the plan."
Susan: "Well. Then I can wait. I can wait. I'm a good waiter."
Mike: "Good."
Susan: "I was just wondering if, if there's a ball park of how long I will have to wait. A week, a month, after lunch?"
Mike: "Again, you're not waiting for the 'pop'."
Susan: "Right, right, I'm sorry."
(Mike leaves the room.)
Sophie: "Yay!"
Susan: "Mom."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Dr. Goldfine's Office]
Dr. Goldfine: "So, the hives occurred right after you kissed George."
Bree: "Yes, it was the strangest thing. And so inconvenient. To be honest, I think we were about the make love for the first time."
Dr. Goldfine: "Bree, have you considered the idea that your subconscious mind was trying to sabotage your evening with George?"
Bree: "Actually, I have not considered that because that's idiotic!"
Dr. Goldfine: "You don't think being with George made you feel a bit guilty?"
Bree: "Why should I feel guilty?"
Dr. Goldfine: "Perhaps you felt you were about to commit adultery."
Bree: "Dr. Goldfine, Rex is dead. You can't cheat on a corpse."
(Dr. Goldfine looks at Bree's hands as she rubs the area where her wedding ring would be.)
Dr. Goldfine: "But, maybe that's not how you really feel deep down."
Bree: "Oh so you uh, think I'm crazy?"
Dr. Goldfine: "You say you got a case of hives for no reason. I think there is a reason and it's probably a psychosomatic one."
Bree: "You can think whatever you want, but to be honest, I don't believe in the subconscious."
Dr. Goldfine: "Everytime you've said Rex in this session, you've stroked the place where you wedding ring used to be. Why did you do that?"
(Bree looks down at her hands, where she is stroking her ring finger. She stops abruptly.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Advertising Agency - Daytime]
(In the conference room, a staff meeting is going on.)
Nina: "Let's talk about Monday. We are re-pitching to the Kamarov people. Lynette, you'll be on point."
Lynette: "Great, great, no problem."
Nina: "And, can you do me a favor and maybe not wear the green suit?"
Lynette: "Um, I wasn't planning to, uh, but why?"
Nina: "The fabric. It just has this quality to it like you could, I don't know, wipe it clean with a damp cloth."
(The other staff member laugh quietly.)
Lynette: "I'll just wear a different suit then."
Nina: "Great. Like what, you think?"
Lynette: "Another suit. I have other suits."
Nina: "And if by other suits, you mean the grey one, then, of course you do."
Lynette: "No, actually, I have quite a few others. Uh, the blue one, and uh..."
(The other staff members snicker.)
Lynette: "What's wrong with the blue suit?"
(Stu walks in and places a cup of coffee in front of Nina.)
Nina: "Stu. Would you like to tell Lynette what's wrong with the blue suit?"
Stu: "No. That's cool."
Nina: "Stu! Come on. Do the thing, the thing that you did at lunch."
(Nina pretends to rub stuff onto her suit.)
Nina: "Look at me. I'm Lynette. I've got food stains everywhere."
Lynette: "All right, so if I get my blue suit dry cleaned, will that be acceptable to everyone?"
Stu: "The pants also have a split seam in the back."
(Nina smiles.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Fairview County Courthouse]
(Gabrielle walks up to David, wearing a slinky gold outfit.)
Gabrielle: "Excuse me. Hello, David."
David: "What the hell is this? I thought I told you to dress maternal."
Gabrielle: "Yes, you did, and I considered it for about a second."
David: "What happened?"
Gabrielle: "David, I know you're the lawyer and all, but trust me, it's never a smart strategy to cover this up."
David: "We've got forty minutes before the pre-trial hearing. Let's go home and get you changed."
Gabrielle: "What?"
David: "You want to get your husband out of jail? You gotta dress like a pregnant, suffering wife, not the cover of Vogue."
(A man walks up to them.)
Louis: "David."
David: "Louis. What are you doing here?"
Louis: "I need a favor, David."
David: "If this has to do with lifting my client's restraining order, the answer's the same one you got last week."
Louis: "You don't understand. I love Crystal."
David: "Yeah, we all love the pretty ladies at the Stop n' Shop, but now you gotta love her from fifty yards away."
Louis: "You turned her against me. If it wasn't for you, we'd be together."
David: "Louis, Crystal hired me to keep you away from her. She doesn't want to see you."
Louis: "Oh, yeah, then, then why did she ask for my phone number?"
David: "She's a cashier. You paid by check. It doesn't make you special."
(David holds Gabrielle by the arm and walks away from Louis.)
Louis: "Don't walk away from me. We're having a conversation!"
David: "Louis, this is your problem. You're creepy! Nobody likes you. What you call a conversation the rest of us call harassment. You want a friend? Get a hamster!"
Louis: "David!"
(Louis pulls out a gun. He points it toward David and Gabrielle. David pushes Gabrielle around behind him and down to the floor. David holds his briefcase in front of him as Louis closes his eyes and begins firing at him.)
Bystander #1: "Call the !"
Bystander #2: "Stay there!"
(Louis runs out of bullets. David looks at himself and sees that he has not been hit.)
(Louis throws the empty gun at David who catches it. Louis runs away.)
David: "That's right, you better run. I'm gonna get some bullets for this thing and come after you!"
Security Guard (pointing his gun at David): "Freeze!"
David: "Hey, everything's cool."
(The guard shoots David. Gabrielle screams. David drops slowly to his knees. Gabrielle approaches.)
Gabrielle: "Are you okay?"
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[Wisteria Lane - Daytime]
(Paul Young is mowing his front lawn.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Weeds are a common annoyance of life in suburbia and no matter how hard we try to get rid of them, they always tend to crop back up."
(Gabrielle is on her porch watching Paul. She is on the phone.)
Gabrielle: "Are you seeing this?"
Bree: "I don't believe him. He is so brazen."
Gabrielle: "He's just mowing the lawn like nothing ever happened. What should we do? Should we call the ?"
Bree: "Well, Susan did say that he murdered Mrs. Huber, so my vote would be yes."
Gabrielle: "Oh, my god, Susan's home."
(They watch as Susan's car pulls into her driveway. She gets out and takes bags of groceries out of her van.)
Gabrielle: "Has she seen Paul yet?"
(Susan looks across the street and sees Paul mowing his lawn. She drops all the bags.)
Bree: "I think so."
(A can rolls into the street. Paul picks it up.)
Paul: "Hello, Susan."
Susan: "Oh, my god. Paul."
Paul: "Need some help with those bags?"
Susan: "Why...are you doing here?"
Paul: "This is where I live. I came home to find my son. Here you go."
(He holds out the can he picked up.)
Susan: "No, don't come near me."
Paul: "I'm just giving you back your pie filling."
Susan: "I don't want my pie filling."
Paul: "Oh, come on. Just take it."
Susan: "No, stop! Put that pie filling down. Slowly. I'm calling nine-one-one."
Paul: "You don't want to do that."
Susan: "Oh, I think I do. You're a cold-blooded murderer."
Paul: "Susan, how can you believe that? We've been neighbors for years."
(Bree and Gabrielle approach and get in front of Susan.)
Paul: "Ladies, good to see you."
Bree: "Paul, we've called the ."
Paul: "You didn't really need to do that."
Gabrielle: "We know what you did to Mrs. Huber."
Paul: "Wonderful. I see you've all turned into Susan while I've been gone."
(A car pulls up.)
Susan: "Oh, thank god, they're here."
(A crowd of neighbors gather to see what's happening.)
Mrs. Greenberg: "Hey, hey, what's going on?"
Edie: "Oh, Mayer's convinced that Paul Young murdered Martha Huber."
Mrs. Greenberg: "Oh, my god! I live right behind him."
Mrs. Fromme: "I know. I gave him my house keys to feed my cat."
Edie: "I win. I made out with him."
(Police Officer gives Paul back his license and approaches Susan.)
Police Officer: "Here you go. There's no warrant here for a Paul Young."
Gabrielle: "Why don't you ask Mike? He overheard everything, right?"
Police Officer: "Who's Mike?"
Susan: "Uh, he's my boyfriend, and, and he told me that Paul confessed everything to him. Oh, and Mike has Martha's journals, which clearly prove that Paul had a motive."
Police Officer: "All right, all right, where do I find this Mike guy?"
Susan: "Uh, he's, follow me."
Paul: "You mind if I stay here? I've got a lot of raking to do."
Police Officer: "Let's go."
(Susan and the officer walk to Mike's house. The crowd follows. Mike opens the front door.)
Mike: "Hey. What's going on?"
Susan: "Mike, Paul Young is back. Look."
(She points across the street where Paul is raking his leaves.)
Police Officer: "Your girlfriend said Mr. Young confessed a murder to you?"
Mike: "Um, no. No, not to me."
Police Officer: "And I don't suppose you have a journal that belonged to a Martha Huber?"
Mike: "No. I hardly knew her. Besides, you've ever known a woman who'd loan out her diary?"
Susan: "Mike, what are you doing?"
Mike: "I'm sorry, Susan. I don't know what you're talking about. But I've got a job to get to. Is there anything else?"
Police Officer: "No, no, that pretty much covers it."
(Mike walks past the gathered crowd.)
Edie: "Well, someone might as well say it. Susan, what the hell have you been smoking?"
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[Lynette's House]
(Lynette walks into the bedroom wearing a beautiful expensive-looking white suit.)
Lynette: "Okay."
Tom: "Wow! Nice."
(Tom looks at the price tag on the suit.)
Tom: "Oh, my god!"
Lynette: "Okay, don't be distracted by that. Look at me. Here I am tomorrow, making my presentation."
(Lynette poses and spins.)
Lynette: "You see? You see how it, how it moves with me? That's where the magic is."
Tom: "Nine hundred dollars?"
Lynette: "Yeah, well, this one was the most expensive. The other ones aren't as nice. But look. Look, look, look, look at me, look at me. Watch. I don't walk in it. I glide."
Tom: "Um, honey, you know what? There's gotta be like three thousand dollars worth of clothes here."
Lynette: "Yeah, well, I haven't bought a new suit in six years."
Tom: "So? When I was working, you don't think I would have loved to have a designer suit? I wore wash-and-wear so that we could live in a nice neighborhood, so we could take the kids on vacation every summer. I mean, I made sacrifices."
Lynette: "I'm willing to make sacrifices."
Tom: "Great, well, let's start here, because" (holds up a suit) "this should cover a math tutor for Parker."
Lynette: "Whoa, hold on a sec."
(Tom holds up another suit.)
Tom: "Six months of pre-school for Penny."
Lynette: "All right, now you're being ridiculous."
Tom: "You know what? And the twins, they're gonna need braces. That oughta make a dent."
(He points to the white suit Lynette is wearing.)
Lynette: "Oh, no. Come on, Tom. Not this one."
Tom: "Strip."
Lynette: "You saw the walk, right? You wanna see the walk again? I'll tutor Parker myself."
Tom: "Honey, that'd be great. You also gonna take up home dentistry?"

Lynette: "Fine. I'll take them back. Could you step out for a minute, please? I want to be alone with it for a little while."
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[Bree's House - Nighttime]
(Bree is lying in bed, reading and rubbing her ring finger. She stops herself and picks up the phone.)
Bree: "Hi, it's Bree."
George: "Hi. I was thinking about calling you. I just got some new antihistamines in at the store. I think they're really gonna help with your rash."
Bree: "Well, great. Um, how would you feel about the two of us checking into a romantic hotel tomorrow?"
George: "What? Uh, I, I'd like that very much."
Bree: "I will let you make all the arrangements. Something out of town would be nice. Good night."
(They hang up.)
George: "Yes!"
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[Wisteria Lane - Nighttime]
(Mike pulls into his driveway. Susan suddenly appears at the driver's window.)
Susan: "We need to talk."
Mike: "Where did you come from?"
Susan: "I'm sorry. I've been waiting for you. I'm just a little upset because everybody thinks I'm crazy."
Mike: "Can I at least get out of the truck first?"
Susan: "Yes, definitely. I mean, I can understand why you wouldn't want the cops to know that you kidnapped Paul. I mean, that definitely looks bad."
Mike: "Since I was on probation."
Susan: "Well, right. I mean, there's that."
Mike: "And in possession of a gun."
Susan: "Well, okay..."
Mike: "Which I held to his head. So I violated my probation, committed a felony, and coerced a confession. If the cops found out about that, I'd be looking at ten to fifteen years."
Susan: "But why don't you want 'em to know about Martha Huber's journal? I mean, she says right in there that she was blackmailing Paul's wife."
Mike: "She also says right in there that she was blackmailing you for burning down Edie's house."
Susan: "Oh. I forgot about that. I just can't believe it. I mean, there he is, a murderer, just living right on our street, and there's nothing we can do about it because you're a convicted felon and I burned down that stupid house. It's unfair."
Mike: "I want Paul Young gone as badly as you do, and he will be, but I also want to find Zach. I think once Zach finds out Paul's here, I got a feeling he'll be back."
Susan: "Well, that's comforting to know there's a silver lining."
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[Hospital]
(David is lying in a hospital bed with his arm in a sling. Gabrielle knocks on the doorframe and walks in.)
David: "Hi. What are you doing here?"

Gabrielle: "Well, you protected me from a hail of gun fire, so I thought I'd stop by and give you a card."
David: "You're my first visitor."
Gabrielle: "What do you mean, I'm your first visitor? You've been here two days."
David: "My office sent me flowers."
Gabrielle: "Oh."
(She pulls the card from the vase of flowers and reads it out loud.)
Gabrielle: "'Dear David, who knew you could actually bleed? Sincerely, your stunned co-workers.'"
David: "Yeah, well, I'm a lawyer who got shot. Everybody's cracking wise."
Gabrielle: "You're not gonna eat?"
David: "Uh, can't really cut yet."
(She walks over and begins to cut up his food for him.)
Gabrielle: "Well, I'm not gonna let you starve to death. Besides, you're gonna need your strength to get my husband out of jail."
David: "You know, when I was waiting for the ambulance the other day, I seriously thought I was gonna die. I was scared."
Gabrielle: "Of course you were."
David: "Thanks".
Gabrielle: "For what?"
David: "For not making any jokes."
Gabrielle: "Sure. Now, open up."
(She feeds him a piece of meat.)
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[Advertising Agency]
(Lynette walks in wearing a grey suit. Stu hands her her messages.)
Lynette: "Thank you."
(She looks and sees Nina is escorting people into the conference room. Lynette sees that they are all dressed in designer suits. Lynette looks down at her grey suit. She rushes out to her car and pulls the white suit out of the trunk.)
Nina (to the Kamarov people): "Just, uh, follow this hallway straight down there and make yourselves comfortable."
(Lynette sneaks by them holding the packaged white suit.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"For the good of their family, Lynette had made a promise to her husband. And within ten days from the date of purchase, she intended to keep it."
(Lynette, dressing in the white suit, pins the price tag down and leaves the restroom.)
Nina: "Oh. That's a fantastic suit."
Lynette: "Oh. Thanks."
Nina: "I'm flattered, really. I mean, who knew that you cared so much about what I think?"
Lynette: "I don't follow you."
Nina: "Well, I make a few innocent comments, and you go out and buy yourself a gorgeous new suit. Dance, puppet, dance."
Lynette: "Well, actually, this was already in my closet. I just forgot about it."
Nina: "Forgot? You forgot that you had that suit?"
(Lynette walks into the conference room and faces everyone confidently.)
Lynette: "Good morning. Hi. I'm Lynette Scavo. Now is everyone taken care of in terms of coffee and whatever else they may like? Great. Well, then, let's get started. I will show you how Kamarov Vodka can expand its customer mindshare while still holding the line on marketing costs. It's something we here at Percher and Murphy like to call "persuasive engineering.""
(Nina sees a price tag hanging off the back of Lynette's suit.)
Nina: "Lynette, just hold on one second."
(She lowers her voice and approaches Lynette.)
Nina: "You have a... "
(Nina yanks the price tag off and Lynette gasps.)
Nina: "They put the price tags on the skirts these days, too, just so you know. Look at that, everybody. Lynette just bought herself a beautiful, brand new suit. Doesn't she look great? Go on."
Lynette: "Okay."
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[Fairview County Courthouse]
(David and Carlos are sitting in the courtroom, facing the judge.)
Judge: "You may be seated. Good to see you back on your feet, Mr. Bradley. Whenever you're ready."
David: "Thank you, Your Honor. The defense moves to dismiss this case immediately on the grounds that the defendant..."
(David looks at Gabrielle sitting in the courtroom and freezes.)
Judge: "Are you all right, Mr. Bradley?"
David: "I'm sorry, Your Honor. I just can't. I just can't."
Judge: "Mr. Bradley, do you need a recess?"
(David picks up his briefcase and walks out of the courtroom.)
Carlos: "What the hell's going on?"
(Gabrielle runs after David.)
Gabrielle: "David, where are you going?"
David: "I'm sorry. I quit."
Gabrielle: "You can't just quit in the middle of a hearing."
David: "I'd love to get your idiot husband out of jail, but I just can't do it. I'm sorry. "
Gabrielle: "Yeah. Why not?"
David: "Because I'm in love with you."
Gabrielle: "What?"
David: "The other day in the hospital, I started to feel something. I don't know. Maybe it was there all along. But when I look into your eyes, I know you feel it, too. We belong together."
Gabrielle: "Okay, yeah, David, if you don't get back in there right now, I will go get a gun and shoot you myself."
David: "I can't. I'm sorry."
(David walks away.)
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[Susan's House]
(Susan is under the sink, working on something, when someone knocks on her door. Without getting up, she yells out to them.)
Susan: "Come in!"
Paul: "We need to talk."
Susan: "Oh! Oh! Uh, uh, Paul, you, you can't just waltz into people's houses."
Paul: "Susan, you told me to come in."
Susan: "Well, that's 'cause I assumed you were someone I would let in my house. What do you want?"
Paul: "I was looking through my mail, and I found this."
(He holds up the flyer that proclaims Zach to be missing.)
Paul: "I was surprised to discover that you were looking for my son. You didn't happen to find anything out about where Zach might be, did you?"
Susan: "No. No, I didn't. Sorry I can't help you out."
Paul: "I'm asking because if you remember, Zach hid here in this house before, and now I learn that you've been searching for him. "
Susan: "Well, he's not here."
Paul: "Hmm. Well, maybe we should double check."
Susan: "But he's not here. I swear."
(As they talk, Susan is rummaging in the soapy dishwater behind her.)
Paul: "What are you grabbing for?"
Susan: "A knife. I just want to slice some tomatoes."
(Paul reaches over to a knife block and pulls out a large knife. He points it toward Susan and slowly walks toward her.)
Susan: "I don't know how I know this, but I, I think that he's in Utah. He, he took a bus to Bountiful. You have family there, right? Okay, I gave him the bus fare."
(Paul hands the knife to Susan.)
Paul: "You might want to be careful with that. You seem a little jittery."
(Paul leaves.)
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[Fairview County Prison Visiting Room]
(Gabrielle is sitting across from Carlos.)
Gabrielle: "Look, I know the timing is bad."
Carlos: "Pretty bad."
Gabrielle: "I feel terrible. How was I supposed to know that he would take a bullet and suddenly realize he's in love with me? Okay, look, I know I pushed you into hiring that creep, but I promise I will do anything I can to fix this."
Carlos: "All right, go have sex with Bradley."
Gabrielle: "What?"
Carlos: "Well, that's what you want me to say, isn't it? God, you guys are good. I mean, you set me up perfectly."
Gabrielle: "You think David and I planned this so we could sleep together?"
Carlos: "Well, let's see. The guy tells me to my face that he wants to get into your pants, quits a week before my trial, and now you can't wait to do anything to get him back? Yeah."
(He gets up and looks at the guard.)
Carlos: "I'd like to go back to jail now."
Gabrielle: "How dare you think that of me? I have been nothing but faithful to you! Since you've been in here."
Carlos: "Save it. I know when I've been outfoxed, and please don't pretend that you're doing this for me, cause I'd rather rot in here."
Gabrielle: "And you know what? A lesser woman would let you rot in here, but I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna give you the satisfaction. So you better start packing up your shanks or whatever you people make in here, because you're coming home with me!"
Gabrielle storms out.
Carlos (to the guard): "I don't have any shanks."
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[Hotel]
(George and Bree are checking in.)
Desk Clerk: "Good afternoon. Checking in?"
George: "Yes. Uh, reservations in the name of Williams. George Williams."
Desk Clerk: "Let me get your paperwork"
George: " So what do you want to do first?"
Bree: "I don't know. I thought maybe we could go antiquing." (to the desk clerk) "I hear you have some lovely museums nearby. Do you have any brochures?"
Desk Clerk: "Right over there, Mrs. Williams."
George: "Oh, uh, she's not my wife."
Desk Clerk: "I'm so sorry."
(Bree seems uncomfortable. She absently reaches up to begin scratching at the side of her neck.)
George: "So I hear they have a terrific Farmers' Market nearby. We should pick up some nectarines."
Bree: "George, I can't."
George: "What?"
Bree: "I can't stay in a hotel room with you."
George: "Why not?"
Bree: "Because I am starting to get that rash again."
George: "Well, I, I brought the antihistamines."
Bree: "Oh, please. it's not gonna help. George, clearly, this is psychosomatic. We need to go home."
George: "Bree, we just drove three hours to get here."
Bree: "I know, and you have every right to be mad, but, George, I am really starting to itch."
Desk Clerk: "Is there a problem?"
George: "Uh, no, there's no problem. Everything is fine. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Uh, uh, I'll get you your own room."
Bree: "George..."
George: "No, no, no. We can still have a nice weekend. We'll just shift the focus to...antiquing."
Bree: "Please. I mean, clearly, you didn't come here to shop."
George: "No, I came to spend time with you, time that does not need to be spent in a bed."
Bree: "Really? You mean that? You wouldn't mind?"
George: "No."
Bree: "You know what, George? We're gonna have a great time, because there's tons of fun stuff we can do that doesn't involve sex."
George: "You betcha. While I take care of this, why don't you go get those brochures?"
Bree: "Okay."
George: "Okay."
Bree: "George, you won't believe it. I just stopped itching."
George: "How about that?"
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[Wisteria Lane - Afternoon]
(At Lynette's House, Tom is gardening, while the kids are playing in the yard. Lynette drives up and gets out of the car, still wearing the white suit.)
Tom: "Nice suit."
Lynette: "Just hear me out. I was gonna take it back, I swear."
Tom: "But?"
Lynette: "But then I started thinking about it, and you know what? I'll be damned if I'm gonna pitch to a roomful of people who are all wearing Armani and Vera Wang, while I'm standing there with two-year-old breast milk crusted on my lapel."
Tom: "Lynette..."
Lynette: "And you know what else? I kicked ass in that meeting because of this suit."
Tom: "It is a suit. Why are you so obsessed with it?"
Lynette: "You can't explain obsession, Tom. It just is."
Tom: "No, we are parents. We can't afford the luxury of obsessions."
Lynette: "See? That's where I think we have been making a terrible, terrible mistake."
(Lynette opens her car trunk and takes out a set of new golf clubs.)
Tom: "What is this?"
Lynette: "Sometimes we just need to get something that makes us happy. I know that sounds selfish, but I've been thinking. It might make us better people and maybe even better parents."
Tom: "No. No, Lynette, no. This is wrong."
(She hands him one of the clubs.)
Lynette: "Carbon...fiber...shafts."
(Tom takes the club and swings it.)
Tom: "Wow. I feel like a better parent already. Oh, yeah!"
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[Hotel]
(Bree and George are sitting in the dining room, with menus in front of them.)
Bree: "So I was talking to one of the bellmen, and he said there's a place not far from here where we could go horseback riding. Doesn't that sound like fun? George?"
(George, distracted, watches two people kissing at another table.)
George: "Wh, what? What? I'm sorry."
Bree: "I was saying I think we should go horseback riding."
George: "Oh, sure. That'd, that'd be great."
(Bree reaches for George's hand. George pulls away.)
Bree: "What's wrong?"
George: "Nothing. I, I just don't think that we should risk you getting another rash. "
Bree: "Well, I'm not gonna get another rash just by holding your hand."
George: "You never know."
Bree: "Oh. Well, okay."
George: "Hey, uh, I brought those antihistamines with me. Maybe you should take a couple, just to see if it works."
(He places the pill bottle on the table.)
Bree: "Oh, well, I'm drinking wine. I don't think you're supposed to mix pills with alcohol."
George: "That's for people who are, who are about to use heavy machinery. You don't plan on operating a forklift tonight, do you?"
Bree: "Well, you're the pharmacist. If you think it's okay..."
George: "I do."
(Bree opens the bottle and takes a couple pills. George reaches out and strokes her hand.)
(Later, George is holding Bree up as they walk from the dining room back to their rooms.)
Bree (slurring): "George, I can't feel my legs."
George: "I know, sweetheart. Don't you worry. I'm gonna take you to your room, and then we're gonna get you into bed. Okay?"
Desk Clerk: "Is she going to be okay?"
George: "Yeah, she's just had a little too much wine."
Bree (slurring): "I don't think it was the wine, George. I think it was the antihistamines."
George: "She doesn't know what she's...we're good, thank you."
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[Bree's Hotel Room]
(George is helping Bree lie down.)
(Bree moans and, still lying down, tries to reach for her shoe.)
George: "No, no, no, no, no. I'll get those. You just relax."
(Bree moans and lies back down.)
George: "I love you very much, Bree. You know that, right?"
Bree: "I know."
George: "And I want more than anything for you to love me back. Do you understand what I'm saying? Bree?"
(Bree is fast asleep. George looks down at her and slowly removes his tie.)
(Later, Bree wakes up and looks at the clock which reads 3:21. George is sitting in a chair, watching her.)
George: "Hey there. How you feeling?"
Bree: "Oh, okay. Have you been sitting there all this time?"
George: "I wanted to make sure you were okay, so I stayed and watched you sleep."
Bree: "Did I do anything embarrassing? Sometimes I snore."
George: "No. No, you slept like an angel. In fact, you were so beautiful and peaceful, I actually started to feel guilty."
Bree: "Guilty?"
George: "Um, well, you know, 'cause I told you take those pills."
Bree: "That chair looks so uncomfortable. Why didn't you sleep next to me?"
George: "Well, you made it pretty clear that you don't want me in your bed."
Bree: "George. I know what you want from me, and I, I thought I wanted the same thing, but I keep getting those rashes because I still feel married."
George: "Makes sense, I guess."
Bree: "Can't you just be patient? Can't you wait just a little bit longer?"
George: "I've already waited my whole life for you, and I can wait a little more."
Bree: "Mmm."



George: "But let's be honest. There's no guarantee that you'll ever be ready. There's only so much rejection I can take. So, I'll do my best, but don't be surprised if one of these days you wake up and I'm not here. Well, I should get back to my room, try to get a little sleep. The antique stores open at ten."
(George begins walking out.)
Bree: "George, wait. Please don't go. Stay here with me."
George: "But what if you get another rash?"
Bree: "Well, I'll just have to get over it, won't I?"
(Bree kisses George and pulls him down onto the bed.)
(Later, when the clock reads 4:30, George, bare-chested and underneath the covers, is asleep on the bed and Bree sits in the chair, wearing a bathrobe, rubbing her ring finger.)
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[Gabrielle's House]
(David walks into Gabrielle's bedroom to find her wearing a bra and panties.)
David: "Gabrielle? I got your call. Wow! Does this mean what I think it means?"
Gabrielle: "There are some ground rules first. I'm not leaving my husband. Carlos is looking at spending eight years in jail because of my lapse of judgment with the gardener. I can't let him rot in there. I'd be filled with guilt."
David: "You could get him out and then divorce him."
Gabrielle: "Not an option. I'm Catholic, hence the guilt."
David: "So, what are our options?"
Gabrielle: "This, us, stolen moments, seeing each other whenever we can. Carlos never needs to know."
David: "No."
Gabrielle: "I thought this was what you wanted."
David: "I want all of you. All or nothing."
Gabrielle: "Then it's nothing."
David: "So you won't get a divorce, but you'll have an affair?"
Gabrielle: "I said I was Catholic, not a fanatic. You know, David, you could tell me to stop. Just tell me to stop, and I will, or you can have me right now, on my terms."
David: "All right."
(He grabs her to kiss her. Gabrielle pushes her thumb into David's sore shoulder, pushing him back.)
David: "Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! What are you doing?"
Gabrielle: "Making my point. You don't love me."
David: "Yes, I do."
Gabrielle: "No. You just agreed to an affair. A cheap, illicit affair with the woman you love? Carlos would never share me. He's looking at eight years in prison because the mere thought of it sent him into a violent rage. That is love. This is, this is just lust, mixed with posttraumatic stress. I will see you in court tomorrow at ten a.m. and don't be late, or else I'll have you disbarred for sexual harassment."
(Gabrielle leaves the room.)
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[Paul Young's Front Yard]
(Paul is sprinkling poison into the garden. Mike approaches.)
Mike: "I'd take it easy with that snail poison. It's hell on your agapanthus."
Paul: "Thanks. I'll keep that in mind. Is that why you stopped by, to share a few gardening tips?"
Mike: "Nobody wants you here, Paul, especially me."
Paul: "I'm just a father looking for his son."
Mike: "Oh, I know what you are."
Paul: "First, your girlfriend tries to run me off with some crazy story about sending Zach to Utah. Now you're here trying to scare me away. So much for love thy neighbor. Anyway, thanks for the advice. About my agapanthus, I mean. I'll make sure I send you some."
Mike: "What did Susan tell you?"
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[Susan's Living Room]
(Susan is wearing Sophie's wedding gown, while Sophie is circling her.)
Sophie: "Oh! You look beautiful. Oh, you should really consider wearing this when you marry Mike. We could make it a family tradition."
Susan: "Why don't we both stop getting divorced? That would be a nice family tradition."
(Mike walks in.)
Susan: " Hey!"
Mike: "I need to ask you something important."
Sophie: "Oh, my god! Ah! This is it! Oh! Let me get my camera."
Susan: "Oh, no, mom, stop! What is it?"
Mike: "Did you give Zach money to go to Utah?"
Susan: "What?"
Mike: "Yes or no?"
Susan: "He was talking so much about Julie. I tried to get him to come home with me, I mean, to, to you, but he just kept going on and on about her, and I got scared."
Mike: "Yes or no?"
Susan: "Yes. Mike."
(Mike walks out of the house. Susan chases after him.)
Susan (crying): "Mike, I didn't do it to hurt you. You've gotta believe me. I..."
(Lynette, out by her car, turns toward Susan's cry.)
Susan: "I, I should have told you right away. I, I know that. But you know now, so can we please talk about it?"
(Gabrielle, doing yoga on her front porch, stops and looks toward Susan.)
Mike: "No."
(He walks to his truck.)
Susan: "Mike, stop."
Mike: "Susan, you said you wanted to help me, and I believed you. That's it. We're done."
(Mike gets into his truck and slams the door. Susan cries harder.)
Susan: "No, no, no, no, no!"
(She stands in front of Mike's truck blocking the way. Bree comes out of her house to see what's going on.)
Susan: "I screwed up, okay? I want to fix it! Please let me fix it! Tell me how to fix it! Mike, I love you!"
(Mike stares at Susan and shakes his head. He puts his truck into reverse, backs up, and drives around her. )
Susan: "Please, no, please, please. No, Mike! Mike!"
(Susan, still in the wedding gown, chases Mike's truck pleading and crying. Mike drives away. Susan is in the middle of the street, sobbing as she runs after the truck.)
Susan: "No, Mike, Mike! Come back! Come back!"
(She looks over and sees Paul standing in his yard, staring at her. Paul turns and walks into his house.)
Susan: "No, no, no."
(Sophie, Lynette, Bree, and Gabrielle all run toward Susan, who has collapsed in the middle of the street.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Yes, every little girl dreams of a big white wedding. But some dreams just don't come true."

~ The End ~

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暗夜飞翔
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注册时间: 2006-01-01
帖子: 1 发表于: 2006-01-03- 12:47 PM 发表主题: thanks so much


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i love DH so much, thx alot, very appreciate.

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暗夜飞翔 写到:
i love DH so much, thx alot, very appreciate.

You're welcome.
I'm glad to hear you say so.
Welcome to come here often.

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Desperate Housewives
Episode 02.07 - Color and Light
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mary Alice Voiceoverreviously on desperate housewives...
Calos:You're glowing today,you know that?
Mary Alice Voiceover:Gabrielle got pregnant...
Susan:You walked out on me.
Karl:Yeah,but look how far I got.I'm just up the street
Mary Alice Voiceover:Trouble moved in...
Dr. Goldfine: Being with George made you feel a bit guilty.
Bree:Well,I'll just have to get over it,won't I?
Mary Alice Voiceover:And Bree moved on...
Matthew:I know who really killed Melanie Foster.You arrested the wrong man?
Mary Alice Voiceover:But not everyone...
Matthew:Call 9-1-1 and tell 'em,you got a killer locked up in the basement
Betty:He is not a killer.
Mary Alice Voiceover:...got what they deserved.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Wisteria Lane - Daytime]
(A young mother takes her daughter out of her van and they walk up to a neighbor's house.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"It is often said that necessity is the mother of invention. This is how mothers came to invent play dates. So occasionally they could have a little time for themselves."
(Another young mother answers the door. The little girl enters the house. The first mother begins to walk back to her van.)
Mother #1: "If you need me, I'll be at the salon."
Mary Alice Voiceover:"But there are some mothers who don't get to take advantage of this maternal innovation. Mothers like Lynette Scavo..."
(Lynette, pushing Penny in a stroller, flanked by Porter, Preston and Parker come up the street.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"...who was no longer able to rest on weekends..."
Lynette: "Guys, stop it! Stop it, I mean it, come on!"
Mary Alice Voiceover:"...because her twins no longer received play date invitations. Ever since they had convinced Sasha Eden's boy that a pair of magic wings would allow him to fly."
(Flashback-Sasha Eden is sitting on the grass with her son wrapping his injured ankle. Sasha is looking up angrily at the Scavo balcony where Parker and Preston are looking down at them.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"And they had double dared Sharon Chasin's boy to ride his bike blindfolded."
(Flashback-Sharon Chasin is tending to an injury on her son's hand. She angrily looks toward the street where the twins are standing by a light pole with a broken bike at their feet.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"And they had encouraged Lisa Seigmann's boy to try an exciting new game called, 'Toss the Brick.'"
(Flashback -Lisa Siegmann's son is lying on the grass next to a broken brick. Lisa is placing an ice pack on her son's forehead and looks angrily toward the Scavo twins who are standing innocently near a pile of bricks.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"The Scavo twins had become persona-non-grata..."
(Present day-Lynette is sitting in the park dreamily watching all the other mothers and their kids playing peacefully together.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"...and Lynette's secret dream of being able to take an occasional nap on Saturdays was growing dimmer and dimmer."
(Lynette is startled by the sound of her twins yelling. She sees their legs, entangled with other legs behind a fence. She runs toward them and finds another younger set of twins wrestling with her twins.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Until one day..."
Lynette: "Hey, hey, hey, Porter, Preston, knock it off. All right, did you hear me, I said stop it. Stand up. Stand up! Come here!"
(She pulls the kids apart and pulls the other twins toward her.)
Lynette: "I'm so sorry. Did my sons beat you up?"
Jimmy/PJ: "No, we were beating them up."
Lynette: "Is that true? Did they beat you up?"
Parker/Preston: "Ah, it didn't hurt that much."
(Jimmy and PJ's mother, Norma, comes running up.)
Norma: "Jimmy, PJ, what are you doing? What have I told you about ganging up on people?" (to Lynette) "I am so sorry."
Lynette: "Ah, no, it's, it's okay. Believe me, my boys can take care of themselves."
Norma: "If they got hurt at all, I'll pay for the doctor bills."
Lynette: "No, not to worry. I got the feeling they were sort of enjoying themselves."
Norma: "Really?"
(Lynette nods yes. Jimmy's mother looks at Parker and Preston.)
Norma: "What would you say to bringing your boys over to my house and letting them hang out with mine some time?"
(Lynette smiles.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"And that's how Lynette finally got what she needed..."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Lynette's House]
(Lynette is taking a nap on the couch when the doorbell rings.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"...time for herself, and play dates for her kids."
(Lynette goes to the door. Norma is standing there with Parker and Preston. Both boys are banged up and Preston is holding a tissue to his nose.)
Norma: "I'm sorry, but my boys decided to have a rock fight with your boys."
Preston: "It was fun!"
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Play dates she was determined to keep..."
Lynette: "Well, they look fine to me."
Mary Alice Voiceover:"...at all costs."
(The boys go into the house and Norma turns to leave.)
Lynette: "Same time next week?"
Norma: "Okay."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Opening Credits
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mary Alice V8oiceover:"Cameras are simple tools designed to capture images. Images that tell us more about ourselves than we realize."
(Focus on a photo of Bree, Mary Alice, Gabrielle, Lynette, and Susan.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"They remind us of the long journey we've taken."
(Focus on a picture of Susan, Karl, and Julie.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"The loved ones who traveled alongside of us."
(Focus on a picture of the entire Scavo family.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Those we lost along the way."
(Focus on the wedding picture of Bree and Rex.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"And those waiting for us on the road ahead."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Gabrielle's House]
(Focus on a sonogram photo with a coffee cup on top of it. Someone picks up the dish and the photo is revealed to be labeled Gabrielle Solis. Edie, Susan, Bree and Gabrielle are sitting around the table having ice cream.)
Edie: "Okay, how am I supposed to eat with a uterus staring me in the face?"
Susan: "Oh, Gabby, I didn't know you got a sonogram. Let me see. Oh!"
(Susan wipes the photo with her sleeve.)
Bree: "Honey, you need to put that in a frame or something."
Gabrielle: "I don't think so."
Bree: "Oh, come on, that's a picture of your baby. You can't tell me you're not a little bit excited."
(Gabrielle throws the picture into a drawer.)
Gabrielle: "Fine, I'm pregnant. Whee! Now come on, we are supposed to be cheering up Susan. This is a time of crisis and I think you need another scoop of mint chocolate chip."
Susan:Thanks.
Edie: "Susan. Why are you so eerily calm? Mike Delfino just dumped you. The Susan Mayer I know would be a blubbering mess right now. Oh, come on, trot her on out. She's fun to watch."
Susan: "Actually, I think I'm starting to feel pretty Zen about the whole thing."
Bree: "Well, I think Mike will calm down in a couple of days and come to his senses."
Susan: "No, I came between the man and his son. There's a huge betrayal. I, I can't even blame him for hating me."
Gabrielle: "But Zach was starting to obsess with Julie again."
Bree: "Exactly. You're a mother trying to protect her child. It's a natural impulse."
Susan: "Over the past couple of days, I gave myself a long hard look in the mirror and I did not like what I saw."
Edie: "I'm with you. Carry on."
Susan: "I just think if I start acting like an adult for once, maybe, who knows, somewhere down the line, Mike and I at least can be friends."
Edie: "All right, you're not Zen. You're numb."
Susan: "I'm fine. You got any pie?"
Gabrielle: "Not unless we make some."
Susan: "I can wait."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Lynette's House]
(Norma and Leonard are dropping off their kids for a play date. Jimmy and PJ run inside.)
Tom: "Whoa!"
Norma: "So if you need us, we'll be at home just having a quiet evening."
(Sounds of something breaking come from inside the house.)
Tom: "Funny, we're expecting quite the opposite."
Leonard: "Well, don't forget, next week it's our turn. We'll taking Porter and-"
Norma: "...Preston?"
Leonard: "...Preston off your hands all weekend."
Lynette: "Rest assured, we have not forgotten. See ya!"
Norma: "Bye."
Lynette: "Don't worry."
(Porter and Preston are coming downstairs.)
Tom: "Whoa, guys. Whoa, why aren't you upstairs with PJ and Jimmy?"
Preston: "They're watching this dumb video they brought"
Porter: "It's boring."
Lynette: "Well, you should be polite and watch it too. You know they're your guests."
(The boys continue going downstairs.)
Tom: "Guys!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Scavo Children's Room]
(Parker and the twins are watching a video tape.)
Lynette: "Hey, guys. We got snacks!"
Leonard (on the TV, wearing boxer shorts): "We're good to go. Okay, ready?"
Norma: (on the TV, wearing a bra and panties) "Okay."
Leonard (on the TV): "All right, hang on now, I'm just getting up."
Lynette: "Guys, what is this?"
Jimmy/PJ: "A movie. Mommy and Daddy made it."
(On the TV screen, Norma and Leonard are on the bed, almost naked.)
Leonard: "Whoa. What's under there?"
Norma: "Peek a boo! Peek a boo!"
Lynette: "Oh my god! Oh my god, where's the off button?"
(Lynette runs to the TV and tried to turn off the tape.)
Tom: "It's, it's underneath the panel thing."
Lynette: "Well, it's stuck. Get the remote! Get the remote!"
(Lynette blocks the TV and Tom scrambles around for the remote.)
Parker: "What's wrong?"
Lynette: "Oh, uh..."
Tom: "I found it."
(Tom pushes a button on the remote. The TV turns off.)
Lynette: "Oh."
Parker: "So can we have the cocoa now?"
(Lynette nods yes and looks toward Tom.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Boutique]
[Outside the dressing room]
Vern: "Well, what do you think?"
(Gabrielle comes out of the dressing room wearing a turquoise blue dress.)
Gabrielle: "It is glorious. I have to have it."
Vern: "I'm not sure you deserve Dolce and Gabana."
Gabrielle: "Vern."
Vern: "You never call, you never write."
Gabrielle: "I know I haven't been to the store lately but I've been a little busy getting my husband out of jail."
Vern: "That's such a white-trash thing to say."
Gabrielle: "Luckily, the judge dropped the hate crime charge. So now all Carlos has to do is serve out the slave labor thing. He'll be out in six months."
Vern: "If he's still in the hoosgow, why do you need the fancy party dress."
Gabrielle: "Because some of my model friends are coming down from New York on Friday so I have to look better than ever. I can't have them thinking I moved to the suburbs and I shop at strip malls."
Vern: "When they see this dress they will crumple to the floor like the Botox tags they are."
Gabrielle: "Good. You know what? It's a little snug."
Vern: "Yeah, I see that. I have the same thing in a zero, why not go up a size?"
Gabrielle: "Because I wear a double zero, you twerp!"
Vern: "Why are you getting snippy?"
Gabrielle: "Because you just called me fat!"
Vern: "Honey, you're pregnant. Your body's changing."
Gabrielle: "But I'm only three months pregnant. Women don't show at three months."
Vern: "Some women do. Do you want the larger size or not?"
Gabrielle: "I'm just not gonna eat for two days."
Vern: "Okay, you totally deserve to wear Dolce and Gabana."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Wisteria Lane - Daytime]
(Susan approaches Mike's house. She hears Edie yelling and looks over. Edie and Karl are coming out the front door. Edie grabs Karl by the arm.)
Edie: "I want an explanation, Karl, do you hear me?"
Karl: "Edie, you just better get the hell off my back, so help me..."
Edie: "Oh. Oh, so what are you gonna do? I'd like to hear this. Big man, big threat."
Karl: "Back off, just back the hell off!"
Edie: "What am I..."
(Susan knocks on Mike's door.)
Susan: "Hi. Okay, so I got the box on things you left on my porch."
Mike: "Yeah, I figured you'd want your stuff back."
Susan: "Thanks. That's great. 'Cause if you decided to hang on to my Joni Mitchell CDs I'd have to come after you with a club. You're right, it's not funny. Actually, I did want to see if you were aware that you gave me back the Valentine's Day card that I made you."
Mike: "I was aware, yeah."
Susan: "Oh. Well, I mean when two people split up, normally they don't give things back like Valentine's Day cards. If, if, you can throw it away. Just please don't give it back to me, it's tacky."
(She hands the card to him and he takes it.)
Mike: "I'm sorry."
Susan: "That's okay. People make-"
(Mike tosses the card in a trash can by the door.)
Susan: "...mistakes."
Mike: "Anything else?"
Susan: "Look, are you sure this is what you want to do? I mean, I understand that you don't want our relationship to continue, you have made that clear. But I sort of thought down the long corridors of time, maybe you and I could be friends, and if you keep acting like this..."
Mike: "Susan, it's over. On every level. Okay, I've, I've moved on. You should do the same."
(They both turn as Edie continues to yell at Karl, who has already gotten in his car.)
Edie: "You miserable son of a bitch! If I have secrets, I'm a hell of a lot better at keeping them than you are!"
(Karl speeds by in his convertible.)
Susan: "Well, I'll say one thing for us. Even with all our problems we're not acting like that."
(Susan turns back toward Mike, who closes the door in her face.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Empty House]
(George escorts Bree blindfolded into the empty living room.)
Bree: "Okay, I'm starting to get the feeling that we are not going to a yard sale."
George: "That was just a clever ruse to get you into my car. Are you ready for your surprise?"
Bree: "Um hmm."
(George removes the blindfold. Bree looks all around.)
Bree: "Oh. George, this is just, uh, an empty house. Why is this a surprise?"
George: "I just bought it."
Bree: "Oh, my god! Congratulations. Oh George, I didn't even know you were looking."
(Two women come out of the door down the hall.)
Francine Williams: "Hurry, Ceal, they're here."
Ceal: "Coming. Hey Georgie."
George: "Bree, I'd like you to meet my mother."
Francine: "George never introduces me to anyone. So I knew you were special."
George: "And this is Ceal, my mother's friend and the real estate agent who sold me the house."
Ceal: "Hi."
Bree: "Hi."
Francine: "Well, we're gonna go in the back, so George can, you know."
(The ladies leave the room.)
George: "So, you really like it?"
Bree: "Uh, I do, I really do."
George: "Good, 'cause, uh, I was sorta hoping that you might like to live here. Bree," (he pulls out a ring) "will you marry me?"
Bree: "Huh?"
George: "I love you and I think I know how you feel about me. So why wait?"
Bree: "George, Rex hasn't even been dead for two months."

George: "Yes, but if his death has taught us anything, it's that life is short. It's dumb to play it safe. If we see a chance for happiness we should grab it and hold on tight."
Bree: "See, I thought we were going to a yard sale."
George: "Please, just say the word and you'll make me the happiest guy on earth."
(Francine and Ceal, carrying glasses of champagne, enter the room.)
Francine: "Congratulations, you two."
Ceal: "Mazel tov!"
George: "Guys, wait, she hasn't said yes yet."
Francine: "Oh."
Ceal: "I told you we should wait."
(The ladies leave again.)
George: "So, Bree. What do you say?"
Bree: "See, George, um, the thing is..."
(Bree sees Francine and Ceal peeking around the corner.)
Bree: "...okay."
George: "You will? You'll marry me?"
Bree: "Okay."
(He grabs Bree and hugs her.)
Francine: "Oh.. Ah. Oh my baby! Oh."
(The three of them hug and Bree grabs a glass of champagne and drinks it all down.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Susan's House - Nighttime]
(Someone knocks on Susan's door.)
Susan: "Who is it?"
Karl: "It's your ex-husband."
Susan: "Oh, Karl. What do you want?"
(Susan opens the door and Karl is there with all his suitcases.)
Karl: "Uh, Edie and I just broke up."
Susan: "Oh. Well, come on in."
(Susan and Karl sit at the dining room table drinking wine.)
Karl: "I'm sorry to come over on such short notice. But, I couldn't face going to a hotel."
Susan: "Oh, that's okay. Julie's staying at a friend's tonight. You can sleep in her room."
Karl: "The sofa's fine, thanks."
Susan: "So am I allowed to ask what happened?"
Karl: "You could ask, but I won't tell."
Susan: "Why not?"
Karl: "'Cause it's embarrassing."
Susan: "Karl, did you cheat again?"
Karl: "No."
Susan: "Did she cheat?"
Karl: "No."
Susan: "You finally saw her without her makeup?"
Karl: "Susan."
Susan: "I'm sorry. Are you okay?"
Karl: "Yeah. Haven't been working for quite a while. This was inevitable."
Susan: "Well, these days anybody going through a break-up gets my sympathy."
Karl: "That's right. I heard you made the plumber angry."
Susan: "No, I made the plumber furious. That is definitely over. So there will be no gloating from me."
Karl: "Here's to no gloating."
(They clink their wine glasses together.)
Susan: "Actually, I'm trying to keep a positive outlook on the whole thing. Um, last night I started writing and, well, I think there's a book in there."
Karl: "A book?"
Susan: "Yeah."
Karl: "Like one of your children's books?"
Susan: "Nope. This one's for adults about all my failed relationships."
Karl: "You're not writing about me, are you?"
Susan: "You're, like, the first fourteen chapters."
Karl: "Are you gonna be fair?"
Susan: "I'm gonna be honest."
Karl: "I was afraid of that."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Dr. Goldfine's Office]
Bree: "It was just awful. George had a ring. His mother and her friend were there with champagne. If I had said no, it would have devastated him."
Dr. Goldfine: "So you agreed to marry him just to be polite?"
Bree: "Well, obviously there's a downside to having good manners."
Dr. Goldfine: "So, when will you tell him how you really feel?"
Bree: "That's why I wanted to talk to you. I mean, part of me just keeps thinking maybe I should just do it."
Dr. Goldfine: "Do it? You mean actually marry him?"
Bree: "Well, I know it sounds rash, but, well, there's something comfortable about George. We share the same tastes and interests. Oh, and best of all, he loves the opera."
Dr. Goldfine: "The opera?"
Bree: "Yes, we saw Aida last week and we both cried buckets. It was fun. George loves art, poetry, and music. It would be nice to be married to someone who looks for beauty in the world like I do. I don't know. That's why I'm here. I don't know what to do, Dr. Goldfine."
Dr. Goldfine: "Bree, you've said many times how comfortable you are with George, but you don't feel for him the way you felt for Rex."
Bree: "No. True love is great, but at this point in my life, I think I'd rather just go to the opera."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Susan's House]
(Susan and Karl are still drinking at the dining room table. Both appear a little bit drunk.)
Karl: "You need another glass. Let's finish this off..."
Susan: "Oh no, no wait, no wait, no wait. Four glasses is my limit."
Karl: "If you help me finish off this bottle, I'll tell you what happened between me and Edie."
Susan: "Hit me."

Karl: "Edie was making the bed and found a picture I kept under the mattress. A picture I didn't want her to see."
Susan: "What was it?"
Karl: "It was a picture of you."
Susan: "Why would you...?"
Karl: "Because it's something I like to take a look at every now and then."
Susan: "Wow."
(Karl leans over and kisses Susan.)
Susan (laughing): "What the hell was that?"
Karl: "That was something I've been wanting to do for quite some time."
Susan: "Oh, that's just you rebounding from Edie."
Karl: "So, you're on the rebound from the plumber. No harm, no foul."
Susan: "Karl. It'd be so weird."
Karl: "Just two old friends who suddenly find themselves single. There's nothing weird about us helping each other out to be a little less lonely."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Lynette's House - Daytime]
(Norma arrives to pick up her twins.)
Norma: "Thanks so much for taking care of the boys. I'll be back on Friday to pick your guys up. Leonard and I are gonna take them all to the water park."
Lynette: "Yeah, um, before that happens..."
Norma: "And we're gonna be able to take Penny soon, aren't we? She's getting so big. Peekaboo, peekaboo, peekaboo."
Lynette: "Yeah, okay, enough of that."
Norma: "Is there something wrong?"
Lynette: "Actually, yes. We've agonized whether to tell you this, Norma, but one of your private videos made its way into Jimmy and P.J.'s bag."
Norma: "Please tell me the kids didn't see it."
Tom: "Oh, no, don't worry. I caught it, I caught it right before you took off your bra."
Norma: "I have to go."
Lynette: "Oh, Norma. Norma, we just thought you needed to know what happened."
Tom: "Seriously, we're, we're cool with it so long as you keep it away from the kids."
Norma: "I told Leonard this was gonna happen!"
(Norma runs to her car and gets in quickly.)
Norma: "Jimmy, P.J., close the door! Are we all buckled up?"
(She speeds away and Lynette shouts after the car.)
Lynette: "Norma, wait! We're still on for next week! Norma! The water park! Right?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Susan's House - Morning]
(Julie walks into the house. She goes upstairs to Susan's room and opens the door to see Karl and Susan, asleep in bed together.)
Julie: "Mom! Mom? Mom, are you up? Mom, oh, my god!"
Susan: "Oh. Julie! I thought you were going straight to school."
Julie: "I, I needed money for lunch."
Karl: "There's a twenty in my pants if you can find 'em."
Susan: "Oh, uh, Julie, uh oh, Julie, uh..."
Karl: "Honey."
(Julie runs out of the room and goes downstairs. Susan follows.)
Susan: "Okay, there is a good explanation for what happened."
Julie: "I doubt that."
Susan: "You probably don't know that your father and Edie broke up last night."
Julie: "You slept with him the same night he broke up with her?"
Susan: "Well, I said it was a good explanation, not a great one."
Julie: "Oh!"
Susan: "Oh, Julie."
(Karl walks in buckling his pants.)
Karl: "Hey, pumpkin."
Julie: "Don't even!"
(Julie walks out.)
Susan: "Oh, now I feel really awful."
Karl: "Me too."
Susan: "We should not have done what we did."
Karl: "I know, I know. But I gotta tell you, last night was the best sex ever."
Susan: "Wasn't it, though? You were fantastic!"
Karl: "Hey, I was just trying to keep up with you."
Susan: "Why do you think we got so good all of a sudden?"
Karl: "Because we've been angry at each other for so long, and we finally found a way to channel it."
Susan: "Maybe."
Karl: "So what happens next?"
Susan: "Well, I'm gonna take a shower."
Karl: "No, I, I mean with us."
Susan: "Us? What do you mean? There's no us."
Karl: "You can't tell me you can just walk away from this chemistry we got going. I mean, what happened last night was...explosive."
Susan: "Karl, last night was two old friends helping each other through a rough patch. That's it."
Karl: "Susie Q..."
Susan: "Karl, I want to move on. I don't want to go backwards. I'm sorry, but thank you for the explosion. I really needed it."
(Susan leaves the room.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Gabrielle's House - Daytime]
(Gabrielle is putting on her Dolce and Gabana dress.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"After 48 hours of crash dieting, Gabrielle prepared to savor the fruit of her labor. But she was dismayed to discover that she herself had ripened considerably."
(Gabrielle, unable to zip the dress up, goes out the front door and sees the gardener.)
Gabrielle: "Ralph! I need help getting dressed. Get in here! Now!"
(Ralph drops the rake and runs inside.)
Gabrielle: "I have to fit in this, so for god's sakes, put some muscle into it."
Ralph: "I'm trying. It won't zip."
Gabrielle: "Well, try harder."
Ralph: "Oh! Ow. My hands hurt. I'm sorry, Ms. Solis, but I can't get you into this dress. It's just too small."
Gabrielle: "Get me into this dress, and I will pay you ten more dollars a week."
(Later, Ralph's partner is holding onto the zipper with pliers while Ralph is holding on to Gabrielle.)
Ralph's partner: "I think I got it. Hold on. Hold still. Here we go. One, two, three. There."
Gabrielle: "Oh! Thank god."
(Gabrielle falls into a chair and the dress rips.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Betty's House]
(Betty and Matthew go into Caleb's room in the basement.)
Betty: "We brought you some ice cream. I know how long it's been since you've had any. We'll have that in a minute, sweetheart. First, I want you to talk to me about what happened about Melanie."
Caleb: "I don't want to talk about her."
Betty: "You know it breaks my heart to keep you down here like this. But I can't let you out until I am positive that you will never hurt anyone else again. And the first step is for you to show me that you understand that what you did was wrong."
Caleb: "She was a bad person. She deserved it."
Betty: "No one deserves to die like that, Caleb. Don't you agree? Very well. If that's how it's going to be, this is how it's going to be."
(Betty takes the ice cream and they leave the room and lock the door. Caleb jumps up and screams. He starts pulling at the chains that bind him to the bed.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Leonard and Norma's House - Nighttime]
(Tom and Lynette approach the house and ring the door bell.)
Tom: "I can't believe we're doing this. If Leonard and Norma want to cut ties with us, who are we to stop them?"
Lynette: "They need to know we don't judge them for what they do in the privacy of their own home. And, well, it's not unheard of to tape yourself while you're having sex."
Tom: "Well, obviously, they were so embarrassed, they don't want anything to do with us. Maybe we need to respect that."
Lynette: "I need these play dates. Tom, we need these play dates."
Tom: "Fine. Fine. But you do all the talking."
Lynette: "Okay."
(Norma opens the door.)
Lynette: "Norma..."
Norma: "Aah!"
(Norma closes the door.)
Lynette: "Wait!"
Tom: "Let's go."
Lynette: "No!"
(Leonard opens the door.)
Leonard: "Hi, Scavos. What are you guys doing here?"
Lynette: "Hi. Sorry for just showing up unannounced, but, um, could we talk to you for a minute?"
Leonard: "Sure, come on in."
Lynette: "So, um, we've been trying to contact you, but you haven't been returning any of our messages."
Tom: "And we really hope it isn't because of the porno video."
Lynette: "Home, home movies. The fact is, we really don't care, and it's certainly no reason to keep our boys apart."
Leonard: "We just don't know how they found it."
Tom: "But you know boys, they get, they get into everything, But seriously, it's not a big deal. I mean, just as long as you make sure it never happens again. It's the new millennium. We're, we're, we're hip."
Lynette: "You know, what we're saying is, we get it. You're just having fun. It's nothing to be ashamed of."
(Later, the four of them sit in the living room drinking wine.)
Norma: "I'm just so relieved this all worked out. At one point, we actually talked about selling the house and moving."
Lynette: "Oh, no!"
Norma: "Thank you for being so open-minded."
Tom: "Please, we're all adults. It's..."
Leonard: "I gotta tell you, the most embrarrassing part of that video is how poorly it was shot. The production values are ca-ca."
Lynette: "Well, from a lay perspective, it looked very professional."
Leonard: "What you saw was an example of my earlier work. Since then, I've become much more adept at production."
Lynette: "Ah."
Leonard: "You know, editing and lighting."
Norma: "Leonard has always dreamed of directing movies."
Leonard: "Ironic, isn't it? I finally get my wish and no one ever gets to see my work."
Lynette: "That is a damn shame."
Leonard: "Norma, what do you think? Should we show them the room? Let's show 'em the room. Huh?"
(Leonard takes Lynette and Tom into a dimly lit bedroom with filming equipment around the room.)
Leonard: "Check out this baby. Three-chip high-def, twelve-eighty by seven-twenty lines of resolution, bounced lighting, and dark sheets so you don't get a kick off the pillows. Took me a while to learn that little trick. These walls are completely soundproof. You could scream your lungs out in here, and nobody'd hear you."
Norma: "It's true."
Leonard: "So, anytime you wanna set up a shoot, just let me know."
Norma: "You guys'd love it. Once you get in front of that camera, you feel like a star."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Leonard and Norma's House - Outside]
(Tom and Lynette walk away from the house as Norma and Leonard stand on the porch.)
Leonard: "Good night."
Tom: "Night." (whispering to Lynette) "I'm thinking no more play dates."
Lynette: "Not a one."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[George's House - Nighttime]
(Bree knocks on the front door.)
Bree: "Hey. We'd better hurry. The movie starts in twenty minutes."
George: "There's been a slight change in plans. My mother had a couple of friends who really wanted to meet you, and I thought, what the heck? It could be fun. Do you mind?"
Bree: "Uh, no, I, I guess not."
(He opens the door fully to reveal a couple dozen people standing in the empty living room.)
George: "Hey, everybody, this is Bree."
(Everyone starts clapping. Bree smiles, waves, and walks inside.)
(Later, Bree and George are standing with Francine and several other people.)
George: "And this is my Uncle Sid."
Bree: "Hi."
George: "My Aunt Rosalie."
Bree: "Hello."
George: "Oh, and this is Stan Grazi, who does my mom's taxes."
Stan: "She's a knockout, George. Guess I owe you an apology."
George: "Since I was single all these years, Stan kept telling my mom I was gay."
Stan: "I'm still gonna need some proof. But I guess I'll be getting that in about nine months, hey, Bree?"
Bree: "What happens in nine months?"
George: "That's just Stan's little joke about when we're gonna start our own family. Now just so you know, Stan, it's gonna be a while before we even think about kids. I want Bree all to myself for a while."
Francine: "Well, don't wanna wait too long. After forty, the eggs don't get any fresher. Am I right, Bree?"
Bree: "If you'll excuse me, I, uh, I have to go."
(Bree takes the champagne she had been holding and walks out of the house. George follows.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[George's House - Outside]
George: "Bree, Bree, where are you going?"
Bree: "I am taking my champagne and my aging eggs, and I'm going home."
George: "What's wrong?"
Bree: "George, I'm starting to think that we made a mistake rushing into this engagement."
George: "What?"
Bree: "And I'm not the only one who thinks that. Other people have said the same thing."
George: "What others? Andrew?"
Bree: "No. Dr. Goldfine, my therapist."
George: "Your therapist? He doesn't know me."
Bree: "Well, he knows me, and certainly better than you do."
George: "How can you say that?"
Bree: "Well, for starters, he knows the last thing I'd ever want to do is have more children."
George: "Really? Well, I didn't know."
Bree: "But you should know that. That's the kind of thing that people who are engaged are supposed to know about each other."
George: "Well, it doesn't matter. I don't need children."
Bree: "It's not just that, George. Dr. Goldfine has other concerns about us being together, and I'm starting to think he's right."
George: "Look, I'll agree with Dr. Goldfine on one thing. We should slow things down."
Bree: "Really?"
George: "Yes. Just because two people are engaged doesn't mean they have to get married anytime soon."
Bree: "I'll talk to Dr. Goldfine about it tomorrow."
George: "Take whatever time you need."
(She hands him the champagne glass, then gets in her car and drives off.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Betty's House]
(Matthew and Betty are walking downstairs to the basement.)
Betty: "How many times am I gonna have to ask you to fix this step? Matthew, are you gonna answer me?"
(Matthew sees the door to Caleb's room is wide open.)
Matthew: "Did you leave the door open?"
(They both see the binding lying on the floor in the basement.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Wisteria Lane - Nighttime]
(Betty and Matthew run outside. They start searching the neighborhood for Caleb.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Wisteria Lane - Daytime]
(Betty and Matthew are still searching for Caleb. Matthew comes out of the back yard of the neighbor.)
Betty: "How'd you do?"
Matthew: "Not good. People are gonna start coming home from work soon."
Betty: "Okay. We can't panic. Caleb is scared. He doesn't know the area, so he's got to be close by. Which yards haven't you checked yet?"
(They look at Bree's yard. Bree is working in her front garden. Betty approaches Bree while Matthew sneaks in the back yard.)
Betty: "Bree, I desperately need your help."
Bree: "Oh, dear. What's wrong?"
Betty: "How do you get your hydrangeas to look so stunning? I'm systematically slaughtering my own garden."
Bree: "Do you really want to know my secret?"
Betty: "Oh, yes."
Bree: "Horse manure. I have it delivered. Susan makes fun of me, but the proof is in the pudding."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bree's Backyard - Daytime]
(Matthew is searching the yard and doesn't see Danielle, who is also in the backyard, wearing a bikini and see-through robe. She holds a lit cigarette as she watches Matthew look through the windows of her house.)
Danielle: "Hello."
Matthew: "Hey."
Danielle: "Looking for something?"
Matthew: "Uh, yeah. Actually, I'm looking for you."
Danielle: "Me? You're looking for me?"
Matthew: "Yeah. I've been thinking about you, and that time we met, I thought you were really cool."
Danielle: "So you came to ask me out? 'Cause I'll say yes."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bree's Front Yard - Daytime]
Betty: "Thank you."
(Bree goes into her house and Matthew comes out from the backyard.)
Betty: "Anything? Well, that was a waste of time."
Matthew: "Pretty much"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Susan's Front Yard - Daytime]
(Susan is watering her yard. Edie approaches.)
Edie: "Did you hear the big news?"
Susan: "Uh, the big news?"
Edie: "Karl and I are back together."
Susan: "What?"
Edie: "And I know that he stayed at your place last night, which leads me to why I'm here. There's some stuff that I have to say, and it's not going to be pleasant."
Susan: "Edie, uh...".
Edie: "Whatever it was that you said to him really helped. He showed up with flowers and he apologized for everything. So, thank you."
Susan: "I'm sorry, what?"
Edie: "Well, I'm not gonna say it again. It hurt my teeth the first time."
Susan: "No, Edie. I mean, this is so unexpected on so many levels. I don't know what to say."
Edie: "Then say nothing. Oh, and, uh, here is the photo of you I found in our bed. I know he told you about it."
Susan: "Why are you giving it to me?"
Edie: "Look, I appreciate whatever it was that you did last night, but it's still important for you to understand that I won."
Susan: "You won?"
Edie: "Yeah. Whatever little hold you had on Karl is officially over. So you can stop feeling all smug and superior that he kept that thing."
Susan: "Believe me, I don't feel superior."
Edie: "Good, 'cause you shouldn't. He made his choice, and it's not you."
Susan: "You're right. He made his choice."
(Edie smiles and walks off.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Gabrielle's House]
(Bree is altering the dress Gabrielle is wearing.)
Gabrielle: "Bree, it's still too easy to breathe. You've gotta make it tighter."
Bree: "Gaby, if I make it any tighter, you won't be able to sit down."
Gabrielle: "I don't care. I can't have these girls thinking I'm pregnant."
Bree: "Do you actually think they're gonna make fun of you?"
Gabrielle: "Trust me. They're merciless."
Bree: "But why? I mean, surely they have friends who have children."
Gabrielle: "When I decided to marry Carlos, I told these girls I would spend the rest of my days being rich and in love and childless, and they laughed at me, and they said I would just end up being another fat hausfrau living a life that I didn't plan. I'm not gonna give them the satisfaction of knowing they were right."
Bree: "Well, maybe they'll just be happy for you."
Gabrielle: "Bree, my friends are models. They're never happy for anyone."
Bree: "Do you ever think you might like it?"
Gabrielle: "What?"
Bree: "Motherhood."
Gabrielle: "No."
Bree: "Oh, come on. You don't think you're gonna love your own baby?"
Gabrielle: "Well, I'm not saying I'm not gonna grow attached to the little bugger. I just don't have the motherhood gene. I wish I did, but I don't. What?"
Bree: "Well, I'm just smiling because I think a few months from now you are gonna come to me and tell me how madly in love you are with your new little baby, and I'm gonna have to resist the urge to say 'I told you so.'"
Gabrielle: "Maybe, but I doubt it."
Bree: "There you go. All done."
Gabrielle: "Ah. How do I look?"
Bree: "Positively glowing."
Gabrielle: "Bree."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Street]
(Dr. Goldfine is out jogging across a bridge. A man wearing dark clothing and a helmet pulled low passes Dr. Goldfine on a bicycle. The cyclist stops ahead of Dr. Goldfine, gets off of the bicycle, and starts stretching against the overpass wall.)
(As Dr. Goldfine gets closer, the cyclist looks up and it's George. As Dr. Goldfine passes him, George grabs the doctor, hits him in the face, smashes his head on the concrete overpass wall and throws the doctor over the side of the bridge. George looks around, gets on his bike, and leaves the scene.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Gabrielle's House - Nighttime]
(A staff of waiters are working at the dining room table when the doorbell rings. Gabrielle answers the door to her model friends. They all scream when they see each other and gather together for a group hug.)
Gabrielle: "Hi!"
All Three Models: "Hello!"
Model: "Oh, my god! You're pregnant!"
(They all kiss and hug Gabrielle.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bree's House - Nighttime]
(There's a knock on the door.)
Gabrielle: "Bree? It's Gabby!"
Bree: "Honey, it's open. Come on in."
Gabrielle: "Hi. My, uh, friends just left, and I was hoping you could come over and cut me out of this thing."
Bree: "How was your little reunion?"
Gabrielle: "It was, um, weird."
Bree: "Weird?"
Gabrielle: "Well, Allison's mad because she's losing jobs to fourteen-year-olds, Holly is on a strict diet of cruciferous vegetables, and Yasmin is undergoing a new embryonic facial treatment that probably causes short-term memory loss. You know, I just stood there the whole night trying to remember why we were ever friends. And I couldn't."
Bree: "You know, honey, people change."
Gabrielle: "Yeah, but that's the thing. They haven't changed. That's who they've always been. I've changed, and I honestly don't know how."
Bree: "Well, maybe Susan, Lynette, and I have had a good influence on you."
Gabrielle: "I doubt that."
Bree: "Come on. When I finish up here, I will come over with my sewing kit and cut you out of that."
Gabrielle: "All right, but hurry up, because I've been having to pee since hors d'oeuvres. Are you free to go shopping tomorrow? I figured it's probably time I bought some clothes that actually fit."
Bree: "Well, I know a store that carries maternity clothes with designer labels."
Gabrielle: "I like the sound of that. Thanks."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Gabrielle's House - Nighttime]
(Gabrielle enters her darkened house. She goes into her kitchen and sees the freezer door is open. She closes it and leaves the room, not seeing the open ice cream carton on the counter.)
(Gabrielle washes and dries her hands in the bathroom, then sees an empty ice cream bowl sitting in her walk-in closet. She picks it up and turns around. Caleb is standing there. Gabrielle screams and throws the bowl at Caleb. Caleb bats the bowl away. Gabrielle runs out of the room and down the stairs She trips and falls down to the bottom on the steps.)
(Still lying on the floor, she watches as Caleb walks down the steps. Caleb stands over her and stares down at her, then walks out the door.)
(Later, are at Gabrielle's house, investigating the scene. An officer is talking to Bree who is standing outside. Paramedics are carrying Gabrielle out on a stretcher.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Yes, cameras are tools designed to capture images."
(The paramedics start wheeling Gabrielle past Bree.)
Gabrielle: "Wait."
(Gabrielle whispers something to Bree.)
Bree (to the paramedics): "Uh, she needs me to get something for her. I will be right back."
(Bree runs inside.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"But in truth, they can capture so much more."
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[Edie's House]
(Karl is staring at at picture of Susan. He tucks the picture into a book.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"They can uncover hidden longing of men who should no longer care."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Leonard and Norma's House]
(Leornard and Norma are watching the video the Scavos gave back to them.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"They can reveal the extraordinary secrets of the most ordinary marriages."
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[Gabrielle's House]
(Bree runs outside to the ambulance. She gets inside and places a photo in Gabrielle's hand. Gabrielle looks at the photo of the sonogram and holds it to her heart. She begins to cry.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Most amazing of all, cameras can quietly and clearly reveal to us our dreams. Dreams we didn't even know we had."



~ The End ~

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注册时间: 2005-07-09
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________________________________________
Desperate Housewives
Episode 02.08 - The Sun Won't Set
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mary Alice Voiceoverreviously on desperate housewives...
Tom:I'm going to be a stay-at-home dad.
Lynette:Huh?
Mary Alice Voiceover:Some reversed roles...
Matthew:I've been thinkin' about you.
Danielle:So you came to ask me out?
Mary Alice Voiceover:Some were welcomed in...
Danielle:'Cause I'll say yes.
Mike:I've moved on.You should do the same.
Mary Alice Voiceover:Some were shut the door...
George:Will you marry me?
Mary Alice Voiceover:And some...
Bree:Huh?
Mary Alice Voiceover:...never got the chance...
Gabrielle:Aah!
Mary Alice Voiceover:...to find out what they really wanted.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Betty's House]
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Betty Applewhite was a gifted woman. Everyone had always said so, ever since she was a child."
(Flashback to Betty as a young girl playing scales on the piano as her piano teacher watches.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Her first piano teacher praised her dexterity. Her first college professor applauded her sense of rhythm."
(Flashback to an older Betty playing skillfully at the piano as her college professor watches.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Her first symphony conductor hailed her dramatic flair."
(Flashback to a young adult Betty playing a concerto on the piano as her symphony conductor watches.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Betty's House-Present Day]
(A neighborhood watch meeting is taking place.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"But Betty was no longer a concert pianist. She was now just a woman with a secret. One she was determined to keep by any means necessary."
Mrs. McClusky: "I'm not a bit surprised that somebody broke into Gabrielle's house. Wisteria Lane is an easy target. It's not like the patrol around here."
Tom: "We still have the neighborhood watch."
Mrs. McClusky: "Oh, the neighborhood watch is a joke. When was the last time any of you went on patrol, huh? Now, I put security lights on my house. I say it's time that we hire professional security."
Lynette: "Well, that sounds expensive."
Mrs. McClusky: "Could you really put a price on your kids' safety? Well, you probably could."
Lynette: "Look, McClusky, I am as worried as everybody else in this neighborhood, but I just don't think that we-"
(Betty and Matthew whisper to each other.)
Matthew: "We've got to stop this."
Betty: "And say what, we're against security?"
Matthew: "But if they find Caleb first..."
Betty: "Hush, Matthew. I'm trying to think."
(They turn back to the rest of the group.)
Mrs. McClusky: "I'm not talking about a bunch of vigilantes, I'm talking about trained men who know when to shoot."
Tom: "Do we really need professional security?"
Mrs. McClusky: "Are you all gonna wait until somebody else is attacked? I think it's time to take a vote on armed security. I've had enough. All those in favor..."
(Betty gets up and begins playing the beginning of Beethoven's 5th Sympthony on the piano. Everyone quiets down and turns to look at Betty.)
Betty: "Oh, sorry. Things were just getting so dramatic."
Tom: "Wow, you're really good."
Mrs. McClusky: "We were taking a vote here."
Matthew: "She was a concert pianist."
Betty: "Well, I dabbled a bit."
(Betty continues playing. Everyone watches her. Matthew smiles. Mrs. McClusky looks annoyed.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Yes, Betty Applewhite was a gifted woman, and the greatest of all her gifts was her timing."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Opening Credits
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Gabrielle's House - Inside]
(Gabrielle is sitting in a darkened house in her robe. She opens the curtains.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Once they've suffered a miscarriage, some women sit alone in the dark for hours. They refuse to go out in the light of day, afraid to face the possibility that life will go on."
(Gabrielle walks over to her bed where there are baby clothes spread out all over.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"They hold onto reminders of their unborn child and dream of what might have been. Yes, this is how some women react when they've suffered such a loss."
(Gabrielle grabs a bag and begins putting all the baby clothes into it.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Gabrielle Solis was not one of those women."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Gabrielle's House - Outside]
(Gabrielle comes out onto her porch carrying the bag of baby clothes, her keys, and her purse. She walks to her car and sees Bree, Lynette, and Susan approaching.)
Gabrielle: "Hi, guys."
Bree: "Hi, honey."
Lynette: "Hi."
Bree: "How are you?"
Gabrielle: "I'm fine. Thank you for the messages. I'm, I'm sorry I haven't had time to return calls."
Susan: "We all cleared our schedules. We thought maybe you could use some company."

Bree: "So we're gonna go to my house. I made banana bread, and we'll put on a fresh pot, and just talk about anything."
Gabrielle: "That sounds so nice. It's just I'm booked solid today. My head's gonna explode. Can I take a rain check?"
Lynette: "Sure."
Gabrielle: "Thanks. Thanks for understanding."
Bree: "Okay, well, uh, I will call you tonight and we'll figure out a time later in the week."
Gabrielle: "Well, I'll tell you what, since it's my schedule that seems to be the problem, why don't I just figure out a time and call you?"
Susan: "Okay."
Gabrielle: "I just, I have so many errands to run and a million thing to return."
(She holds up the bag from the baby store.)
Bree: "Oh, honey, there's no reason why you and Carlos can't try again."
Susan: "You'd be an amazing mother."
Lynette: "You should hold onto that stuff for a while."
Gabrielle: "Yeah, you know, I would, but the store has this strict thirty-day return policy."
(She gets in her car.)
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[Fairview County Jail -Visiting Room]
(Carlos enters, escorted by guards. He has chains on his wrists which are connected to a long chain and his ankles chained.)
Gabrielle: "Carlos, what happened?"
Carlos: "I've had a rough couple days. After you told me about the, the baby, I kind of lost it."
Gabrielle: "Carlos, your hands."
Carlos: "I ripped my mattress open."
Gabrielle: "Jeez, how are you feeling today?"
Carlos: "They're injecting me with this tranquilizer thing. I think it's doing the trick. We never even talked about names. I had my top five all picked out."
Gabrielle: "Honey."
Carlos: "You want to hear 'em?"
Gabrielle: "No, I'm good."
Carlos: "You never thought about names?"
Gabrielle: "Oh, well, it was a little soon for that, don't you think? I mean, how can you name something the size of a walnut?"
(He looks at her sweater.)
Carlos: "Is this new?"
Gabrielle: "Do you like it? I picked it up on the way here."
Carlos: "You just lost a baby."
Gabrielle: "We all grieve differently."
Carlos: "You seem to be taking it pretty well."
Gabrielle: "I go shopping, you rip toilets out of the wall. Different strokes."
Carlos: "Are you even sad?"
Gabrielle: "Oh, please. What do you think?"
Carlos: "Honestly? I don't know."
Gabrielle: "Of course, I'm sad. It's a sad situation. Now, let go of me." \
Carlos: "Oh, man."
Gabrielle: "Honey, are you okay?"
Carlos: "I think my tranquilizer's wearing off."
Gabrielle: "Well, let's get you another round."
(She waves the guard over.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Mike's House - Outside]
(Mike is on a ladder, cleaning out his rain gutters. Susan walks over and stands at the bottom of the ladder.)
Susan: "Hey, Mike. So my mom's wedding is in a couple days, and I know you sent back that little card saying you were coming and that you preferred beef, which, actually I changed to fish for you 'cause I tasted the beef. Anyways, I know that was before we, you know..."
(Mike drops a bunch of dead, wet leaves at Susan's feet.)
Mike: "Send your mom my apologies, but I won't be attending."
Susan: "Oh. I hope that's not just because of us not being us anymore. I mean, we could be together at a wedding and it wouldn't have to be weird."
Mike: "It'd be weird."
Susan: "Of course. Yeah, I see that."
(Mike drops more wet leaves at Susan's feet.)
Susan: "Oh, uh. So what have you been doing lately?"
Mike: "Oh, just the usual."
Susan: "Well, I've been writing a book. It's sort of autobiographical. Really been forcing me to reexamine some of the different things that have made me me, like the fact that my mother had me so young, and I never knew my dad. Big stuff like that. I told you about my dad, right? He was a Merchant Marine, and his platoon was killed in the Battle of Hanoi?"
Mike: "That's strange."
Susan: "Why?"
Mike: "Well, Hanoi wasn't enemy territory. There wasn't a battle there."
Susan: "Are you sure? That's what my mom said."
Mike: "I'm pretty sure, yeah. The Merchant Marines don't fight. They deliver supplies on ships."
Susan: "Oh. Well, clearly I have more research to do. So, what do you think? My life story, would you rush out and buy a copy?"
Mike: "Susan..."
Susan: "Yeah?"
Mike: "You really need to step back."
(Mike throws more leaves to the ground. Susan jumps back just in time from getting hit with them.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Lynette's House - Nighttime]
(Lynette drives up. Porter and Preston are tossing a football to each other in the street.)
Lynette: "Porter, Preston, what have I told you about playing outside after dark?"
Porter/Preston: "It's not dark."
Lynette: "Does your dad know you're out here?"
Mrs. McClusky: "Don't worry, I've been watching 'em. They keep setting off my motion sensors. I ought to send you half my electric bill."
Lynette: "You do that. Okay, guys, come on over here. On the sidewalk. Stay there. Not on the street. Thank you."
(Lynette goes inside. Tom is vacuuming.)
Lynette: "Hey."
Tom: "Hi, babe."
Lynette: "I'm home. Could you come here a sec?"
Tom: "Sure. What's up?"
(Lynette points out the window. Tom sees Porter and Preston playing ball outside in the dark.)
Porter/Preston: "Block me, come on!"
Tom: "Damn, they must have snuck out again."
Lynette: "Again? How often does this happen?"
Tom: "Boys, get in here now! Honey, you know how slippery they are. It's like trying to herd cats."
Lynette: "Tom, it's nine o'clock at night."
Tom: "Guys, upstairs now. Let's go. Into pee-jays, into bed. Honey, they're fine. You just, you worry too much."
Lynette: "And for good reason. Someone could have driven off with them, and you wouldn't have even noticed."
Tom: "They were in the front yard. God, when I was their age, I used to hop on my bike, disappear for hours. My mom never batted an eye."
Lynette: "Yeah, well, that was a different time. You have to be more vigilant. There was a break-in on this street."
Tom: "I was at the neighborhood watch meeting, remember?"
Lynette: "I'm sorry. I've been doing this for seven years. Trust me. You have to have eyes in the back of your head."
Tom: "The two in front work just fine, thanks."
Lynette: "Really?"
Tom: "Mm-hmm."
Lynette: "Where's Penny?"
(Tom looks around frantically, then sees Penny fast asleep on the couch.)
Tom: "See? Right where I left her."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bree's House]
(Bree is clipping coupons out of the newspaper at the dining room table. She turns a clipping over and sees a picture of herself. She matches it to the paper and sees it is an engagement announcement for her and George.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Pharmacy]
(Bree puts the paper in front of George.)
Bree: "How did this get in the paper?"
George: "I, I was going to call you."
Bree: "We discussed this. We agreed to go slowly."
George: "I, I was going to call and cancel after our talk, but things just got so hectic, I, I forgot."
Bree: "Rex has only been dead for seven weeks."
George: "So?"
Bree: "So, I don't want every woman in this town talking about me behind my back."
George: "I'm sorry, but isn't the damage done?"
Bree: "Well, fortunately, people only read the announcements when there's nothing in the front page, and the headline today was about some catastrophic flood in Sri Lanka."
George: "Oh, so we lucked out."
Bree: "Yes, we did. Now, when the time comes to go public with our relationship, I need you to discuss it with me first. I'm the bride, after all. It's only appropriate."
George: "Okay. I will need you to wear that ring, though."
Bree: "The ring?"
George: "You're not wearing it. Where is it?"
Bree: "It's in my purse."
George: "Oh, good. Please put it on."
Bree: "But if people see it..."
George: "They'll assume that you're wearing your wedding ring."
Bree: "Maybe, but why risk it?"
George: "Because a ring tells would-be suitors a woman is spoken for. A naked hand invites unwanted attention."
(Bree gets the ring out of her purse.)
George: "Here. Let me."
(He slips the ring on her. Bree sees someone in line behind her.)
George: "Will that be all, Mrs. Van de Kamp?"
Bree: "Uh, yes, I think so, Mr. Williams."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Wisteria Lane - Daytime]
(A rough-looking Hispanic man drives up in front of Gabrielle's house in a battered old car. He gets out of his car and opens his trunk, which contains a shovel, tire iron, tools, an ice chest and various other things. He has a switchblade knife in his hand which he throws into the ice chest which contains sodas. He takes the ice chest out of the trunk.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Gabrielle's House - Inside]
(Gabrielle is doing yoga in her living room. She looks behind her and sees the stranger on her porch. He stands at the front door looking through the glass. Gabrielle grabs the phone.)
Gabrielle: "Ahhh! Oh, my god! What do you want?"
Hector: "Hey, hey, it's cool!"
Gabrielle: "No, it's not cool! Who the hell are you?"
Hector: "Carlos sent me!"
Gabrielle: "I'm gonna call the !"
Hector: "Name's Hector. I met Carlos inside."
Gabrielle: "Inside what? You mean, you mean, in prison?"
Hector: "He told me what happened, asked me to come by, and keep an eye on you. Can I come in?"
Gabrielle: "No! No, you can't come in!"
Hector: "I brought a cooler. I'll camp out here."
Gabrielle: "No! Uh-uh! I can take care of myself, okay?"
Hector: "Okay."
Gabrielle: "Okay?"
Hector: "Yeah, I, I get it. You need your space."
Gabrielle: "Yes. Yes, I do. I need my space. Thank you."
(Hector turns and leaves. He gets in his car and Gabrielle locks the dead bolt on the door. He smiles and drives away.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Lynette's House - Daytime]
Tom: "Come here. I want to show you something."
Lynette:: "Okay."
Tom: "Come here."
Lynette: "Hi, guys."
Tom: "I thought about what you said. Don't want you to worry. So I had a little talk with the boys."
Lynette: "Oh."
Tom: "Okay, guys, what do we do if a stranger asks us to take a ride in their car?"
(Porter raises his hand in the air.)
Tom: "Porter."
Porter: "We run away and call nine-one-one."
Tom: "Good man. Right, but what if that stranger says, 'Hey, I know your mommy and daddy.' What, Preston?"
Preston: "Still run away."
Tom: "Yes. Okay."
Lynette: "Can I ask a question?"
Tom: "Yeah, by all means."
Lynette: "What if the stranger is nice and not scary? Yes?"
Preston: "Run away and call nine-one-one."
Lynette: "So, what if the stranger says they're gonna take you to the circus for pizza and elephant rides? Don't look at your dad. Eyes on me. What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do?"
Porter: "We...run away?"
Tom: "Yes! Snap. Okay, to the kitchen. We are having ice cream tonight."
Lynette: "You're smiling like that actually meant something."
Tom: "Lynette, come on. We worked on this all afternoon. They get it."
Lynette: "Give me a break. You know our kids. I love them dearly, but that goes in one ear and out the other."
Tom: "I'm gonna have some ice cream"
Lynette: "Tom, you're not off the hook here."
Tom: "Lynette, I can keep my children alive. When you left this morning, there were four. When you came home, there were still four. When you come home and there are only three, then you get to lecture me."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bree's House - Outside]
(Bree is trimming a tree in the front yard when a young woman walks up.)
Leila: "Excuse me. Are you Bree Van de Kamp?"
Bree: "Uh, yes, I am."
Leila: "My name is Leila Mitzman. I hope I'm not interrupting?"
Bree: "Can I help you?"

Leila: "This may sound odd but I felt I should see you. I read in the paper that you're engaged to George Williams."
Bree: "Oh, well, that announcement was a bit premature."
Leila: "But you and George are involved? In a romantic relationship?"
Bree: "Yes."
Leila: "Then we need to talk."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bree's House - Inside]
(Leila and Bree are sitting on the couch. Bree pours tea for Leila.)
Leila: "We'd been dating for six months when he asked me to marry him. From the moment I said yes, George got so possessive, and when he found out my ex lived just down the street, George accused me of seeing him behind his back. And then one night, I got a call from the . Someone had set my ex's car on fire. I could never prove anything, but I knew it was George. I left him the next day."
Bree: "Well, I don't know what to say."
Leila: "I know. It's upsetting."
Bree: "Yes, it is. To have a complete stranger come into my home, drink my tea, and then try to turn me against one of the sweetest men I have ever known."
Leila: "Honey, you got to trust me. George is a whack job, and you should get while the getting's good."
Bree: "I think it's time for you to leave."
Leila: "One time, I was talking to a guy at a bar, and when we got home, George slapped me. What do you say to that?"
Bree: "I say, given your overall demeanor and your freewheeling use of epithets, I'm willing to bet that he was provoked."
Leila: "When I read that you were engaged to George, I felt it was my duty to let you know he's crazy. But now that I've met you, I can see it's a match made in heaven."
(She storms out.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Park - Daytime]
(Sophie is wearing a wedding veil and carrying flowers.)
Susan: "I'm here. Hi, Morty, Reverend Hopkins. I'm sorry I'm late to your rehearsal."
Sophie: "Oh, it's okay. It's all right. You're here now. It's fine. Go in front of me. Okay, Reverend, hit it!"
(The minister turns on a tape player and the wedding march plays.)
Susan: "Mom, can I ask you a question?"
Sophie: "You've got to march, Susie. Got to march."
Susan: "Oh. Oh. I was just researching my book and I, I found the strangest thing. No one with my father's name was ever a Merchant Marine."
Sophie: "Did I say Merchant? Well, I just meant the regular Marines."
Susan: "Oh, well, yeah, I thought you probably did. So I checked that, too, and he wasn't there and so I called the V.A., and there is not a single record of anyone named Harrison Ross in Vietnam."
Sophie: "This is not the time, Susie."
Morty: "What's, what's the holdup, ladies?"
Susan: "Well, I'm sorry to upset you, Mom, I just, don't you think that's weird?"
Morty: "What's, what's weird?"
Susan: "Well, there's no record of anyone with my dad's name in the armed services."
Morty: "Oh, well, there it is."
Susan: "There what is?"
Sophie: "Morty, just go on back up there."
Morty: "Look, I'm, I'm not gonna say that I knew this would happen, but I knew this would happen."
Susan: "Mom, I need answers."
Sophie: "Do you have to do this now? You are ruining my wedding rehearsal."
Susan: "Well, you've been married four times. I think you got it down."
Sophie: "I will not stand here and be attacked!"
(Sophie turns and walks away. Susan grabs the veil.)
Susan: "Mom, don't walk away from me."
Sophie: "What do you want me to say? You want me to say I'm a bad mother? Fine! I'm a bad mother! Are you happy now?"
(Sophie runs away, crying.)
Susan: "Mom! Mom."
(Susan chases her mom. Morty is standing with the minister. The minister stares at Morty.)
Morty: "Yes, yes, I, I know what I'm getting into."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Parking Lot - Daytime]
(Morty walks toward his car.)
Susan: "Morty? Morty, have you seen my mom?"
Morty: "Yeah. Yeah, she seemed, uh, she seemed pretty upset. I, I think, I think she took a cab home. You need, you need a ride?"
Susan: "I need to you tell me the truth about my father."
Morty: "Hop in. When, uh, when I was in Korea, I was stationed outside of, uh, Pusan, and we'd, uh, we'd, we'd get these, these passes, you know, and we'd, and we'd go into town, and, you know, we'd have a, have a few beers, and we used to call it R and R in, in military lingo."
Susan: "Yeah, well, I know what R and R means. So what does this have to do with my father?"
Morty: "Well, that's, that's what I'm getting to. Um, anyway, there were these, these young ladies. Professional ladies if you know what I mean."
Susan: "Morty, can, can we just move this along?"
Morty: "Okay. Long story short, it's just I never figured that my first time with a woman would, would be in an alley, behind a Korean noodle stand with, with my fatigues down around my, my ankles."
Susan: "Okay, again, what does this have to do with my father?"
Morty: "We, we've all done things that, uh, you know, that we're ashamed of. I mean, you know, we all, we all have secrets. Your, your, your father wasn't a war hero. And he, he wasn't in Viet, Vietnam."
Susan: "Well, why would my mother tell me that?"
Morty: "Uh, Sophie wasn't, wasn't married to your father. I'm, I'm not, I'm not sure she even, she even knew his name."
Susan: "Are you saying that I'm the result of my mother having a one-night stand?"
Morty: "Well, like, like I said, we've all, you know, we've, we've all done things that we're, that we're ashamed of."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Pharmacy]
(George is stocking the shelves. Bree approaches.)
Bree: "George."
George: "Bree. This is a surprise."
Bree: "I'm sorry to drop by unannounced, but I just had this disturbing visit from an old friend of yours. A Leila Mitzman."
George: "She, uh, shouldn't have contacted you."
Bree: "Well, she did, and she said some pretty horrible things about you."
George: "You should know that she's a renowned liar."
Bree: "That's what I thought, at first, but then having had time to think about it, I can't understand why she'd go to so much trouble. I mean, what would her motive be?"
George: "She's obsessed with me. She still wants me. Wasn't it obvious?"
Bree: "No."
George: "The woman is absolutely certifiable. What's more, I can prove it."
(Later, George is in front of the pharmacy computer, pulling up records.)
George: "Leila was a customer here. Even though she's no longer welcome, we still keep her prescriptions on file."
(He hands her a print out.)
Bree: "Fluoxetine, one hundred milligrams. Risperidone, two fifty milli... I'm sorry. What is this?"
George: "One is an antidepressant for mood swings. One is an antipsychotic to control hallucinations. Like I said, she's a very troubled lady."
Bree: "Well, then why did you date her in the first place?"
George: "In the beginning, you're blind to the flaws, right?"
Bree: "That's true, in the beginning."
George: "So we're good?"
Bree: "Yeah, of course we are."
(Bree walks away. She goes behind a rack where George can't see her and removes the engagement ring, putting it in her purse. George, at the computer, deletes the name "Leila Mitzman" from the screen and types in "Ethel Hollings.")
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Gabrielle's House]
(Gabrielle come out the front door onto the porch. Hector is sitting there.)
Hector: "Your mail came."
Gabrielle: "You said you were leaving."
Hector: "No, I said I was giving you space. I did. I was watching you from my car."
Gabrielle: "Look, the guy who broke in stole ice cream. I don't think I'm in any danger. So you can go. I don't need you."
Hector: "Carlos says you do. Where are you going?"
Gabrielle: "Shopping. Not that it's any of your business."
Hector: "You sure like to shop."
Gabrielle: "Yes, I do."
Hector: "That's all I've seen you do the past day and a half."
Gabrielle: "Uh-huh."
Hector: "All that shopping must be making up for something."
Gabrielle: "Excuse me?"

Hector: "You know, Carlos has your number. He says you're one tough cookie. So tough, you don't have to deal with your feelings. He's a perceptive man."
Gabrielle: "He thought I was cheating with two gay guys. Are you sure you want to go with perceptive?"
Hector: "Well, let's see. It's been what, a week since you lost your baby?"
Gabrielle: "Yeah, so?"
Hector: "So, I never heard of shopping out the pain."
Gabrielle: "Why is everyone on my back about this? I will deal with my loss my way, okay?"
(Gabrielle gets into her car and drives away.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Betty's House - Nighttime]
(Matthew comes downstairs, putting on his jacket.)
Betty: "Where are you going?"
Matthew: "Ah, I, uh, I just thought I would go out and look some more. I'm gonna try the park."
Betty: "In the middle of the night?"
Matthew: "Well, yeah. Well, he hasn't really been showing his face in the daylight, has he? Or would you rather we just let Caleb run loose? He could be in trouble. Or hurting another girl."
Betty: "He didn't hurt Mrs. Solis, Matthew. He was just hungry."
Matthew: "Yeah, well, I wasn't talking about Mrs. Solis, but you know that."
(Matthew walks out. When he gets to the park, he walks around as though looking for someone. He walks around a bush and smiles. Danielle is sitting on the bench waiting for him.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Reception Room]
(Sophie is fixing the flowers. Susan walks in, carrying a dress in a dry cleaner's bag. )
Sophie: "So, are you still going to be my Matron of Honor?"
Susan: "Of course I am. I'm not gonna pretend like I'm not still a little freaked out. I am. But I did a lot of thinking about it this morning, and I, I think I understand. You wanted to protect me, and you thought I needed a hero. I had one. You."
(They hug.)
Sophie: "I was always so worried I would screw you up."
Susan: "Well, I am screwed up, but it wasn't your fault. Entirely."
Sophie (laughing): "Oh."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Advertising Agency]
(Lynette goes over to Stu's desk.)
Lynette: "Hey, Stu. You busy?"
Stu: "No, just updating my blog."
Lynette: "'Cause I've got an important assignment for you."
Stu: "Great. I'm really ready to take on more responsibility around here."
Lynette: "Yeah, I applaud that, but what I need is for you to help me to prove a point to my husband."
Stu: "Oh. You want to make him jealous."
Lynette: "Uh, no. Actually, I need you to kidnap my children."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Lynette's House - Daytime]
(Porter and Preston are playing outside. Tom and Lynette are watching them from inside.)
Twin: "Stop hitting me!"
Tom: "Okay, so what am I supposed to be looking at?"
Lynette: "Just wait for it. Okay, here he comes."
Tom: "What's going on?"
Lynette: "I'm just trying to prove a point."
(Stu drives up slowly to the Scavo twins playing in their front yard.. Stu, from his car, yells out to the boys.)
Stu: "Hi, little boys."
Tom: "Hell, who is that?"
Lynette: "It's just Stu from our office."
Stu: "You guys want to go for a ride?"
Tom: "And is he abducting our kids?"
Lynette: "Maybe."
Tom: "This is crazy."
Lynette: "Why? Are you worried they might get in?"
Stu: "We can go to the, uh, carnival. You like carnivals?"
Porter/Preston: "We're not allowed to talk to strangers."
Tom: "Run, boys!"
Stu: "So, uh, why don't you boys get in the car..."
Tom: "Run away. Run!"
Stu: "Get in the car, and I'll give you some candy."
Porter/Preston: "Yeah! Candy!"
(The boys run up to Stu's car.)
Tom: "Why aren't they running away?"
Lynette: "Well-"
Tom: "This is not the time to be smug. Clearly our sons are idiots."
(The twins are sitting in the back of Stu's car while he is giving them candy. Mrs. McClusky approaches and taps at Stu's window. Stu rolls his window down.)
Mrs. McClusky: "Hi."
Stu: "Hi."
(Mrs. McClusky zaps Stu in the neck with a Taser gun. Stu shrieks.)
Lynette: "Oh, my god!"
Stu: "Ow!"
(Mrs. McClusky opens the back door while holding the Taser on Stu's neck.)
Mrs. McClusky: "Run, kids, run! Run! No, you don't."
(Stu climbs out of the car.)
Stu: "Oww."
Mrs. McClusky: "You pervert! Oh, no. You're not going anywhere!"
(Lynette and Tom run outside. Mrs. McClusky has Stu writhing on the ground.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Wedding Reception]
(Morty speaks into the microphone.)
Morty: "And um, anyway, after, after we, we wrap this shindig, I'm whisking my new bride, uh, away on a four-month cruise around the world. I, I would have been happy with a, a weekend in Vegas, but you know-"
(He makes a sound like a whip cracking.)
Morty: "Anyway, here, here she is. My, um, my, my beautiful bride."
Sophie: "I want to thank everyone for coming, and especially my Morty, who's helped me be a better person. And I want to thank my amazing daughter, Susan, and tell her how much I appreciate her love and respect, because I'm a horrible person, and she deserves so much better than me."
Morty: "Honey, honey."
Sophie: "No, no, no, no, no. Susan needs to know the truth. Your father was not a one-night stand. He was thirty-three, and he was married, and he was my boss. When I told him I was pregnant, he broke it off, and he never spoke to me again. But he gave me my beautiful, incredible daughter, and for that, I want to thank Addison Prudy."
Susan: "Oh, my god. Do you know where he is?"
Sophie: "I have no idea. I swear, if I knew, I, I would tell you."
Guest: "Uh, I know Addison Prudy. He runs the feed and supply store at Third and Sutherland. Uh, Prudy's a fairly common name of c..., so."
Susan: "Is that him?"
Sophie: "Yes."
Susan: "Are you saying that all this time my father has been alive, and just right across town running the supply and feed store?"
Sophie: "Susan..."
Susan: "I can't believe this!"
(Susan runs out. Julie follows.)
Morty: "You're not, you're not still, still seeing him, are you?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Restaurant - Nighttime)
(Bree and George sit at a table.)
George: "Is something wrong? You've been so quiet all evening."
Bree: "No, no, I'm just tired, that's all."
George: "Care to dance? It might pep you up."
Bree: "I don't think so. But thank you, though."
George: "Bree, where is your ring?"
Bree: "Oh, um, the, the stone is loose. So I'm gonna take it to the jewelers. But don't worry, it's safe."
George: "This isn't about Leila, is it?"
Bree: "No. No. It's like I told you, the stone could just pop off at any second."
George: "Well, I don't care. Please put it on."
Bree: "What?"
George: "I want you to wear it."
Bree: "Well, I'm sorry, but I'm not going to."
George: "Why not?"
Bree: "Because I don't feel like it. And this is the last time we're gonna talk about this, okay?"
(A man walks up to their table.)
Ty Grant: "Excuse me, ma'am. We don't allow members of Zeta Beta Kappa in here."
Bree: "Ty! Ty Grant. Oh, hi! What are you doing in town?"
(Bree stands up and hugs Ty.)
Ty: "Visiting my folks."
Bree: "Oh, my goodness. Oh, George, this is Ty Grant. We used to date in college. Ty, this is George, um, he's a good friend of mine."
(George shakes Ty's hand.)
George: "Actually, we're engaged."
Ty: "Bree, you look fantastic. You haven't aged a day."
Bree: "Ty, would you like to dance?"
Ty: "Sure. I'd love to."
Bree: "Let me take your coat."
(Bree and Ty go out onto the dance floor. George watches them. He opens Bree's purse and takes out the ring, then goes onto the dance floor.)
George: "I need to cut in."
Bree: "George, would you please sit down? You're being rude."
Ty: "Am I in the middle of something?"
George: "Well, at least put on the ring."
Bree: "No. George, I don't want to."
(George grabs Bree's hand.)
George: "We are engaged. You have to wear it!"
Ty: "Hey, knock it off, man."
Bree: "George, stop it."
(George punches Ty.)
George: "I'm sorry. I just, we're engaged."
Bree: "See, the thing is, I don't think we are anymore."
George: "Bree."
Bree: "Please, you should go."
Ty: "I'm really sorry."
(George walks back to the table. He places the ring on Bree's purse and puts money on the table. He sees the valet parking ticket sitting in Ty's jacket and takes it and the ring.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Valet Parking]
Valet: "Oh, hi."
(He takes the ticket and points a few feet way to a Porsche convertible.)
Valet: "Right over there, sir. Management likes us to keep the nice cars out front."
(George gets into the car and drives away.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Gabrielle's House]
(Hector is sitting on Gabrielle's porch. He opens his switch blade knife and cuts up an apple. Gabrielle walks up.)
Hector: "Afternoon. New hairdo?"
Gabrielle: "So what if it is?"
Hector: "It looks nice, that's all."
Gabrielle: "You know, I also got a facial, and later on, I'm gonna get a pedicure and an eyebrow wax, so there."
Hector: "It's fine with me."
Gabrielle: "No, it's not, because I know what you're thinking."
Hector: "Yeah?"
Gabrielle: "You know what? I am tired of you judging me. What is it gonna take to get rid of you, hmm? What's your last name?"
(Gabrielle takes out her checkbook.)
Hector: "Ramos."
Gabrielle: "Ramos. Here is one thousand dollars. I won't tell Carlos you didn't stick around. It'll be our little secret."
Hector: "I just got out of prison. I'm not exactly set up with a bank account. Can we go to your bank and cash this?"
Gabrielle: "And then you'll leave?"
Hector: "Hey, it's a grand."
(Later, Gabrielle sits in the passenger seat of Hector's car.)
Hector: "Buckle up."
Gabrielle: "You don't have a, a window thingy."
Hector: "Nope."
Gabrielle: "You don't have a door handle, either."
(Hector locks the doors from his side.)
Hector: "Nope. But I do have a confession to make. Carlos didn't really send me to protect you."
(Hector speeds away with Gabrielle locked in his car.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Park - Daytime]
(Hector pulls the car onto an empty field.)
Hector: "Go figure. No one else in the park. We got it all to ourselves. Perfect."
(Hector gets out. Gabrielle appears frightened. Hector comes around and opens Gabrielle's door.)
Hector: "Why don't you go find us a good spot? I gotta get something out of the trunk."
(Gabrielle takes off running.)
Hector: "Hey, where the hell you going?"
(Gabrielle stops running and looks at Hector who is standing there, holding a red balloon.)
Gabrielle: "You're not gonna kill me?"
Hector: "I hadn't planned on it. Besides, if I was gonna kill you, I wouldn't use a balloon. It would take too long."
Gabrielle: "What am I supposed to think? You lie about protecting me and then you lock me in that heap without door handles so I can't get out."
Hector: "Carlos sent me to help you with your grief."
Gabrielle: "You're kidding, right?"
Hector: "No. Look, I know a little something about loss. It can take you to some real dark places, especially if you don't face it head-on, like seventeen years in a six-by-ten prison cell. Dark."
(Hector hands her the balloon.)
Gabrielle: "What's this for?"
Hector: "The balloon represents the spirit of the life lost. By letting it go, you're acknowledging the pain you feel and releasing it at the same time."
Gabrielle: "Okay, that's ridiculous. Besides, I don't feel what you think I'm feeling."
Hector: "Then it should be real easy."
Gabrielle: "Fine, if I do this, will you go?"
Hector: "Yeah."
Gabrielle: "Okay, should I say something?"
Hector: "If you want to."
Gabrielle: "Not really, no."
Hector: "It's cool."
(Gabrielle stands there, still holding on to the balloon.)
Hector: "Anytime."
Gabrielle: "This is stupid. I didn't even want this baby."
Hector: "Yeah."
Gabrielle: "And I would've been a terrible mother."
Hector: "If you say so."
Gabrielle: "If it was a boy, I was gonna name it Charlie."
Hector: "Yeah?"
Gabrielle: "And a girl, Aurora."
Hector: "Those are nice names."
Gabrielle: "Thank you."
(Gabrielle releases the balloon and watches it float away.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Mike's House - Nighttime]
(In the living room, Bongo begins growling and barking. He runs to the front door.)
Mike: "What is it, boy?"
(Lights go on outside. Mike looks outside and sees Caleb running by. Caleb stops at parked car, trying to find an unlocked door. Mike runs outside. Caleb pounds on the car in frustration. He runs and Mike tackles him. Mrs. McClusky come running with her Taser. Mike is holding Caleb down.)
Mrs. McClusky: "What's going on out here?"
Mike: "Call the !"
Mrs. McClusky: "You need me to zap him?"
Mike: "Just call the ."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Wisteria Lane - Nighttime]
(Police car lights are flashing. Two officers are escorting a handcuffed Caleb to the car.)
Mike: "Is that the guy who broke into your house?"
Gabrielle: "Uh, I don't know. I can't see him."
(The officer turns him toward the crowd and shines a flashlight on his face.)
Gabrielle: "Yeah, that's him."
Mary Alice Voiceover:"In a world filled with darkness, we all need some kind of light."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Empty Field - Nighttime]
(A car is on fire. George, holding the engagement ring, watches the car burn.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Whether it's a great flame that shows us how to win back what we've lost-"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lynette's House - Nighttime
(Tom stands on the porch, watching the twins play outside.)
Twins: "Two, four, six, eight..."
Mary Alice Voiceover:"-or a powerful beacon intended to scare away potential monsters..."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Prudy's Feed Store - Nighttime]
(Mr. Prudy is locking up. Susan, sitting in a dark car across the street, watches him.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Or a few glowing bulbs that reveal to us the hidden truth of our past. We all need something to help us get through the night."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Wisteria Lane - Nighttime]
(All the neighbors watch as Caleb is driven away in the car. The car passes Betty and Matthew. Betty holds her finger up to her mouth, gesturing silence. Caleb nods.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Even if it's just the tiniest glimmer of hope."


~ The End ~

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注册时间: 2005-07-09
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________________________________________
Desperate Housewives
Episode 02.09 -That's Good, That's Bad
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mary Alice Voiceoverreviously on desperate housewives...
Susan:All this time my father has been right across town running the feed store?
Mary Alice Voiceover:Susan found her real father.
Nina:Ed wants to make the final decision.Ed Furarer ,Lynette Scoval.
Mary Alice Voiceover:Lynette met her new boss.
Carlos:I've learned my lesson. Ok, when I get out of here.Everything's gotta be different.
Mary Alice Voiceover:Carlos promised to change his old ways.
Breer. Goldfine has concerns about us being together and I'm starting to thinking he's right
Mary Alice Voiceover:While Bree discovered George's true colors.
Bree:George, I don't want to!
George:We are engaged! You have to wear it!
Bree:I don't think we are any more.
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[Bree's House]
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Anyone who'd ever been to a party at Bree Van de Kamp's thought of her as the perfect hostess because Bree knew how to take care of her guests. Her dinners were always served promptly."
(Flashback to Bree serving dinner to a guest.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Her liquor always flowed freely."
(Flashback to Bree pouring wine for her guests.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"And her anecdotes were always enjoyable."
(Flashback to Bree's guest laughing at a story Bree is telling.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"But on this night, the perfect hostess was about to find herself-"
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[Bree's House -Present Nighttime]
(Bree is serving coffee to her guests around her dining room table.)
Female Guest: "Shhh. Where's that music coming from?"
Mary Alice Voiceover:"-in a very imperfect predicament."
(Singing from outside can be heard.)
Bree: "Ah, I'm not sure."
(Bree walks to the window. Upon opening the curtain, she sees George singing into a microphone. A loud speaker on top of a van parked behind him is amplifying his voice and the music.)
George (singing): "Don't give up on us, baby. We're still worth one more try."
(Bree angrily closes the curtains. Calmly, she turns to her guests. George's singing can be heard in the background.)
Bree: "If you'll excuse me for just one minute."
George (singing): "I know we put a last on by."
(Bree leaves the room and goes outside.)
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[Bree's House - Outside]
(Bree faces George.)
George (singing): "Just for a rainy evening."
Bree: "George! I have guests! What do you think you are doing?"
George: "We had a tiff. I upset you and now I'm just trying to make things right again."
Bree: "It was not a tiff! We broke up! It's over!"
George (singing): "We can still come through!"
Bree: "I am not kidding. If you do not knock it off, I'm going to call the !"
George: "All right, go ahead. (singing) "I really lost my head last night!"
(He stops singing and yells into the microphone as Bree walks away.)
George: "Call the ! If they drag me away, I'm only gonna come right back here. I want you to hear the whole medley! Come on!"
(Bree enters her house to find all of her guests standing in the doorway of the dining room watching her.)
Bree: "Why don't you all take your seats? Uh, dessert is about to be served."
(Her guests go back to the dining room. Bree rushes upstairs.)
(In her bedroom, Bree pulls a long case out from under her bed. A shotgun and shells are in the case. She loads one shotgun shell and cocks the shotgun one-handed. She walks to the window.)
George (singing): "I really lost my head last night. You've got a right to-"
(George sees Bree at the window, aiming the shotgun toward him. He freezes. Bree shoots the speaker off the top of the van. Her guests inside are startled by the gun shot. George stares toward Bree in disbelief.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Yes, Bree knew how to take care of her guests. Especially those who weren't invited."
(Bree smiles down at a shocked George.)
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Opening Credits
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[Wisteria Lane - Daytime]
(A young boy dressed as a cowboy with a white hat peeks out from behind a bush.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Good guys wear white hats and bad guys wear black."
(Another little boy peeks out from a different bush wearing a black hat. They both come out and start shooting each other with their toy guns.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"This is how children distinguish between good and evil."
(The little boy in the black hat pretends to be shot and falls down.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"But they soon learn that bad guys always don't look so bad."
(They get up as George comes riding by on a blue bike. George waves and they wave back.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"And sometimes they seem downright friendly. That is until you get to know them a little bit better."
(George continues up to Bree's house. Bree is walking to her car. George stops beside her.)
George: "Hey, fancy seeing you here. I was just out for a little ride."
Bree: "Don't lie to me, George. You've been riding up and down this street for the last hour."
George: "I don't want to do this, Bree, but you won't return any of my phone calls."
Bree: "So stalking me is plan B?"
(Bree gets into her car. George gets off the bike and goes to her car window.)
George: "Bree, I know I messed up. I know I got some issues to work on, but I'd be willing to see a therapist if that's what you want. I'll do anything but how can I show you that I, I can change if you don't give me a second chance? Come on. You know I'm not a bad person."
Bree: "I do know that, but I'm just not sure you're a good one, either."
(Bree starts her car and drives away quickly.)
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[Advertising Agency]
(Lynette is making a presentation in the conference room to Nina and Ed. Her staff is also there.)
Lynette: "And we integrated the corporate logo into the jungle background creating not only an ad for the clothing, but for the company, itself."
Ed: "I don't get it."
Lynette: "What, um, don't you get?"
Ed: "The whole idea just kinda makes my head hurt." (to Nina) "Is it just me?"
Nina: "No, nuh uh. You're right, it stinks."
Ed: "Sorry guys. Back to the drawing board. Well, I got tickets to a game." (to Nina) "Nina, you do whatever you have to do to keep us afloat here."
Nina: "Got it."
(Ed leaves the room.)
Nina: "Looks like it going to be another late night at the office. Nice work, everybody. Thank you."
Lynette: "Could you can the attitude, Nina?"
Nina: "I'm sorry, what did you just say?"
Lynette: "You're being rude and it's totally out of line. You know how hard we all worked on this."
Nina: "Yeah, I do."
Lynette: "Nina, I think I speak for everyone here when I say we are sick and tired of your abuse. Frankly, you owe us an apology."
Nina: "Is, is this true? I mean, I would be mortified if I thought that I hurt any of you. If anybody feels like I owe them an apology, please speak up. You? You? You? Gee, Lynette, I guess you were mistaken. All right, let's recap, shall we? Stinky pitch, working late, no apologies."
(Nina leaves the room.)
Lynette: "Guys, we talked about this. What happened to standing up for ourselves?"
(Stu enters carrying a basket of muffins.)
Stu: "Hot muffins! Any takers?"
Lynette: "No, Stu! These people don't deserve muffins."
(All the staff members bow their heads.)
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[Gabrielle's House]
(Gabrielle comes in carrying a shopping bag. The phone rings.)
Gabrielle: "Hello."
Man's Voice: "Hello. My name is Mark Martinez. Uh, I'm the assistant warden down at Fairview County Jail. Is Mrs. Solis available?"
Gabrielle: "Uh, yeah, this is her. Did, did something happen with Carlos?"
Man's Voice: "At seven forty-three this morning, your husband held two guards at gunpoint and successfully escaped."
Gabrielle: "He what?"
Man's Voice: "I take it you had no prior knowledge he had planned to do this."
Gabrielle: "No, of course not! He's a moron!"

Man's Voice: "We have every reason to believe your husband may come to find you. We believe him to be armed and very, very horny."
(Carlos walks into the room, talking on the phone.)
Gabrielle: "What?"
Carlos: "Surprise, baby. I got paroled early."
Gabrielle: "It's so good to see you!"
(Gabrielle runs into his arms. Carlos picks her up.)
Gabrielle: "What happened?"
Carlos: "Well, there's this church group that helps out Catholic prisoners and they really, really stepped up for me."
Gabrielle: "Well, what did they do?"
Carlos: "They lobbied the Parole Board and it worked."
Gabrielle: "Mmm. I guess I owe the Pope a thank-you note."
Carlos: "Uh, less talking, more stripping."
(Carlos pulls off his tie. Gabrielle begins to undress.)
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[Outside Prudy's Feed Store-Daytime]
(Susan and Julie pull up in their car.)
Julie: "Ah. Prudy's Feed Store."
Susan: "Apparently he owns the place."
Julie: "How are you gonna do it?"
Susan: "What do you mean?"
Julie: "I mean, how are you gonna tell him that you're his daughter?"
Susan: "Oh, I'm not. Julie, the man abandoned me before I was born. I don't have a desire to have a relationship with him."
Julie: "Okay, then I'm really confused why we're here spying on him."
Susan: "I just want to see what he's like. And satisfy my curiosity and get it out of my system."
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[Inside Prudy's Feed Store]
(Susan enters. Addison Prudy is helping a customer.)
Addison: "Well, here you go. Now, you tell Charlie that Addison Prudy says drop in some time. I miss that ugly mug of his around here."
Customer: "I will."
(The customer leaves the store.)
Addison (to Susan): "I bet I know what you're here for."
Susan: "Oh?"
Addison: "You heard about the give-a-way. Well, I got the cowboy hats right here."
Susan: "Oh, oh, no. That's okay, you don't have to give me anything, really."
Addison: "Relax. This is a promotional item. Didn't cost me a dime."
(Addison brings a black cowbow hat over and puts it on Susan.)
Addison: "There you go. Pretty as a picture."
(Later, Susan comes running out of the feed store wearing the hat. She gets in her car.)
Susan: "I have a Dad! He's great! He gave me a hat!"
(Susan laughs and Julie smiles.)
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[Gabrielle's House]
(Carlos and Gabrielle are in bed.)
Gabrielle: "Wow. That biting thing at the end totally blew my mind. Please tell me you didn't learn that in prison."
Carlos: "Yeah, I didn't."
(Carlos rolls over and closes his eyes.)
Gabrielle: "Wait! I'm not done with you yet."
Carlos: "Just give me ten minutes, please."
Gabrielle: "What is wrong with you? You are totally useless after sex."
Carlos: "I know. I should probably get my thyroid checked out."
(Gabrielle gets out of bed and picks up the plastic bag Carlos brought back from prison. She pulls out some letters.)
Gabrielle: "Who is Sister Mary Bernard?"
Carlos: "Hey, those are private, gimme!"
(Gabrielle moves out of reach.)
Carlos: "She's this nun, okay? She visited me in prison a couple times. She's part of the group that got me early release. So now can I please have them back."
(Gabrielle reads the letter out loud.)
Gabrielle: "'When you walk with God everyday, you learn that Truth is understood in the Mind, but Faith burns in the Heart'?"
(Gabrielle laughs. Carlos grabs the letter.)
Carlos: "You don't know what it was like in there. All right? Twenty hours a day, eight by ten cell, just you and your mind."
Gabrielle: "So pretty much just you."
Carlos: "It forces you to re-examine everything. I was a very bad person for a very long time. But now all that is gonna change. Because I'm on a new path."
Gabrielle: "A new path?"
Carlos: "I am going to live a virtuous life. I want to do right by you, by my mama, and by my God."
Gabrielle: "What the hell did they do to you in that prison?"
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[Bree's House - Daytime]
(Lynette is dealing cards to Susan (with cowboy hat on), Gabrielle, Bree, and Edie.)
Lynette: "All right. This is my last hand, then I gotta go."
Bree: "All ready?"
Lynette: "I left a proposal on my desk at work. I have to go over it tonight, or you-know-who's gonna have my head."
Everyone: "Nina!"
Bree: "You know this gainful employment thing is really starting to cut into our social life."
Lynette: "Well, if one of you would just agree to raise my kids, I wouldn't need a job. Any takers?"
(Edie laughs.)
Lynette: "Yeah, no, I didn't think so. Ante up."
Edie: "Speaking of child abandonment, when are you gonna tell your father that he has a bouncing middle-aged baby girl?"
Susan: "Soon. I don't wanna ambush him. I'm gonna ease into it."
Gabrielle: "How do you ease into, 'hi, I'm your illegitimate daughter'?"
Susan: "Well, actually, there's a 'help wanted' sign in the window so I was thinking about getting a job there. And, you know, he would get to know me and I'm sure he would like me and I would like him, and then one day he would say, 'You're like the daughter I never had' and I'd say, 'Well, actually, now that you've mentioned it.'"
Edie: "Okay, I'll go first. That is the most idiotic plan I've ever heard of."
Susan: "Why?"
Edie: "Because it all hinges on him responding to your personality. And let's face it, you are an acquired taste."
Lynette: "Edie! I am sure Susan's father will like her just fine."
Susan: "Thank you."
Bree: "I just hope you don't expect too much from this relationship. I mean aside from DNA, you might find that you don't have that much in common."
Susan: "I know. But I gotta find out if there's something there. I've always wanted a dad. I mean, I know not having one affected me."
Gabrielle: "Of course it did. Everyone needs a strong male role model."
Edie: "No, they don't. I grew up without a father and it didn't affect me one bit."
Lynette: "Edie, how old were you when you lost your virginity?"
Edie: "Point well taken."
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[Advertising Agency-Late Nighttime]
(Lynette comes into a darkened, empty office. She goes into her office and picks up a notebook off her desk. Across the hall, she sees Stu, wearing only his boxer shorts, running into Nina's office, carrying two bottles.)
Stu: "Hey, look what I found in Ed's fridge."
(Lynette quietly walks over to Nina's door.)
Nina: "Oh. Oh."
(Lynette peeks in the room and sees Nina, almost naked, on her desk, with Stu on top of her. Nina moans.)
(Then she opens her eyes and sees Lynette standing in the doorway.)
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[Advertising Agency - Daytime]
(Lynette walks in.)
Lynette: "Hey, Stu."
(She walks over the coffee table where Nina is standing.)
Lynette: "And Nina!"
Nina: "Hey, Lynette. Can I, um, see you for a second?"
Lynette: "Sure."
(They go into Lynette's office.)
Lynette: "Tsk, tsk, tsk. Having sex with the support staff. That's a big no-no. Ed's been known to fire people for that sort of thing."
Nina: "Lynette, I know that we've had our little differences. But, at the core, I believe that we are both good people, both smart women who are just trying to make it in this vicious male dominated jungle. Okay, what do you want? Do you want a raise? Want a better office?"
Lynette: "My demands are simple. I want you to be nicer."
Nina: "What?"
Lynette: "No more belittling, berating, rude sarcasm."
Nina: "And in exchange I get your silence?"
Lynette: "Yeah. Pretty sweet deal, don't you think?"
Nina: "Ah, I'll see what I can do."
Lynette: "Great!"
Nina: "Okay."
Lynette: "And I'm gonna take your parking space."
Nina: "Hmm?"
Lynette: "I kid the Nina!"
(Nina laughs and walks out.)
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[Gabrielle's House - Daytime]
(Carlos is dressed in a suit, drinking coffee in the kitchen when Gabrielle walks in, wearing a robe.)
Gabrielle: "You're up early."
Carlos: "I'm going to Mass."
Gabrielle: "Huh?"
Carlos: "Yeah."
Gabrielle: "But it's not even Sunday."
Carlos: "They have a Mass every day of the week."
Gabrielle: "Really? When did they start doing that?"
(A horn honks outside.)
Carlos: "That's Sister Mary Bernard. Did you see where I put my Bible?"
(Gabrielle walks to the front door and looks out the window. There is a beautiful blonde lady standing by the car outside.)
(Carlos comes back downstairs with his Bible. Gabrielle blocks his way.)
Carlos: "What?"
Gabrielle: "I saw your nun!"
Carlos: "So?"
Gabrielle: "So, she's hot! She's a hot nun!"
Carlos: "You can't seriously be jealous."
Gabrielle: "You mean to tell me that this miraculous conversion of yours has nothing to do with fact that the woman standing outside is a knock-out?"
Carlos: "That's what I'm telling you."
(Carlos leaves. Sister Mary waves to Gabrielle.)
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[Advertising Agency - Daytime]
(Lynette walks in. A new receptionist waves at her.)
Pat: "Um. Who are you here to see?"
Lynette: "I'm Lynette Scavo. I work here. Who are you?"
Pat: "Pat. It's my first day."
Lynette: "Oh. Well, welcome. What happened to Stu?"
(Later, Lynette enters Nina's office.)
Lynette: "You fired Stu?"
Nina: "Oh, Lynette. Hey. Come on in."
Lynette: "I can't believe you would sink so low. I'm going to Ed."
Nina: "Ed knows. This, this is Stu's employee evaluation file, right here. This thing is full of black marks."
Lynette: "Come on, Nina, we both know why you got rid of him."
Nina: "Well, good luck proving it. Oh! And on a completely unrelated topic, there's gonna be another round of firings coming down the pike. Ed's been after me to trim the fat."
Lynette: "You threatening me?"
Nina: "No! No, uh-uh. It's just that it's gonna be my job to evaluate those that are team players and those who are not. Just a little heads up. Just trying to be nice."
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[Prudy's Feed Store - Daytime]
Addison: "I don't know, you seem kinda over-qualified."
Susan: "Why, cause I went to college?"
Addison: "No, because you finished high school."
Susan: "Well, I just want to change my life and every since I was a little girl I've always liked horses and the outdoors. Well, I'm just fascinated with feed."
Addison: "Well, I suppose we can give you a try. What? Something on my nose?"
Susan: "Oh, no. I was just looking at the color of your eyes."
Addison: "You were?"
Susan: "Yeah. They're just like mine. They're, they're nice."
Addison: "Carol sent you to test me, didn't she?"
Susan: "What? Who's Carol?"
Addison: "You go back and tell my wife if a private detective couldn't fool me, well, you're not gonna either."
Susan: "I don't know what you're talking about. I just came in to get a job."
Addison: "A cute little thing like you struts in here, flirts with an old codger like me, how dumb do you think I am? Hey, look at you. Your pretty hair, you gotta sexy walk, you gotta tight little ass!"
Susan: "Oh! I'm your daughter!"
Addison: "What?"
Susan: "Back in the sixties, you had a brief relationship with a young girl, Sophie Bremmer. She got pregnant and had a baby and that baby was me,which makes you my father. Hi."
(A very stunned Addison walks toward the back of the feed store. Susan follows.)
Susan: "Mr. Prudy, I'm sorry. I didn't want to spring it on you like this. Where are you going? You see when I found out you were alive, and, and that we both lived in the same city, I just wanted to meet you."
(Addison goes in the back room and closes the door.)
Susan: "Mr. Prudy!"
(She knocks on the door.)
Susan: "Mr. Prudy. Hello."
(Susan enters the back room.)
Susan: "Hello!"
(Mr. Prudy is laying on the ground, unconscious.)
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[Fairview County Hospital]
(Dr. Goldfine is in traction with a broken leg and broken arm.)
Dr. Goldfine: "And knock wood, the doctors say I'll keep improving, slowly but surely. So, how are you?"
Bree: "Good, good. Seeing friends. I just started co-chairing a charity event for the Junior League and um, and I broke up with George."
Dr. Goldfine: "Really?"
Bree: "Dr. Goldfine, do you ever really cure people, I mean, even though they're really crazy?"
Dr. Goldfine: "I'm not a big fan of that word. People either have mental health or they don't. When they do have a problem, you treat them as if they had any other disease. And sometimes they get better."
Bree: "Well, when I broke up with George, I saw something in his eyes. It was a kind of malevolence, and it just didn't seem to me to be the sort of thing you could cure."
Dr. Goldfine: "I don't believe in evil either. We're all just people."
Bree: "How can you not believe in evil? A man just threw you off a bridge for no reason."
Dr. Goldfine: "Exactly. He didn't know anything about me. He just rode up on his little blue bike and tried to hurt me. Do I think he's wicked? No. He's disturbed. His problems probably stem from a chemical imbalance. I believe with enough time and treatment, I could help him."
Bree: "Did you say a blue bike?"
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[Lynette's House - Daytime]
(Stu is sitting on the front porch. Lynette comes out carrying coffee.)
Lynette: "Black?"
Stu: "Mmm."
Lynette: "Great."
Stu: "I gotta say, Lynette, I was surprised to get your call. I didn't even think you'd notice I was fired."
Lynette: "Oh course I noticed! You are one of my favorites and I thought it was really unfair how it all went down."
Stu: "It wasn't that unfair. I was late all those times. And I broke the copier, and I stole all those paper clips."
Lynette: "See, I don't think that's why you got fired."
Stu: "Really? That's what Nina said."
Lynette: "Word got out that you and Nina were-"
Stu: "Shagging?"
Lynette: "Being intimate. And Nina fired you to keep Ed from finding out."
Stu: "You're kidding."
Lynette: "And that wasn't right of her. She shouldn't have been having sex with you. She's upper management. Technically, it's sexual harassment."
Stu: "But, I was into it! I consented!"
Lynette: "Stu, you're a gopher. You can't consent to anything. So, I think you should talk to Ed about getting your job back."
Stu: "Why would he care?"
Lynette: "Oh, he'll care. He doesn't want you suing him for millions of dollars."
Stu: "Wow! So would Nina get in trouble?"
Lynette: "Well, I'm not gonna lie to you. There is a possibility she'd get a slap on the wrist. So, you'll think about talking to Ed?"
Stu: "Definitely!"
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[Fairview County Hospital]
(Addison is lying on a bed in an examination room.)
Addison: "The nurse told me you were waiting out there."
Susan: "I just wanted to see if you were okay."
Addison: "Sorry if I spooked ya. I've got a bad heart. It's genetic, so you might want to get that checked."
Susan: "Oh, okay."
Addison: "Look, don't take this wrong, but, uh, I need you to clear out."
Susan: "What? I just got here."
Addison: "My wife is on her way. The thing is, if Carol finds out that I've got an adult love child around, that's gonna be the straw that breaks the camel's back. I mean, it's not exactly the only time I've strayed."
Susan: "Charming."
Addison: "But, believe me it was nice to finally get to meet you. You're a lovely woman. Hon, you really need to leave now."
Susan: "It's, it's Susan. My name is Susan. And, no, that's not good enough."
Addison: "Look, I'm trying really hard to be nice about this but you're backing me into a corner."
Susan: "It's not like I want an invitation to Thanksgiving. I just wanna have coffee, or a lunch now and then."
Addison: "I can't start up something with you. It wouldn't be fair to my wife."
Susan: "Oh, that's funny. So, all the times you were cheating on her, that was okay, but having lunch with your daughter, that just crosses the line? I just want a chance to get to know you."
Addison: "Well, I don't want to know you. I've already got a family. Years ago, your mother and I came to an understanding. I gave her a bunch of money and she agreed to keep things quiet."
Susan: "Well, I wasn't consulted on that little arrangement."
Addison: "I don't think it's fair to punish me for a mistake I made years ago."
Susan: "Is that what you think of me? I'm a mistake?"
Addison: "If that's what you need to hear, yeah, that's what I think."
(Carol enters the room and hugs Addison.)
Carol: "Oh Addy. Addy. Oh. Are you okay?"
Addison: "I'm good, baby."
Carol: "The kids are on their way over."
(Carol turns and sees Susan.)
Carol: "Hi, I'm Carol. You are-"
Susan: "Do you want to tell her, or should I? I'm your husband's guardian angel."
Carol: "Excuse me?"
Susan: "My name's Susan. I was buying some horse feed when Mr. Prudy had an attack behind the counter. I gave him CPR and called nine-one-one."
Carol: "Oh."
(Carol hugs Susan.)
Carol: "Thank you. Thank you. Oh, when I think what, what could have happened."
Susan: "Well, I'm gonna get out of here. Mr. Prudy, I want you to hurry up and get back on your feet."
(Susan kisses Addison on the cheek and whispers to him.)
Susan: "I'm not giving up."
(She straightens and turns to Carol.)
Susan: "I'm gonna be back in the store next week. I never got that darn horse feed."
Addison: "I guess I'll put a bag aside for you."
Susan: "You do that."
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[George's Street - Daytime]
(George is returning home on foot, carrying two bags of groceries. He sees cars and policemen all around his house. He's sees an officer placing his bike into the back of a van which is loaded with cardboard boxes. George gets behind a bush and drops his groceries. He takes out his cell phone.)
George: "Bree, it's me. The are at my house. They're going through my stuff. What the hell is going on?"
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[Bree's House]
(George's voice is on the answering machine as Bree stands next to it.)
George: "Look, I know you are there, pick up. Did you have anything to do with this? Bree! Bree!"
(Bree picks up the phone.)
Bree: "George, I know what you did to Dr. Goldfine. And I can see now just how sick you really are, so please just turn yourself in and that way you can get the help that you really need. George!"
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[George's Street]
(George hangs up the phone. He picks up his bags and starts walking the way he came. Then, he throws the bags down and starts to run.)
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[Gabrielle's House]
(Gabrielle is setting the table. Carlos walks in.)
Carlos: "What's going on?"
Gabrielle: "Oh, I invited Sister Mary Hot Pants over for lunch."
Carlos: "What?"
Gabrielle: "You said she touched your soul so I just want to make sure her hands are clean."
(The doorbell rings and Gabrielle goes to answer it.)
(Later, Gabrielle, Carlos, and Sister Mary sit around the dining room table.)
Gabrielle: "So Sister Mary, tell me what's it like meeting men in prison. Do you bond with all the convicts or was Carlos just special?"
Sister Mary: "Well, of course, Carlos is special, but our mission does a ton of evangelical work with several prisons."
Gabrielle: "Oh, I get it. Sort of like, today's convict is tomorrow's convert."
Sister Mary: "Something like that, but mostly I do charity work. Are you two involved in any charities?"
Gabrielle: "Currently? No."
Carlos: "But we should be. I mean, let's face it, Gabby. Buying more stuff isn't gonna make our lives any better.''
Sister Mary: "Exactly. Money can't buy happiness."
Gabrielle: "Well, sure it can. That's just a lie we tell poor people to keep 'em from rioting."
Carlos: "Gabby!"
Gabrielle: "It's a joke. Lighten up."
Carlos: "Can you believe this? I'm married to a woman so selfish, she makes fun of the entire concept of charity."
Gabrielle: "You are a hypocrite. The money you spent to buy your sports car could buy a mud hut for every peasant in Ecuador."
Carlos: "Okay, you're right. But I'm evolving, starting right now. Sister, I would like to donate my car to your mission."
Gabrielle: "What?"
Sister Mary: "Carlos, are you sure?"
Carlos: "Absolutely. Gabrielle and I don't need two cars. We can share one."
Gabrielle: "Share? What if you have the car and I need to go shopping?"
Carlos: "We're gonna cut back on shopping too."
Gabrielle: "Okay, I think we should all just calm down a little bit!"
Carlos: "I'm gonna get you that pink slip right now."
Gabrielle: "Carlos!"
Carlos: "We're doing this."
(Carlos leaves the room. Gabrielle gets up also.)
Gabrielle: "I have to, uh..." (hands over a bottle of wine) "Uh, here have some of this. No one needs to know."
(Gabrielle follows Carlos upstairs. Carlos is searching the drawers for the pink slip.)
Carlos: "Don't even bother. You're not talking me out of this."
Gabrielle: "I'm not here to talk you out of anything. Check in this drawer. Carlos, I wanna apologize for the way I've been acting. I mean, here you are trying to turn your life around, and all I can think about are my stupid jealousy issues."
Carlos: "Yeah, well, let's just get back down there."
Gabrielle: "No, I mean it. I'm sorry. I wanna be a better person, too. I'm sick of being bad. Forgive me?"
Carlos: "You're not a bad person."
Gabrielle: "Really?"
(She kisses him.)
Carlos: "No, of course not."
Gabrielle: "That's so sweet. I feel so close to you right now."
Carlos: "Gabby."
Gabrielle: "I'm sorry. Guess I am bad."
Carlos: "Look, we've got a nun downstairs."
Gabrielle: "She can wait five minutes. We're giving her a car."
(Gabrielle pushes Carlos on the bed and falls on top of him. He groans loudly.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Advertising Agency]
(Lynette gets off the elevator. Employees are scrambling around, some carrying boxes, one sitting with his head in his hands, some arguing.)
Lynette: "Hey, Pat, what's going on?"
Pat: "I'm not sure. Ed keeps calling people into his office. I think people are getting fired."
Ed: "Lynette."
Lynette: "Yeah."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Ed's Office]
Ed: "Lynette, Nina's out. You're in. You are our new V.P. of accounts."
Lynette: "I am?"
Ed: "I just gave her the ax, along with a bunch of other people."
Lynette: "Why? What happened?"
Ed: "Our old pal Stu just filed a sexual harassment suit against the company."
Lynette: "He did what?"
Ed: "He hired a fancy lawyer who threatened to go to the press. I had no choice but to pay him off. He had a video of him and Nina together."
Lynette: "Okay. I get Nina, but why are you firing everybody else?"
Ed: "Stu's taking us to the cleaners. If I don't cut back on staff, the next round of paychecks are gonna bounce."
Lynette: "Oh, god, Ed. I am so sorry."
Ed: "Well, it's not your fault. We'll get through this. You and me together. Oh, can you run down to the art department? Someone's gotta can Jeff and Elizabeth."
Lynette: "Yeah. Sure. I'll, I'm gonna go and take care of that."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Outside Nina's Office]
(Nina is standing there, drinking wine.)
Nina: "Hey. Congratulations."
Lynette: "This is not what I wanted. I just wanted you to be nicer."
Nina: "You know what? I used to be nice. But our boss, I'm sorry, your boss is incompetent and selfish and has the attention span of a poodle. I mean, from day one, I have been the only one around here keeping this place from crumbling down around his stupid ears."
Lynette: "Oh, Nina, come on."
Nina: "This is the truth here. Nice is a luxury that I gave up along with vacations and relationships and eating at home. This job sucks you dry. So you better kiss those four little kiddies of yours good-bye because you have just adopted the neediest little child in the world. Here. You're gonna need this more than I do."
(She hands Lynette the glass and winks.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Gabrielle's House]
(Gabrielle comes downstairs, wearing a robe.)
Gabrielle: "Hi. Carlos will be down in a little while. We had an intense talk. He's resting."
Sister Mary: "Yeah, I overheard some of your talk."
Gabrielle: "Sorry. He's such an animal but since we have a couple of minutes, why don't we, uh, chat?"
(Gabrielle takes Sister Mary outside to the porch.)
Gabrielle: "Look, I don't mean any disrespect. It's just now that Carlos is home, we need to get back on our routine, and we can't do that if he keeps running off to church and charity bake sales. We need us time. Do you know what I mean?"
Sister Mary: "I do."
Gabrielle: "Oh, good. Good. So it would really help our marriage if you just backed off for a while, okay?"
Sister Mary: "No."
Gabrielle: "Huh?"
Sister Mary: "I said no."
Gabrielle: "I know what you said. I'm wondering why you said it."


Sister Mary: "Carlos is a diamond in the rough, a flawed man to be sure, but someone who is desperately searching for something to believe in. To satisfy your materialism, he ended up breaking the law. To deal with your adultery, he resorted to assault. As long as he's with you, he will never find what he's looking for."
Gabrielle: "Well, I guess he should have thought of that before he married me."
Sister Mary: "Some marriages are meant to be annulled."
Gabrielle: "What the hell kind of nun are you? Look, if you try to come between me and my husband, I will take you down."
Sister Mary: "I grew up on the south side of Chicago. If you wanna threaten me, you're gonna have to do a lot better than that."
Gabrielle: "You listen to me, you little bitch. You do not want to start a war with me."
Sister Mary: "Well, I have God on my side. Bring it on."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Hotel Room]
(George opens the door of his hotel room.)
Bellman: "You called for a bellman?"
George: "There's a charity dinner taking place downstairs. My friend, Bree Van de Kamp, is one of the co-chairs. Give her this note and walk away. If she comes up in the elevator, call me."
(He holds out a wad of cash to the bellman, who smiles and takes it.)
George: "You think you can do that?"
Bellman: "Yes, sir."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Hotel Charity Event]
(The bellman approaches Bree.)
Bellman: "Excuse me, ma'am?"
Bree: "Yes."
(He hands her the note.)
Bellman: "I was asked to give this to you."
Bree: "Oh, thank you."
(Bree opens the note which reads "Bree, I can't live with you thinking I'm a bad person. I've taken some pills. If you could do me one last kindness, please come up and say goodbye. I'm in Room # 617.")
(Bree immediately calls the department on her cell phone.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Fairview Police Department]
Detective Barton: "Barton."
Bree: "Hello, Detective Barton. This is Bree Van de Kamp. I need to talk to you about George Williams."
Detective: "Yeah, I was just getting ready to call you, Mrs. Van de Kamp. My men are at his house right now and they've uncovered evidence that suggests Mr. Williams was responsible for your husband's death."
Bree: "What?"
Detective: "Yeah, we found Rex's prescription bottles and doctored potassium pills as well as some disturbing diary entries. Mrs. Van de Kamp?"
(Bree hangs up and walks to the elevator. The bellman calls George.)
Bellman: "Hello, sir. Yeah. She's, uh, on her way up."
George: "Thank you very much."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Hotel Room]
(George is sitting at the table. There are many pills on the table in front of him. He begins taking the pills.)
George: "She loves me. She loves me not."
(Bree, in the elevator, stares at her reflection in the door.)
George: "She loves me."
(Bree begins crying and hitting the walls.)
George: "She loves me not."
(Bree slides down so she's sitting on the floor of the elevator.)
George: "She loves me."
(She pulls the 'top' button of the elevator.)
(Later, George, in his room, is lying on the bed, eyes closed. He awakens suddenly and looks at his watch, lying next to him. Breathing heavily, he grasps the phone and pushes a button. )
George: "Operator, this is a bit embarrassing, but I've, I've swallowed some pills by mistake. I think you need to call an ambulance."
(There's a knock at the door.)
George: "Uh, uh, uh, they were, they were just vitamins. Yes. False alarm. I'm fine."
(He hangs up.)
George: "Door's open."
(Bree enters and sees George lying on the bed, then the pills and liquor on the desk.)
Bree: "Hey. What were you thinking, taking the pills?"
George: "I didn't hurt Dr. Goldfine. For you to think me capable of that sort of violence..."
Bree: "George. George!"
George: "I'm sorry. It's the pills."
Bree: "Why are you telling me this?"
George: "Because maybe I don't have to die. I could face the knowing that you would be there for me, that you'd stay my friend. Then I'll have something to live for."
Bree: "And then we'll call an ambulance and they'll pump your stomach."
George: "Yes."
B(ree takes a chair and pulls it next to the bed. She sits down in it.)
Bree: "I want to help you, but in order to do that, I need to forgive you, and, I can't do that until you admit what you've done."
George: "I didn't push Goldfine."
Bree: "Yes, you did. But that's not what I'm talking about. You killed Rex. But I know it wasn't totally your fault because you're not well. So, if you'll just be honest with me, I can forgive you. It'll be the hardest thing I've ever done, but I'll do it. But you have to, you have to tell me the truth."
George: "Look, I'm in trouble here. We need to call someone."
Bree: "Not until you admit what you've done."
George: "I love you. Anything I may have done, I did for you. Because you wanted me to, you know you did."
(He closes his eyes for a few seconds, then opens them and looks at her.)
George: "We need to phone an ambulance."
Bree: "I called them while you were asleep. They're already on their way."
(He smiles and closes his eyes again.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Gabrielle's House]
(Gabrielle lies in bed, watching Carlos as he kneels and prays.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"It's not always that easy to distinguish the good guys from the bad guys. Sinners can surprise you."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Sister Mary's Bedroom]
(Sister Mary is kneeling next to her bed, smiling, as she finishes praying and crosses herself. She extinguishes a candle that's next to her with her fingers.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"And the same is true for saints."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Advertising Agency]
(Nina is in her office, packing her belongings and crying.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Why do we try to define people as simply good or simply evil?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Fairview County Hospital]
(Addison in the emergency room with Carol holding his hand.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Because no one wants to admit that compassion and cruelty can live side by side in one heart."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Hotel Room]
(Bree puts the chair back and walks out of the room after taking one last look at where George is lying on the bed.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"And that anyone is capable of anything."




~ The End ~





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
附痴情的George用扩音器在Bree家门前声嘶力竭唱的那首歌的录音室版本之一.谁说不是首好歌我就跟谁急.

http://music.eng-corner.com/Song04/Song35.mp3


Don't Give Up On Us (David Soul)

Don't give up on us, Baby
Don't make the wrong seem right
The future isn't just one night
It's written in the moonlight
And painted on the stars
We can't change ours

Don't give up on us, Baby
We're still worth one more try
I know we put a last one by
Just for a rainy evening
When maybe stars are few
Don't give up on us, I know
We can still come through

I really lost my head last night
You've got a right to start believing
There's still a little love left, even so

Don't give up on us, Baby
Lord knows we've come this far
Can't we stay the way we are?
The angel and the dreamer
Who sometimes plays a fool
Don't give up on us, I know
We can still come through

It's written in the moonlight
And painted on the stars
We can't change ours

Don't give up on us, Baby
We're still worth one more try
I know we put a last one by
Just for a rainy evening
When maybe stars are few
Don't give up on us, I know
We can still come through

Don't give up on us, Baby
Don't give up on us, Baby





GOODBYE FOREVER,YOU BAD GUY,GEORGE!

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注册时间: 2005-07-09
帖子: 393 发表于: 2006-01-08- 08:46 PM 发表主题:


________________________________________
Desperate Housewives
Episode 02.10 - "Coming Home"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mary Alice Voiceoverreviously on “Desperate Housewives”...
Matthewid you leave the door open?
Mike:Call the !
Mike:Is that the guy who broke into your house?
Mary Alice Voiceover:Arrests were made...
Gabrielle:Yeah,that's him.
Susan:I just want a chance to get to know you.
Addison:Well,I don't want to know you.
Mary Alice Voiceover:Fathers were confronted...
Gabrielle:Who's sister Mary Bernard?
Gabrielle:You do not want to start a war with me.
Sister Mary:Bring it on.
Mary Alice Voiceover:Boundaries were drawn...
Detective Barton:Mr. Williams was responsible for your husband's death.
Mary Alice Voiceover:And everyone learned that sometimes justice is served...
George:We need to call an ambulance.
Mary Alice Voiceover:Without saying a word.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[George's House - Daytime]
Mary Alice Voiceover:''There were many ways to tell Bree van de kamp was a lady.''
(Police cars and are all around George's home. Bree is helped out of her car by a officer.)
Bree:''Thank you very much.''
Mary Alice Voiceover:''She was courteous to those around her,she moved with elegance and grace.''
(Bree enters George's house and Detective Barton approaches her.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:''And she was very careful to never let others know what she was thinking.''
Detective Barton:''Mrs. Van de kamp,thank you for coming on such short notice.''
Bree:''So what's happened?Have you had any luck finding George?''
Mary Alice Voiceover:''You see,like most well-bred women...''
Detective Sloan:''George is dead.He committed suicide last night at a hotel.''
Mary Alice Voiceover:''...Bree had something to hide.''
Bree:''Oh,um...well,um,it was very good of you to tell me in person,truly.''
Detective Barton:''Actually,uh,there's more.''
Bree:''More?''
(Detective Barton takes a package from a officer and shows it to Bree.)
Detective Barton:''Do you recognize this?''
Bree:''Those are my panties.How did you...''
Detective Sloan:''We assume mr. Williams stole them.''
Bree:''Where did you find them?''
Detective Sloan:''Mr. Williams had a room filled with,um...unsavory items.It was like a shrine.''
Bree:'"Unsavory items'?Well,what does that mean?''
Detective Sloan:''You don't want to know.''
Detective Barton:''Just so you're aware,the "daily tribune" is starting to sniff around this story.The editor's a good friend of mine.I'm pretty sure I can quash it,but you might want to tell your family what's going on,just in case.''
(Several officers walk in, carrying out a life-sized blow-up doll dressed like Bree.)
Bree:''What is that?''
Detective Barton:''I am so sorry. You weren't supposed to see that.(to the officer) Mudge,get that out of here.''
Bree:''No,wait!Is that supposed to be me?''
Detective Barton:''Well...it's hard to say.''
Bree:''I don't understand. I mean what would George be doing with a life-size doll?Oh,dear lord.''
Detective Barton (to the officers): "Go ahead."
Bree: "Oh, hold it. What are you gonna do with that?"
Detective Sloan: "Well, until we close the file on Mr. Williams, she's considered evidence. We'll have to take her back to the station."
Detective Barton: "I am so sorry about this, Mrs. Van de Kamp. I know how difficult all this must be."
Bree: "Don't you worry about me, Detective Barton. I will be just fine."
(Bree turns and walks outside. The officers carrying the life-sized doll walk out behind her as the neighbors watch.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Yes, there were many ways to tell that Bree was a lady, but the surest was to watch how she maintained her dignity in even the most undignified of situations."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Opening Credits
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Wisteria Lane - Daytime]
Mary Alice Voiceover:"It's a story as old as time itself - the return of the prodigal son."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Paul's House - Outside]
(Zach walks toward his home just as Paul comes outside. )
Mary Alice Voiceover:"And no matter how many times it's repeated or how the details might vary..."
Paul looks up and sees Zach. They run toward each other.
Mary Alice Voiceover:"...or how the names might change, the story always ends the same way, in the tender embrace of a loving father."
(They embrace.)
Zach: "Hi, dad."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Paul's House - Inside]
(Zach is eating a sandwich.)
Paul: "Susan Mayer told me she gave you some money to go to Utah."
Zach: "Yeah, I had no idea where to look for you, though, and the money started to run out, so I thought that maybe you'd come back here."
Paul: "You're a smart kid."
Zach: "Can I ask you something?"
Paul: "Of course. Anything."
Zach: "Well, when you left town, Mrs. Tillman said that my real mother was a junkie from Utah."
Paul: "That's right."
Zach: "So, who's my dad?"
Paul: "I don't know. It could have been anyone."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Betty's House - Outside]
(Mike approaches and waves to Betty. He hands Betty a paper bag.)
Betty: "Thanks for the faucet. This leak is driving me crazy. What do I owe you?"
Mike: "Oh, it's no rush. Just pay me when I install it."
(Edie jogs by. Matthew, clipping the hedges, overhears Edie and approaches.)
Edie: "Hey, there! Have you seen today's paper?"
Betty: "No, not yet."
Edie: "There's a follow-up on that guy you caught last week." (reading) "Police seek help in identifying the mystery vagrant."
Betty: "They don't know the man's name yet?"
Edie: "They're not even sure that he knows how to talk."
Mike: "Think they're going to hold him in the psych ward until they figure out who he is."
Betty: "Well, I will certainly rest easier knowing that he's not roaming around our neighborhood."
Edie: "See ya!"
(She jogs off.)
Betty: "Thanks again for the faucet."
Mike: "Sure."
(Mike walks away.)
Matthew: "What are we gonna do about Caleb?"
Betty: "Obviously, we are going to go and get him."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Monroe's Office]
(The newspaper with Caleb's picture lies on the desk with a magazine clip filled with bullets. Mr. Monroe packs a small suitcase, picks up the clip, and puts it into the suitcase.)
Monroe: "Where are my cuffs?"
Jerry: "Bottom drawer."
Monroe: "Ah."
Jerry: "So, when do I tell people you'll be back?"
Monroe: "Couple, maybe three days. What the hell's this?"
Jerry: "It's the ball gag. I thought you wanted it."
Monroe: "We do not recycle ball gags. Take a look at the teeth marks. It's gross. I'd like to think that we're better than that."
Jerry: "Hey, Monroe? You sure you don't want any help? The guy's dangerous."
Monroe: "He's a half-wit, Jerry. If I can handle you, I can handle him."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Lynette's House - Outside]
(The ladies are sitting around the porch, having coffee.)
Lynette: "So, he poisoned Rex?"
Gabrielle: "Sweet, little George Williams."

Bree: "Well, it turns out he wasn't so sweet after all. Anyway, uh, there's a chance that some of this may wind up in the paper, so I wanted you to hear it from me first."
Susan: "Bree, I'm so sorry."
Lynette: "Yeah, like you haven't been through enough."
Gabrielle: "God, and he's our pharmacist. It's enough to turn you holistic."
Susan: "I know this sounds awful, but I'm kind of glad the guy's dead."
Gabrielle: "Oh, I hope that little creep suffered."
Bree: "Well, we'll never know."
(A station wagon pulls up.)
Bree: "That's Andrew back from Camp Hennessey. I've got to go."
Lynette: "Does he know yet?"
Bree: "He hasn't got a clue."
Susan: "How do you think he's gonna react?"
(Andrew gets out of the car and waves, then yells out to them.)
Andrew: "All right, what the hell is going on? I know you didn't take me out of kid jail for my health."
Bree (to the other women): "I'll get back to you, uh, later."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bree's House - Inside]
(Andrew and Bree are in the living room.)
Andrew: "So, are the sure?"
Bree: "Yeah. They found data in George's personal computer and also records at his pharmacy that pretty much proves that he was poisoning your father."
Andrew: "They say why he killed him?"
Bree: "Well, the detective seems to think he was trying to get your father out of the way so he could marry me. Honey, please use your coaster. That's gonna leave a ring."
Andrew: "My father was murdered because of you, so as far as I'm concerned, you no longer get to tell me what to do."
Bree: "Andrew, that is not fair."
Andrew: "You brought that psycho into our house! You sat him down at our table. Just how fair do you expect me to be?"
Bree: "Andrew, George Williams fooled a lot of people."
Andrew: "Yeah, well, he didn't fool me."
Bree: "Andrew, I'm not trying to minimize my part in this. Believe me, I, I hate myself for what's happened."
Andrew: "Good. Now we have something in common. Oh, by the way, I'm gonna call my friend Justin and have him come over and spend the night tonight."
Bree: "Justin? Is he a friend of yours from school or church? What kind of friend is he?"
Andrew: "The real good kind."
Bree: "Andrew, it is inappropriate for you to have somebody over. You just got home."
Andrew: "Like I said, you don't get to tell me what to do anymore."
(Andrew walks upstairs.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Susan's House]
(Susan opens the front door to find Addison standing there.)
Susan: "You came!"
Addison: "Did I have a choice?"
Susan: "Well, sure."
Addison: "Because at the hospital you sounded like you were fully prepared to blackmail me into having some kind of a relationship with you."
Susan: "That was just the heat of the moment, and once you get to know me, you'll understand that I am not the kind of person who could ever, ever resort to blackmail."
Addison: "Well, I wish you'd made that clear in the hospital. Could've saved me a trip."
Susan: "So are you coming in?"
Addison: "Well, I got a lunch hour to kill."
(Susan shows Addison photo albums in the living room.)
Susan: "That was my first Halloween. I was two. What do you think I am?"
Addison: "I don't know."
Susan: "Oh, come on, just guess. You can tell."
Addison: "Uh, a homeless person?"
Susan: "No, Addison, I'm a chicken. See? Those are feathers hanging around."
Addison: "Oh. I thought that was supposed to be trash. Uh, look, are we done here?"
Susan: "You haven't even finished your coffee."
Addison: "I got to get back to work."
Susan: "Oh, well, we, we haven't even finished the high school years. I wanted to show you this one. This was from the father-daughter dance. I had to take my mother's hairstylist."
Addison: "What do you want from me, Susan?"
Susan: "Well, I, I just want to share more than our D.N.A. I, I wanted to have a relationship with you. None of this means anything to you?"
Addison: "I'll take the hobo picture."
Susan: "Actually, it was...fine."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Advertising Agency]
(Lynette drops a copy of the company insurance policy on Ed's desk.)
Ed: "What's this?"
Lynette: "Our company insurance policy. You ever bother to read it?"
Ed: "I'm gonna say no, but don't tell."
Lynette: "We have day care, Ed, day care. Do you realize that since we fired half the staff, you and I have barely left the building? My kids are forgetting who I am."
Ed: "I hear you. I have a seventeen-month-old who I haven't actually seen awake in weeks."
Lynette: "See? All we need is a minimum participation of, uh...sixteen kids. My kids, your baby, Sally in accounting has three, that new guy in Human Resources has two and we hit the mother lode with the Mormon receptionist. She just popped out number six. There. Sixteen."
Ed: "Fifteen. My wife won't do it."
Lynette: "Well, maybe if I talked to her."
Ed: "No, I'm telling you, this day care thing is a non-starter. Fran won't even let anyone else hold the baby."
Lynette: "Well, she won't just take some time off for a couple of hours?"
Ed: "Lynette, if I hadn't cut that umbilical cord with my own two hands, I swear they would still be attached. But if you want to try, more power to you."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Church - Inside]
(Gabrielle storms in.)
Gabrielle: "You! What the hell did you do with my husband?"
Sister Mary: "Please restrain yourself, Gabrielle. You're in a house of God."
Gabrielle: "Tell me where he is!"
Sister Mary: "Everywhere, of course."
Gabrielle: "Not God, my husband."
(Carlos walks in.)
Carlos: "Gabby, what are you doing here?"
Gabrielle: "I was just about to ask you the same thing. You were supposed to meet me at the spa."
Carlos: "I was just helping Sister Mary with the mailings for the fund-raiser. The church is about to send a relief team to Botswana to help with the drought."
Gabrielle: "That's your excuse? We missed side-by-side water massages. I had to book them weeks in advance."
Carlos: "Okay, you missed a massage. It's unfortunate, but there are people dying in Botswana."
Gabrielle: "There are going to be people dying in this church if you don't wipe that patronizing look off your face!"
Carlos: "What is your problem?"
Gabrielle: "Sister Mary, will you excuse us, please?"
Sister Mary: "Certainly."
(Sister Mary leaves.)
Gabrielle: "We are supposed to be working on our marriage, Carlos, but we can't do that as long as our lady of perpetual stick-up-her-butt has you worrying about thirsty orphans."
Carlos: "You're blaming Sister Mary for the tension in our marriage?"
Gabrielle: "She wants us fighting. She wants you to get tired of me and walk out so she can have you all to herself."
Carlos: "That's crazy. She's a nun."
Gabrielle: "She may wear a habit and the beads, but at the end of the day, she is still a woman, just like me, and I know what I'm capable of."
Carlos: "She is a woman, but she is nothing like you."
(Carlos walks away.)
Gabrielle: "Carlos, where are you going? Carlos!"
(Gabrielle walks toward the door and passes Sister Mary.)
Sister Mary: "You look tense, Gabrielle. Perhaps you should think about getting a massage."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Police Station]
(Addison is on the phone.)
Addison: "Hi, Susan, it's Addison. Are you there?"
Susan (on the phone): "Hi. Hi, yeah, I'm here."
Addison: "Good. You're home."
Susan: "Uh-huh. What's up?"
Addison: "You know you were saying you wanted to be part of my life?"
Susan: "Yeah."
Addison: "I'm at the station. I need you to come bail me out."
(Later, Susan comes to pick up Addison.)
Susan: "Solicitation? You were arrested for solicitation?"
Addison: "It was entrapment. I'm the victim here."
Susan: "But you were with a prostitute."
Addison: "Apparently not. I asked her three times--"are you a cop?" They gotta tell you, but she didn't say "boo." I thought this was America!"
Susan: "Addison, you just got caught paying for sex. Now is not the time to wrap yourself in the flag."
Addison: "Don't give me that look. It wasn't my fault."
Susan: "I'm sorry. How is trying to pick up a hooker not your fault?"
Addison: "I was at the store, I was working on my computer and then, you know, they have these ads? They pop up on the screen and they ask if you want to have a hot date. Well, it gets a fellow worked up."
Susan: "Can't you just go home and have sex with your wife like a normal person?"
Addison: "She's a sixty-eight-year-old woman. That bell stopped ringing for me years ago."
Susan: "Oh, my god. Stop. Right now. I'm gonna go pay this thing."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Addison's House]
(Susan's car pulls up to the curb.)
Addison: "So, uh, am I off the hook now?"
Susan: "What?"
Addison: "This whole father-daughter thing. We're done, right?"
Susan: "Thursday, coffee at two. Be on time."
Addison: "Don't take this the wrong way, but are you dim?"
Susan: "Okay, I didn't exactly love what I found out about you today, but the goal was to learn, not to judge."
Addison: "I bring the coffee. That crap you made burnt a hole in my stomach."
(Addison gets out and walks up the street. Carol is in a parked car across the street, watching him. She watches Susan pull away and writes down her license number.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Church Recreation Room]
(Sister Mary is talking to an audience.)
Sister Mary: "This is Tunde. He lost both his parents to this drought. In fact, water is always scarce in Botswana. The national currency is called the Pula or raindrop..."
(Father Crowley walks up to Gabrielle standing in the back of the room.)
Father Crowley: "Hello, Gabrielle. What brings you here?"
Gabrielle: "I'm concerned about the drought in Kenya."
Father Crowley: "Botswana."
Gabrielle: "Yeah, and you?"
Father Crowley: "Well, I'm organizing this relief trip. We leave in a week."
Gabrielle: "Well, Bon Voyage, Father."
Father Crowley: "I'm not going myself. We had to scale back our relief efforts this year. Even had to cut a few of the aid workers from the trip. Sister Mary, Sister Greta were so disappointed."
(Sister Mary passes out flyers to the audience.)
Sister Mary: "If you just want to hand some of those back..."
Gabrielle: "Sister Mary was going on the trip?"
Father Crowley: "Well, Sister Mary always goes for at least a few months, but when our funding came up short, she graciously offered to step aside, said there's plenty of God's work to do here."
(Sister Mary drops some paperwork at Carlos' feet. He helps her pick them up as Gabrielle looks on.)
Sister Mary: "Thank you, Carlos. Appreciate it."
(Gabrielle watches as Sister Mary pats Carlos gently on the arm.)
Gabrielle: "I bet she did. How much cash are you short, Father?"
(In the audience, Carlos smiles at Sister Mary as she speaks.)
Sister Mary: "We plan to set up a modern system of irrigation."
(Father Crowley approaches Sister Mary.)
Father Crowley: "I'm sorry to interrupt Sister Mary, but I have an announcement. I have just received a donation of eight thousand dollars, which means that Sister Mary and Sister Greta will be able to join our relief trip to Botswana. It just goes to show angels are everywhere."
(He winks at Gabrielle. Sister Mary sees this.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Advertising Agency]
(Fran walks in pushing a stroller.)
Fran: "Hi. I'm here to see Lynette Scavo."
Lynette: "Oh, hi. Excuse me. Hi. I'm Lynette. You must be Fran."
Fran: "Yeah, hi. Ed said you needed to talk to me. I couldn't imagine about what."
Lynette: "Oh, well, come on in my office."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Lynette's Office]
Fran: "You want me to put my daughter in day care? But I'm a stay-at-home mom."
Lynette: "I'm not suggesting that you sign her up for all day. Maybe just a couple of hours in the afternoon. Wouldn't that be great? Have some time to yourself, relax, unwind?"
Fran: "I don't need to unwind. I love taking care of little Mindy."
Lynette: "Oh, of course, of course, but we all have days when we're starting to lose it. Wouldn't it be nice to have some place to take her before you want to strangle her?"
Fran: "I cherish every moment I spend with her, truly."
Lynette: "Really? Yeah. Look, I'm gonna level with you. Parcher and Murphy can't have a day care center unless we have at least sixteen kids and without little Mindy, we only have fifteen."
Fran: "Well, that's not my problem."
Lynette: "Okay. Okay. I just thought I'd give it a shot."
Fran: "Well, I wish I could help you, but I can't."
Lynette: "Okay."
Fran: "Lynette."
Lynette: "Yeah."
Fran: "Can I ask you something?"
Lynette: "Yeah."
Fran: "Why did you have kids if you weren't gonna raise them?"
Lynette: "Excuse me?"
Fran: "Well, I just don't understand women who say they want to be mothers, but then hand their kids over to glorified babysitters."
Lynette: "I work because my family needs me to."
Fran: "Oh, dear, I've upset you, and that wasn't my intention."
Lynette: "I bet. Make no mistake, I'm a good mother."
Fran: "That's the difference between us. I couldn't settle for being a good mother. I want to be a great one. Bye-bye."
Lynette: "Bye-bye."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Susan's House - Outside, Morning]
(Alberta, walking her cat, is frozen as she stares at Susan's garage door. The word "whore" is painted on her white garage door in red. Susan walks out to get her morning paper.)
Susan: "Oh, hi, Alberta. How are you? Were you the one that sent out those neighborhood watch pamphlets? I was wondering if maybe you had any extra copies. Or I'll just borrow one from somebody else. Thanks."
(Alberta walks away. Susan turns and sees the word written on her garage door.)
(Later, Addison and Susan are looking at the door.)
Addison: "Yep, looks like Carol's penmanship."
Susan: "This is ridiculous. What does she think, we're having an affair?"
Addison: "Well, she probably saw you drop me off yesterday, and she assumed the worst."
Susan: "Well, now you're gonna have to tell her the truth."
Addison: "Oh, no, no, no. I'd catch holy hell."
Susan: "Oh, so you want me to catch it for you? I mean, you, yourself, said she's crazy. I don't want to wake up tomorrow morning and find my tires slashed."
Addison: "All right. I'll talk to her."
(Edie drives by in her convertible. She stops in front of Susan's garage.)
Susan: "Hello, Edie. Do you have something you'd like to say?"
Edie: "No. That pretty much says it all."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Gabrielle's House]
(Gabrielle walks in. Sister Mary and Carlos are sitting on the couch.)
Gabrielle: "Sister Mary, what a lovely surprise."
Sister Mary: "Well, I couldn't leave without saying good-bye, Gabrielle."
Gabrielle: "Oh, that's so sweet. I'm really gonna miss you."
Sister Mary: "I'm sure not half as much as you're gonna miss your husband."
Gabrielle: "Huh?"
Carlos: "Don't freak out. I'm going to Botswana."
Gabrielle: "What?"
Carlos: "Sister Mary needs a companion."
Gabrielle: "What happened to Sister Greta?"
Sister Mary: "I was gonna go with Sister Greta, but the region is so volatile, I decided I'd feel much safer with a male companion."
Gabrielle: "Carlos, you can't do this. You can't just go to Africa."
Carlos: "Honey, I'm only gonna be gone for two months. This journey is important for me. I want to be one of God's soldiers."


Sister Mary: "And you will be one, Carlos. After you see the devastation over there, you're never the same. You see how selfish your old life is and you just want to get rid of everything that reminds you of it. Oh, gosh. I should get going and start packing. We leave in less than a week."
Carlos: "I should probably send a thank you letter to my parole officer. He's being a real mensch about this."
(Carlos walks out and goes upstairs.)
Gabrielle: "I may be a Catholic, but I am so not above slapping a nun."
Sister Mary: "Go ahead. Do it. Just make sure you hit hard enough to leave a mark. Yeah. I didn't think so."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Advertising Agency]
(Lynette is talking on the phone.)
Lynette: "Kiss the kids good night and I'll see them in the morning. Okay, yeah. I love you, too. Bye-bye."
(She hangs up the phone.)
Ed: "I'm sorry about the day care thing, Lynette, but Fran hardly ever lets me hold the kid. You know, since day one, all I ever got was, "support the head, support the head." I think I know how to support a damn baby head. Oh, let's just, let's just do this. I don't want to be here all night."
Lynette: "You're Mindy's father. You have a right to spend time with her."
Ed: "I know, but what can I do?"
Lynette: "You could stand up to Fran. If you don't, you'll just become more resentful, she'll get nuttier. And without a father figure, poor Mindy will grow up to be a stripper."
Ed: "A stripper?"
Lynette: "There's science to back that up."
Ed: "You know what? You go ahead and push the button on this day care thing, Lynette, and count Mindy in. Yeah, I'll handle Fran."
Lynette: "You're doing the right thing, Ed, for little Mindy."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bree's House - Nighttime]
[Justin and Andrew are lying on Andrew's bed, playing video games. Andrew tries to kiss Justin.]
Justin: "Dude, what if your mom walks in?"
Andrew: "She won't."
Justin: "You don't know that. Just wait 'till everybody's asleep. Seriously. I'll make it worth your while."
Andrew: "You better. I wish she would walk in on us, just to see the expression on her face. God, I hate her so much."
Justin: "Still, though, she's your mother. Don't you sort of have to love her?"
Andrew: "Last year, when she found out that I like guys, she freaked out. She said that if I didn't change, I'd be going straight to hell, so since I knew that I couldn't change, it suddenly hit me that one day, my own mother was gonna stop loving me, so I decided to stop loving her first. That way, it wouldn't hurt so bad."
Justin: "She didn't know what she was saying."
Andrew: "Yes, she did, so now she's got to be punished."
Justin: "How are you gonna punish her?"
Andrew: "One day, she'll slip up, and I'll have something against her and when that happens, I'm gonna take her down so hard, she'll never get back up."
Justin: "It may take you a while to get something on her."
Andrew: "That's okay. I don't mind waiting for the things that I want."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Advertising Agency]
(Ed walks in carrying a toddler.)
Ed: "Lynette, hey, hey. Look who's here."
Lynette: "Hey! You know, the day care room won't be ready until next week at the earliest."
Ed: "If I had waited, I might have lost my nerve. I had a window. Fran was in the shower, so I just grabbed the baby and ran."
Lynette: "You took the baby without telling Fran?"
Ed: "I refuse to be bullied by that woman. You were right. Mindy is my daughter. I wanted to spend time with her. I have that right."
Pat: "Um, Ed, the lobby just called and your wife's on her way up and she seems pretty angry."
Ed: "Oh, man. Here. Hold Mindy."
Lynette: "Oh."
Ed: "Let me handle this."
Lynette: "Oh, I was planning to."
(The elevator door opens. An angry Fran comes out.)
Fran: "I thought Mindy had been kidnapped!"
Ed: "I left a sticky note."
Fran: "I wasn't looking for a sticky note, Ed! I was looking for my missing child!"
Ed: "She's my child, too, and she's staying here, just a few hours a day."
Fran: "You, give her to me."
Ed: "No, I made a decision."
Fran: "Yeah? Okay, watch me make a decision. I'm done with this marriage. I'm taking my baby and I'm getting on a plane to Pittsburgh."
Ed: "You wouldn't dare!"
Fran: "You think you miss Mindy now, wait till we're living with my mother!"
Ed: "I'll fight you on this."
Fran: "Yeah? Try me."
Mary Alice Voiceover:"As Lynette saw her dreams of day care about to board a plane to Pittsburgh..."
(Lynette walks toward her office with the baby.)
Ed: "You're crazy, you know that?!"
Fran: "Yeah! I'm crazy to think that you understand..."
Mary Alice Voiceover:"...she decided this flight would have to be grounded."
(Lynette goes into her office and locks the door.)
Fran: "You don't scare me. Oh. Oh! What the hell is she doing?"
(She sees Lynette locked in the office with her baby.)
Fran: "Open up! Give me my baby!"
Ed: "Good thinking, Lynette!"
Lynette: "I am not on your side, Ed."
Ed: "You're not?"
Lynette: "No, I am on Mindy's side. She is the one caught in the middle, and I'm not letting you two have her until you calm down."
Fran: "I want my damn child.
Pat: "Lynette, I have Tom on line two."
Lynette: "Pat, can you see here I'm holding a baby hostage? I will call back!"
(Fran gets out her cell phone.)
Fran: "All right, that's it. I'm calling the ."
Ed: "Oh, for god's sakes! Lynette's not going to hurt the baby!"
Lynette: "No, and you're gonna get her back a whole lot faster if you will just listen to me. Okay? Listen, and you? All right, good. So, first of all, Ed, stealing the baby was really stupid."
Fran: "Thank you."
Lynette: "You're welcome. You need to find a better way to communicate with your wife. And, Fran, I know what the pressure of trying to be a super parent does to your head. You can take a break and be a great mom. Doesn't this little sweetheart deserve a well-rested mommy?"
Fran: "Well, I guess the pressure does get to me a little."
Ed: "And it's okay to admit that."
Lynette: "This is communication. This is good. Why don't you guys go down to the lobby, talk it out over some coffee?"
Fran: "Uh, what about Mindy?"
Lynette: "We've got day care!"
(Fran and Ed leave. Lynette looks at Mindy.)
Lynette: "We've got day care!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Meadowside Psychiatric Hospital]
(Betty approaches the nurse's station. She sees Caleb sitting on a couch in a day room.)
Betty: "Hi. I called earlier from the spiritual outreach program?"
Nurse Delany: "Hi. Piano player, right? This is so generous of you. There it is. It's not exactly a concert grand. I should warn you, on the whole, our patients are generally unresponsive, so I hope you don't expect a lot of clapping."
Betty: "Miss Delany, I find when the spiritual rewards are this great, who needs applause?"
Nurse Delany: "Excuse me."
(The nurse goes back to her paperwork.)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Grocery Store]
(Susan is doing her shopping. Carol comes around the corner to where Susan is.)
Susan: "Did Addison talk to you about me?"
(Carol begins throwing the groceries at Susan.)
Susan: "Oh! I guess not."
Carol: "He's a married man! What's wrong with you?"
Susan: "No, wait! Wait! It's not what you think!"
Carol: "He hasn't touched me for three years because of, of sluts like you!"
Susan: "Carol, if you would just stop throwing things at me, I'll explain!"
Carol: "How, how can you explain? You're screwing my husband!"
Susan: "No, I'm not screwing him! He's my father!"
(Susan bends over, protecting herself. Carol stops, dropping a bag of beans on the ground, which spill open.)
Susan: "I'm so sorry. I thought you should know, but he didn't want to tell you."
Carol: "I want to die."
Susan: "Oh, no."
Carol: "I do."
Susan: "Oh, Carol, you don't have to clean that up. They have clerks for that."
Carol: "How old are you?"
Susan: "Thirty-eight."
Carol: "We've been married thirty-nine years. It's been going on from the start."
Susan: "Believe me, I didn't want to hurt anyone. I just wanted to find my dad."
Carol: "I'm glad you did, but you be careful, sweetheart. He's gonna break your heart."
(Carol walks away.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bree's House]
(Bree and Andrew are in the kitchen.)
Bree: "Andrew, I made an appointment with a therapist for you, me, and Danielle."
Andrew: "I don't think so."
Bree: "This pain that you're feeling is completely natural, but it's not gonna go away until you deal with it. Andrew, I want us to heal. I want us to be a family again."
Andrew: "You know what I want? I want for George Williams to walk through that door so I can take a knife and plunge it into his heart. I want the pharmacist to pay for what he did to my father."
Bree: "Well, the good news is he's, he's dead."
Andrew: "He committed suicide. His death was on his terms. That's not justice."
Bree: "So, are you saying if he were executed, that it would be easier for you to get past this?"
Andrew: "Of course."
Bree: "George didn't intend to commit suicide. He was trying to manipulate me into taking him back and he swallowed those pills hoping that I'd feel sorry for him. He just assumed that I would call an ambulance. When I got there, he was already slipping away. I tried to get him to accept responsibility for what he'd done, but he wouldn't."
Andrew: "So what'd you do?"
Bree: "Nothing. I just sat there and let him die."
Andrew: "Oh, my god."
Bree: "He didn't die on his terms, Andrew. He paid for what he did to your father."
(Andrew hugs Bree.)
Andrew: "Thank you for telling me this."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Meadowside Psychiatric Hospital Parking Lot]
(Monroe is sitting in his car with the picture of Caleb on the seat next to him. He pulls out a syringe and fills it.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Meadowside Psychiatric Hospital]
(Monroe, dressed in scrubs, is pushing a wheelchair around. He passes by another orderly.)
Monroe: "Hey, how you doin'?"
(He looks at the name register and sees John Doe is in Room 614. He walks into Room 614 and pulls out the syringe, looking around as he enters the room, only to find the room empty. He walks toward the day room where Betty is playing the piano. He sees Caleb in the back with a man in a coat and cap standing behind him. The man approaches Caleb, takes off the hat and coat, and puts it on Caleb. Matthew walks Caleb out of the day room as Monroe watches them pass. He follows.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Mike's House]
(Paul goes to the door just as Mike is coming out.)
Mike: "Yeah?"
Paul: "Zach's come home."
Mike: "What? Is he okay?"
Paul: "He's fine."
Mike: "Is there anything I can do?"
Paul: "Thanks for asking. You can leave us alone."
Mike: "I spent a lot of time looking for Zach and you know why."
Paul: "Maybe I'm not making myself clear. You come near my son, I'll go to the . I'll tell them what happened out in that quarry."
Mike: "You do that and we'll both go down."
Paul: "Well, you know I'm capable of almost anything. Hey, I thought you'd like to know Zach and I are moving away. I want to give my son a shot at a normal life. I'm sure you'll agree it's for the best."
Mike: "Now see, this is where you and I don't see eye-to-eye. For Zach's sake, I'll keep quiet, for now, but you're not taking him away. If I see a "for sale" sign in front of that house, I'll call the . I'm capable of pretty much anything myself."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Fairview County Hospital]
(Nurse hands Carlos forms on a clipboad for him to fill out. Gabrielle is sitting next to him reading a magazine.)
Nurse: "The doctor's going to give you a full work-up, then we'll start the inoculations. Make sure you fill out everything and the nurse will take you back."
Carlos: "Thank you."
Gabrielle: "Boy, Sister Mary's done a number on you."
Carlos: "Right."
Gabrielle: "Yes, right. She has you flying halfway across the world to help the poor and there's perfectly good poor right here. For god's sakes, give a buck to a homeless guy."
Carlos: "It's not the same."
Gabrielle: "No, it's better because you can do it in the comfort of your own car."
Carlos: "The point is not to be comfortable, Gabby. It's about easing pain and suffering. Look, I'm trying to be a better person here. Now you can either help me or you can get out of the way, but you can't stop me."
Nurse: "Carlos Solis? Come with me, please."
Carlos: "Finish that for me."
(Carlos hands the clipboard to Gabrielle and gets up. Gabrielle gets up and gives the clipboard to the nurse and the nurse's station.)
Gabrielle: "Here."
Nurse: "He didn't fill out the allergy section. "
Gabrielle: "Honey, he's going to a remote village in Africa. Does it really matter that he's allergic to eggs?"
Nurse: "Actually, yes. Eggs are on the list. He could have a severe reaction to the yellow fever vaccine, and he won't be getting out of bed, let alone leaving the country."
Gabrielle: "Really? Oh, don't write that down. I wasn't being specific. He's allergic to fish eggs."
Nurse: "Fish eggs?"
Gabrielle: "Poor baby's gone his whole life without caviar. Now that's suffering."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Doctor's Office]
(Carlos is sitting with his shirt off as Gabrielle watches.)
Carlos: "All right, Doc, give me all you got."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Gabrielle's House]
(Carlos is lying on the bed, delirious.)
Carlos: "It's so hot in this village."
Gabrielle: "Baby, that's the fever talking. The doctor said you're having an allergic reaction, but you're gonna be fine, okay?"
Carlos: "Hold me."
Gabrielle: "Oh, honey. I'm so sorry. Oh, maybe that stupid nun is right. Maybe I am trying to stop you from becoming a better person. It's just that I love you the way you are, greedy, selfish, and insensitive. I'm just scared if you're not those things anymore, you're gonna wake up one day and realize I still am, and then you won't want me."
Carlos: "I want you. Just hold me."
Gabrielle: "Oh, Carlos."
Carlos: "Hold me, Sister Mary."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Susan's House - Outside]
(Susan is painting the garage door.)
Addison: "Painting in the rain? Is that smart?"
Susan: "Well, let me see. Painting in the rain or letting the whole world think I'm a whore? I don't know. What do you think?"
Addison: "Heard you ran into my wife."
Susan: "Yep."
Addison: "So?"
Susan: "So, you are hereby released of any further obligation to be my dad."
Addison: "Okay. Just so you know, I'm not actually proud of what I've done. You know, my hobbies."
Susan: "Good for you. Bye."
Addison: "I have done things I'm proud of. I could give you five examples right now. Okay, maybe three."
Susan: "You don't have to do this."
Addison: "I was a volunteer fireman. I, uh, put out fires, I got kittens out of trees, the whole nine yards."
Susan: "Sweet."
Addison: "About twenty years ago, I started a foundation to protect wild horses. I probably saved hundreds of them."
Susan: "Really?"
Addison: "I'm full of surprises."
Susan: "Okay, one more."
Addison: "I wasn't exactly thrilled when you walked back into my life. Now that I've met you, well, you gave me a third thing to be proud of."
Susan: "That was a good one."
Addison: "That's why I saved it for last. I have to spend some time working on my marriage. When that's all sorted out, maybe we could continue with the catching up?"
Susan: "I'll wait for your call."
(Addison walks off.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"The stories are as old as time itself."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Paul's House]
Mary Alice Voiceover:"The prodigal son who returns home to the father who forgives him."
(Paul watches lovingly as Zach plays the guitar.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Gabrielle's House]
Mary Alice Voiceover:"The jealous wife who tricks the husband who trusts her..."
(Gabrielle gently wipes Carlos' forehead as they lie on the bed.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Betty's House]
Mary Alice Voiceover:"The desperate mother who risks everything for the child who needs her."
(Betty covers a sleeping Caleb with a blanket.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Addison's House]
Mary Alice Voiceover:"And the faithless husband who hurts the wife who loves him so deeply."
(Addison walks out of the door with keys in hand. He looks at Carol, who is watering the plants.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bree's House - Outside]
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Why do we listen again and again?"
(Bree is gardening while Andrew watches her.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"Because these are the stories of family, and once we look past the fighting, pain and the resentment-"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Advertising Agency Day Care Center]
(Lynette walks in.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:"-we occasionally like to remind ourselves...there is absolutely nothing more important."
(Lynette picks up Penny and hugs her.)
Lynette: "Hi, bunny, bunny. Hi."


~ The End ~

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臻臻
中级会员



注册时间: 2005-03-15
帖子: 45
来自: 上海 发表于: 2006-01-10- 04:47 PM 发表主题:


________________________________________
楼主翟心仁厚！赞一个！辛苦了


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臻臻
中级会员



注册时间: 2005-03-15
帖子: 45
来自: 上海 发表于: 2006-01-10- 04:47 PM 发表主题:


________________________________________
楼主翟心仁厚！赞一个！辛苦了


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hwf
高级会员



注册时间: 2005-07-09
帖子: 393 发表于: 2006-01-10- 09:26 PM 发表主题:


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谢谢.再辛苦也值得.
我会继续更新的.
从211开始,先贴出对话本,然后再更新为剧本.请常来看看.

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hwf
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注册时间: 2005-07-09
帖子: 393 发表于: 2006-01-12- 11:44 AM 发表主题:


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Desperate Housewives
Episode 02.11 - "One More Kiss"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mary Alice Voiceoverreviously on “Desperate Housewives”...
Bree:George paid for what he did to your father.
Mary Alice Voiceover:Bree confessed...
Mikeid you give zach money to go to utah?
Mary Alice Voiceover:Susan betrayed Mike...
Bree:What kind of friend is he?
Andrew:The real good kind.
Mary Alice Voiceover:Andrew pushed the boundaries...
Paul:Zach's come home.
Mike:Is there anything i can do?
Mary Alice Voiceoveraul put his foot down...
Zach:You can leave us alone.
Jerry: So when do I tell people you'll be back?
Monroe:Couple, maybe three days.
Mary Alice Voiceover:And a stranger......finally caught up with Caleb.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bree's House - Nighttime]
(Bree is hosting a dinner party. As Bree checks the table with food on it, a couple in the background are kissing.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:Kisses are such simple things,we hardly notice them.
(Bree walks around her home, ensuring her guests are all having a good time.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:But if we paid more attention,we'd see that each kiss conveys a meaning all its own.For example, some can say,"i'm so happy to see you."
(Bree kisses the cheeks of newly arriving guests.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:Or, "I didn't realize you'd be here."
(Two women guests air kiss each other, then wave goodbye.)
Female Guest #1:Bye.
Mary Alice Voiceover:Or, "honey,it's time to stop drinking."
(Two male guests drink and laughing. A wife approaches one of the men and casually removes the drink from his hand, then leans in to kiss him.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:The trick is in knowing how to tell the difference.
(In the kitchen, Gabrielle, Edie, Bree, Tom, and Karl are standing around the counter talking and laughing.)
Gabrielle: So I finally said,if I'm head cheerleader,then nobody wears panties.
Tom:Yeah!I just want you to know as a former member of my high school marching band,I would've appreciated that.
(Lynette joins them and stands next to Tom.)
Edie:Wait a second, you were a band geek? Oh,I don't believe it.
Bree:What'd you play?
Lynette: He played the tuba.I have pictures.
Gabrielle:The tuba, huh?
Carl:Yeah, go ahead, come on, come on, get your licks in, go ahead.
Gabrielle:No, no, not at all.As a matter of fact,all of my secret crushes were on the band geeks.
Tom:Come on,I know you cheerleader types.You wouldn't have said "boo" to guys like me.No, you were more interested in the guys like... like this.(He points to Karl.)Now, I take it you didn't play the tuba.
Carl:No, I didn't.
Tom:All I know is, I was a lonely,insecure tuba player.Girls like Gabrielle would just rip my heart out.
Edie:Aw.
Tom:I didn't even had my first kiss until I was 18.
Gabrielle:18?
Tomathetic,I know.
Gabrielleoor baby.I would've kissed you.
Tom:No, you wouldn't have.
Gabrielle:Yes,I would have.
Tom:No, you wouldn't have.And it's okay, Gaby.Those scars healed long time ago.
Gabrielle:Oh, for god sakes,come here.Now on behalf of all the cheerleaders in the world,forgive us.
(Gabrielle holds Tom's face in her hands and gives Tom a long kiss. Karl applauds and Edie cheers.)
Carl:Oh, yeah!
Edie:Whoo!
Mary Alice Voiceover:Yes, kisses mean different things to different people.
(Gabrielle lets go of Tom and he falls off his chair. The crowd laughs and cheers.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:Ultimately,the meaning depends on the one who does the kissing...
(Lynette looks on, silent. The crowd continues to cheer.)
Tom:Wowie.
Edie:Cheers.
Mary Alice Voiceover:...and the who sees it happen.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Opening Credits
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bree's House - Nighttime]
(Bree says goodbye to the last of her guests.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:After every party comes the time for cleaning.Attend to the champagne that was spilled...
(Bree sees a glass of champagne tipped over onto her table. She wipes it up quickly.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:...the knickknacks that got broken...
(Edie sweeps up a broken vase on the floor.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:...the food that went uneaten.
(Lynette cleans up the dining room table and carries some trays into the kitchen where Gabrielle is washing dishes.)
Gabrielle:Oh, here,let me take that.
Mary Alice Voiceover:...and whatever other messes need cleaning up.
Lynette: So, uh, Gaby...you know that thing you and Tom did tonight?The... the kiss?
Gabrielle:Was that hysterical?The look on Tom's face!
Lynette: Yeah.I know this sounds silly,but...it kind of bugged me.
Gabrielle:You're not serious.
Lynette: Yeah, I am.I don't...I don't want to make a big deal out of it,but, uh,could you maybe not do that again?
Gabrielle:Okay.
Lynette:Thanks.
Gabrielle:Okay.
(Lynette pats Gabrielle's arm. Susan, Edie and Bree enter the kitchen.)
Susan:Hey, what happened to the Applewhites?I thought you were gonna invite them.
Bree:I did.Betty never r.s.v.p.'d.
Edie:What do you guys think about the Applewhites?
Susan:I like 'em, very nice.
Bree:Very...interesting.
Susan:Right, interesting.
Edie:Hmm, they weird me out, too.
Susan:Well, that's not what we're saying.
Bree: Not exactly, anyway.
(Gabrielle suddenly turns to Lynette standing next to her.)
Gabrielle:You know,we were just having fun,entertaining the crowd.
Lynette:Oh, sure, but...but maybe next time you could try juggling instead.
Edie:What's going on?
Gabrielle:Nothing.
Edie:Really?I sense a little tension.
Lynette:No, no tension.(to Gabrielle)What?
Gabrielle:You make it sound like...I was making a pass at your husband.And that's just a little bit insulting.
Lynette:I just said it bugged me.Why is that a problem?
Edie:Is this about that kiss?
Susan:What kiss?
Edie:Oh, you were in the living room.Gaby planted a big, wet kiss on Tom... as a joke.It was hilarious.
Gabrielle:You see?
Bree:Yeah, but to be fair to Lynette, you are an ex-model.And surely it must have dawned on you that some women might prefer it if you didn't kiss their husbands.
Lynette:That's all I'm saying.
Susan:Oh, you guys,we're all friends.This isn't something to get worked up over.
Gabrielle:I'm not worked up.
Lynette:Me neither.
Edie:Hey, everyone, did you see what Kathy Lewis was wearing tonight?And whoever told her that she could get away with those vertical stripes should be shot.
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[Outside Bree's House - Nighttime]
(Bree kisses Susan goodbye.)
Bree:Oh.Bye, sweetie.
(Susan begins walking home. She looks over at Paul's house and sees Zach putting the trash out. Zach waves and Susan waves back. Susan runs over to Mike's house and knocks on the door. Mike answers.
Susan:Uh...oh!
Susan:Zach is back!
Mike:Yeah, yeah, I know.
Susan:You do?
Mike:Yeah, he's been back for a couple of days now.
Susan:Well, that's great,isn't it?
Mike:Yeah.
Susan:I thought you'd be happy about it.I thought that's what you wanted.
Mike:I was hoping that I'd slowly establish a relationsh with Zach and then when we were comfortable,I'd tell him I was his real dad.But now Paul's back.
Susan:And he doesn't want you anywhere near him.
Mike:He's threatened to tell the everything that happened in the desert...that I held a gun to his head.
Susan:Well, it's your word against his.
Mike:But he doesn't have a record, and I do.
Susan:You know,despite what I did...sending Zach away,I want you two to connect.I hope you know that.
Mike:I do.And on the bright side,I don't have to wonder where he is anymore.
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[Paul's House - Nighttime]
(Paul is reading some paperwork with a bunch of books on the counter in front of him. Zach is putting a new trash bag into the trash can.)
Paul:It says that you can do a report on anything from the suggested reading list,which includes"the old man and the sea,""the pearl,""much ado about nothing."Hmm. That sounds good.What do you like?
Zach:I don't care.
Paul:Let's start with "the pearl."It's got a sad ending, but it's good. We'll start with that.You know,it's not gonna be so bad.I think you're really gonna like being homeschooled.Okay, I know this isn't what you want.But I need to keep you close to me just for a while.There are people in this neighborhood who aren't thrilled that we're back.People I don't trust.
Zacheople like...Mike Delfino?
Paul:Why would you say that?
Zach:When you disappeared,Mrs. Tillman said that Mike took you somewhere to kill you.
Paul:That's ridiculous.Why would Mike wanna kill me?
Zach:Because you murdered Mrs. Huber?
Paul:What did you say?
Zach:Well, Mrs. Tillman said that you murdered Mrs. Huber because she was blackmailing mom.
Paul:And you believed her?
Zach:No, not exactly.I mean, why? Should I?
Paul:Zach, you know me better than anyone.Do you honestly believe that I am capable of murder?
Zach:No.
Paul:All right, then.
Zach:Of course...I didn't think mom was capable of suicide, either.
Paul:On second thought,why don't we start with "much ado about nothing"?I think we could use a few laughs around here.
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[Bree's Front Yard - Nighttime]
(Andrew is saying goodnight to Justin while Bree watches out the window.)
Andrew:Yeah, man...Yeah, he sure is.I just...probably.
Justin:Yeah.
(Andrew kisses Justin passionately. Bree snaps the glass she is holding.)
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[Bree's House]
(Bree is on the couch. She pours herself a large glass of wine and drinks. Andrew walks in.)
Andrew:Hey.
Bree:Get over here.Now.
Andrew:Somebody's angry.Did one of your soufflés fall?
Bree:I saw what you did with your friend.
Andrew:Oh, and you didn't turn into a pillar of salt. Good for you.
Bree:This is not a joke,Andrew.What if the neighbors had seen you?
Andrew:Well, I'd hope they'd think that I'd landed a hottie.
Bree:I may not be able to control what you do outside of this home,but while you are under this roof,you will not mock my values.If you so much as smile at that boy,so help me, I will ship you off to Camp Hennessey and I will not pick you up again until you are 18.Do I make myself clear?
(Bree starts walking up stairs. Andrew holds up the wine bottle.)
Andrew:Aren't you forgetting something?I know you like to knock a few back before bedtime.Go on, take it. It's okay.We both know that of the two of us,I'm the one that doesn't judge.
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[Betty's Basement]
(Matthew places a tray outside of Caleb's locked room. He begins closing the door to lock Caleb in.)
Caleblease. I don't wanna stay down here.
Matthew:I-I know.I'm sorry, K.I'm sorry.
(Matthew closes and locks the door. Betty comes downstairs.)
Betty:Matthew, I think we might have termites.You need to take a look at those steps before one of us breaks our neck.What's the matter?
Betty:Is your brother okay?
Matthew:No, he's not.He hates it down here.He wants to be with us.You're being cruel.
Betty:If you are so concerned about him,you should spend less time on your computer and more time down here keeping him company.
(Caleb listens through the door.)
Betty:We're bringing him up,but not until I am sure that it's safe.
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[Outside Betty's House - Daytime]
(A car is parked with the radio playing loudly. Monroe sits inside and uses his inhaler. He picks up a clipboard and looks at it.)
(Edie jogs by. She slows down, then knocks on the car window.)
MusicGlen Campbell) " there's been a load of compromising, on the road to my horizon..."
Ediewheezes)Hey, you!
Music:"...like a Rhinestone cowboy."
Monroe:Yeah?
Edie:What's the deal?You've been parked on our street for two hours.
Monroe:Oh, I'm doing a property appraisal.Some neighbors of yours are thinking about moving.
Edie:The Applewhites?
Monroe:I'm not really allowed to say.
Edie:I sold them that house.You know, this is my turf!Who do you w(or)k for?Geist realty?Ah, westside properties.Yeah, well, whoever it is,you go back and you tell your bosses that nobody, and I mean, nobody,buys or sells properties in this neighborhood without going through Edie Britt, you got that?
Monroe:Look, lady,I just go where I'm told.
Edie:You look, you cross me,and I will be your worst nightmare.I'm a dangerous woman.You don't wanna mess with me.
Monroe:You got it.
(Edie jogs away. Monroe picks up the newspaper on the seat next to him. Under the paper is an automatic.)
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[Outside Susan's House - Daytime]
(Julie and Susan are getting out the her car as Zach approaches.)
Zach:Ms. Mayer.
Susan:Zach.
Zach:May I talk to you?I have some things that I need to say.
Susan:Okay.
Zach:I-I know that I did a lot of bad stuff...stuff that I'm not gonna be able to take back.Ms. Mayer,I'm... I'm really sorry.But when I was living on the streets, you know,I had a lot of time to...to just sit and think to myself and clear my head and...I've grown up, you know?I don't want you to worry.I'm not gonna be bothering you anymore.Either of you.
Susan:Well, thanks.We appreciate that.
Zachlease don't tell my dad that I talked to you.He's just...he's been really...intense lately.
(Zach walks away.)
Susan:Well,what do you think?
Julie:He seems different.I believe him.
Susan:Yeah, I can't believe I'm about to say this,but I feel sorry for him.It's like he's so fragile.
Julie:I know, and he's locked in that house with Mr. Creepy 24/7.Did you know that he's homeschoolin'zach now?
Susan:I think he should spend some time with decent role model,don't you?
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[Wisteria Lane - Daytime]
(Lynette and Bree drive up to each other from opposite directions. They stop in the middle of the street to talk.)
Bree:Hi!
Lynette:Hey, you're out early.
Bree:Oh, I just wanted to pick up some fresh croissants for breakfast.
Lynette:Oh, cool. Listen,I just wanted you to know I appreciated you backing me up last night,you know,with the kiss thing.
Bree:To be honest, I don't think I would've liked it, either.
Lynette:Yeah, but I probably should've just gone with it.Gaby was just being Gaby...having fun.
Bree:No, I wouldn't be so hard on yourself, given her history.
Lynette:What do you mean?
Bree:You know, the affair.
Lynette:Gaby had an affair?
Bree:You didn't know?
Lynette:No!
Bree:I thought everybody knew.Oh, I feel awful.Oh, Ida Greenberg's behind you.
(Ida Greenberg pulls up behind Lynette's car.)
Lynette: (calling out to Ida)Ida, just a second.(to Bree)I am stunned.Who was it with?
Bree:I shouldn't have said anything.
Lynette:Bree, come on, just tell me.(horn honks)
Bree:Her gardener.
(Lynette looks into Gabrielle's yard. An overweight garderner with his shirt off is trimming the hedge.)
Lynette:Oh, you're kidding!
Bree:No, no, not him.Helen Rowland's son, John.
Lynette:The teenager?
(Ida honks again.)
Lynetteto Ida)Ida, wait, or go around!(to Bree)Does Gaby know that you know?
Bree:Absolutely not.I think the best thing to do is just smile and pretend you don't know anything.
(Ida backs up and passes Lynette on the right, going onto the curb. Ida stares angrily at Lynette as she passes.)
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[Mike's Driveway - Daytime]
(Mike is under his car working on it. Susan and Julie approach. Susan peeks underneath the car.)
Susan:Hi.
(A startled Mike hits his head on the bottom of the car.)
Susan:Oh, sorry!Are you okay?
Mike:Yeah.I'm all right. What's up?
Susan:We have an idea how to bring you and Zach together.Bowling.
Mike:Bowling?
Julie:Yeah, I e-mailed Zach,and he said he's gonna meet us there. You can come, too.
Mikeoes Paul know about this?
Susan:No, and we're not planning on telling him.
Mike:I don't think that's a good idea, Susan.
Susan:Mike, I'm part of the reason things got so screwed up.I just want a chance to make things right.
Mike:And you're okay with this...being around Zach?
Julie:We talked to him.He's changed.
Mike:Well, I guess we're going bowling.
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[Bree's House]
(Bree is carrying a breakfast tray to Andrew's room.)
Bree:Wake up, sleepyhead.I brought fresh croissants for breakfast!
(Bree enters and finds Andrew and Justin in bed, naked, sleeping. Bree gasps. Justin sits up.)
Justin:Uh, hi,Mrs. Van de Kamp.I'm Justin,Andrew's lab partner...from school.Dude, wake up.
Bree:Andrew...I want you downstair... now.
(Bree leaves the room. Andrew smiles. Downstairs, Bree is pacing. Andrew comes down.)
Bree:Okay, first of all, I want you to march back upstairs and tell your friend he is no longer welcome in this house.
Andrew:But we haven't even had breakfast yet!
Bree:I am serious, Andrew.You tell him to get out of here this second or I will call the , and I will have him removed!
Andrew:Well, go ahead, call 'em.
Bree:Oh, you think I won't?
Andrew:I just wonder how they'll react when they find out that you killed George Williams.
Bree:I didn't kill George.
Andrew:Well, no, but you sat there and let him die,which,I'm no lawyer,but I'm pretty sure there's a crime in there somewhere.
Bree:Andrew...
Andrewon't get me wrong.I mean, I'm glad you did it.But when the cops get here,my official position will be,uh, "oh, my god, I'm being raised by a homicidal maniac."I think I might even throw in a few tears.
Bree:You would actually let the arrest your own mother?
Andrew:Hey, we all gotta cut the apron strips at some point.
(Andrew goes back upstairs, leaving a shocked Bree.)
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[Lynette's Driveway - Daytime]
(Tom takes Penny out of the car. Gabrielle is jogging down the road. Tom tries to carry the packages, as well as Penny.)
Tom:Come on, Penny. Let's get those groceries in there.Come on. Here we go.Get this one...and this one,and daddy... uh-oh! Whoa!Oh!
(He drops a bag.)
Tom:Whoa!Oh!
(Gabrielle stops to help. Penny begins to cry.)
Gabrielle:Oh,Oh!it looks like you could use a hand.
Tom:Bless you. Here, Gaby.And Penny!
(Tom hands Penny to Gabrielle.)
Gabrielle:Oh, come here,you sweet little thing.
Tom:Well, thank you so much, Gaby.Come on in.
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[Lynette's House - Daytime]
(They enter the house.)
Gabrielle:Oh, god, um, Tom?
Tom:Yeah?
Gabrielle:Uh, I think she got sick.
Tom:Oh, I'm so sorry.Usually, she only throws up on immediate family.
Gabrielle:I'm honored.
(Telephone rings)
Tom:Oh, um, do you mind just putting her in the playpen there?Hello.
Lynette(on the phone): Guess what? Ed loved the pitch.I got off early!
Tom:You're kidding! That's great!
Lynette:Hey, I'm right by the supermarket.You want me to pick up anything?
Tom:Um, actually,I just came from there.Except, you know what?I forgot bread.Would you mind?
Lynette:Not at all.
Gabrielle:Tom, I need to wipe up.Do you have a towel?
Tom:Sure, hold on.
(Lynette hears Gabrielle.)
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[Lynette's Driveway - Daytime]
(Lynette car speeds into her driveway and stops quickly. Lynette hurries out of the car and into the house. She finds Gabrielle and Tom wiping off Gabrielle's sweat shirt which she had removed.)
Gabrielle:Hey!
Tom:Hey, honey.Hey, did you get the bread?
Lynette:Yeah, they were out.
Tom:Of bread?
Lynette:Yeah. Hey, Gaby.A surprise seeing you here.
Gabrielle:Well, I saw that Tom was overwhelmed,so I thought I'd give him a hand.
Lynette:Really?Wow, that was nice of you.
Gabrielle:Is there a problem?
Lynette:No.
Gabrielle:Really? Because I sense that you're annoyed you found me here when you weren't home. Am I wrong?
Tom:Lynette?
Lynette:Okay. (laughs nervously)Yeah.So exact what are you doing here helping out?
Gabrielleamn it, Lynette, if this has to do with that stupid kiss the other night,I'm gonna lose it!
Tom:Whoa, whoa, whoa,what's going on?
Gabrielle:Lynette thinks I was hitting on you at Bree's party.
Tomlaughing)That's ridiculous.
Lynette:I never said that.What I said was that it made me uncomfortable when you kissed him.It's obviously an issue for me.And yet, here you are, alone in my kitchen with my husband.So you tell me,are you hitting on him?
Tom:Lynette.
Gabrielle:I can't believe you.I have done nothing to deserve this kind of mistrust.
Lynette:Well,that's not entirely true.
Gabrielle:What does that mean?
Lynette:Come on, Gaby.It's a small town. People talk.
Tom:Okay,what's going on here?
Gabrielle:I'll tell you.Your wife doesn't trust me around you because I had an affair with my teenage gardener.
Tom: Oh.
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[Gabrielle's House - Daytime]
(Carlos is putting on a miniature green set-up in the living room.)
Gabrielle:Oh.So I know Susan Mayer would never tell.It must've been Helen Rowland.She probably blabbed to all the girls at the salon.And Ida Greenberg goes to that salon.So if ida knows,the whole town knows.And we're just gonna have to move. That's all there is to it.Carlos, can you stop putting for two seconds and show me some support?
Carlos:What do you expect me to do?You brought this on yourself.
Gabrielle:It was a harmless little kiss!Why is everybody making a big deal about this?
Carlos:Because you had an affair with an underage gardener.People don't think you're harmless.They see you as a predator.
Gabrielle:You're enjoying this,aren't you?Punishing me, dangling the affair over my head?Well,I won't tolerate it.
Carlos:Really?So just what are you gonna do about it?
Gabrielle:I'm gonna let you even the score.Carlos,go have an affair.
Carlos:What?
Gabrielle:I had my little indiscretion.So you go have you.Get it out of your system.I know you want to.
Carlos:I do not.
Gabrielle:Sure you do.Knock yourself out.Call up an old college flame.Rent a call girl.Fly to Africa and nail that little nun you've been drooling over.I don't care!
Carlos:You're crazy.
Gabrielle:No, I'm pragmatic.Because once you finish your fling,we'll be equals again.And then you won't be able to judge me.And we can go back to being a boring, average married couple.Oh, just do me a favor. Don't bring back any diseases.
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[Lynette's House - Nighttime]
(Tom and Lynette are getting ready for bed.)
Tom:Are you sure you're not overreacting to this whole Gabrielle thing?
Lynette:Maybe.Yes.But Gaby doesn't think she did anything wrong.That's not right,either.
Tom:I guess.
Lynette:You're an attractive man.There is a primal need for a woman to protect what is hers.My initial impulse was justified.
Tom:So you really think she's into me?
Lynette:I don't know.
Tom:Because you're right.I am an attractive man.You know what?I've never told you this,but sometimes when I bend down to pick up the morning paper,I catch Bree Van de Kamp checking me out.
Lynette:You're kidding.
Tom:No, scout's honor.I've always exuded a certain sexual magnetism,and as I get older,I think it's only becoming more intense.
Lynette:Are you drunk?
Tom:Oh,I'm a hot guy living in a neighborhood filled with nothing but lonely ladies.Oh.They can't help themselves.I'm like... catnip.
(Lynette laughs and pulls Tom to her to kiss him.)
Lynette:Come here.
Tom:What was that for?
Lynette:Thank you.Thank you for reminding me that I am the only woman in the whole world who could love an "idiot" like you.I'll talk to Gaby.
Tom:I'm telling you,these women want me.
Lynette:Oh, yeah.
Tom:They see the rippling muscles underneath this T-shirt...
Lynette:Good night, Tom.
Tom:They cannot resist me.
Lynette:Shut up and go to sleep.
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[Outside Betty's House - Daytime]
(Matthew and Betty get in the car and Matthew drives away from the house. Monroe, parked in his car, gets out and walks into the Applewhite yard. He jimmys open the French doors and goes inside.)
Monroe:Son of a bitch.
(With bolt cutters, Monroe cuts open the locks. Caleb wakes up to the noise. Monroe opens the door and sees Caleb chained to the bed.)
Monroe:You gotta be kidding me.
(Caleb is frightened by Monroe and tries to get away, but the chains prevent him from moving too far.)
Monroe:Whoa, whoa.I'm here to help you,Caleb.All right?
(Monroe points at the shackles around Caleb's wrists. He approaches and unlocks them.)
Caleb:Mama's goin' be mad.
Monroeon't you worry about that ...Moms love me.All right, let's go.
Caleb:No!
Monroe:Okay, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have talked to you like that.Let's start over.
(Monroe punches Caleb. Caleb falls over.)
Monroe:Aah!
(Later, in the living room, Monroe looks outside. He goes back to the basement door and looks down at Caleb, who's sitting at the bottom of the steps, handcuffs around his wrists.)
Monroe:Let's go.I'm warning you, pinhead,don't you make me come down there after you.Come on.Come on!All right,you asked for.I'm gonna beat the stupid right out of you.
(Monroe begins stomping down the stairs, but they collapse beneath him. As he falls through, his gun goes off, shooting him in the chest. He is wedged into the stair and sees the blood. He looks at the gun and realizes what happened. He passes out and drops he gun. )
(Later, Betty and Matthew come home and walk inside. They see Caleb sitting at the kitchen table eating ice cream.)
Matthew:This hit the spot.
Betty:Caleb?
Caleb:I didn't do it.
(Betty and Matthew go to the basement. They look downstairs and see Monroe is dead.)
Betty:Oh, dear.
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[Edie's House - Daytime]
(Bree, with a basket of muffins, knocks on the door and Karl answers. She hands him the muffins.)
Karl:Well, hey there.
Bree:Hi, Karl. Oh!Oh, um, quick question...when someone discusses a sensitive situation with a lawyer such as yourself,when does attorney/client confidentiality kick in?
Karl:From the moment the lawyer's been hired. Why?
Bree:Here's a check for $100.That's enough for a retainer, right?
Karl:Well, I guess.What's going on, Bree?
Bree:My son is trying to blackmail me.And I want you to stop the little S.O.B.Do you think you could do that?
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[Betty's Basement]
(Betty and Matthew are going through Monroe's wallet.)
Betty:He has an illinois license.It says here his name is Munroe.Does that name mean anything to you?
Matthew:No, but at least he wasn't a policeman.
Bettyoor man.I hope he didn't suffer too much.
Matthewchuckles) Mom, are we looking at the same body?
(cell phone playing "Peter gunn theme" ringtone)
(They hear a cell phone ring coming from Monroe. Matthew goes to the body and gets the cell phone.)
Betty:What is it?
(Matthew shows his mother the cell, which indicates "Foster" is calling Monroe.)
Betty:As soon as it gets dark,we get rid of that body.
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[Gabrielle's House - Daytime]
(Gabrielle is at the blender making a smoothie. Lynette walks in.)
Lynette:Hey.Um...I hope it's okay.Carlos let me in.
Gabrielle:Actually,I'm right in the middle of something,and I don't know when I'll be done.
Lynette:I'm just here to say I am sorry,and I have been a complete idiot.
Gabrielle:All done.
(Later, Gabrielle and Lynette are sitting at the table having a smoothie, laughing together.)
Lynette:So cute.'Cause it's beautiful!
(Carlos walks in.)
Carlos:Is the coast clear?
Gabrielle:Yes, it is.We worked it out.
Carlos:No kidding.How'd you manage that one?
Carlos:Simple. Lynette admitted she was wrong, and I agreed.
Lynette:Well, 99% wrong.
Gabrielle:Oh, whatever,close enough.
Lynette:Anyway, Tom's probably got dinner ready by now.So I should get goin'.
Gabrielle:Okay.
Carlos:Good night.
Lynette:Bye!Mwah!
(Lynette leaves, then walks right back in.)
Lynette:You know what the 1% is, right?
Gabrielle:No, not really.Does it matter?
Lynette:It kinda does.I wanna get it clear for our friendship.
Gabrielle:Okay.What's the 1%?
Lynette:Well, well...yes,I overreacted.I think you can see how even though I was somewhat off base,you were a little wrong,right?
Gabrielle:No.I kissed Tom,and it was a harmless joke.I think if I had kissed anybody else's husband,they would've laughed and then forgot about it ten seconds later.
Lynette:Okay,let's test that theory.
(Lynette grabs Carlos and begins kissing him passionately.)
Gabrielle:See? I don't care.That's...just a waste of time...and spit.Oh. Okay.Okay, okay, okay.
(Gabrielle pulls them apart.)
Gabrielle:Okay! Okay!I get your point.
Lynette:All righty, then,my work here is done.Carlos, Gaby.
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[Bowling Alley]
(Julie is bowling, while Susan and Mike watch.)
Susan:Go!
Mike:Not bad.
(Mike turns and sees Zach approaching.)
Mike:Hey, there he is.
Susan:Zach,I'm glad you could make it.
Mike:Hey, Zach.
Zach:Mr. Delfino, I didn't know you were gonna be here.
Mike:Yeah,I was just bowling a few frames and ran into these guys.I thought I might join you.Is, uh, that okay?
Zach:Yeah,I guess.
(Susan bowls.)
Susan:Oh!Okay, write that down...nine!
Mike:Wise guy.
(Zach gets up to bowl.)
Mike:All right, just roll it in there nice and easy.
(Zach rolls a gutter ball.)
Zach:Sorry.
Mike:It's okay.We're still close.Anyway,Julie's totally gonna choke.
Julie:Just for that,I am not bringing you back a hot dog.Zach, do you want one?
Zach:Okay.
(Julie leaves. Zach gets up to bowl, but turns toward Susan and Mike.)
Susan:You okay?
Zach:Yeah,I'm fine,it's just...I don't understand what you're doing.
Mike:What do you mean?
Zach:Well,I don't understand why you're being so nice to me.I mean,I pointed a gun at you guys. You should hate me.
Susan:We don't hate you, Zach.You had an incredibly hard year.And you shouldn't have done what you did,but we just wanna help you move on.

Mike:Look, um...when I was young,I got mixed up in some really bad stuff.I even did some time in prison.
Zach:Really?
Mike:Yeah, but when I got out, people were willing to forgive me.Everybody deserves a second chance.
Zach:Thanks.
Susan:You know,I'm gonna go, uh,help Julie with the food.So you guys just keep talking and bowling.Talk and bowl.Bowl and talk.
Mike:Here, let me show you something.See the arrows right in the middle?Just roll it straight over the one in the center.Okay.You don't have to spin it or anything.Just right down the middle.Look at that!Good job.
(Mike puts his hand on Zach's shoulder and Susan watches from the food counter.)
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[Outside Betty's House - Nighttime]
(Betty and Matthew are putting Monroe's body into the truck of his car.)
Betty:Hurry up!
Matthew:I am hurrying up, okay?
(Betty closes the trunk.)
Matthew:Wait, no! No! No!
Betty:What?
Matthew:I dropped the keys.I don't have 'em.They're in here!
(Betty starts to laugh and Matthew looks at her.)
Betty:Sometimes,you just have to laugh.
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[Bree's House - Daytime]
(Andrew is playing video games when Bree and Karl walk in.)
Bree:Andrew?Would you mind turning off your video game?My lawyer would like to have a little chat with you.
(Later, Karl and Andrew are sitting at the table and Bree is serving food.)
Karl:So even though your mother did witness George Williams' suicide,there's no affirmative duty to intervene.Therefore,no crime was committed.Even if the find out,your mom will never see the inside of a courtroom.
Andrew:Well, maybe I got the story wrong.What if she went over there to help him commit suicide?
Bree:If you wanna lie to the ,go right ahead.But please know that I will sue you.
Andrew:For what?
Karl:Abuse of process.It's when a person tries to exploit the legal system for an improper purpose...like blackmail.
Andrew:You guys can't sue me.I'm just a kid.
Bree:Oh, don't worry.I won't start garnishing your wages until you turn 18.
Karl:Your mom...is she a peach or what?
Andrew:If the cops don't give a damn,I'm sure your friends will.How does a little public humiliation sound?
(Karl hands Bree his coffee cup.)
Karl:Bree, can I get a refill on this?
(Bree leaves the room. Karl grabs Andrew.)
Andrew:What are you doing?!
(Karl slams Andrew against the wall.)
Karl:Your father was a friend of mine.And if he were around to see what a nasty little turd you've turned into,he'd knock the hell out of you.
Andrew:Yeah, well,he's not here now, is he?
(Andrew starts to walk away. Karl grabs him and slams him against the wall again. He grabs Andrew's face.) Karl:No,he isn't, but if you don't get your act together and start treating your mother with some respect,I'll take care of you myself.Do you understand what I'm saying?
Andrew:Yeah.
Karl:Good.
(Bree, still in the kitchen, stands right out of view from the dining room, listening.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Outside Lynette's House - Daytime]
(Lynette is walking up her steps when Carlos approaches.)
Carlos:Hey, neighbor.
Lynette:Oh, hey, Carlos.Hi.
Carlos:I just wanted to thank you for patching things up with Gaby.
Lynette:Well, sure, no problem.
Carlos:It's been really tough on her...everybody finding out about the affair.
Lynette:Yeah, I can imagine.
Carlos:I don't mind telling you,it's, uh...it's been pretty tough on us the past couple months.
Lynette:Oh, well,I'm not surprised,and I really, really hope you can work it out.
Carlos:Yeah, we're trying.You know...mm-hmm?
Lynette:Yeah?
Carlos:Gaby had an interesting suggestion.
Lynette:Oh?
Carlos:She told me that I should go out and have an affair of my own.She thinks it's the only way I'll be able to get over what she did to me and that it just might help our marriage.
Lynette:Why are you telling me this?
Carlos:Uh...I guess I just, uh...wanted to know if you had any thoughts on the subject?
Lynette:I... don't.(laughs nervously)I really don't.
Carlos:Well, if you ever do,let me know.By the way...
Lynette:Mm-hmm?
Carlos:That was one hell of a kiss you gave me.You can't fake chemistry like that.
(Carlos walks away.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Paul's House]
(Zach is asleep on his bed. Paul walks in. He removes an open book that's lying on Zach's chest and puts it on the desk. He sees a bowling score card in the trash can. He picks it up and sees Susan, Julie, Mike and Zach's names. He throws the book on Zach's chest, waking him up.)
Paul:What the hell is this?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Outside Mike's House - Daytime]
(Paul storms out of his front door to Mike's house. Mike is in the front yard, raking.)
Paulelfino?
(He punches Mike.)
Paul:Stay away from my son!
(Paul walks back toward his house as Susan backs out of her driveway. Mike gets up and chases Paul. Susan looks over just as Mike tackles Paul.)
Susan:Oh, my god!
(Paul and Mike wrestle. Susan, watching them, does not see the oncoming car. The car honks and Susan swerves, hitting Monroe's car, which is still parked in front of the Applewhite house. The trunk pops up. Zach runs out to his father. Mike runs after Susan's car. The Applewhites come out of their house.)
Zachad!
Mike:You okay?
Susan:I'm fine.
(Mrs. Fromme, walking her cat, looks in the opened trunk, and screams. Everyone walks over and sees the dead man in the trunk. Susan and Mike look at Paul, who raises his hands in denial.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Wisteria Lane - Nighttime]
(Police are all over. Susan is talking to a detective.)
Susan:So I swerved to avoid hitting his car,and I hit this parked car instead,and that's when the trunk popped open,and when we got out, we found this dead body and...
(Betty and Matthew stand on their porch, watching all the activity.)
Matthew:Are you worried now?'Cause I am.
Betty:Not yet. Just be patient.See what happens.
(Susan approaches Bree, Edie, Lynette and Gabrielle.)
Bree:How'd it go?
Susan:Well, I told him everything I know,which wasn't much.
Gabrielle:So are we thinking this is Paul?
Lynette:Well, he is our friendly neighborhood murderer.
Bree:Yeah, it seems obvious.
Susan:I don't know. I saw his face when he looked in the trunk.And he looked just as shocked as I was.
Edie:I'm thinking it's the Applewhites.I talked to the dead guy,and he said that he was doing an appraisal on their house.Well,I got a little cheesed,so I called every realtor in town.Nobody had even heard of him.
Lynette:That doesn't mean Betty knew him.
Edielease.Those two are fishy.They bought that house sight unseen,and they did move in...
Gabrielle:...in the middle of the night.
Susan:And there were the noises.
Bree:What noises?
Susan:Oh, a couple of weeks ago,um, I heard some noises coming from the basement,like a clanging.And I asked Betty about it.She lied right to my face.
Lynette:What's that about?
Susan:I don't know.
(All the ladies turn and stare at the Applewhites. Betty waves and they wave back.)
Betty:Now I'm worried.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Outside Paul's House - Nighttime]
(Zach is on his porch, playing his guitar when a car pulls up in front of Susan's house. Julie gets out of the car.)
Zach:Julie!Julie!
Julie:Hi.
Zach:Hey.My, uh, dad found out about us bowling.I'm not gonna be able to do that anytime soon.
Julie:Oh. Sorry.
Zach:No, no,I'm glad that we did.I haven't feel like part of a family in a long time.Thanks.I, um, I better get back inside.
(Julie kisses Zach on the cheek.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:The act itself never varies.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Lynette's House - Nighttime]
Mary Alice Voiceover:The act itself never varies.But each kiss carries with it a meaning all its own.It can convey a husband's eternal devotion...
(Tom grabs Lynette and begins kissing her.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Gabrielle's House - Nighttime]
Mary Alice Voiceover:...or a wife's enormous regret.
(Gabrielle hugs and kisses Carlos.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Betty's House - Nighttime]
Mary Alice Voiceover:It can symbolize a mother's growing concern...
(Betty kisses Matthew in the forehead.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Outside Bree's House - Nighttime]
Mary Alice Voiceover:...or a lover's growing passion.
(Andrew and Justin are making out.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Edie's House - Nighttime]
Mary Alice Voiceover:But whatever its meaning,each kiss...
(Karl and Edie are on the couch together. They kiss.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Mrs. Fromme's House - Nighttime]
Mary Alice Voiceover:...reflects a basic human need.
(meows)
Mrs. Fromme hugs her cat, whispering to it.
Mrs. Frommewhispers) Mommy's baby.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bree's House - Nighttime]
Mary Alice Voiceover:The need to connect to another human being.
(Bree is staring lovingly at a photo of Rex. She places a kiss on her fingers then touches Rex's lips.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Outside Paul's House - Nighttime]
(Julie and Zach are staring into each other's eyes.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:This desire is so strong,it's always amazing when some people...
(From the house, Paul stares out of the window, watching them.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:...don't understand it.


~ The End ~


附1:
没想到这首动听的乡村老歌竟成了杀手?Monroe的"自刎"前一天的送终曲,叹世事无常!

http://countrychina.com/soc/lyrics/music_xum1un/glen_campbell_-_rhinestone_cowboy.wma



Rhinestone Cowboy (Glen Campbell)

I've been walking these streets so long
Singing the same old song
I know every crack
On these dirty sidewalks of Broadway
Where hustle is the name of the game
And nice guys get washed away
Like the snow and the rain
There's been a load of compromising
On the road to my horizon
But I'm gonna be where the lights
Are shining on me
Like a rhinestone cowboy
Riding out on a horse
In a star spangled rodeo
Rhinestone cowboy
Getting cards and letters from people
I don't even know
Offers coming over the phone
Well I really don't mind the rain
And a smile can hide the pain
But you're down when you're riding a train
That's taking the long way
But I dream of the things I'll do
With a subway token and a dollar
Tucked inside my shoe
There's been a load of compromising
On the road to my horizon
But I'm gonna be
Where the lights are shining on me
Like a rhinestone cowboy
Riding out on a horse
In a star spangled rodeo
Rhinestone cowboy
Getting cards and letters from people
I don't even know
Offers coming over the phone
Like a rhinestone cowboy
Riding out on a horse
In a star spangled rodeo
Rhinestone cowboy
Getting cards and letters from people
I don't even know
Offers coming over the phone


莱茵斯顿牛仔


在这些街道上走了很久
唱着同一首老歌
我知道在百老汇这些肮脏街道上的每一条裂缝
进取是这场游戏的名字
好汉都要经历雨雪的冲刷
在前进的路上
(我)曾作出过不少妥协
但我要让光明闪耀我脸上

象个莱茵斯顿牛仔
骑马去参加一场群星闪烁的牧人竞技一样
象个莱茵斯顿牛仔一样
从陌生人那里得到他们的名片
然后在电话里主动进行自我推销


是的，我不在乎风雨
笑容能愈合伤痛
当你在漫长的旅程中消沉时
我会坚定不移我的梦想
把地铁票和零钱塞进自己的鞋底
在前进的路上
(我)曾作出过不少妥协
但我要让光明闪耀我脸上

象个莱茵斯顿牛仔
骑马去参加一场群星闪烁的牧人竞技一样
象个莱茵斯顿牛仔一样
从陌生人那里得到他们的名片
然后在电话里主动进行自我推销

象个莱茵斯顿牛仔
骑马去参加一场群星闪烁的牧人竞技一样
象个莱茵斯顿牛仔一样
从陌生人那里得到他们的名片
然后在电话里主动进行自我推销


附2:
"Peter gunn theme" ringtone
Monroe的葬礼彩铃.

http://pridelands.ru/music/tlk112/Henri_Mancini_-_Peter_Gunn_Theme.mp3

Edwards的一部高收視率電視連續劇「Peter Gunn」是亨利•曼西尼為其作品進行配樂的啼聲初試之作，沒想到馬上為自己贏得了兩座葛萊美獎。描寫的是一位叫Peter Gunn的警探辦案的種種事蹟，該片之主題曲融合了爵士樂的即興、搖擺以及流行樂的柔美動人，曲子一開始又巧妙的應用管弦樂營造出懸疑緊張的氣氛，曲勢幾經起承轉合，有極強的戲劇性。


PETER GUNN《彼得•根》（1958/美国）荣获：1958年第一届格莱美（GRAMMY）奖：年度最佳专辑奖（亨利•曼西尼 Henry Mancini）、最佳编曲奖（亨利•曼西尼）等2项大奖。




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Desperate Housewives
Episode 02.12 - "We're Gonna Be All Right"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mary Alice Voiceoverreviously on Desperate Housewives
Noah:I'm gonna die,and I'd like to know what happened to my daughter before I do.
Mary Alice Voiceover:When it comes to wisteria lane,there are old crimes...new crimes...
Betty:As soon as it gets dark,we get rid of that body.
Mary Alice Voiceover:...and crimes that are happening...right under everyone's nose.
Edie:I'm thinking it's the Applewhites.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Restaurant Bar]
(Jim is sitting at the bar having a drink.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:Jim Halverson was aware that he had little to offer a woman.He was neither rich,nor smart,nor handsome.
(Susan taps Jim on the shoulder.)
Susan:Are you Jim?I'm Susan Mayer.
Jim: Oh!
Mary Alice Voiceover:So when his friend set him up on a blind date with a beautiful stranger...
Jim:Wow,you're so much hotter than Nikki said you'd be.How old are you?
Susan:How old do you think I am?
Mary Alice Voiceover:Jim made the tragic decision to try to be funny.
Jim:Not a day over 50.
Susan:Why don't we get our table?
(As Susan walks into the restaurant, Jim tries to explain his humor.)
Jim:Well,no,see,that was funny,because you're so obviously not 50.That's why I said 50,'cause it's absurd.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Restaurant - Interior]
Mary Alice Voiceover:Jim did everything he could to get Susan Mayer to laugh.He tried racial humor...
Jim:So guess what time Chinese people go to the dentist?2:30.uh,get it?"Tooth-hurty?"Tooth-hurty.
(Jim laughs, Susan nods politely.)
Jim:I love that.
Mary Alice Voiceover:He tried to be engagingly risqué
Jim:Rectum?Damn near killed him!
(Susan stares at him.)
Jim:You know what a rectum is,right?
(Susan choking on her food, nods.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:He even tried gentle teasing.
Jim:No,no,you see,by comparing you to a Nazi,I was making the point that you're so not a Nazi.You're like the--
(While explaining, Jim knocks over his napkin.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:And just when Jim thought the date couldn't get any worse.......
(Susan and Jim reach down to the floor and bang heads.)
Susan: Oh! Oww! Oh!
Mary Alice Voiceover:It did.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Hospital Emergency Room]
(A doctor is examining Jim, flashing a light in his eyes.)
Dr. Mccready:Okay,Jim,I need you to look up...and down.All right,so,how did this happen?
Susan:It was an accident.
Jim:Oh,I don't know about that.In some cultures head-butting is a mating ritual.
Susanr. Mccready,can I talk to you about my head?Away from...the draft?
Dr. Mccready:You can call me Dr. Ron. Everyone does.
(They move to the corner of the room.)
Susanr. Ron...I need you to pretend there's something wrong with me and admit me for the night.
Dr. Ron:I'm sorry?
Susan:This is the worst date I have ever been on in my life.
(They glance over at Jim who has inflated a glove and is "milking" it while telling the nurse a joke.)
Susan:That man is the most obnoxious,offensive,annoying human being.And you're looking at me like I'm crazy right now,but I will be if I spend one more second with him.So you gotta help me.You gotta do something.
(She grabs his lapels.)
Susan:It's my mental health.My mental health!You took an oath.
Dr. Ron:Could you let goof my lapel,please?
Susan:Oh,sorry.
Dr. Ron:Um,listen,I'm sorry your date's not going well.But I can't admit you,Susan.
Susan:Right. Right.
(Dr. Ron walks back to Jim.)
Dr. Ron:Jim,let's,uh,let's take a look at those reflexes.
Jim:Okay,I got a joke for you,doctor.What's the correct medical term for the circumcision of a rabbit?Hare cut.
Dr. Ron:I don't--I always--Jim,I'm gonna need to keep you here for awhile,run some tests.
Jim:Really?I--
Dr. Ron:Yeah,I'm still worried about that bump on your head here.
(Dr. Ron presses the bump on Jim's head as Susan smiles.)
Jim:Oh. Ow! That's still...
Dr. Ron:And,Susan,you're good to go.
Mary Alice Voiceover:And though it only lasted a moment,Jim caught the look that passed between his date...and his doctor.
(Dr. Ron looks at Susan. Susan smiles. Dr. Ron winks.)
Susan:Thank you so much,Dr. Ron.
(Jim looks on in shock as Susan leaves.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:And he suddenly got the feeling the joke was on him.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Opening Credits
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Wisteria Lane - Daytime]
(A banner hangs, indicating the Wisteria Lane Blood Drive.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:The annual blood drive was a tradition on Wisteria Lane.Most residents came to help promote health and well-being.
(Zach walks through a crowded park. Everyone is filling out forms. Susan, Bree, Gabrielle, Edie, and Lynette are sitting on the bench filling out forms as well.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:But my friends turned up for a different reason.They were growing increasingly concerned that their street was infected with a dangerous kind of sickness.And they came to consult with one another about a possible cure.
(Susan is watching Matthew and Betty Applewhite. They see her and wave.)
Susan:Great,she caught me staring.
Gabrielle:Have you guys noticed how friendly Betty's been since that body was found in front of her house?
Edie:I don't trust friendly women.
Lynette:That's okay.They don't trust you,either.
Susan:I just know those two have something to do with that dead body.
Breeo we even know who he is?
Susan:Well,the paper said the are withholding the details.
Gabrielle:Bree,maybe you should call in a favor from your detective pal,have him poke around.
Susan:That's a great idea.You could have him do a background check on the Applewhites.
Bree:I don't think I can do that.
Susan:Why not?You said he was nice.
Bree:Well,once he stopped suspecting me of murdering Rex he was delightful,but,um...I don't really know him.
Susan:Well,somebody has to do something,'cause I'm losing sleep.
(Betty and Matthew approach.)
Gabrielle:Betty! Matthew.
Betty:Hello,everybody.Susan,a little birdie told me you're having a birthday soon.We should all go out and celebrate.
Susan:Super.
Lynette:Sounds like a plan.
Gabrielle:Count me in.
(As Betty and Matthew walk away, Bree waves.)
Bree:Bye.
Lynette:See ya.
(Betty and Matthew talk quietly to each other.)
Matthew:So why are you everybody's best friend all of a sudden?
Betty:If there was ever a time to be neighborly,this is it.
Matthew:We're idiots for staying here.I mean,we should've hit the road as soon as they found Monroe's body.I mean,how do we know he didn't tell Foster where we're hiding?
Betty:Because if he had,Foster would've shown up by now.And besides,if we take off,what are we gonna live on?I have all of our money tied up in this house.
Matthew:So why not just sell it?
Bettyatience,Matthew.If we take off right away,it'll look suspicious.Now what we need is a story--a reason for us to move.
(Zach approaches the nurse's table in the park, handing her a clipboard.)
Nurse:Look at this,a-b negative.
Zach:Yeah,it's the rarest of all blood types.
Nurse:Well,there must be something in the water around these parts.You're my second a-b negative today.
Zach:Seriously?Uh,who was it?
Nurse:That guy.
(The nurse looks around and points at Mike, who's walking away. Zach stares at him.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Outside Bree's House]
(Bree is removing snails from her flowers. Betty approaches.)
Betty:Hi,Bree.
Bree:Oh,hi.
Betty:I just wanted to thank you for your advice on my azaleas.They're just thriving.
Bree:Oh,it was no trouble at all.
Betty:Such a shame I may not be around to enjoy them.Well,my mother has taken ill.And Matthew and I,we'll probably go and visit her.We may even be moving.We just don't know yet.
Bree:Oh,well,where does she live?
Betty:Oh,back in Chicago.
Bree:Is it serious?
Betty:I-I don't know yet.Well,obviously,I'll be speaking with her doctor.
Bree:Oh,Betty,if there's anything I can do,anything at all...
Betty:Thank you.You've already done so much.Bye.
(Betty walks away.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Susan's House]
(Susan removes the blood drive tape from her arm as Julie walks in.)
Julie:That Dr. Ron called.He needs to see you for a follow-up appointment.
Susan:He needs to see me or he wants to see me?
Julie:Jeez,mom,how cute is this guy?
Susan:Oh,he could be cuter...but I don't know how.
Julie:So ask him out.
Susan:Oh,no,I can't do that.
Julie:Mom,he's a cute surgeon.What's the problem?
Susan:He's young.
Julie:Young?
Susan:Younger than me.
Julie:How much younger?
Susan:Let's just say if I was a senior in high school,I'd be saying,"wow,you're a hot fifth grader."
Julie:Oh,well,of course it's gonna sound gross if you say it that way.But you're both adults.So why not just ask him out?
Susan:'Cause the conversation could go something like this,"Dr. Ron,I think you're hot.""Oh,well,thank you,ma'am."Now I think it's time we talk about your hip replacement."
Julie:Mom,you're hot and funny and nice.And... clearly desperate,and guys are into that.Play to your strengths.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Outside Lynette's House]
(Lynette drives into her driveway. Tom runs out to meet her.)
Tom:Thank god you're home.
Lynette:What's wrong? Pat said you told her it was an emergency!
Tom:The boys were sent home from school.
Lynette:What? Why? I called.The machine kept picking up.
Tom:I know. I know.Look,I...they've got chicken pox.
Lynette:Chicken pox?That's the emergency?
Tom:They're totally contagious.
Lynette:Not to us.
Tom:They are to me!I've never had it.
Lynette:Well,you never told me that.
Tom:You know,the point is,I can't go in there.It's a hot zone.
Lynette:Well,Tom,somebody's gotta take care of our kids.
Tom:Exactly.
Lynette:And since you're immune--
Lynette:Oh,you've gotta be kidding!I have to get back to work!
Tom:Just for a couple of days,until they're not contagious.
Lynette:It is not the ebola virus.It's chicken pox.You are being a baby.
Tom:Yes,I am.
Lynette:Okay.
Tom:And if you think I'm being a baby now,do I need to remind you of what I'm like when I'm sick?Remember that time I had strep throat?We wound up in marriage counseling.
Lynette:I'll call the office.
Tom:Thanks,honey.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Outside Gabrielle's House]
(Gabrielle is sitting on her porch, reading a magazine, when her gardener approaches.)
Ralph:Uh,Mrs. Solis,I gotta talk to you.
Gabrielle:Ralph,if this is about Luis overwatering the hydrangeas again,I told you,no one likes a tattletale.
Ralph:My wife left me.
Gabrielle:Oh,I'm sorry.I didn't know you and Bonita were having problems.
Ralph:We weren't.Uh,it was all of a sudden.She just packed her bags and left.She said I have an illness,and I need to get help.
Gabrielle:Why?
Ralph:There's nothing wrong with me.I just like to look at pretty ladies on the internet.And sure,they're not always dressed,and sometimes,there's more than one.But I only go to the classy web sites.There's some really sick stuff out there,Mrs. Solis.
Gabrielle:Ralph!Make your point.
Ralph:Um,last night,uh,I found this new web site.And there was a picture of a lady sitting on a bearskin rug with nothing on except for a little pointyelf hat. It was very festive.
Gabrielle:Uh,Ralph,why are you telling me this?
Ralph:I'm sorry.It's just,um...ahem. I think you really need to see this.
(He hands her a sheet of paper.)
Gabrielle:Oh,my god!
Ralph:The lighting looks great on you,Mrs. Solis.I mean,most of the time,you have to squint at the screen to see anything really good.And not here,no,sir,that's good.
Gabrielle:Well,um,thank you,Ralph,for bringing this to my attention.
Ralph:Uh,Mrs. Solis,I was wondering...would you sign that for me?Oh,okay.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Noah's House]
(A nurse is working, giving Noah a shot as he lies in bed. She leaves briefly and Noah looks at Mike, who's sitting on a chair near the bed.)
Noah:Where have you been?Why didn't you come to see me?
Mike:I came every Sunday.You were just too out of it to know I was here.
Noah:I think you're lying.But then again,these days,I think everyone's been lying to me.The thing is,you're here now.So tell me what I wanna know.Did you find the man who killed my daughter?
Mike:It was a guy named Todd Forrest--this lowlife drug dealer.He got her hooked again.She tried to steal from him,and he killed her.And I killed him.I thought hearing that would make you happy.
Noah:I thought it would,too.But it doesn't.
(The nurse comes back to put another needle in Noah. He grimaces and lets out a cry of pain.)
Nurse:I'm sorry.I wanna start your I.V.,But your veins are kinda bad.
Noah:Well,here,let me help you.
(He takes the needle and sticks the nurse.)
Nurse:What the hell are you doing?You're crazy!
Noah:You're fired.Get out.
(The nurse leaves, holding her arm.)
Noah:So I guess we're done then?
Mike:Yeah.
Noah:You,uh...you gonna come see me again?
Mike:You planning on having an open casket?
(Noah smirks. Mike leaves.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Outside Lynette's House]
(Tom is hitting golf balls across the lawn while Carlos watches. Lynette comes out with a plate of sandwiches.)
Lynette:Hey,guys.
Carlos:Hi,Lynette.
Lynette:Hi,Carlos.
Tom:All right! A reuben?How sweet is that?Lunch brought right to the golf course.
Carlos:I hear you got some pretty sick kids in there.
Lynette:Oh,it's just chicken pox.But brave heart here will only come in to sleep and shower.
Carlos:I can't say I blame him.I wouldn't want to be shooting blanks either.Be well,my man.
Tom: Okay.
Carlos: Bye, Lynette.
Lynette:See ya later.
(Carlos leaves.)
Lynette:See you later.I'm sorry,what did he mean,"shooting blanks"?
Tom:Oh,it's nothing.There's just a small chance of sterility if a grown man gets chicken pox,so...
Lynette:We're not having any more kids.Why would it matter?
Tom:I don't know.You know,survival instinct?
Lynette:So that if you're the last man to survive a nuclear holocaust,you could repopulate the planet?
Tom:No,all I'm saying is that,god forbid something were to happen to either one of us,I'd want either one of us to have,you know,options.
Lynette:So you're saying that if I died...you would want a second wife and a family?
Tom:Maybe.
Lynette:I can't believe you've actually thought about this!
Tom:Haven't you?
Lynette:Thought about who I'd marry if you died?Hmm. No.
Tom:Well,honey,it's a back-up plan.I'm not gonna use it.
Lynette:Then why have it?
Tom:Well,I don't know,because...it's like,there's this door,right?And I'm not planning on actually going through it because I'm so happy in the room that I'm in.But in case of fire or flood,it's comforting to know that the door is unlocked.
(Lynette grabs the sandwich out of Tom's hand and the plate.)
Tom:Honey,I'm not through with that!
Lynette:Yeah,well,why don't you have your second wife make you lunch,okay? Oops!
(Lynette throws the sandwiches on the ground. She storms back inside. Tom picks up the sandwich and examines it.)
Tom:You...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Restaurant]
(Bree and Detective Barton are having a meal.)
Barton:Bree,uh,I have to say,I was,uh,I was very pleased to get your call.I mean,I'm surprised you'd want to have anything to do with me given our recent history.
Bree:Oh,you mean your having suspected me of murdering my husband?Detective,that is all water under the bridge now.
(Bree takes a drink of wine.)
Barton:I am very glad to hear you say that.
Bree:Although,I have to confess,I do have an ulterior motive.I need to ask you a favor.
Barton:Oh,well,shoot,whatever I can do.
Bree:We have these,um,new neighbors--the Applewhites.It's a mother and her son. They just moved here from Chicago.And they seem very nice.But there's--there's something about them that's...off.They're...odd.
Barton:Odd?
Bree:Yeah,they're secretive and watchful.And there was a dead body found in front of their house.
Barton:I can't run a background check on your neighbors for being odd.Is that why you wanted to see me? To--to ask me that?
Bree:Yeah,why?
Barton:Well,I just--during the investigation,I just thought there was a kind of a,um...spark between us.You know,I thought this might be a date.
Bree:Uh,no.I just wanted to ask you a favor.
Barton:Fine,no harm done.When do I ever get to have lunch with such a lovely lady anyway?Date or...no date.
Bree:Are you sure that you can't check on the Applewhites?I mean,I just know that there's something there.And,you know,I have a sixth sense about people.
Barton:And yet,you got engaged to the man who murdered your husband.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Hospital]
(A nurse has just taken Susan's blood pressure.)
Nurse:Well,your blood pressure looks fine.You're free to go,Mrs. Mayer.
Susan:You mean,I'm not gonna see Dr. Ron?
Nurse:Well,I do the follow-up exams.Dr. Ron only comes in if there's a problem.
Susan:Oh,well,maybe I should go ahead and see him anyway,just to be safe.
Nurse:I'm sorry.Dr. Ron's schedule is very tight today.So unless you're having a serious problem...
(Later, Dr. Ron is in the room with Susan.)
Ron:You're experiencing nausea,chills and tingling,huh?
Susan:Yeah,but now that I think about it,I bet it's just all the coffee I drink.I drink way too much coffee.Do you like to drink coffee?
Ron:Uh,no.No.So the tingling is in your fingers and your toes?
Susan:I should switch to juice.I know the best juice place.You would love it.Do you drink juice?
Ron:Well,Susan,how often have you been having these involuntary muscle spasms?
Susan:Oh,oh,not that often.I probably just need a good massage.
(Dr. Ron grabs Susan's chin and looks into her eyes.)
Ron:Susan?
Susan:Yeah?
Ron:I wanna get you in for an M.R.I.
Susan:Oh,oh,no,I don't think that's necessary.
Ron:Are you a doctor?
Susan:I got high marks in math and science.
Ron:I wanna get you in for an M.R.I.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Restaurant]
(Bree continues to drink her wine. The waiter brings the bill, which the detective reaches for.)
Bree:No,no,no,I think given the misunderstanding that I should get the bill.
Barton:I won't hear of it.
Bree:All right,we'll split it.
Barton:Fair enough.
(As they both reach for their money, Bree drops her wallet.)
Barton:You know what?Let me,uh,let me give you a ride home.
Breeetective Barton,is this some sort of high school ploy to get me back to your place?
Barton:I just don't think you should be driving a car.You've been drinking.
Bree:I had two glasses of wine.
Barton:Three,plus the tawny port with dessert.It's all here on the bill if you wanna take a look.
Bree:You know what?I politely rejected you,and now you're getting your revenge by embarrassing me.
Barton:You've had too much to drink.Give me your keys.
Bree:I am not giving you anything.Except the bill.
(Bree gets up and grabs the cash she had put on the bill.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bree's Car]
(Bree is driving home. Her car is slightly weaving on the road. Behind her is a car. The siren signals her to stop. She pulls over. Detective Barton gets out of the car and approaches Bree's car.)
Bree:What do you think you're doing?
Barton:I followed you to make sure you were okay.You were weaving.Please step out of the car.
Bree:Oh,you can't be serious.
Barton:Out.
(Bree gets out of the car.)
Breeetective,I am not drunk,and I am not stupid.I know exactly what this is all about.
Barton:I'm gonna need you to take a sobriety test.
Bree:A sobriety test? I'm not taking any sobriety...test.This behavior stems from the hurt feelings of a man with very low self-esteem.The world is a big place,and I'm sure there is a woman out there somewhere who'll respond to your macho posturing.
Barton:Well...here's hoping.
(Detective Barton pulls out handcuffs and cuffs Bree's hands behind her back.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Gabrielle's House]
(Gabrielle's laptop sits on the counter behind her and Carlos.)
Gabrielle:Baby,what you're about to see will most likely shock and upset you.
Carlos:Okay.
Gabrielle:Remember Scott,the photographer I was dating when we met?The one I dumped for you,who never really got over it and who I always said was gonna get back at me?
Carlos:Hum?
Gabrielle:Oh,Carlos,I love you so much.
Carlos:Move.What is this?
Gabrielle:Scott's web site,with pictures of me on it.well,say something.
Carlos:Oh,my god.
Gabrielle:It was supposed to be funny--a naughty little Christmas gift for my boyfriend.
Carlos:Oh,my god!
Gabrielle:I know,I was freakishly flexible back then.I'm sorry!Look,what are we gonna do about this?
Carlos:I guess I'll call my lawyers.
Gabrielle:I gave these pictures to him as a gift.He owns them.
Carlos:Then I guess we're screwed.
Gabrielle:Not necessarily.See,here's what I'm thinking--Scott's a coward,so you could totally put the scare into him.All you gotta do is go and rough him up,and he'll take my pictures off the web site like that.
Carlos:I'm sorry,but this is your mistake.You're gonna have to fix it yourself.
Gabrielle:And I would love to,but I have the upper body strength of a kitten.I need a brute!
Carlos:Gaby,I am just now starting to get my rage issues under control.This brute doesn't swing that way anymore,so go find another.
Gabrielle:Well,when you left prison,did they leave you a contact list?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Hospital MRI Room]
(A technician removes the dust cover from the machine. He folds it and places it on the back of a chair. Later, Susan and the technician enter the room.)
Susan:So is Dr. Ron gonna be here for this?
MRI Technician:Oh,yeah,yeah,yeah.Uh,there's a hook on the wall there so go ahead and get your stuff hung up and,uh,just get comfy. Dr. Ron should be here pretty soon.
Susan:Okay.
(The technician leaves. Susan hangs up her purse and removes her jacket.)
(Later, Susan is standing in her bra and panties trying to figure out how to put on the dust cover from the machine. The technician watches her through a one-way glass. Dr. Ron enters the technician's room.)
Ron:Is she trying to put on the dust cover?
MRI Technician:Yep.
Ron:How long are we gonna let this go on?
MRI Technician:Just a few more minutes.
Ron (over the speaker):Hi,uh,Susan?It's Dr. Ron.You don't have to get undressed for this.
Susan:Oh,uh,I-I,uh...then why did you put out a gown?
Ron:No,no,it's not a gown.It's the dust cover for the M.R.I. Machine.
(Later, Susan is on the bed of the MRI machine. She is slowly entering the machine.)
Ron (over the speaker):This should take about 45 minutes.Now I know it's really cramped and uncomfortable in there,but try not to move.Susan,I realize that this whole process must be troubling for you.
Susan:Yeah,it's pretty troubling.
Ron:Well,we're gonna get to the bottom of this.And I'll be here for you,okay?
Susan:Hey,Dr. Ron?I just have a feeling that everything's gonna turn out fine.And when it does...I'd like to buy you dinner to celebrate my health.You know,I was thinking maybe Italian?Oh,what the heck,maybe we can call it a date.If you like.Dr. Ron?
MRI Technician:Uh,he left awhile ago.He got a phone call from his girlfriend.
Susan:Okay.Thank you.I'd like to get out now.
MRI Technician:Try not to move.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Outside Gabrielle's House]
(Gardeners Luis and Ralph are trimming the hedges with electric trimmers. Carlos comes out for the paper. Gabrielle comes out with her yoga mat.)
Gabrielle:Good morning,Luis,Ralph.
Luis:Good morning,Mrs. Solis.
Ralph:Good morning,Mrs. Solis.
Gabrielle:Good morning,honey.
Carlos:Hey,you're talkingto me again.
Gabrielle:Well,I thought about what you said--about the pictures--and you're right.It was my mistake and I have to live with it.
(Carlos goes inside. Gabrielle spreads her yoga mat on the porch. Carlos, inside, sits down to read the paper in the living room. He sees Gabrielle outside the front window. She removes all of her clothes and begins to do her yoga naked. The gardeners stop working to watch her and Carlos runs outside.)
Carlos:What the hell are you doing?!
Gabrielle:I'm living with it!
Carlos (to the gardeners):Hey,turn around and keep gardening!
Gabrielle:Aw,you're so mean.
Carlosut your clothes on right now.
Gabrielle:Why? You either care if men leer at me or not.And you made it clear that you don't.So what's the point?
Carlos:Gabrielle,I am not beating this guy up for you!
Gabrielle:Then you better think of another way to get my pictures back.Because if you don't,people on Wisteria Lane are gonna be seeing a lot more of me!Ralph,Luis,feast your eyes!
(Ralph and Luis stare. Ralph hits Luis' hand with the hedge trimmer that's on.)
Luis:My finger!Ah!
(Ralph drops to the ground.)
Ralph:I'll find it!
Luis:Aah,my finger!
Ralph:It's gotta be here somewhere.I'll look for it,man.Don't worry,man.I'll find it.
Luis:Oh,my finger!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Lynette's House]
(Lynette is sitting on her couch, lost in deep concentration. Tom comes downstairs wearing a face mask and gloves.)
Tom:Hey,honey,good news.I checked on penny,and she didn't scream.I think she's getting used to the mask.
Lynette:I don't want you to have options,Tom.If I die,I wanna hear your life would be over.I want you to spend the rest of your life screaming,"it should've been me on that plane!"
Tomlane?
Lynette:I'm assuming there was a crash.It could've been something else.
Tom:Okay,wait,wait,wait,wait.
Lynetteo you have any idea how painful it is to hear about you even think about your next wife and kids?I could never do that!I can't imagine my life without you.You are my everything!
Tom:Honey,you're my everything.
Lynette:Okay,well,that's easy to say,but I need you to show me.
Tom:How?
Lynette:With a vasec to me.
Tom:Can't I just get you some flowers?
Lynette:Look,it makes perfect sense.We're not gonna have any more kids.And the pill just makes me bloat.It'll be great!
Tom:No,okay,Lynette,this is crazy.
Lynette:Oh,I know! I know!But it is what married people do.They go out of their way to calm each other's irrational fears.Oh,come on,Tom.I really need you to do this.
Tom:Well,okay.Fine,yeah.I'll make an appointment.
Lynette:Thank you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[County Jail]
(Bree is sitting in a holding cell with another woman who is dressed very scantily.)
Prostitute:Hey,Can I ask you somethin'?
Bree:I'd rather you didn't.
Prostitute:How'd you get started?
Bree:Started?
Prostitute:You know,in the escort business?
Bree:I beg your pardon?
Prostitute:I bet the guys go crazy with your whole...classy,repressed thing you got going on,huh?I mean,your skin has,like,no pores.
Bree:I am not sure,but I think there was a compliment in there somewhere,so thank you.But I am not an escort.
Prostitute:How much you charge a night?
Bree:Look,I'm...$5,000.
Prostitute:What do you have to do exactly for 5 grand?
(Bree just smiles. An officer approaches and unlocks the cell.)

Officer:All right.Your bail cleared.You're free to go.Your car's at the impound lot.And you can pick it up in the morning.
Bree:Well,how am I supposed to get home? I don't have any money.
Officer:Call a friend.
Bree:I have been through enough humiliation for one day.I hope you have a better suggestion than that.
Officer:Okay,well,let me think,um...walk.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Streets - Nighttime]
(Bree is walking home on a dark street. Her heel breaks.)
Bree:Oh,for goodness sakes!
(She takes off her shoes and walks barefoot. An SUV pulls up next to her and honks. It's Betty.)
Betty:Bree?Is everything okay?
Bree:Oh,oh,I'm fine.I just,um,had a flat tire.
Betty:It's your lucky day.I'm a whiz at changing tires. Hop in.
Bree:You know,thank you,but I think it's actually something more mechanical.My car has been making just a terrible noise.
Betty:Well,I have auto club.Come on.
Bree:Actually,my car has been impounded by the .
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Wisteria Lane - Nighttime]
(Betty's car pulls up to Bree's house.)
Bree:Thanks,Betty,and,um...I'd appreciate it if you could keep this little incident to yourself.
Betty:I won't say a word.I swear.
Bree:Well,that's good to hear,because most people on this street couldn't keep a secret if their lives depended on it.
Betty:Well,Bree,even if everyone does find out,it's no big deal.I mean,lots of people have D.U.I.S.
Bree:Yes,but the difference is most of those people were actually drunk when they were arrested.I was not.
Betty:Well,of course.
Bree:You know,you sound like you don't believe me.
Betty:Well,um,it's just...I know you've gone through a lot lately--the death of your husband,problems with your son.It would only be natural if you did self-medicate.
Bree:I'm sorry,but since when do you know so much about my personal life?
Betty:Bree,it's like you said--the people on this street are not great at keeping secrets.
Bree:Except for you.You're really good at it.
Betty:I beg your pardon?
Bree:Well,you moved into your house in the middle of the night.God knows what you moved in that you didn't want anybody to see.People hear sounds coming at all hours from there.And,oh,what was the last one?Oh,right--they found a dead body in front of your home.Everybody talks about the Applewhites,but nobody can figure out exactly what you people are hiding.So congratulations.Your secrets are safe...for now.
(Bree gets out of Betty's car and slams the door. Betty reaches for her cell phone.)
Betty (on the phone):Edie?Hi,it's Betty Applewhite.Yeah,I'm sorry to call you so late but,um...I really need to meet with you first thing in the morning.Yes.Well,I've decided to sell my house.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Outside Susan's House - Daytime]
(Susan opens her door and finds Dr. Ron.)
Susanr. Ron?What are you doing here?
Ron:Uh,we need to talk.And it's not the kind of talk we can have over the phone.
Susan:Oh,are you sure?Um,because I would look a lot better over the phone right now.
Ron:Um,Susan,your,uh,your test results came back.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Susan's House]
(She and Dr. Ron are having coffee.)
Ron:And for the life of me,I can't figure it out.Now based on the--on the symptoms you were describing--
Susan:Symptoms?
Ron:Yeah,the dizziness,the tingling,the muscle spasms,the chills--it could be neurological.It also could be based on an autoimmune disorder.I just--frankly,I'm stumped.
Susan:Oh,no,no,no,no.
Ron:Hey,listen,we're gonna get through this,okay?
Susan:I am so sorry.But I'm not sick.
Ron:What are you talking about?
Susan:Your nurse wouldn't let me see you,and I...really wanted to see you,so I sort of faked all my symptoms.The dizziness,the chills,you know,all of it.
Ron:Why--why would you do something like that?What the hell is wrong with you?
Susan:I know. I know.I feel really awful.I am just not the best at meeting men.And I thought you were cute,and I sort of thought that maybe you thought I was cute,and you're a doctor,and that's so sexy.
Ron:So I was up all night worried sick digging through medical books,trying to figure out some mysterious disease that doesn't really exist?
Susan:Really?You were up all night?
Ron:Yes.I don't enjoy telling people I think they're going to die.Especially not people I like.
Susan:You like me?
Ron:Yes.
Susan:What about your girlfriend?
Ron:What girlfriend?
Susan:The one who called in the M.R.I. Room?
Ron:We had one date. She wanted a referral to a dermatologist.She's got eczema.
(Dr. Ron walks out the door to his car. Susan runs after him.)
Susan:Oh.Maybe we could go out sometime?
Rono you like sushi?
Susan:I love sushi.I'm available tomorrow night.
Ron:No,no,no,tomorrow's no good.I'll still be angry.I should be cooled down by Friday.
Susan:Oh,uh,Friday's good.
(Dr. Ron gets in his car.)
Ron:Oh,there's one thing--your M.R.I. showed that you have a wandering spleen.
Susan:A what?
Ron:It's a wandering spleen.It's no big deal.Sometimes the thing just moves around in there.But we'll keep an eye on it.
(Dr. Ron drives off.)
Susan:Wandering what?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Outside Scott's Studio]
(Carlos and Gabrielle pull up in the parking lot.)
Gabrielle:Okay,go get him,tiger.
Carlos:I can't do it,Gaby.
Gabrielle:What?
Carlos:I can't go in there.I thought I could,but I can't.
Gabrielle:You promised!
Carlos:Ever since I got out of prison,I've been trying to lead a better life.And for the first time,I can honestly say that I'm a good catholic,and I don't want to ruin that.So do this today and go to an extra long mass tomorrow.
Gabrielle:It doesn't work that way.Okay,look,I'm really trying to understand your moral dilemma here,I am.But if you don't get my pictures back,I'm gonna be humiliated.You think our gardener is the only local pervsurfing the web?
Carlos:I'm sorry,Gabrielle.
Gabrielle:You used to go crazy when men would so much as look at me the wrong way--and that's when I had clothes on.
Carlos:I'm trying to be better than that now.
Gabrielle:Or maybe you just don't love me as much as you used to.
Carlos:Why can't you just let me be a good person?You know,if you really loved me,you wouldn't even ask me to go in there.
Gabrielle:If you really loved me,I wouldn't have to ask!Fine,forget it.
Carlos:Really?
Gabrielle:Be a good person.Knock yourself out.
Carlos:It's not that I don't love you. I--yeah,okay,look,let's just go home.
(Carlos takes off his seat belt and begins getting out of the car.)
Gabrielle:What are you doing?
Carlos:I'm getting your pictures back.I'm not gonna hurt him.I'll talk to him,appeal to his better nature.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Scott's Studio]
(Carlos walks in.)
Scott:Can I help you?
Carlos:I'm Carlos Solis.You have,uh,naked pictures of my wife on your web site.
Scott:You're,uh...Gabrielle's husband?well,you know what?I was just about to take those off anyway.
Carlos:Oh,that's great.I really appreciate this,Scott.
Scott:Hey,no problem.To tell you the truth,Gabrielle's pages weren't exactly raking in the big bucks for me.
Carlos:I find that hard to believe.
Scott:I'm not saying Gabrielle's not a pretty girl.Of course she is.But,uh,she ain't exactly internet pretty,you know?
Carlos:What does that mean?
Scott:The web's about fantasy,not fashion.I mean,guys surfing for porn,they don't care how the clothes are hanging off the body.They just wanna see the goods. So,uh,if little miss nasty ain't rocking some curves...
Carlos:My wife has a perfect figure.
Scotton't get me wrong.Our little Gaby knows how to,uh...work a runway,but,uh,when it comes to cyber lovin'.No real man's gonna waste tissue on that.There you go.That's all of 'em.So we cool now?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Outside Scott's Studio]
(Scott crashes through the window. Carlos comes out flexing his fist. Gabrielle smiles.)
Gabrielle:Now that's my guy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Lynette's House]
(Tom walks in.)
Lynette:Hey.
Tom:Hey.
Lynette:You're not limping.Did everything go okay?
Tom:I couldn't do it.
Lynette:What happened?
Tom:I don't know.I got there,I...I put on the paper gown and I,uh...I just couldn't do it.
Lynette:Why not?
Tom:It felt likeI was being emasculated.
Lynette:Oh,please.
Tom:I'm serious,Lynette.I don't make the money around here anymore.I don't provide for you and the kids.And I wasn't gonna let them snip out the last thing that makes me a man.
Lynette:Staying home and taking care of the kids doesn't make you less of a man.That's crazy.
Tom:You expect me to calm your irrational fears?I expect you to calm mine.
Lynette:Are you saying you're unhappy?
Tom:A little bit, yeah.
Lynette:Well, what are we gonna do about that?
Tom:I don't know.
Lynette:Well, can't we just...
Tom:No,Lynette...I don't know.
(Tom goes upstairs.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bree's House - Nighttime]
(Bree comes in with a grocery bag and pushes the answering machine play button.)
Barton (on the answering machine):Hi, it's Detective Barton.Look, I feel awful about what happened the other day.I was a jerk.So to maket up to you,I did some sniffing around about the dead man they found in front of your neighbor's house.I've got some information.His name was Curtis Monroe...a private detective who lost his license a couple of years ago.He's apparently from Chicago.Now I don't know if any of this is helpful, but...
(Bree stops the tape and rewinds.)
Barton:... a couple of years ago.He's apparently from chicago.Now I don't know if any of this is helpful,but i just feel terrible about what happened.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Lynette's House - Nighttime]
Mary Alice Voiceover:Illnesses can take on many forms.Those of the body are easy to treat.Much more difficult are the hidden maladies that fester in our hearts...
(Lynette is applying lotion to all her kids with chicken pox. She turns and looks at Tom.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Ralph's House - Nighttime]
(Ralph is looking at websites on his computer.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:The secret addictions that consume our souls.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Outside Bree's House - Nighttime]
(Bree is on her front porch drinking wine.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:And the diseases we deny which affect our judgment.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Hospital]
(Dr. Ron sees Susan waiting for him and smiles. Susan hands him a basket of muffins.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:To survive, we need to find that special someone who can heal us.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Noah's House]
(A nurse is changing the intravenous needle on Noah's arm.)
Noah:I woed so hard all my life...hard.Now it's all nothing.I got one daughter I hate and one who hates me and one dead before her time.No one left for me now.Oh, what did I do it for?
(He looks at his arm and sees the nurse is done inserting the needle.)
Noah:That was good.I didn't feel a thing.I have enough pain.I don't need anymore.
Mary Alice Voiceover:But we can never predict who will have the cure for what ails us...
Felicia:The other nurses all warned me you were difficult, Mr. Taylor
Mary Alice Voiceover:....or when they'll show up.
Felicia:But I think we're gonna get along,just fine.


~ The End ~

最后进行编辑的是 hwf on 2006-01-30- 10:21 AM, 总计第 1 次编辑

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梦龙三块五
中级会员



注册时间: 2004-11-22
帖子: 46 发表于: 2006-01-25- 12:15 AM 发表主题:

________________________________________
这么专业的粉丝，真让人感动啊,谢谢谢谢


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gogogo118
中级会员



注册时间: 2006-01-30
帖子: 31
来自: 北京 发表于: 2006-01-30- 08:58 AM 发表主题:

________________________________________
谢谢楼主，我已经把所有的都复制粘贴在word里的，打算那它好好学习一下英语，呵呵
_________________
be a good guy with a wonderful partner and a perfect life, that's what I want.

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hwf
高级会员



注册时间: 2005-07-09
帖子: 393 发表于: 2006-01-30- 10:24 AM 发表主题:

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谢谢楼上两位朋友.
我会一直坚持做下去的.欢迎常来看看(是否更新).
请再复制一遍212,因为现在才是真正的剧本版.


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195519
注册会员



注册时间: 2006-01-31
帖子: 4 发表于: 2006-01-31- 04:01 AM 发表主题:

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楼主 你的益举让很多人受益非浅
我在这里代大家谢谢你了 十分感谢 同时希望你能坚持下来
感谢 感谢 呵呵

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gogogo118
中级会员



注册时间: 2006-01-30
帖子: 31
来自: 北京 发表于: 2006-01-31- 11:46 AM 发表主题:

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谢谢楼主提醒，我已经重新复制了2。12了，请问楼主有sex and the city的剧本吗？
_________________
be a good guy with a wonderful partner and a perfect life, that's what I want.

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hwf
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注册时间: 2005-07-09
帖子: 393 发表于: 2006-01-31- 12:12 PM 发表主题:

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不全,要不要?

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gogogo118
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注册时间: 2006-01-30
帖子: 31
来自: 北京 发表于: 2006-02-01- 08:11 AM 发表主题:

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恩要要要，谢谢楼主，楼主如果方便的话能发我油箱里吗？地址是bingli1985@hotmail.com，再次谢谢你，你的恩典如江河般浩荡，嘿嘿～～
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be a good guy with a wonderful partner and a perfect life, that's what I want.

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hwf
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注册时间: 2005-07-09
帖子: 393 发表于: 2006-02-01- 09:55 AM 发表主题:

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邮件已发出,希望没有令你失望.呵呵

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gogogo118
中级会员



注册时间: 2006-01-30
帖子: 31
来自: 北京 发表于: 2006-02-02- 06:59 AM 发表主题:

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谢谢楼主，文件我已经收到，我很满意，你这么痛快就帮我的忙我真是感激不尽！楼主继续加油搞定ＤＨ的剧本，我支持你！
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be a good guy with a wonderful partner and a perfect life, that's what I want.

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ben_qiu_dq
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注册时间: 2006-02-04
帖子: 4 发表于: 2006-02-04- 03:11 PM 发表主题: 我也想要sex and the city的剧本

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qiuch@daqing.com
THX
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I like learn english

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hwf
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注册时间: 2005-07-09
帖子: 393 发表于: 2006-02-04- 09:09 PM 发表主题: Re: 我也想要sex and the city的剧本

Desperate Housewives
Episode 02.13 - "There's Something About A War"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mary Alice Voiceoverreviously on Desperate Housewives
Gabrielle:If you're trying to come between me and my husband,I will take you down.
Sister Mary:Bring it on.
Mary Alice Voiceover:Gaberille threat the nun.
Ron:You good to go.
Mary Alice Voiceover:Susan hit on her doctor.
Danielle:So you came to ask me out,cause I'll say yes.
Mary Alice Voiceover:Bree's daughter let her intention being known.
Mary Alice Voiceover:It's amazing how far we're willing to go.
Bree:Andrew,give me one good reason why shouldn't call the .
Andrew:Because I'm your son.
Mary Alice Voiceover:All in the name of love.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Edie's House]
(Edie is watching a war movie on TV while eating a dessert.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:If there is one thing Eddie Brit understood,it was nature of war.
(Karl walks in, drinking a beer, and sits down next to Edie.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:After two fail marriages and countless rocky romances,. she had learned love was a battle field and the easiest way to survive the carnage was total surrender.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Flashback - Edie's House]
Edie:You know,I was thinking,a vacation to Rome would be so romantic.
Karl:Vegas is cheaper.
Edie:Oh.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Flashback - Edie's House]
Edie:Could you put your underwear in the hamper?
Karl:Can you do it?You're standing right there.
(Edie throws Karl's underwear in the hamper.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Flashback - Edie's House]
E(die is in the living room where she's looking at a menu.)
Edie:I've got a hankering for Chinese food tonight.
Karl:No, I'm so over rice.Let's do pizza.
(Edie throws the menu in the trash.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Present - Edie's House]
(Edie and Karl are on the couch.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:But the day comes for every solider when she must take a stand...
(Karl changes the channel to a game.)
Edie:What do you think you're doing?
Mary Alice Voiceover:... and fight.
Karl:It's time for my game.
Edie:I wanna watch my movie.
Karl:Edie...this is important to me.
Edie:Fine. I have stuff to do anyway.
(Edie gets up and goes to her bedroom.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:You see, when it came to men,Edie had a battle plan all her own.
(Edie comes downstairs and clears her throat. Karl turns and sees Edie wearing a see-through nightie. She has silk scarves in each hand.)
Edie:Ahem.You got five minutes for Edie?
(Karl jumps up to follow her.)
(Later, in Edie's bedroom, Karl is nearly naked, lying on the bed. His hands are tied to the bedposts.)
Karl:Wow.That's some knot you tied.
Edie:Yeah?Well, it's no fun if it's not tight.You know what would be hot?Mnh-mnh.Whipped cream.
(Edie slinks out of the room.)
Karl:Oh, you are so bad.
Edie:Oh, you have no idea.
(Edie goes downstairs. She takes the whipped cream and puts it on her dessert.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:Yes, Edie Britt understood the nature of war.
(Edie switches the TV back to her movie. From the bedroom, Karl yells out to her.)
Karl:Edie, it's been ten minutes!Where's the damn whipped cream?
Mary Alice Voiceover:She also knew that to the victor...
Karl:Edie! Edie!
Mary Alice Voiceover:... go the spoils.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Opening Credits
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Outside Betty's House]
Mary Alice Voiceover:The guest bedroom on the second floor of the Applewhite house had the best view in all of Wisteria Lane.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Betty's House]
Mary Alice Voiceover:From its windows one could see from Mike Delfino's house on end of the street all the way to the old Huber place on the other.But, unfortunately,for the room's newest guest...
(Matthew tapes newspapers to the window.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:...the view was about to change...dramatically.
(Matthew comes downstairs. Caleb is sitting at the bottom of the steps hugging a blanket and pillow. Betty enters and sees Caleb.)
Betty:What on earth is he doing out?
Matthew:Caleb, go up to your room.Mom and I gotta have a talk now.
(Caleb goes upstairs.)
Betty:His room?Have you lost your mind?
Matthew:Relax, I've taped newspapers to the windows.People can't see in.
Betty:Caleb,get back down here.
Matthew:No, no, we had a talk.It's fine.He understands what's gonna happen if he's discovered.
Betty:For five seconds he understands it,and then he forgets.You know that.
Matthew:We can protect him without treating him like an animal.
Betty:I am keeping him safe from the ,from the Fosters, from himself.
Matthew:He is not going back downstairs!
Betty:Since when do you talk to me like that?
Matthew:Since I share in the risk.
(The door closes.Matthew walks out.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Church]
(Father Crowley is conducting services.)
Father Crowley:I have a few announcements.I'd like to acknowledge Mrs. Herbert for spearheading the potluck dinner.Her hard work and tuna melt led to the best turnout in months.
(Carlos sees Gabrielle is cooing at the baby in the pew in front of them.)
Carlos:She's adorable,isn't she?
Gabrielle:She's okay.
Father Crowley:Next Saturday, the woman's ministry will be holding their annual bake sale from nine a.m. to...
Carlos:Ours would be gorgeous.
Gabrielle:Knock it off.
Carlos:Knock what off?
Gabrielle:Babies, babies, babies.You sound llike a broken record.I just had a miscarriage.It's gonna take some time before I'm ready to get pregnant again.
Carlos:Any idea when you'll be ready?You know, ballpark?
Gabrielle:Stop it. Let's just enjoy the here and now.We're together. Our marriage is back on track. Life is good.
Father Crowley:Before we wrap up,we have a dear friend back from her missionary trip to tell us about her experiences...
(A nun stands up from the front pew. Gabrielle stares.)
Father Crowley:...Sister Mary Bernard.
(Sister Mary turns around.)
Gabrielle:Son of a bitch!
(Everyone in the church turns to look at her. Gabrielle turns to the woman behind her and shushes her.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bree's House]
(Bree comes home and finds Danielle's backpack at the bottom of the stairs. Bree picks up the backpack and goes upstairs. In Danielle's room, Danielle and Matthew are partially undressed, kissing on her bed. Bree knocks on her door.)
Breeanielle?Honey, are you in there?
(Matthew and Danielle scramble around to get dressed.)
Danielle:Um,I'm doing homework.
Bree:Really? Because I'm holding your backpack with all your schoolbooks.
Danielle:Hold on!
(Danielle opens the door.)
Danielle:Thanks, mom, I was just doing a little research online.
Bree:Oh, while I'm here I might as well grab some of your laundry.
Danielle:No, please,not right now.
(Bree enters and starts picking up clothes off the floor.)
Bree:Honey, stop complaining.One day you'll wish that someone were offering to do your laundry.
(Bree gets the laundry basket out of the closet. She turns toward the bed and sees clothes on the floor. She goes over and starts to pick it up when Matthew's hand reaches out and grabs it.)
Breeanielle, question?Is there a black man hiding under your bed?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Betty's House]
(Betty answers the knocking from the front door. Bree, Danielle, and Matthew are there.)
Betty:What's going on?
Bree:I just thought you should know that I came home to find your son hiding underneath my daughter's bed,and it just seems to me that...
(Betty slaps Matthew's face.)
Bettygasps)Inside.Right now.I apologize for my son's behavior.It won't happen again.I put the house up for sale,and we're moving.Now if you'll excuse me.
(Betty closes the door.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Lynette's House]
(Lynette is looking over paperwork when Tom comes downstairs.)
Tom:How's it going?
Lynette:Oh, not good. I am trying to salvage the pitch from the Black's Frozen Yogurt campaign.You know what kills me?
Tom:Yeah?
Lynette:Here we are at "t" minus 9 hours and 11 minutes from the biggest pitch in our company's history,and I have nothing even vaguely presentable.
Tom:I'll get the coffee.
Lynette:Thank you.
Tomo you wanna...you wanna go over it and toss some ideas around?
Lynette:No, that's okay.I know you're exhausted.You should go to bed.
Tom:Come on, honey, let's do this.Let's nail this sucker.What do we got?
Lynette:We've got... nothing.
Tom:Okay, okay."Black's Frozen Yogurt...let your taste buds come in from the cold."Okay, well,you know, whatever,I'm just knocking the rust off.I can do better now.I can do better."Black's... the Fro-Yo that makes you go whoa."
Lynettechuckles) Come on, I'm sorry.I just really need to focus here.
Tom:Okay! "Black's Frozen Yogurt...because our cows are better."Or no! Or... or "Frogurt.""Frogurt... it's fun to eat,fun to say."
Lynette:That's actually good.
Tom:Really?
Lynette:No, the cow part...that could work.We'll... we'll make them into characters.We'll humanize them. Oh!I know! I know!Celebrity cow spokespeople!
Tom:Yes, yes! That's exactly what I was thinking!You know, like, make 'em,like, into, like,famous characters,like, uh...Reverend Moo-nie.what do you...what do you think of that?
(Lynette says nothing.)
Tom:They can't all be gems.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Outside Susan's House - Nighttime]
(Susan and Dr. Ron are returning from a date.)
Susan:Thank you.I had a fabulous time.
Ron:Me, too.(sighs) Well, I guess I'd better get going.
Susan:Oh, um, well, uh,Julie's staying at her father's house,and, um, I'm all alone here.
Ron:Oh.
Susan:Yeah.Sometimes it actually makes me a little nervous.
Ron:Turn the TV on.That's what I do.
Susan:Oh, that's a good idea.I forgot.I have a bottle of wine.It's already chilled right in the refrigerator,and that'll just really relax me. (chuckles)
Ron:That's good. So, um...we're still good for Thursday?
Susan:Uh, yeah, yeah,Thursday's great.
Ron:So, um...good night.
(Dr. Ron kisses Susan and turns to leave.)
Susano I just repulse you?
Ron:No. Why?
Susan:You know,we've been on three dates,and you just keep acting like a perfect gentleman,and, uh... (sighs)It's getting a little old.
Ron:Okay, Susan, make no mistake,I am, like, inches away from ripping off all your clothes right now.
Susan:A-and you're stopping yourself why?
Ron:Well, I'm still your doctor,and it's not quite...ethical yet.
Susan:Oh. So why are we dating?
Ron:Look, it's only temporary.Once you're well,and I'm done treating you,all bets are off.
Susan:Okay.
Ron:Hmm.
(Dr. Ron turns to leave, then turns back quickly.)
Ron:Oh, what the hell.
(He grabs Susan and kisses her.)
Susan:Oh! Mmm.Okay, that sort of felt unethical.
(They both smile and he leaves.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Sister Mary's Car - Daytime]
(Carlos gets in.)
Sister Mary:Thank you for meeting with me.
Carlos:Sure. I'd have invited you in the house,but the place is a real pigsty.
Sister Mary:Carlos, I'm a nun,not a moron.I know Gabrielle despises me.
Carlos:She's just jealous of you,that's all.
Sister Mary:Of me?Well, isn't that silly?
Carlos: Well, she refuses to believe that I can connect with anyone on a spiritual level.
Sister Mary:We do have an amazing connection.That's why I wanted to talk to you.When I saw you at church,I could tell instantly that you were unhappy.
Carlos:Okay.Maybe I've been a little down lately.
Sister Mary:Tell me.
Carlos:It's the whole having kids thing again.Sister Mary, I just...I want them so bad.
Sister Mary:But Gabrielle still refuses to give them to you?
Carlos:To be fair, she did have a miscarriage recently.
Sister Mary:What if she decides against kids?What if this is just a stall tactic?
Carlos:Then I'm screwed.Sorry. I'm sorry.
Sister Mary:Well, you're right.You're screwed.Unless...
Carlos:Unless what?
(Sister Mary hands Carlos a pamphlet from the glove compartment.)
Carlos:"The American Catholic's Guide to Annulments."Sister mary, what exactly are you saying here?
Sister Mary:I'm saying God helps those who help themselves.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Advertising Agency]
(Lynette is talking on her cell phone.)
Lynette:Hey,I got great news!We just landed the Black's Frozen Yogurt account!
Tom:Really?They loved the pitch?
Lynette:The talking cows rocked their world.
Tom:Hey, how did they like my president Bull Clinton idea?
Lynette:Uh, well, I rewrote some of the stuff we worked on,but, you know, essentially, it's the same, and they ate it up.
Tom:Oh, that is fantastic!
Lynette:Yeah, and Ed said we can finally afford to hire another executive.
Tom:Terrific!Tell me, did they like the promotional plan sponsoring the cow-tipping contest?
Lynette:Uh, well,the pitch was running long,so we cut a few things.
Tom:I'm just glad they loved my idea.
Lynette:Well, to be fair...
Tomid they like the Hugh Heifer and the Playcows?
Lynette:They're calling me in for a meeting.I gotta go. Love you. Bye!
Tomwhispers) Yes!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Hospital]
(Dr. Ron is pointing to an x-ray film.)
Ron:So this is your spleen.Normally,it would be over here.But because of your missing ligament structure,it has wandered over there right next to your liver.Now we discussed it at the staff meeting.Everyone thinks you should have it removed immediately.
Susan:Oh, well, okay.I mean,I guess... I guess you guys probably have all sorts of new, exciting techniques where you don't even cut open the body.
Ron:No, not really.
Susan:No?So...we're talking surgery?Yeah, well, I guess I can handle that.People get cut open every day.
Ron:So, um,I'm assuming you're good with me doing the surgery, right?
Susan:You?
Ron:I mean, it seems natural.I know the most about your case.I promise you'll be in very good hands.
Susan:Oh, uh, well, um...uh...
Ron:What?
Susan:The first time you'll see me naked,I'll be on an operating table.
Ron:Well,I promise I'll be a perfect gentleman.My eyes will be strictly on the spleen.
(A nurse enters the room.)
Nurseoctor, Mrs. Baker's here for her follow-up.
Ron:Right.And we need to schedule Susan for a splenectomy with me.
Nurse:Oh, congratulations!
Ron:So I will call you later?
(Dr. Ron leaves the room.)
Nurse:Oh, I am so happy for him.He's such a doll.
Susan:I'm curious. Um...why were you so congratulatory?
Nurse:Oh, the spleen surgery...it'll be his first!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Gabrielle's House - Daytime]
(Gabrielle is reading a magazine when Carlos walks in.)
Carlos:Hey, honey.Can we talk about something?
Gabrielle:Sure.
Carlos:So I've been thinking about the whole baby thing.And how ever long it takes for you to feel ready,I am fine with.
Gabrielle:Okay.
Carlos:But here's the deal...I need to know that this isn't a maybe.I want a promise that we will have children.
Gabrielle:I'm sorry.I can't promise that.
Carlos:Why not?
Gabrielle:Because I can't say that I'm gonna wake up tomorrow and suddenly wanna do something that I swore my entire life.I would never do. "maybe" is a very big step for me.
Carlos:Yeah, well, it isn't big enough for me.
Gabrielle:Well, I'm sorry, but you're just gonna have to accept it.There's nothing else you can do.
Carlos:That isn't necessarily true.
Gabrielle:Excuse me?
(Carlos tosses the annulment pamphlet to Gabrielle.)
Gabrielle:You are threatening me with an annulment?That conniving little bitch put you up to this, didn't she?Didn't she?
Carlos:This fight could be over right now if you'd just make me a promise.
Gabrielle:The only promise I am making you is that this is so not over.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Lynette's House - Nighttime]
(Tom is doing dishes. Lynette walks in.)
Lynette:Hi!
Tom:Hey.
Lynette:Hi.
Tom:How's the search coming for the new ad exec? Any luck?
Lynette:Oh, the pickings are slim.So far none of my top choices are available.Hey, um, do you have someone from your old company that you could, you know,maybe recommend?
(Parker comes downstairs, stopping near the bottom.)
Parkeraddy!
Tom:Well...
Parker:I can't find my toothbrush.
Tom:I'll be up in a second, buddy.
Lynette (to Parker):Hi.
(Parker runs back upstairs.)
Tom:As a matter of fact,there's this one guy who would be perfect.
Lynette:Yeah?
Tom:Yeah, hard-working,smart as a whip. Total package.
Lynette:Really? What's his name?
Tom:Tom.
Lynette:Tom? Tom what?
Tom:Tom Scavo.
Lynette:Oh!No! No!I do not think that that is a good idea.
Tom:Come on, honey,I mean, the other night doing those pitches...it just got the old juices flowing.I remembered how much I miss having a real job.
Lynette:You have a real job, right here staying home with the kids.
Tom:With two incomes, we could afford a top-notch nanny.
Lynette:What about Penny?
Tom:You're the one who fought for office dday care. Let's use it.
Lynette:What about the two of us working and living together?I think that could be a recipe for disaster.
Tom:Why? The last time that we worked together...we fell in love.
Lynette:Oh, it's just...I'm...I'm not sure that you would find this job that satisfying.
Tom:You don't think I'm good enough, do you?
Lynette:I'm not saying that.
(Parker comes back down the stairs.)
Parkeraddy,I still can't find my toothbrush!
Lynette:I'll go.
Tom:I got it.Come on, buddy.Let's hunt it down.
Parker:So who won the fight?
Tom:We weren't fighting.Mommy's just letting daddy know where he stands.
Lynette:Oh, hey! Hey!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Advertising Agency]
(Ed and Lynette are conducting interviews.)
Ed:Thanks for coming in,Mr. Gainey. We'll be in touch.
Lynette:Thank you. Bye.
Ed:What did you think?
Lynette:Well, honestly,I wasn't blown away.
Ed:I know the pickings are slim,but we can't hold out much longer.We need to hire someone this week.
Lynette:I know! I know! I know.So who's up next?
Ed:Tom Cavos.You ever heard of him?
(Lynette sees Tom in the outer office talking to the secretary.)
Lynette:Just... uh...could you excuse me for just a minute?
Ed:Sure.
Lynette:Tom Cavos?
Tom:Yeah, it's an anagram.It's deceptively simple,don't you think?
Lynette:What do you think you're doing?
Tom:I'm going over your head.I mean, you might not think I'm good enough,but maybe Ed will be a little more open-minded,since, you know, he's not constantly competing with me.
Lynette:You want the truth, Tom?I think you're good.You have moments of brilliance.But I also think sometimes you coast.And I think if I were your boss and had to ride your ass every day,you would come home seething with resentment.Come on! It's hard enough keeping a marriage together.
Tom:If you're at all concerned about saving our marriage,you better let me take my shot.
Lynette:What does that mean?
Tom:It means that a little part of me has been hating you ever since you tanked my promotion at Petersen.
Lynette:Tom...
Tom:But I could let it all go if you'll give me this one thing.
Pat:Excuse me.Ed's waiting for you guys.
Lynette:Great! Great!
Tom:Just let my résumé speak for itself.
Lynette:Uh, just let your résumé speak for itself?
Tom:Yes.
Lynettelaughs nervously) Okay!
(Later, Ed, Tom, and Lynette are in Ed's office.)
Ed:Oh! You worked the Poncer Cheese accounts?Those "angry mouse" spots?They were hilarious!
Tom:I was on that from the beginning.
Ed (high-pitched voice):"Warning, do not eat the cheese!The cheese is evil!"I love that!You've got a great résumé.
Tom:Thank you.
Lynette:Yeah, gosh, it is.It's quite impressive.Oh, wow,I see you worked for Bellfore and Barrasso.That's a great shop.
Tom:Yeah, I put my time in.
Lynette:Uh-huh, and when were you there?Because you forgot to list your dates of employment for that one.
Tom:Um, that was a few years back.
Lynette:Uh-huh. And how long did you stay?
Tom:Just about five months,actually.
Lynette:What, did you get recruited by another firm?Did somebody cherry-pick ya?
Tom:No, I was fired.
Lynette:Oh.
Tom:Yeah, but honestly,I was happy to leave because they didn't get my sense of humor.I actually pitched a version of the "cheese is evil" there first. They hated it.
Ed:Idiots!Well, their loss, right?
Tom:Yep.
Ed:And I see you won a Clio for the Thompson's Salad Dressing spot.That was very cool.
Lynette:So did you do that solo?
Tom:Actually, no. My wife helped me on that one.Um, she's in advertising, too.But if you were to ask her,I'm sure she'd tell you she did the whole thing all by herself.
Ed:Credit hog, huh?I know the type.You know what,Tom?I like you.
Lynette:Ed...
Ed:And I'm not usually one for hiring in the room.
Lynette:No, no, no, no,we never hire in the room.
Ed:But we're in a time crunch,and we need someone now.I think you're the guy.Lynette,you got any issues?
Lynette:Well...um, let me just call in a few references before we make anything official.
Ed:Sure! Sure!We'll be in touch, okay?(high-pitched voice)"The cheese is evil!"Oh, god, I love that.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Church]
(Gabrielle enters and speaks to a Priest.)
Gabrielle:Oh, um, I'm looking for Father Crowley.Do you know where he is?
Priest:Um, he's in the confessional.
(Gabrielle enters the confessional.)
Father Crowley:How long has it been since your last confession?
Gabrielle:Who cares?Father, it's me.
Father Crowley:Gabrielle?
Gabrielle:Yeah.Look,I need you to do something for me.I need you to get rid of Sister Mary Bernard.
Father Crowley:What? Why?
Gabrielle:Because she's ruining my marriage.
Father Crowley:Sister Mary?
Gabrielle:Yes!At first it started with the love letters while he was in prison,and the next thing I know,they're spending day and night together...sneaking off to private bible study,and one-on-one spiritual consultation.
Father Crowley:Gabrielle...
Gabrielle:And if that wasn't enough, he is saying her name in his sleep.(imitates carlos)"Hold me, Sister Mary, hold me."(normal voice) It's disgusting.He's like a lovesick puppy.
Father Crowleysighs) Do you have reason to believe that your husband and Sister Mary are...having sex?Speak from the heart,Gabrielle.This is just between me, you and God.
Gabrielle:Yeah... yep.They're having sex.Carlos confessed everything...right before he asked for an annulment.
(Father Crowley leaves the confessional. Gabrielle steps out, just as another priest passes her and enters the confessional Father Crowley just left. Gabrielle goes back into the confessional.)
Gabrielle (bored voice):Forgive me,Father, for I have sinned.
Priest:How long since your last confession?
Gabrielle:Mm, not that long ago.Look, I sorta told a fib,so...how many "Hail Marys" is that gonna set me back?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bree's House]
(Danielle is lying on her bed, crying, when Bree walks in.)
Bree:Oh, honey.
Danielle:Go away!
Bree:Oh, honey, what happened wasn't my fault.There's no way I could've predicted how Betty would react.
Danielle:Oh, please, you knew something bad would happen.You wanted all this to blow up in my face.
Bree:Oh, honey,why would I want that?
Danielle:Because you're jealous that my life's just getting started and yours is over.
Breeanielle, that's ridiculous,sweetheart.
Danielleaddy's dead.You drove your boyfriend to suicide.You're getting older by the minute,and soon you'll be so dried up and bitter that no man will ever want to touch you ever again.
Breeanielle...
Danielle:And now you're determined to ruin my life so I have to stay with you here and keep you company while you turn into an old fossil.
Bree:All I ever wanted was for you to be happy.
Danielleon't just want it.Make it happen.
(Bree slowly leaves, then comes back in a few seconds later.)
Breeanielle,I don't feel much like cooking tonight.I'm thinking of ordering a pizza.
Danielle:I want Canadian bacon.Please.
Bree:All right.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Betty's House]
(Matthew comes in, looks at Betty, and goes upstairs.)
Caleb:He's mad at you 'cause you hit him.
Betty:Well, I feel bad about that.But when I consider the risks he was taking...
Caleb:It's a shame he can't see that girl.She's so pretty.
Betty:What did you say about Danielle?
Caleb:I said that she...
Betty:You know I don't want you thinking about things like that.
Caleb:I'm sorry.I didn't. I'm sorry.
Betty:It's okay. It's okay.Go on and run up to your room.Read the comics I got you.And, Caleb?If I ever catch you looking at that Van De Kamp girl,I'll hit you twice as hard as I hit your brother,and I won't feel bad about it.Okay?
Caleb:Okay.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Susan's House - Nighttime]
(Susan and Dr. Ron are having dinner. Susan watches as Dr. Ron tries cutting the meat on his plate.)
Susan:So this whole splenectomy thing...you feel good about it, huh?
Ron:Yeah, yeah, I told you.It's a routine surgery.You're gonna be fine.
Susan:Right, right.Actually,I sort of meant, um...do you personally feel confident?
Ron:What do you mean?
Susan:Well, you know,you're gonna be...hacking into me,and I just wanted to make sure that you feel ready.
Ron:I've never taken out a spleen before.But believe me,it's no big deal.Spleen, gallbladder...it's all the same.
Susan:Okay, red flag! See, I didn't go to medical school,but I'm thinking...not all the same.
Ron:Susan, I know what I'm doing.You're gonna have to trust me.
Susan:I would like to.But I gotta be honest...the fact that you can't even cut that steak isn't helping.
Ron:That's not fair.You overcooked it,and, frankly,it's not the freshest meat.
Susan:Well, neither am I.I've got 35 years on that cow.
Ron:Wait, Susan, are you saying you don't want me to be your surgeon?Uh...
Susan:I'm sorry.I don't mean this to sound the wrong way. I just...I would be more comfortable with an experienced surgeon.
Ron:That's okay. I understand.
Susan:Thank you.
Ron:I should really be going.
Susan:What?I didn't even serve dessert yet.You said you understood!

Ron:No, I do,I do.I respect your decision to see another doctor,but you know what?You need to respect that my feelings are hurt.
Susan:What? You want me to put my life on the line to service your ego?
Ron:I save lives every day.I cut. I save. I cut. I save.That's what I do,and if that gives me an out-of-control ego,well, maybe I need that to cut into another human being.
Susanengine starts)Jim...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Lynette's House - Nighttime]
(Tom is sitting at the table, reading the paper. Lynette comes home.)
Lynette:Hey.
Tom:Hey.Dinner's ready.
(He points to a covered dinner plate on the table.)
Lynette:Oh.
Tom:So did you call around?Check on my references?
Lynette:I told Ed you were my husband,and he was cool with that.He really wants to hire you.So who am I to stand in the way?
Tom:Really? So I got the job?
Lynette:On one condition.If you take this job,you are never allowed to bring up what happened before with your promotion.
Tom:That's it? Deal.
Lynette:No, it's not a deal.I need a solemn vow that you will never throw that in my face ever again.Because if you do,you will unleash demons that you do not wanna meet.
Tom:I get it.
Lynette:And what I really need from you...is to be forgiven.
Tom:Actually,I already had.
(Lynette uncovers her plate and Tom pours her some wine.)
Lynette:This dinner is really good.
Tom:Thank you.
(He leans over and kisses Lynette, who has tears in her eyes.)
Tom:Thank you.
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[Betty's House - Daytime]
(In the second-story bedroom, Caleb is tearing the paper off of the window. He sees Bree approaching his mother in the front yard.)
Bree:Hi, Betty.
Betty:Hello.
Bree:I wanted to talk to you about what happened the other day with the kids.
Betty:I told you,we will be moving soon.There's nothing to worry about.
Bree:Well, my fear is that if we keep them apart,they'll try that much harder to be together.I mean, you know how teenagers can be,and, well, a lot can happen in a couple of weeks.
Betty:I'll make a deal with you.If you control yours,I will control mine.
Bree:Well, how about some old-fashioned chaperoning?That way they can, um,still see each other,and we won't have to be the villains.
(Bree looks up to the second floor and sees Caleb standing in the window.)
Betty:When it comes to my son's best interests,I'm not afraid of being the villain.I assumed that you would feel the same way, Bree.
Bree:Now that you mention it,I guess I do.I have to go. I have some,um, muffins in the oven.
(Bree hurries off.)
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[Bree's House - Daytime]
(Bree is going through her recycling stack of old newspapers. She finds the one with Caleb's picture on the front, takes it into the house, and picks up the phone.)
Danielle: Mom, what's wrong?
Bree:It's the Applewhites. I don't want you to go near them.
Danielle:What?!
Breeo you remember the man they arrested...the one that broke into Gabrielle's and escaped from the mental hospital?He's there.I saw him in their window.They're hiding him.
Danielle:You're kidding.
Bree:No, I'm not.And I forbid you to go over there.
(She speaks into the phone.)
Bree:Lynette, hi, it's Bree.Uh, listen,call me when you get this message,and please come to poker tonight.I have some big news about the Applewhites.
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[Gabrielle's House - Daytime]
(Carlos is on the phone.)
Carlos:All right, bye.
Gabrielle:Who was that?
Carlos:Sister Mary.They just transferred her to a parish in Fairbanks, Alaska.
Gabrielle:You're kidding me. Why?
Carlos:She doesn't know.The diocese wouldn't even give her a reason.
Gabrielle:Ah,Vatican politics.What's wrong?
(Gabrielle sees the annulment pamphlet sticking out of Carlos' bible. She pulls it out.)
Carlos:I think I'm just coming down with a migraine.
Gabrielle:Oh, well, maybe you should go lie down.I'm gonna be out for a while.
Carlos:Mm-hmm.
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[Hospital]
(Susan is sitting in the waiting room. Dr. Ron and another doctor are approaching. Dr. Ron sees Susan.)
Ron (to the other doctor):Uh, I'll see you there.
(Dr. Ron enters the waiting room.)
Ron:Susan?What are you doing here?
Susan:We need to talk.
Ron:Okay, all right,but, look,I just got out of surgery.
Susan:I've been waiting for three hours.After you stormed out the other night,I started to doubt myself.I started to think,"gee, you know, maybe I should just ignore my better instincts,and I should let Dr. Ron gut me like a fish."
Ron:Susan...
Susan:I mean, why not?'Cause all my life,I have jumped through hoops to keep men from leaving.But I'm not doing it anymore.So tough luck, pally.You just missed out on a good thing.
(She snaps her fingers in front of his face.)
Ron:Susan...you've been here for three hours?
Susan:Yeah.
Ron:Well, two hours ago,flowers, champagne and an apology note were delivered to your doorstep.
Susan:Really?
Ron:Look,I put our relationship at risk, all right?And it was stupid.I haven't felt this way about somebody in a long time.Susan,I really like you.And because of that,I...I can't be your doctor,let alone, your surgeon.I mean,there's a pretty good reason why they make those rules.Listen, I hope you forgive me, all right?Because I'll hate myself if I lose you.
Susan:Wow.I wouldn't want you to hate yourself.
Ron:No.
Susan:And I am so sorry about that... snap thing.I was just trying to be theatrical.
Ron:Yeah.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Wisteria Lane Park - Daytime]
Matthew:I got your note.What's going on?
Danielle:Are you hiding someone in your house?
Matthew:What?
Danielle:My mom saw someone in your second-story window.She thinks it's the guy who broke into Mrs. Solis'.
Matthewamn it, Caleb.
Danielle:Is that his name?
Matthew:Has she told anybody else?
Danielle:She left messages on her friends' machines.They're coming over soon to get detail.
Matthew:We're gonna have to leave tonight. This is...
Danielle:Why? What's going on?
Matthew:I would love to tell you,believe me, I would.But I can't.
Danielle:If you trust me,I could help you.My family has secrets, too.
Matthew:What my brother did...it's bad.
Danielle:Last year my brother did something really awful,and my parents covered it up for him.If anyone were to ever find out,Andrew and my mom could go to jail.So you don't have to worry about me judging you.Tell me your secrets.I'll understand.
Matthew:Okay.But you tell me yours first.
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[Church]
(Sister Mary is scrubbing the floors on her hands and knees when Gabrielle walks in.)
Sister Mary:What are you doing here?
Gabrielle:I heard you were being transferred so I came to say good-bye.
Sister Mary:Come to gloat is more like it.
Gabrielle:No, we've had our differences,but that doesn't mean I'm happy to see you shipped off to Alaska.Brr.
Sister Mary:You had something to do with this, didn't you?
Gabrielle:Me? Oh, I'm just a humble sinner.You're the one with all the power around here...all the... annulment mojo.
(Sister Mary stands up and removes her apron.)
Sister Mary:Is that why you did it?Well, getting rid of me isn't gonna change anything.Carlos will do what he wants.The problems in your marriage aren't going away.
Gabrielle:Maybe not...but you certainly are.You missed a spot.
(Gabrielle begins to walk away from Sister Mary. Sister Mary throws the brush in her hand and hits Gabrielle on the back of the head.)
Gabrielle:Ah! Oh.That was a mistake.
(Gabrielle walks back and slaps Sister Mary's face.)
Gabrielle:There.I think we're all done here.
(Gabrielle starts to walk away. Sister Mary grabs her by the hair and pulls her back and starts spinning her around. Another nun and some children enter the church. Sister Mary starts to choke Gabrielle. Gabrielle reaches behind her and hits Sister Mary with her purse. The other nun runs out for help. Sister Mary and Gabrielle release each other, then charge at each other. Gabrielle pushes Sister Mary to the table with all the lit candles. Sister Mary's sleeve catches fire.Sister Mary screams.)
Gabrielle:Oh, my god!Oh, my god! Hold on!
(Gabrielle runs, pulls down a "Jesus Saves" banner and wraps it around Sister Mary. She pushes Sister Mary to the floor and tries to pat out the flames. The flames are out.)
Gabrielle:Are you okay?
(Gabrielle tries to help Sister Mary up and Sister Mary bites her on the arm. Gabrielle screams and they roll around on the floor in front of the children. A priest enters the room and begins pulling them apart.)
Priest:Stop fighting!Stop fighting! No!
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[Outside Gabrielle's House - Daytime]
(Gabrielle pulls in. Carlos comes outside. Gabrielle is in total disarray.)
Carlos:What the hell were you thinking?
Gabrielle:Uh, depends.What have you heard?
Carlos:I got a call from the church.They said you attacked Sister Mary.
Gabrielle:Yeah, that's about right.
Carlos:What are you thinking?
Gabrielle:I wasn't, but I was thinking about it on the way over here.And I realized the ass I should be kicking is yours.
Carlos:Mine?
Gabrielle:Yes!Sister Mary manipulated you into threatening me,but you're the idiot that fell for it.
Carlos:I was not threatening you.I was asking for a promise.
Gabrielle:You made me a promise, Carlos,a long time ago...till death do us part.And one day you just come home and start throwing words around like annulment.How do you think that makes me feel?
Carlos:Okay, I'm sorry about that.I need to have a child.
Gabrielle:And I need to know I'm the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with,not just some uterus in high heels.
Carlos:Gabrielle, please...
Gabrielle:No, Carlos, I am sorry.I am not gonna be blackmailed into giving birth.You have to choose.And I wish you would do it so I can move on with my life.
Carlos:Well, of course I choose you.
Gabrielle:I think that's the right decision.You know,I made a decision, too.The answer to your question earlier is yes.
Carlos:Yes...
Gabrielle:I wanna have a baby.I wanna have a baby with you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bree's House - Nighttime]
(Bree is preparing for her poker game. The doorbell rings.)
Bree:Betty.What a surprise.
Betty:Can I talk to you for a moment?
Bree:Uh, now is actually not a good time for me.
Betty:I think it is.I wanted to chat with you before you did something foolish.
Bree:I don't know what you mean.
Betty:The person you saw at my house today is my other son.His name is Caleb.He didn't harm Gabrielle,and he didn't hurt the man in the car trunk.That's all you need to know.
Bree:He's your son?
Betty:He's my dear son who happens to be slow.Sometimes he makes mistakes.
Bree:But, Betty, the are looking for him.He escaped from that facility they sent him to.
Betty:He had help, trust me.I've always thought the maternal instinct is one of nature's most amazing gifts.I mean, the length that some mothers will go to to protect their children...it drives ordinary women to do extraordinary things,women like me, Bree,and like you.
Bree:What are you talking about?
Betty:If you breathe one word of Caleb's existence to anyone,I will tell Carlos,Gabrielle and the that it was your son driving the car that killed Juanita Solis and that you have been covering up his crime ever since.We're going to be great friends, Bree.We have so much in common.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Outside Bree's House - Nighttime]
(Edie, Gabrielle, Susan and Lynette are approaching Bree's house.)
Gabrielle:So is that all she said?
Lynette:Yeah, something about the Applewhites.I'm dying of curiosity.
(They ring the doorbell. Bree, inside, seems in shock after her conversation with Betty.)
Betty:It's rude to keep people waiting.
(Bree answers the door.)
Bree:Hi. Come on in.
Edie:So, spill it.What's the scoop on the Applewhites?
Bree:Um, about that... um...
Gabrielle:Oh, Bree,come on, dish already!
Bree:Well, perhaps I got more excited than I should have,but I recently found out that Betty Applewhite is quite the poker player,and so, uh, I have invited her to join our weekly game.
(Betty comes out of the kitchen holding a food platter.)
Betty:Hello, everybody.I hope you brought your checkbooks because I am feeling lucky.
(Later, the women sit around the poker table, holding their cards.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:Everyone understands the nature of war.
Betty:I raise.
Mary Alice Voiceover:We also understand that victory dends on the cards that we have been dealt.
(Susan folds, Gabrielle folds, Lynette folds, and finally Edie folds.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:Some, when faced with a bloody battle,simply give in.
(Betty and Bree look at each other from across the table.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:But for some,surrender is unacceptable.
Betty:Well, Bree,what are you gonna do?
Mary Alice Voiceover:Even though they know it will be a fight...
Bree:I'll raise you.
Mary Alice Voiceover:... to the death.


~ The End ~Desperate Housewives
Episode 02.14 - Silly People
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mary Alice Voiceoverreviously on desperate housewives...
Ron:Your spleen has wandered close to your heart.We gotta take it out.
Doctor:Get your insurance figured out by then, hmm?
Mary Alice Voiceover:There was the bad news...
Noah:There's a cop I want you to talk to.His name is Sullivan.
Sullivan:The file on Noah's daughter.
Mary Alice Voiceover:...the discomforting news...
Mike:Thanks.
Danielle:Are you hiding someone in your house?Tell me your secrets.I'll understand.
Matthew:Okay.
Mary Alice Voiceover:...and the news no one should know...
Matthew:But you tell me yours first.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Maxine Bennett's House - Daytime]
(Maxine opens her front door, greeting several ladies.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:Once a month,the crème de la crème of Fairview society would attend a semiformal luncheon at the home of Maxine Bennett.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Maxine's Dining Room]
(Women sit at the formally set table and several women standing around talking.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:Everyone loved these elegant get-togethers.Everyone,that is,but a certain redheaded housewife who was convinced Maxine was a liar.
(Bree stares suspiciously as Maxine brings in individual plates and sets one in front of Bree.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:You see,Maxine liked to brag that she did all her own cooking.and because each course was served promptly...
(Another plate is set in front of Bree.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:...presented with flair...
Guest:It's delicious.
Mary Alice Voiceover:...and was positively mouthwatering,Bree knew maxine had had some help.
(Another beautiful plate is set in front of Bree.)
Maxinelaughing)Thank you so much.
Mary Alice Voiceover:And sadly for maxine,Bree intended to prove it.
Bree:Maxine, once again,this entire lunch was just out of this world. (Maxine chuckles) I just have to get the number of your caterer.
Maxine:What a nice compliment.No,I'm afraid this is all my doing.
Lady #1:It was a triumph,an absolute triumph.
Bree:Oh, come on. do you honestly expect us to believe that you had the time to prepare a 6-course meal for 10 women?Even I couldn't make this and I have time to get ready for a party
Maxine:Well, perhaps you're just not as organized as I am.If you'll excuse me.
Lady #1:Bree!What's gotten into you?
Bree:I have the same recipe for English plum pudding.It takes six hours to prepare.How would she have time to make all of this and everything else that we ate today?This is not the pudding of an honest woman.
(There's pounding on the front door.)
Man: FBI! open up!
Bree:what on earth?
(One of the ladies gets up and rushes to the door. Maxine comes out of the kitchen. When the front door is opened, four FBI agents enter. As Agent #1 enters the dining room, several other agents swarm into the other parts of the house.)
Agent #1:We're looking for a Maxine Bennett.
Maxine:I'm Maxine.
Agent #1:We have a warrant to search the premises, ma'am.
Maxine:A warrant?I'm in the middle of a luncheon.
(One of the agents approaches a door with a lock on it.)
Agent #2:Over here.
(He kicks the door down. Inside is a table filled with beautifully made pastries and cakes. A young Asian girl is working diligently on the cakes.)
Agent #3 (into a walkie-talkie):Found her.
(The agent escorts the young Asian girl out into the dining room.)
Lady:What?!
Agent #1:Maxine Bennett,you're under arrest for involuntary servitude.
(Bree and the lady next to her appear to be in shock.)
Agent #4 (to the Asian girl):Is this the woman who locked you up?
(The girl nods and begins to speak in Chinese.)
Xiao meispeaking Chinese)对啊.
Xiao meishouting Chinese)她只是晚上给我出去的.
(Maxine, in handcuffs, begins screaming, cursing at the young girl.)
Maxine:Bitch away.Bitch away.
(The agents escort them both out.)
Lady #1:Bree, what's going on?
Bree:Well, I'm not sure,but I think Maxine had a slave.
Lady #1 (gasps):I can't believe it.I just can't believe it.
(Bree picks up her fork and continues eating.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:But Bree could.You see, for her,the proof was in the pudding.
(Bree eats and smiles.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Opening Credits
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Wisteria Lane Park - Daytime]
(A young boy and an elderly man are playing chess.)
Boy:Checkmate.
Mary Alice Voiceover:The world is filled with unlikely friendships.
Man: Ah. Terrific!
(The elderly man musses the young boy's hair affectionately.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Wisteria Lane - Daytime]
(The mailman is petting a dog. The dog is licking the mailman.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:Odd pairings,that to the casual observer...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Wisteria Lane Park - Daytime]
(A woman in a beautiful suit is sitting having tea next to a heavily tattooed man in his undershirt having a beer.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:...make absolutely no sense at all.But if we look closer...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Wisteria Lane - Daytime]
(The street above Susan's home. Susan and Edie are walking very quickly across the street.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:...we can see why these alliances form.After all, a shared purpose can give even mortal enemies common ground.
(Susan and Edie walk very quickly to Bree who gets out of her car and begins unloading groceries.)
Susan:Bree?we have a question for you.
Bree:Oh! what is it?
Susan:Well, we were just wondering--actually, we were curious about, um...
Edie:What the hell's going on with you and Betty Applewhite?
Susan:Yeah, that.
Bree:Excuse me?
Edie:Well, from the day that dead body showed up,nobody was yelling, "oh,the Applewhites are involved!" louder than you.And the next thing we know,you're having Betty over for Poker. what gives?
Susan:She makes it sound like we're angry, and we're not angry.
Edie:I'm a little angry.
Bree:Can we talk about this later?I-I have ice cream in here.
(Bree begins walking away.)
Edie:Bree, could this flip-flop have something to do with the fact that Danielle is dating Matthew?
(Bree stops and turns toward them.)
Edielowers voice to Susan) I knew that would get her.
Bree:Who told you that?
Edie:Mrs. Mcclusky. she saw them making out in the park.
Susan:Edie!
Edie:What?
Susan:Can't you sugarcoat it a little?
Edie:I did.(lowers voice) He had his hand down her shirt.
Susansighs) Bree, we know that you have a good reason for wanting Betty to hang out with us.We just... wondered if you could clue us in a little.
Bree:When it comes to Betty Applewhite,I know what I'm doing,and you two are just gonna have to trust me.and if you can't do that,then perhaps I've overestimated the depth of our friendship.Now,if you'll excuse me...
(Bree stomps away.)
Edie:What a bitch.
Susan:Edie, can you--
Edie:I was sugarcoating it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Advertising Agency]
(Tom enters, carrying several large advertising campaign boards. He sees Lynette, walks up behind her, and kisses her neck.)
Tomgasps)Hey.
Lynettechuckles)Oh!Hey, none of that in here.
Tom:Come on. maybe if we remind Ed that I'm shacking up with the senior V.P., he'll stop killing all my pitches.
Lynette:You've only been here a week.Yhy don't you give yourself a break?
Tom:Honey, you know the ad game.I've only got a certain amount of time to make my mark before he kicks me to the curb.Look, I'm just asking you...jump in every once in a while,throw me some rope, you know,when Ed's on the warpath.
Lynette:I can't protect you.You're gonna have to find a way to click with Ed yourself.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Conference Room]
(Tom is presenting his campaign to the staff.)
Tom:And then the pig--he rubs his stomach and he goes... (snorts)(southern accent)"Farm fresh bacon will make a piggy out of you,too."
(Lynette laughs politely. Ed frowns.)
Ed:So...the pig actually eats the bacon?
Tom:Uh-huh, yeah.
Ed:I don't see the client doing a happy dance over the whole cannibalism theme.
Lynette:Well,Tom, why don't you pitch him the other idea you came up with last night?You know, the one where people love bacon so much they wanna keep it a secret?
Ed:What, like a secret underground society of bacon eaters?
Tom:More like my college fraternity,where, you know,everybody wanted in, but we only took the coolest guys.
Ed:Wait, you were greek?
Tom:Yeah, Alpha Tai Omega.
Ed:I was Phi Kappa.
Tomlaughs) You?
Ed:And I don't remember you having to be that cool to pledge a.JTL.
Tom:Look, if I had a nickel for every Phi Kap that I tied naked to a freeway sign...
Ed:Scavo, if you were my pledge,I'd have made you my bitch.
Tom:Oh, you think so?
Ed:You know what?I'm liking this whole fraternity angle.Yeah. Let's talk about it over lunch.You're buying.
(Ed gets up and leaves the room. Tom looks at Lynette, who smiles at him.)
Lynette:Go.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Gabrielle's Front Yard - Daytime]
(Carlos and Father Crowley are standing on the lawn talking as Gabrielle drives into her driveway.)
Father Crowley:Thanks for your help.
Carlos: Ah, anytime.
(Gabrielle walks up to them.)
Gabrielle:Hello. what's going on?
Father Crowley:Gabrielle,I want you to meet someone.this is Xiao-mei.
Carlos:She's the young lady who was forced to work for Maxine Bennett.
Gabrielle:Oh, the slave.Wow. Looks well-fed.
Father Crowley:The church is making arrangements for her to return to China.But until then,she needs a place to stay.
Carlos:So I offered up our guest room.
Gabrielle:Really?(chuckles) Baby, can I talk to you for a second?
Carlos:Ahem.
(Gabrielle pulls Carlos away from them.)
Gabrielle:Are you nuts?!
Carlos:It's only for a couple of days.
Gabrielle:Oh, this time.You are quickly becoming Father Crowley's go-to guy for charity cases.
Carlos:And that's a bad thing?
Gabrielle:When he turns our house into a catholic underground railroad, yes!
Carlos:You know who you are, Gaby?You're the kind of person who would've turned away Mary and Joseph from the inn.
Gabrielle:Well, they should've called ahead.
(Gabrielle gets back into her car and drives away.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bree's Dining Room]
(Danielle is sitting at the table, combing her hair. Bree walks in with plates of food.)
Breeon't brush your hair at the table.
Danielle:Oh, you're talking to me?Does this mean you've finally forgiven me?
Bree:Why should I?You betrayed this family,and you're not even sorry.
Danielleon't be such a drama queen.
(Bree grabs the brush from Danielle.)
Bree:If the Applewhites go to the and tell them that your brother ran over Mrs. Solis,he could go to prison.How can you not understand that?
Danielle:They won't talk about Andrew as long as you don't go to the about Caleb.
Bree:What did this caleb do,exactly?And why on earth are they hiding him?
Danielle:Why don't you go to Mrs. Applewhite and tell her you really need to know what's going on?I bet if you were really nice,she'd tell you the truth.
Bree:Is that what you really think, Danielle?I should go to Mrs. Applewhite, be nice,and then she'll hand over all her secrets?
Danielle:Yeah.
Bree:When I was young, my stepmother told me that I was very lucky.I possessed beauty,wit, cunning and insight.These were weapons all women needed to survive in the world.
Danielle:So?
Bree:So take good care of your looks, Danielle.you don't have any other weapons at your disposal.
(Bree hands the brush back to Danielle.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Edie's House]
(Susan is knocking at the front door. Karl answers.)
Susan:Hi. I need an operation on my spleen,and I just found out I don't have medical insurance.Is there anyone I can sue?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Edie's Living Room]
Susan:After the embezzlement,Lonny let the policy lapse.And now he's in jail,and I'm gonna die.
Karl:Susie,you're not gonna die.I'll get into it with the insurance company.
Susan:No, there isn't time for you to deal with the red tape.My spleen is going careening into my heart.I need that operation now.
(Edie enters the room.)
Karl:Yeah,I'd loan you the money myself,but Edie and I just plopped down our savings in a ski condo and...
Susan:I don't need a loan.I need coverage.I mean, what if there are complications?I don't have a safety net.Oh, my god, please!
Edie:What in the hell are you doing?
Susan:I'm saying a little prayer.
Edie:Oh, for puke's sake...
Susan:Well, what? I'm desperate here.Do you have any other ideas?
Edie:As a matter of fact,I do.What you need is a husband.
Susanscoffs) What?
Edie:The only way to get a good health plan is to marry into one.
Karl:Edie, come on.
Susan:No, no,I think she's onto something.
Edie:Yeah. if we find a guy with the right plan,you could have a sham wedding on a Monday night and be fully covered Tuesday morning.
Karl:I can't believe you're actually considering this.
Susan:The surgeon is slicing me open a week from tomorrow.What other choice do I have?
Edie:All we have to do is find a guy who's willing to marry you.You know,come to think of it,a little prayer might not be such a bad idea after all.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Advertising Agency]
(The staff is sitting around the conference table. Lynette speaks into the intercom.)
Lynetteat, we're all here, send the call in as soon as you get it.
(Tom is tossing M&Ms into the air and catching them in his mouth.)
Ed:200 bucks says you can't do that 3 times in a row.Huh?You catch three of those...200 bucks.What do you say there,Scavo?
Tom:You're on.
(Tom grabs three M&Ms and gets ready to toss them.)
(Ed chuckles)
Tom:Here we go.
Ed:Ah-ah-ah-ah!Thrown by me.
Lynette:I'm sorry,I thought we were here to talk about the farm fresh rollout?
Tomto Ed)They gotta be catchable,big guy.
Ed:You just let me worry about the shooting.
(Tom and Ed stand at either end of the table.)
Tom:Come on.
(Ed tosses one and Tom catches it in his mouth.)
Tom:That's one.
Lynette:Guys...
(Ed tosses to the side, Tom moves over, and catches it.)
Ed:Oh!Nice moves.
Tom:One more, big guy.
Lynette:Guys, please...that's--all right.
(Ed throws the last candy hard and hits Tom in the face.)
Tom:Ow!
Co-worker:Oh!
(Everyone but Lynette laughs. )
Tom:Ow.
(Ed laughing)
Tom:That wasn't even catchable!
Ed:Yeah, well, maybe not.But it's totally worth the 200 bucks.
(Ed hands Tom the money and rubs the top of his head.)
Ed:Ahh!Whoo!
Tom:Well, you got me.
Ed:You're a regular little monkey man!Oh, I love this guy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Gabrielle's House]
(Gabrielle enters. Xiao mei is sitting at the table, sewing.)
Gabrielle:Oh,hi.Do you have to sit around all day?I mean,shouldn't you be out experiencing western civilization while you have the chance?(sighs)What are you doing?
Xiao mei:I fix.
Gabrielle:No, this is couture!This rip has to be fixed by an experienced tailor.You can't just...holy crap!This stitching is perfect!
Xiao mei:Hungry?
(Xiao mei pulls Gabrielle into the kitchen. The counter is full of food.)
Gabrielleid you make all of this?Oh!For me? Okay.
(She takes a puff off of the plate that Xiao mei is holding in front of her.)
Gabrielle:Oh, my god!
Xiao mei:You like?
Gabrielle:I like a lot.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Gabrielle's Bedroom]
(Gabrielle is eating off a plate when Carlos climbs on the bed behind her and kisses her.)
Carlos:You like that?
Gabriellebored voice)Yeah, that's nice.Do you know what they do to people in China who speak out against the government?
(Carlos contiunes kissing Gabrielle.)
Carlos:Hmm?
Gabrielle:They put them in forced labor camps.isn't that awful?
(Carlos takes the plate from Gabrielle and puts it aside.)
Carlos:Mm-hmm.
Gabrielle:You know what I mean?It's such a repressive regime.We forget how good we have it.
(Carlos kisses Gabrielle and begins undressing her.)
Carlos:Yes, we do.
Gabrielleon't you think Xiao-mei would like it better here in America?I mean,where she could learn about freedom and democracy and stuff?
Carlosoes this have anything to do with you making Xiao-mei do housework?
Gabrielle:What?
Carlos:I came downstairs this morning and found her waxing the floor.She told me you asked her to put on two coats.
Gabrielle:Well, first of all,that was her idea.Second of all,I can't have this conversation until you've tasted her crab puffs.
Carlos:Oh...hmm.
(Gabrielle begins kissing and undressing Carlos.)
Carlos:Mmm.She just got done being a slave.I mean, she wants to go back to China...and we can't force her to stay here and be our maid.
Gabrielle:Well, who's forcing her?We'll pay her whatever she wants.And the best part is,with her resumé,any wage will look good.
Carlos:No way, baby.
Gabrielle:Mnh-mnh.Hmm.
Carlos:What?
(Carlos reaches for Gabrielle and she slaps his hand and walks away from him.)
Carlos:What, so you don't get what you want,you just walk off and pout?
Gabrielle:Oh, this isn't about me.This is about our great nation.And I have no intention of sexually satisfying a man who isn't willing to stand up for and help spread the ideals and values of the United States of America.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Diner]
(Edie is sitting with a nice looking man.)
Edie:And sometimes she is a little hard to stomach,but she means well.
Gary:Well, that's,that's...
Susan:Hi!
Edie:Oh, here she is.
Susan:I came as soon as I got your message. Is this...?
Edie:This is Gary Grantham,your future ex-husband.
Susan:Wow, nice to meet you.
Gary:Hi.
Edie:Okay, listen, um,I've got to meet a client.I've got to go,so just talk amongst yourselves,and you two make a very handsome couple.
Susan:Oh. (laughing)
Gary:Yeah.Uh, hi.
Susanchuckles)Hi.
Gary:So do you wanna get married on Wednesday?'cause Thursday and Friday I'm out of town.
Susan:Oh! oh, ah. sure, that's--Wednesday's great.I'm--I'm just curious...how did Edie convince you to do this so quickly?
Gary:Well, she explained your situation to me.I'm sort of in need of a fake bride myself,so I figured,what the heck?
Susan:Why would you need a fake bride?
Gary:Uh,I'm gay, and I've never come out to my mother.
Susan:Really?
Gary:Yeah. at first, I just didn't want to upset her.Then she got older, she got emphysema and diverticulitis,and I started thinking,if I just kept my mouth shut,then one day nature would take its course and we could avoid what is sure to be a very ugly scene.
Susan:So what changed?
Gary:She told me at her 81st birthday party last month,the only reason she's hanging on is to see me get married.
Susan:Oh. oh,so by marrying me...
Gary:Yeah, I'd get my inheritance that much sooner.No, but mostly,I wanna make sure she's happy.Mm-hmm. (chuckles)Well, you seem very nice, Susan.Uh, it will be a pleasure being married to you.
Susan:Uh, likewise.(chuckles)
Gary:Here, you can finish the rest of the fries.
(He gets up and leaves.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Noah's House]
(Noah is sitting in a wheelchair reading. Nurse Felicia Tilman enters.)
Felicia:Here's your mail and your pills.
Noah:Ugh. More pills?
(Noah opens a card.)
Noah:Miss Tillman?
Felicia:Hmm?
Noah:Where did this come from?
Felicia:I don't know.It was in with your other mail.
(He looks at the card again. It reads "You have a grandchild.")
Noah:Get me the phone.(into the phone) Sullivan, it's me.I just got some news,and I need to get you involved.Looks like Delfino's been holding out on me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Wisteria Lane - Daytime]
Mary Alice Voiceover:The next morning,Bree came up with a plan to get to the truth she so desperately needed.
(Bree, looking out her window, watches as Betty and Matthew drive away.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:As she watched the Applewhites leave their house,she thought of how much she had trusted the previous owners.

(Bree opens her closet. Many keys, neatly labeled, hang on the inside of the door. She takes the key marked "Mullins.")
Mary Alice Voiceover:And how much they...had trusted her.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Betty's House]
(Bree enters the house using the key. She is carrying a few food dishes. She hears a noise on the stairs.)
Bree:Caleb? Is that you?
(Caleb peeks down the stairs.)
Breeexhales) Hi.I'm Bree.I live down the street.I'm a friend of your mother's.
Caleb:She's not home.
Bree:I know. Um...I came to see you.
Caleb:Me?
Bree:Yes.Your mother told me all about you and I thought it it might be nice if, um,we had a little visit.I brought you some homemade cobbler.
(Caleb smiles.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Advertising Agency]
(cheering and clapping)
(Lynette, at her desk, hears cheering and clapping. She gets up to see what is going on.)
Tom:Oh, la, la, la, la, la.Right here.Follow the doughnut, people.
(Tom is holding a doughnut with a crowd of people following him.)
Tom:Here we go. We got some people.Come on, come on.Hey, hey...
Lynette (to Pat):Huh?What's going on?
Pat:Well, um, Ed bet Tom that he wouldn't eat doughnut out of the toilet.Isn't it disgusting?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bathroom Stall]
(Tom is standing over the toilet with the crowd and Ed watching.)
Edgiggles) Huh?It's gotta be fully dunked.Now, I don't want the glaze to repel the water.
Tom:Whoa, slight delay, people.I'm requesting a scrub down.Does anybody know where they keep the toilet brush?
(Lynette grabs Tom and pulls him out.)
Lynette:Just for one second, okay?Just for one second.Hey,I never thought I'd have to ask you this,but are you about to eat a doughnut out of the toilet?
Tom:Yeah!For the galveston jewelers account.
Lynette:I don't care!You're not gonna do this!
Tom:Look, Lynette,you're the one who told me to find a way to click with Ed.Well, now we've got our thing,and it's paying off for me!
Lynette:That's because Ed gets off on humiliating you.Please, don't do this!
(Ed sticks his head out of the bathroom.)
Ed:We're waiting,Scavo!
Crowd:Tom, Tom,Tom!
Ed:Okay, okay, what now?
Tom:This is my moment.
(Tom goes back into the bathroom to cheering and clapping.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Betty's Kitchen]
(Bree is looking at an old photo album as Caleb eats the cobbler.)
Bree:So, Caleb,besides your mother and brother,does anybody else know that you're here?
Caleb:No.You're pretty.
Bree:Thank you.That's very sweet.So where have you been living this whole time? Upstairs?
Caleb:No.I just moved upstairs.My room's downstairs.
Breeownstairs?
Caleb:In the basement.You wanna see it?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Betty's Basement]
(Caleb opens the door to what used to be his room. Bree goes inside.)
Bree:Caleb, have you been down here all these months?
Caleb:Yeah.
Breeid your mother make you wear those?
Caleb:Most of the time.
Bree:Oh, my god!Sweetheart,I don't understand.Why in the world would your mother treat you that way?
Caleb:I hurt a girl.
Bree:A girl?
Caleb:Yeah.And then she died.
Bree:Oh.
Caleb:Her name was Melanie.She was pretty.Just like you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Mike's Driveway - Daytime]
(Susan walks up as Mike is working on his truck.)
Susan:Hi.I thought you should know,I'm getting married.
Mike:To the doctor?
Susan:No! No. Ha!No, to... to a gay guy.How did you know about the doctor?
Mikeeople talk. So you...you're marrying a gay guy?
Susan:I need health insurance,um, 'cause I've got this wandering spleen and...(chuckles)That sounds funny,"spleen wandering," but...actually, it's not funny 'cause it can bang into things...so I need health insurance,so I'm getting married tomorrow.And you probably think I'm crazy, right?
Mike:Well... can it wait?Um, the surgery?
Susan:No. It can't wait.
Mike:I guess it's really not that crazy.
(A car door slams. Mike turns and see Detective Sullivan approaching.)
Sullivan:How you doin', ma'am?
Mike:Susan, can you just give me a minute?
Susan:Oh, yeah.No, I'm sorry.L... that was really... it.
(Susan walks away.)
Mike:What do you want?
Sullivan:It's not what I want,Delfino.It's what Noah Taylor wants.Where's his grandkid?You know,let's skip the part where you don't know anything about anything.Mr. Taylor wants to chat.
Mike:What if I say no?
Sullivan:Then I've gotta find the kid myself,and my guess is, he or she is somewhere around here close.Your old girlfriend...she's got a daughter,right?Maybe I should start by paying her a visit...
Mike:Her daughter's not the one.
Sullivan:Yeah, well,given your track record,I might wanna check that out for myself.
Mike:Tell him I'll be there in the morning.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Gabrielle's Bedroom]
(Xiao mei is combing Gabrielle's hair. She sees Gabrielle's open jewelry case.)
Xiao mei:Oh!So pretty.
Gabrielle:You like nice things?(chuckles) That's why I think you're stupid,for not wanting to stay here.You could be around my nice things all the time,taking care of them...how fun would that be?Well,I'm sure it's a lot more fun than you'd have in that tiny,godforsaken village of yours.You know,we're probably more alike than people would guess.I'm from a small town, too.My folks had nothing.That's why I love America.Anything is possible.
(Xiao mei looks at a bracelet.)
Xiao mei:Oh...
Gabrielle:Hmm, you like that?No.An old, fat stockbroker gave this to me.It's not worth anything.You can have it.
(Gabrielle puts it on Xiao mei's wrist.)
Xiao mei:Oh... (chuckles)Oh! (gasps)
(She begins speaking Chinese and hugs Gabrielle.)
Xiao mei:你真的替我太好了,谢谢你.Oh! (chuckles)
Gabrielle:It's okay.Glad you like it.You can brush my hair.
Xiao mei:Oh!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Outside The Wedding Chapel - Daytime]
(Gary is standing, waiting. A couple come out the door.)
Woman:I loved it!
Man:It was nice.
(Susan pulls up.)
Susan:Hi.
Gary:Hi. Hi.Uh, this is the bestI could do on such short notice.
Susan:Okay.
Gary:Okay.
(They enter. A man is standing inside, holding a wedding cake.)
Gary:Oh, uh, susan, this is, uh,my best man, Steven.He's also my life partner.
Susan:Oh, hi.It's nice to meet you.
(Steven stares at Susan.)
Gary:Baby, be... be nice.Come on.
Steven:I'm sorry you have cancer.
Susan:Cancer?
Steven:Isn't that the point of this whole charade?Gary said you needed insurance.
Susan:Oh, yes. No, no,I do need insurance.I just don't have cancer.I have a... wandering spleen.
Gary:I said it was like cancer.
Susan:Is there a problem?
Gary:No.No, everything's fine.Uh, let's just go to the chapel.Shall we?
Steven:I made a wedding cake.I hope you enjoy it.
(He shoves it into Susan's hands.)
Susan:Oh! Uh...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Wedding Chapel]
(Susan and Gary are standing at the altar. Steven is sitting on the bench behind them.)
Minister:So... are we ready to get started?
Gary:Oh, do you have a thing to play music?I had Steven burn a little wedding mix for us,for ambience.
Minister:Sure, just, um, give me a sec.
Garychuckles nervously)(to Steven)Do you have a problem?
Steven:You said she was sick.
Gary:She is.She has a wandering spleen.
Steven:It sounds nothing like cancer.It doesn't even sound real.
Susan:Well, it is.L-I could die.
Steven:You look fine to me, honey.
Garyon't do this.
Steven:I have asked you six times to fly with me to Holland to get married,and you always have some lame excuse.But the second some chick with a silly disease comes along,well, you drop everything and head for a chapel.
Susan:Oh, no,it's a serious illness.See, it just sounds silly 'cause of the word "spleen."
Gary:What do you want from me?
Steven:I want you to worry about my feelings half as much as you worry about your mother's!
Gary:What is it gonna take to make you happy?Not go through with the wedding?Is that what you're asking?
Susan:Oh, oh! No, no,stop right there.Okay, I would love to see you two crazy kids get hitched in Holland more than anyone,with the tulips and the clogs,in front of a windmill,the whole shebang.But unless I get this surgery,my spleen is going to slam straight into my heart and explode.So, you know, seeing as I am just a nice person and I always support gay rights,let's just do this.And then I'll have a husband and insurance.Nobody gets hurt.
(Steven turns and walks out of the chapel.)
Gary:Steven, why...Steven!(sighs) It's just...
Susan:Yeah.
Gary:I'm so sorry.My hands are tied.I'm really sorry.
(Gary chases after Steven.)
Gary:Steven, wait. Steven...where are you going?
Minister:Ah, finally got the sound system working.Where's the groom?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Outside Susan's House]
(Susan is sitting on the porch, eating the wedding cake that Steven made. Karl approaches.)
Karl:Hey, Susie Q.What's wrong?For a newlywed, you don't have much spring in your step.
Susan:I didn't get married.
Karl:Really?
Susan:We got to the altar,but the whole fake wedding thing sort of imploded.
Karl:Wow. I'm sorry.
Susan:I still don't have insurance.I need to get that operation.I'm...I'm really screwed.(exhales)
Karl:Well...why don't I just marry you?
Susan:What?
Karl:I've got a fantastic health plan.You'd be covered instantly.
Susan:But... we were actually married.
Karl:Look, Susie,I've always felt awful about walking out on you the way I did.And I figure,if we do this,I'd basically be saving your life.I figure I owe you one.
Susan:Karl...
(He gets on one knee.)
Karl:So what do you say?Will you marry me,Susan Mayer? (laughs)Again?
Susan:What the hell?(laughs)
Karl:Cool!
Susan:What are we gonna do about Edie?
Karl:We can't tell her.
Susan:She'd kill us both.
Karl:Yeah, it'll be our little secret.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Gabrielle's House]
(Xiao mei is packed and ready to leave. Father Crowley and the translator are waiting at the door for her.)
Carlos:We've really enjoyed having you as a guest.Right, Gaby?
Gabrielle:Absolutely.Xiao-mei,you are a very special girl,so...so you take care, okay?
(Xiao mei hugs Gabrielle.)
Gabrielle:Oh!
(Xiao mei touches the bracelet Gabrielle gave her and looks at her affectionately.)
Father Crowley:Thanks for all your help, Carlos.
Carlos:My pleasure,Father.Bye-bye.
Father Crowley:Ladies?
(They leave and Carlos closes the door.)
Carloslease don't tell me you're crying just because you can't have the maid you want.
Gabrielle:Carlos, she wouldn't have been just a maid.She would have been the best damn maid ever.
Carlos:God, you're pathetic.
Gabrielle:Shut up.
(Carlos looks outside.)
Carlos:Hey, something's going on.
(Xiao mei and the translator are arguing. Xiao Mei is tugging her suitcase away from the translator.)
Translator:Father crowley...Xiao-mei, Xiao-mei...(speaking Chinese)小梅你安静一点...
(Carlos and Gabrielle go outside.)
Carlos:Is there a problem?
Father Crowley:Well, Xiao-mel doesn't want to go back to China.She wants to stay here and work for you.
Carlos:What? Why?
Xiao meispeaking Chinese)你替我非常好,我们两个人好像是一家人.
Translator:She says Mrs. Solis treated her with more kindness than she's ever known.She now thinks of you two as family.
Gabrielle:Oh, really?Oh, of course you can stay!Oh! (chuckles)
Carlos:Gaby...
Gabrielle:Carlos,she thinks of us as family.
(Gabrielle leads Xiao mei back into the house.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Advertising Agency]
(Tom and Lynette are working on campaigns. Ed sticks his head in.)
Ed:I'm ready to hear those farm fresh concepts.Conference room in five...toilet boy! (laughing)
Lynette:You are so not allowed to complain to me.
Tom:I know. You were right, okay?So now I'm known throughout the advertising world as "Toilet Boy."
Lynette:Tell him you're done with the games.You don't wanna play anymore.
Tom:No, no, no, I can't.I can't. If I back down now,he'll see it as a sign of weakness.Look, this is the way that guys do business.
Lynette:But...
Tom:So you called it. He made me his bitch. Come on.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Ed's Office]
(Lynette walks in.)
Lynette:Here you go.
Ed:Oh.
Lynette:You know, Ed,I've been thinking.We've had a lot of fun and games around here lately,but maybe it's time to set a slightly more profession tone in the office.
Ed:Oh,I get it.Somebody went running to mommy, didn't he,huh?
Lynette:What?
Ed:Tom loses a few bets,so he tries to get his wife to make me back off?Oh, this is so Alpha Tai.I am gonna make him pay.
Lynette:No. No, you're not gonna make him pay.You are gonna stop this now.
Ed:This is my company.If people wanna work here,they play by my rules.
Lynette:Ed!
Ed:What?
Lynette:I'm calling you out.
Ed:Huh?
Lynette:Yes, you're right.This is your company,so I'll play by your rules.What do I have to do to get you to stop this frat boy crap?Shave my eyebrows?Come to work naked?Name your stakes.
Edscoffs)I don't have time for this.
Lynette:Aw, what's wrong, Ed?You afraid a Phi Kap's gonna get beaten by a girl?Come on, big man...it's just a little bet.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Advertising Agency]
(Everyone is gathered around. Ed sets up a small table in the center of the room.)
Ed:As you know, I think that making the workplace fun is good for morale.But Lynette here thinks that our shenanigans have gotten a little out of hand.
Crowdbooing)Oh. Boo.
Ed:Oh, hold on.Hold on. I respect Lynette's work ethic.So we've decided to settle the matter with a little test of intestinal fortitude.If she can eat 1 pound of our client's fine,farm-fresh pork product, raw...There'll be a moratorium on wagering in the office.
(Ed places a plate of raw bacon on the table in front of Lynette.)
Co-worker:Oh, oh!
Tom:I know you are doing this for me.You don't need to do this.I don't need you fighting my fights.
Lynette:I am not fighting your fights.This is my fight.(clears throat)This is how guys do business, right?
Worker #1:I gotta see this.
(Lynette rolls up one piece of raw bacon and lifts it toward her mouth.)
Worker #2:This is so disgusting.
Worker #3:We're counting on you.
Ed:While we're young.
(Lynette puts the raw bacon into her mouth and chews. The crowd winces.)
Ed:No shame in defeat,Lynette.No shame at all.
(Lynette swallows and the crowd applauds. She rolls up her second piece and raises it to her mouth.)
Worker #3:Oh, she's gonna do it.Ohh!Oh, yes!Oh!
(Piece after piece goes into Lynette's mouth. As she continues, Lynette almost gags as she forces the meat into her mouth.)
Co-worker:Oh, this is too much.
Ed:What? She took the bet.What? This is fun,people.
Worker #3:She's got one more.
(Lynette rolls up the last piece of bacon. She looks ready to vomit. She puts it into the mouth and chews and swallows. She opens her mouth and Ed looks inside for traces of any meat.)
Lynette:So... can this be a place of business again,Ed?No more games?
Ed:Sure.You sucked all the fun out of it anyway.
Worker #1:Lynette...
Worker #3:I gotta go back to work.
Tomsighs)That was really something.
Lynette:Thanks.Could you scrounge me up a bucket?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bree's House]
(Betty knocks at the door.)
Betty:Caleb said a nice, red-haired lady came to visit him.
Bree:Come on in, Betty.Get you a drink?
Betty:This is not a social call, Bree!Did you or did you not break into my home and talk to my son?
Bree:Caleb and I had, uh,a very lovely chat. Yes.
Bettylowers voice)If you ever come near him again,there will be hell to pay.Do you understand?
Bree:Aren't you gonna ask me what we talked about?The name, um...Melanie Foster came up.I'm gonna pour you a drink now, Betty,because we're about to have a very honest discussion,and I think you're gonna need a little help getting through it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Noah's House]
(Noah lies in bed. Mike stands at the foot of the bed.)
Mike:His name's zach young.He lives with his father.Mother committed suicide about a year ago.
Noah:How did he end up with these people?
Mike:How do you think?Dierdre was strung out,Noah.She gave him up.
Noah:I wanna see this boy.
Mike:Well, he's got a new family now.I can't just snap my fingers and get him in here.
Noah:Maybe not,but I can snap my fingers,and Detective Sullivan can make it happen.
Mike:You don't wanna do that.
Noah:No?
Mike:Is that really the way you wanna meet him...have that thug drag him in here so grandpa can give him a hug?
Noah:Fine. You bring him.I'll give you two days.As you know, I'm on a bit of a clock here.
(Mrs. Tilman sits in another room, listening to the conversation on an intercom.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Bree's Dining Room]
Betty:When Caleb was born,and the doctors discovered that he was different,I didn't even cry.It was the most painful moment of my life.I didn't shed a single tear.I just thought to myself,what's the point?He is my son, and I have to raise him as best I can.Now that's my job.In a lot of ways,I feel so blessed.Caleb is challenged,but he has such a sweet nature.I'm sure you noticed that when you came to visit.
Bree:Yes, I did.I also noticed that you had him chained in the basement.
Betty:That's because of Melanie Foster.Melanie was a girl that Matthew dated.She was a debutante.And like typical teenagers,their relationship was full of drama.They were always breaking up and getting back together and breaking up.One night, after one of their big blow-ups,Caleb somehow convinced Melanie to meet him down at our local lumberyard.I can only imagine that she thought he was bringing some kind of apology from Matthew, but he wasn't.Caleb told Melanie he was in love with her,and that if he was her boyfriend,he would never break up with her...and she laughed in his face.He tried to show her he was serious by kissing her...and she hit him.He doesn't remember a lot of what happened after that,but he...he does know that he got very, very angry, and...and that there was an ax lying on the ground nearby him.Yes,my Caleb killed Melanie,but I couldn't let him go to jail...or worse, be put down,for what was really my crime.
Bree:Your crime?
Betty:It was my responsibility.I was supposed to protect him from himself.I am his mother.That was my job.
(Bree reaches over and holds Betty's hand.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:The world is filled with unlikely friendships.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Gabrielle's House]
(Xiao Mei is hemming a dress Gabrielle is trying on. Gabrielle smiles down on her.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:How do they begin?With one person desperately in need,and another willing to lend a helping hand.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Outside Susan's House]
(Susan is getting her mail. She sees Karl and Edie on a bike together.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:When such kindness is offered...
(Edie)Whoo!
Mary Alice Voiceover:...we're finally able to see the worth of those we had previously written off.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Advertising Agency]
(Ed and Tom are in his office. They high-five each other as Lynette looks on, smiling.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:And before we know it...a bond has formed,regardless of whether others can understand it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Outside Betty's House - Daytime]
(Matthew and Danielle are kissing behind a tree.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:Yes, unlikely friendships start up every day.No one understands this more than the lonely.
(Caleb is looking out his window watching them.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:In fact,it's what they count on.


~ The End ~
发表于: 2006-03-08- 04:43 AM 发表主题:


________________________________________


Desperate Housewives
Episode 02.15 - "Thank You So Much"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mary Alice Voiceoverreviously on Desperate Housewives
Karl:Why don't I just marry you?I've got a fantastic health plan.You'd be covered instantly.
Mary Alice Voiceover:Susan got an offer she couldn't afford to refuse.
Detective Barton:You've had too much to drink.Give me your keys.
Mary Alice Voiceover:Bree rejected a helping hand.
Gabrielle:I want to have a babywith you.
Mary Alice Voiceover:Gaby gave Carlos the answer he'd been waiting for.
Nurse:You're my second a-b negative today.
Zach:Oh,who is it?
Nurse:That guy.
Mary Alice Voiceover:And Zach began to put "a" and "b" together.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Susan's Dining Room]
(Susan is sitting at the table smiling and doodling a picture of a stickman hanging in a noose.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:Susan Mayer had always believed the punishment should fit the crime.
[Flashback - Susan's Laundry Room]
Mary Alice Voiceover:She first came to this conclusion when she discovered her husband Karl had been unfaithful.
(Susan takes Karl's shirt out of the dryer and finds lipstick on the collar.)
[Flashback - Susan's Garage]
Mary Alice Voiceover:Since Karl had destroyed the love she had given him...
(Susan puts Karl's trophy in a vise and starts pounding it with a hammer.)
[Flashback - Susan's Backyard]
(A pair of men's dress shoes are on a barbeque. Susan sprays lighter fluid onto the shoes. They burst into flames and Susan smiles.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:Susan felt it was appropriate she destroy the things he loved in return...
[Flashback - Susan's Car]
(Susan runs over Karl's golf clubs carefully placed on the curb so each is bent in half.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:...one by one.
(Susan smiles as she crushes them.)
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[Present - Susan's Dining Room]
Mary Alice Voiceover:But now,three years after their divorce,Susan was reunited with Karl once again...
(Susan is still sitting at the table, doodling and smiling.)
Karl:Susan,are you listening to me?
Mary Alice Voiceover:As partners in a crime of their own.
Karl:This is insurance fraud.We could both go to jail.Now we can't tell anyone we're getting married.
Susan:I know.I was listening to you.
(Julie is sitting at the table with Susan and Karl.)
Karl:Now the prenup's all set.You can sign it at the courthouse.
Susan:11:30,Wednesday morning.Right?
Karl:Right. And your surgery's still on for Thursday?
Susan:Yep.
Karl:Good.The insurance kicks in the minute we say "I do."You're set to go.
Julie:I know no one's asking me,but I think this whole thing is a tragic mistake,and I just don't have it in me to survive another ugly divorce.
Susanon't worry,honey.This time,it is strictly a business arrangement.
Julie:It better be,'cause if I see so much as one lingering gaze between the two of you,I swear I'll go to the insurance company and turn you in.
(Julie walks upstairs.)
Susan:So we shouldn't expect a wedding gift,huh?
Karl:Oh,can you grab me your wedding ring?I wanna get it cleaned before the ceremony.
Susan:Uh,is that really necessary?I mean,do we have to do the whole ring thing?
Karl:Of course we do.It's gotta look believable.
Susan:Yeah,okay.Well,I'll just grab something out of my jewelry box.
Karl:Susan,that ring was my grandmother's.One day it's gonna be Julie's.Where is it?
Susan:I don't know...exactly.
Karl:That was a family heirloom.I trusted you with it.
Susan:Well,I trusted you not to cheat on me and break my heart.
Karl:Oh,my god. Oh,my god.What--what did you do with it?
Susan:I threw it out my car window somewhere on route 7.
Karl:What?! When?
Susan:The night you abandoned me.
Karl:Suz--
Susan:Karl,you are so not allowed to get angry.I mean,I might've been the one to throw away the wedding ring,but you threw away the whole marriage.There was plenty of bad behavior that went on back then,so just get off your high horse.We're on the same page now,so we should just focus on that.
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[Highway]
(Susan is running a metal detector over the brush on the side of the road as Karl stands by his car watching her.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:Yes,Susan Mayer believed the punishment should fit the crime.
Susan:Karl,I think there might be snakes in here.
Karl:We're not leaving here until you find that ring.
Mary Alice Voiceover:But for that matter,so did Karl.
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Opening Credits
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[Leonardo's Bar and Grille]
(A waiter is singing opera.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:It was a tradition at Leonardo's Bar and Grill,an hour before closing time,a waiter would sing a selection of ridiculously depressing Italian arias.
(Bree, all dressed up, sits at a table listening, in tears.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:It was also a tradition that the only customers who would actually listen were the ones already depressed to begin with.
(A waiter hands Bree a napkins for her tears.)
Bree:Tony?Do you have to rush off?I thought maybe we could just chat for a minute.
Tony:So I haven't seen you in a while.
Bree:Well,I didn't wanna come here because I was afraid it would drudge up memories of my husband.You know,this was our place.Rex passed away recently.He was,um,murdered by our pharmacist.
Tony:I hope you changed pharmacists.
Bree:I didn't have to.He committed suicide.
Tony:Look,you've had a little too much wine tonight.How about I call you a cab?
Bree:Oh,no,no,no,no.I'm okay.
Tony:Your car would be safe in our lot,and you can pick it up tomorrow.Please.
Bree:Well,okay.Tony?How many more arias is he gonna sing?
Tony:Five.
Bree:Oh. In that case,why don't you bring me another bottle of the Pinot Grigio?And please hurry.
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[Wisteria Lane - Nighttime]
(A cab pulls up in front of Bree's house. Bree gets out. She can barely walk straight. She drops her keys in the grass. She kneels down to pick them up.)
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[Wisteria Lane - Daytime]
(Mrs. McCluskey is out for a morning walk and sees Bree lying face-down on the grass. She kneels next to her and tries to wake her.)
Mrs. McCluskey:Bree?Bree.You okay?
(Mrs. McCluskey gets a sniff of Bree's breath. She gets up and rings Bree's doorbell.)
Andrew:Yes?
Mrs. McCluskey:Hi. Uh,did you know your mother is asleep on the lawn?
Andrew:Oh, wow.
Mrs. McCluskey:Yeah,well,you don't seem terribly shocked.
Andrew:Oh,it's,um...it's just,mom drinks,and sometimes she sleeps it off in the weirdest places.
Mrs. McCluskey:Can I help you with her?
Andrew:No. No,it's okay.I,uh,I know how to take care of her.
Mrs. McCluskey:Well,good luck to you then.
(Mrs. McCluskey walks away. Andrew turns on the sprinklers. Bree jumps up, shrieking.)
(Andrew smiles and walks back into the house. Bree grabs her wrap and runs inside.)
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[Lynette's House - Daytime]
(Lynette is putting Penny in the playpen while the twins play a portable piano.)
Porter:I wanna play "chopsticks."
Preston:Me too.
Lynette:You okay?
(The doorbell rings.)
Lynette:I'm coming!
Mrs. McCluskey:Hi.
Lynette:Hi.
Mrs. McCluskey:Your kids--they have any allergies I should know about?
Lynette:Uh,not that I know of. Why?
Mrs. McCluskey:'Cause I'm watching them.Tom called,said you both got pulled into work for the weekend,asked me to baby-sit.
Lynette:Really?
Mrs. McCluskey:I thought it'd be nice if I gave 'em back to you alive.
Tom:Oh,hey,Mrs. Mccluskey.(to Lynette)Sorry,I forgot to tell you.
Mrs. McCluskey:Hi.
Lynette:Oh,that's okay. Um...would you excuse me just for a second? I have, uh, a thing.
Mrs. McCluskey:Sure.
Lynette:Thanks.(to Tom)Follow me.You're part of the thing.
(They walk into the laundry room.)
Lynette:A million teenagers in this neighborhood,and you hire Mccluskey?
Tom:What's the big deal?
Lynette:Well,for starters,she's ancient!
Tom:Shh!This is a thin door!
Lynette:It was not that long ago that she keeled over in her front yard.A day with our kids will finish the job.
Tom:It's only for a few hours.Plus,Parker's on a play date with the Farrells,so it's just the twins and Penny.
Lynette:Just the twins and Penny?
Tom:Okay,that was stupid.Let me try that another way.We have to be at work in one hour.There's no day care on the weekends,so you cut McCluskey loose,we're stuck.
Lynette:We will find someone--someone who doesn't remember what they were doing the day Lincoln was shot.
Tom:Fine.Let's go break the news.
(They walk back into the living room. Tom keeps walking up the stairs.)
Tom:My wife has something to tell you.
Lynette:So,here's the deal.Um,there was a little miscommunication,and as it turns out,we don't need ya.
Mrs. McCluskey:Okay.Fine.I'll just go back home.
Lynette:Okay. Sorry.
Mrs. McCluskey:By the way,your husband was right.It's a thin door.
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[Gabrielle's Driveway - Daytime]
(Gabrielle gets out of her car carrying many shopping bags. She looks up and sees Carlos standing in the window talking to a woman in a towel. She throws the packages down and runs into the house. There is a pitcher of wine and glasses set up in the living room. She runs upstairs.)
Gabrielle:Carlos,what are you doing?
Lucia:Hello,Gabriela.
Gabrielle:Oh.Hi,mom.
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[Gabrielle's Living Room]
Lucia:I just told Carlos I just had to take a shower.The man next to me on the plane weighed 300 pounds,and he sweated all over me.Ugh,it was so gross.
Gabrielle:No,I'm just surprised you're here.It's Valentine's Day.Don't you and Mr. Hedgefund have plans?I know Carlos and I do.
Lucia:No,I left Charles.
Gabrielle:What?He was worth,like,$6 million.
Lucia:Money is not everything,Gabriela.
Gabrielle:For some people,but we're talking about you now,mother.
Lucia:You know,I can't believe this.I mean,I just went through a terrible breakup,and the least you could do is pretend to care.
Carlos:Well,of course we feel awful about it,don't we,Gabrielle?
Gabrielle:Yeah,we're just sick about it.
Lucia:Well,don't worry about me.I'll be okay.In fact,I bought myself a little gift to take my mind off my problems.
Gabrielle:Really?What did you buy?
(Lucia stands up and pulls her robe open in front of Gabrielle.)
Lucia:New boobs!
Gabrielle:Whoa!
Lucia:No peeking,Carlos.
Gabrielle:Okay,mom,put these away!
Lucia:My plastic surgeongave me a great deal.Aren't they fun?Bye,Carlos.
(Lucia goes upstairs. Carlos chuckles.)
Carlos:What?I think she's charming.
Gabrielle:Okay,you can think she's charming.But don't forget for one second that she is a monster.
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[Susan's Kitchen - Daytime]
(Susan is scrubbing a ring with a very small brush.)
Julieid you get the gum out from under the diamond?
Susan:Mostly.
(Dr.Ron comes downstairs.)
Ron:Morning.
Susan:Hi!Happy Valentine's Day.
(Susan drops the ring in a vase.)
Julier. Ron,did you spend the night?
Ron:Well,uh,yeah,I got kinda tired after the movie,so I asked--
Susan:It's okay. She knows that you make house calls.
Ron:Oh.Um,so listen,I've got surgery till 6.I'll get dressed and I'll pick you up at about 7.We have reservations at Chez Naomi.
Susan:Great!I'll have a light lunch.
Ron:And also,Dr.Cunningham's schedule opened up,so if you'd like,we can move up your surgery to Wednesday.
Susan:Oh,I have a wedding that day.
Ron:On a Wednesday?
Susan:Yeah.Wednesdays are becoming very popular with brides.It's like the new Saturday.
Ron:Okay.Well...I'll see ya tonight.Bye.
(Dr. Ron leaves.)
Susan:Your mother is a rotten,sneaky person.
(Susan fishes the ring out of the vase.)
Julie:Look,I'm not too crazy about this whole fake marriage thing,but if you don't have that operation,you could die.So don't be so hardon yourself.You are a good person.

Susan:Thanks,hon.That really helps.Okay,now I want you to go over and slip this ring to your father.And just so you know,if Edie catches you,I'm expecting you to swallow it.
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[Bree's Kitchen - Daytime]
(Andrew gets the milk from the refrigerator as Bree walks in wearing her bathrobe.)
Andrew:How's the hangover?
Bree:I do not have a hangover,Andrew,because I was not drunk.
Andrew:Then,uh...how about a little hair of the dog?It'll perk you right up.
(He pulls out a bottle of wine.)
Bree:Look,for the record,I had an allergic reactionto my antihistamine medication,so I would appreciate just a little bit of sympathy.
Danielle:Why can't you just drink alone in your room like Tammy's mom?
Bree:For god sakes,it was an honest mistake.I thought I could have just a little bit of wine with dinner,but,
apparently,my body couldn't handle it.Fine!If it makes everybody happy,I will just suffer through my sneezing fits and my hives on my own.
(She throws the pills into the sink.)
Bree:There. Is that better?
Andrew:So basically you would rather drink than to not have allergies?
(The doorbell rings. Bree opens the door.)
Lynette:Hi.Is now a bad time?I could really use a favor.
(The twins and Penny in the stroller are standing in front of Lynette.)
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[Paul's House - Daytime]
(Zach is staring at the wedding picture of his parents.)
Paul:She was beautiful,wasn't she?
Zach:Yeah.
Paul:Come on,sit down.Your breakfast is getting cold.
Zach:Was my real mother beautiful?
Paul:Well,she was,uh,attractive,as I recall.
Zacho I look like her?
Paul:I don't know.I-I only met her once.
Zach:Well,'cause if I don't look like her,then I might look likemy real dad.
Paul:I'm getting real tired of your morbid fascination with two strangers who didn't love you enough to keep you.So,please,stop asking about them.
Zach:It's only natural that I'd wanna talk about my birth parents.
Paul:Well,it may be natural,but it certainly isn't polite.
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[Noah's Bedroom]
(Noah is lying in bed looking at the photos of the bones found in the trunk.)
Detective Sullivan:And once your daughter was dead,they had to get rid of her somehow.That's where the toy chest came in.Flash forward 15 years,the chest washes upon the shore of Rockwater Lake.Any forensic evidence is long gone,and the Youngs get away with murder.Now,of course,the wife,Mary Alice,is already dead,but...Paul Young's a different matter.If you'd like me to deal with him,just say the word.

Noahelfino's bringing my grandson here.I wanna get the kid something.You know anything about those mp3 things?
Sullivan:Yeah,they're real nice.I'd go with that.
Noah:Ah,he's probably got one already.Paul Young has had 16 years to get my grandkid anything he wants.Do me a favor,will ya?
Sullivan:Yeah.
Noah:See to it that Paul Young has a toy chest of his very own.
(Mrs. Tilman stands outside Noah's door, eavesdropping.)
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[Edie's Living Room]
(Edie calls up the stairs to Karl, who's lying on the bed, watching TV.)
Edie:Karl!
Karl:Yeah?
Edie:This place is a freakin' pigsty.Would you get down here and help me?
Karl:All right,hold on,it's almost half time.By the way,I made dinner reservations at Chez Naomi tonight,if that's okay.
Edie:It's gotta be better than that rathole you took me to New Year's.And don't even think of getting me carnations again.That crap might have flown for Mayer.I actually have taste.Come on! Move it!
(Edie begins straightening up Karl's briefcase and sees the engagement ring and the pre-nup agreement.)
Karl:All right,I'm coming.
(Edie runs upstairs.)
Edie:No! No,no,no.Sit and watch the game.I was just giving you a hard time.You'd had a tough week.
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[Bree's House - Daytime]
(The twins are banging on the portable piano. Bree comes into the room carrying Penny.)
Bree:Boys...can you just keep it down just a little bit?Because I have a very...special type of grown-up headache.
Porter:We need to see mommy and daddy.We wanna play 'em our song.
Bree:Honey,you can't.They're at work.
Preston:Well,can we play it for you?
(They begin banging on the piano. Bree grabs it from them.)
Bree:Sure.Just--just a moment,okay?
(Bree sits down on the couch with a glass of wine and still carrying Penny.)
Bree:All right,boys,let's have it.
(The twins begin banging on the piano and Bree drinks her wine.)
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[Doctor's Office]
(A doctor is talking with Gabrielle and Carlos.)
Doctor:When I heard that you two wanted to try for another child,I was delighted.But I had some cause for concern.Gabrielle,you suffered some extensive injuries during your fall last month,and the test confirmed there are complications.
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[Gabrielle's Dining Room - Daytime]
(Gabrielle, her mother, and Carlos are sitting around the table eating as Xiao mei serves food.)
Lucia:You can't have kids?
Gabrielle:Well,the doctor's not 100% positive,but it's very,very iffy.
Lucia:Carlos,I am so sorry.I know how much you wanted to be a dad.
Carlos:Thanks.
Gabrielleon't be so suicidal.We can always adopt.
Carlos:I wanted to have a child of our own.You know that.
Gabrielle:What does it matter whose D.N.A. it is?The diapers are still gonna smell the same regardless.
Carlos:I'd just prefer not to adopt. Okay?
Gabrielle:Fine.What about surrogacy?I mean,I know it's pricey,but at least the baby would look like us,and I wouldn't get stretch marks.It's a win-win.
Carlos:Great.So then we have some stranger off the street giving birth to our child.Is that what you really want?
Gabrielle:What I want is for you to lighten up.We don't have a lot of options, and you're gonna have to pick one.
Lucia:I-I have a thought. Mm?Well,it's,uh,a little bit controversial,but,uh,go with me.Well,first of all,let me tell you,that I am in the best shape of my life.
Gabrielle:So?
Lucia:So...what if I was your surrogate?Yeah,I know. I know it might sound a little crazy,but I am the only one in the world that you can trust to put the baby's needs first.You know,I'll exercise more,I'll eat better--
Gabrielle:Mother,no!
Lucia:Why?
Gabrielle:Off the top of my head,you're on medicare?
Lucia:I am only fifty... one.You know,and there's this woman in England last year.She was 63 years old,and she gave birth to her own grandchild.
Gabrielle:Look,I don't care if she shot triplets out of her ass.It's not gonna happen.Can you believe this?
Carlos:How'd that England baby turn out?I mean,it didn't have,like,a big head or anything,did it?
Gabrielle:Carlos,you are not seriously considering this.
Carlos:Well,think about it,Gaby.This way,the surrogate wouldn't be some impersonal incubator.There'd be a family tie.
Gabrielle:I have a migraine.I'm gonna go lay down upstairs.Then when I get up,I hope we can all talk about this like rational human beings.
(Gabrielle goes upstairs. Gabrielle turns back and sees her mother patting Carlos' arm.)
Lucia:Carlitos,don't worry.Just give her time.She'll come around.
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[Bree's Living Room - Daytime]
(Bree is passed out on the couch with Penny on her chest. One of the twins taps her trying to wake her up. He picks up Bree's arm and lets go. Her arm flops back down to her side.)
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[Outside Bree's House - Daytime]
(The twins push Penny in the stoller down the street.)
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[Bree's Living Room - Daytime]
(Bree wakes up.)
Bree:Boys?Boys?
(She searches the house.)
Bree:Okay,we're done playing hide-and-seek!Boys?!
(Bree runs to the Scavo house and bangs on the locked door. She runs down the street yelling down the street.)
Breeorter! Preston!This isn't funny!
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[Outside Mrs. McCluskey's House]
(Bree approaches Mrs. McCluskey as she rakes her yard.)
Bree:Mrs. Mccluskey,hi.Have you seen the Scavo boys?
Mrs. McCluskey:No,can't say that I have. Why?
Bree:I have something to tell them.
Mrs. McCluskey: Ah.
(Bree rushes off.)
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[Advertising Agency]
Lynette:Have they signed the contract?'Cause if not,somebody should call Bednark and tell them to adjust the language.
(Lynette's cell phone rings.)
Lynette:Oh.I'm sorry.Hang on.Hello?
Hairdresser:Lynette Scavo?
Lynette:Yes.
Hairdresser:I believe I have something that belongs to you.
(The twins are playing with hair dryers as Penny sits quietly in her stroller.)
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[Beauty Salon]
(Lynette and Tom come running in.)
Lynette:Hi. Excuse me.Hi.You called and you said my kids are here?
Porter/Preston:Hi,mommy!
Lynette:Oh,my god!
Porter/Prestonad!
Tom:Just what were you thinking,taking off like that?
Lynette:Honey,I was so worried about you.
Tom:Get your stuff.Get your stuff right over here.
Lynette:Thank you.Thank you so much.
Tom:Stay right here.
Hairdresser:I'm just glad I found 'em and not some weirdo freak.
Lynette:Oh,yes.Oh,yeah,me too. Thank you.
Hairdresser:Because there are all sorts of crazy people out there--drunks,perverts,molesters.
Lynette:Yes! Yeah,no,I know.
Hairdresser:No! You got really lucky.I mean,a different person might have called the cops or child welfare.
Lynette:Well,uh,okay,I know how this looks,but I have to tell you,I left them with a very reliable baby-sitter.
Hairdresser:Oh,yeah.You picked a real winner.
Lynette:Are you judging me?Because if you are,you couldn't say anything
Tom:Lynette,Lynette!
Lynette:What?!
Tom:Let it go.The kids walked for 3 miles to get here.We don't have a leg to stand on.
Lynette:Well,thank you so much!
Tom:Here we go.
(Lynette, Tom, and the kids leave.)
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[Gabrielle's Kitchen]
Gabrielle:Hey...I don't know about you,but I am tired of all the tension around here,so I was thinking we could go shopping,have some fun.Then maybe later we can talk about the surrogacy thing,see if we can make it work.
Lucia:Oh,Gabriela!Oh,you'll see...this is the best thing for the entire family.
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[Gabrielle's Car]
(Gabrielle pulls up in front of a hotel.)
Lucia:So where's the boutique?
Gabrielle:Oh,it's in the hotel lobby.So go ahead,I'm right behind ya.
Lucia:Okay.
(Gabrielle's mother gets out of the car. Gabrielle stays in the car and locks the doors.)
Lucia:What are you doing?
Gabrielle:I'm going home.
Lucia:What?I thought we were gonna talk about how the surrogacy will work.
Gabrielle:Here's how it's gonna work--you're gonna check yourself into the hotel,and then tomorrow,you're gonna plant your child bearing hips on a plane,and you're gonna leave our lives forever.
(Gabrielle pulls out a handful of cash and throws it at her mother.)
Gabrielle:I'm pulling out.Watch your boobs.
(Gabrielle drives away.)
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[Lynette's House - Daytime]
(Tom's car pulls in the driveway. Bree comes running out of her house and runs over.)
Lynette:Come on out.
Bree:Oh,thank god! I'm so sorry.I don't know what happened.I was in the kitchen cleaning up after making cookies,and I looked in the living room,and they were gone.
Preston:We tried to tell her we were going,but she was asleep.
Lynette:You were sleeping?
Bree:I most certainly was not.
Porter:Yes,you were.
Lynette:Okay,all right,that lie just lost you another week of TV and video game privileges.That's two.You wanna keep talking and lose more?Then apologize to Mrs. Van de Kamp.
Porter/Preston:Sorry.
Lynette:All right,go back in.
Bree:No--no harm done.
Lynette:I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
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[Gabrielle's House]
(Carlos is carrying Lucia's bags.)
Carlos:Well,if you ask me,it's a pretty crappy thing to do.Did you even slow the car down before you pushed her out?
Gabrielle:Okay,first of all,no one asked you.And the only reason you care about my mother is because of that ridiculous suggestion she offered.
Carlos:I think her offer to be our surrogate was very generous.
Gabrielle:Generous?Don't you see the strings attached?
Carlos:What strings?
Gabrielle:The only reason she offered up her dusty womb is because she's screwed.Her latest sugar daddy gave her the boot,so mom needs a place to stay and money.So trust me,if she carried our child,we'd be footing the bill for years.
Carlos:I think your hatred for her is clouding your judgment.
Gabrielle:Maybe,but you don't know her like I do.
Carlos:Okay.You ran away from home 15 years ago.Did you ever think to talk to her about the stuff that happened between you and your stepdad?
Gabrielle:It wouldn't have done any good.
Carlos:How do you know that?
Gabrielle:Because...she knew exactly what was going on with alejandro,and she chose to look the other way.
Carlos:But you never even gave hera chance to step up.You just ran away from home.
Gabrielle:Because if I did,then she, we--because...there was a chance she wouldn't have believed me,and...and that would've hurt a lot worse than anything he ever did to me.
Carlos:She's your mother,and she loves you.I know it's been a very long time,but maybe you can talk to her about it now.
Gabrielle:I'm getting her luggage back to her,and that's the best I can do.
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[Paul's House]
(There's a knock at the door.)
Paul:What are you doing here?
Mike: There's something I need to talk to you about.It's important.
Paul:There's nothing for us to talk about.
Mike: Shut up and listen.Dierdre's father,Noah Taylor,somehow found out about Zach,and he wants to meet him.
(Zach is just walking into the room and stops when he hears Mike talking.)
Paul:"Somehow found out"?Like,maybe you told him?
Mike: Noah is no friend of mine.But he's very rich and powerful,and he's terminal,and he wants to meet his grandson before he dies.
Paul:Absolutely not.
Mike:Well,you'll be surprised,but I agree with you.Noah destroys everything he touches,and the last thing either of us wants is for this guy to get his hooks into Zach.
Paul:What are we supposed to do?
Mike:You and Zach need to vanish.Just stay out of sight until nature takes its course with Noah.
Paul:If we leave,we won't be coming back.You'll never see your boy again.
Paul:I know.
(Zach backs out of the room after overhearing this.)
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[Chez Naomi]
(Edie and Karl are sharing a romantic meal. They kiss.)
Edie:Well,happy Valentine's Day,my darling.
(Across the room, Susan and Dr. Ron are also sharing a romantic meal.)
Ron:Isn't that your ex-husband?
Susan:Oh,yeah.
(Susan waves at Edie.)
Edie:Apparently,they'll let anyone in here.(waves back)Hi.
Waiter:Your chocolate soufflés will be out momentarily.
Edie:Oh,we didn't order soufflé?
Karl:I ordered as soon as we got here.It takes an hour to prepare.
Edie:Oh,I really can't.I'm stuffed.
Karl:No,no,no,this you'll wanna try.It's their specialty.
Edie:I guess I'll have the soufflé?Can you excuse me for a second?I,um...I just have to powder my nose.
(Edie gets up and goes to Susan's table.)
Edie:I'm sorry to interrupt.(to Susan)Your makeup is all smudged.Come with me.I'll fix it.
Susan:What?
Edie:Come on,get up.
Susan (to Dr. Ron):Sorry.(to Edie)My makeup is smudged?
(Edie pulls Susan into the restroom.)
Edie:Get in here.I have some news that's probably gonna devastate you.But I wanted to be the first one to tell you.
Susan:Okay.
Edie:Karl is about to pop the question.
Susan:You mean,like,marriage?
Edie:Hmm hmm!Oh,I hope I haven't ruined your Valentine's Day.Do you want a tissue?
Susan:No,no. I'm okay.I-I'm just... surprised.Well,congratulations.What makes you think he's gonna propose?
Edie:Well,I,um,I was looking through his briefcase this afternoon,and I found this ring.And so tonight he keeps pushing this "special dessert" on me,so obviously,he's hidden the ring inside.
Susan:A ring!What did it look like?
Edie:Oh,I don't know.18-karat white gold,10 diamonds,engraved accents.I just got a quick peek.
Susan:I think I know that ring.That's his grandmother's ring.It's a family heirloom.And,you know,he might just be having it cleaned or something.
Edie:Except for one thing--lying right next to it...was a prenup!
Susan:Well,Karl is a lawyer,and it could just be a prenup for another client.
Edie:Boy,jealousy is one ugly thing up close.
Susan:Oh,no,Edie--
Edie:No,you know what?I'm gonna take the high road and...and I'm gonna ignore your nastiness.If you'll excuse me,I'm going back to my table and getting engaged.
(Edie sits back down at the table with Karl. The waiter serves the soufflê. Susan comes out of the bathroom with a note in her hand. She stops the waiter.)
Susan:Oh,hi. Um,do you see that man over there?Dark hair,handsome.I need you to slip this to him without anybody noticing.
(The waiter takes the note and gives it to the man sitting with a woman behind Karl's table. The man opens the note, which reads: "Be careful! She thinks you're about to propose.")
(The man stands up, angry, and begins screaming at this date.)
Man:God,you never stop.I told you,I'm not divorcing my wife.I'm in this for the sex,and if you can't accept it,then go to hell.
(The man walks out. Edie begins sticking her fingers in the soufflé.)
Karl:What the hell are you doing?
Edie:Well,I thought you said this dessert was special.
Karl:When you put it in your mouth and eat it.What is wrong with you?
Edie:Well...nothing.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Hotel Room]
(Lucia opens her door dressed in a bathrobe.)
Lucia:Carlos,what a surprise.Come on in.
Carlos:I thought you could use your bags.
Lucia:Oh,yes.The perfect timing.I just took a shower and needed something to change into.Here,leave it here.This is fine. Thank you.
Carlos:Listen,do you have a minute?Because I need to talk to you about something.
Lucia:Hmm,yeah,sure. Sit down.Talk as I dress.I'll leave the door open so I can hear.
(Lucia grabs a dress out of her bags and goes into the bathroom.)
Carlos:Look,I was,uh,I was thinking about your surrogacy idea.
Lucia:Mm hmm.
Carlos:And I think it could be the answer to all of our problems.That is,if you're still interested.
Lucia:Yes! I mean,uh,I am.But I-I just think that Gaby will never let it happen.
Carlos:No,no. No,she can be convinced.I know it.
(Lucia comes out of the bathroom.)
Lucia:Can you please,uh,zip me up?
Carlos:Huh?
Lucia:My zipper! It's stuck.
(Carlos gets up and zips up the back of the dress.)
Lucia:You did that so fast.I know someone who works out.
Carlos:As I was saying,I think the surrogacy idea could work.but you and Gaby are gonna have to mend some fences.
Lucia:After such a long time,what is the point?
Carlos:Lucia,please,hear me out.There was a lot of stuff that Gaby went through when she was younger--a lot of stuff that you don't know about.And I think that if you went to her and asked her about it,then the two of you could finally get past it.
Lucia:What stuff are you talking about,Carlos?
Carlos:Your second husband,Alejandro?When Gaby was 15,he assaulted her sexually.
Lucia:Is that what she told you?
Carlos:Look,I know that it comes as a shock for you to be hearing it from me--
Lucia:Carlos,please,I am aware they had sex.But it was Gabriela who seduced him.
Carlos:Excuse me?
Lucia:She was always jealous of me.You don't know how many times I caught her wearing my shoes,trying on my jewelry...and I'd scream at her to leave my things alone,but no,she wanted whatever I had.Then one night,she set her sights on Alejandro.Believe me,no one got raped.
Carlos:Lucia,she was only 15 years old.


Lucia:You know,a lot of men have left me over the years,and I never knew the reason.But when Alejandro left,I knew exactly why it happened.Gabriela made him fall in love with her.Oh,it took me so many years to forgive her.
Carlos:You forgave her?
Lucia:But of course.I couldn't have offered to carry her baby unless I had.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Wisteria Lane - Nighttime]
(Karl is taking the garbage to the curb. Susan is hiding across the street.)
Susan:Karl. Karl!Come here!Why didn't you answer your damn cell phone?
Karl:I turned it off.What's going on?
Susan:Where's Edie?
Karl:She's upstairs.She's been in a pissy mood eversince we left the restaurant.I don't know what's wrong with her.
Susan:She found the ring and the prenup in your briefcase.She thought you were gonna pop the question tonight.
Karl:Oh,no.
Susan:Oh,yes.You know,this whole fake marriage thing was okay when nobody was getting hurt.What are we doing? It's a lie!I lost Mike over a lie,and now I'm doing the same thing to Dr. Ron,and--and look at Edie.She was devastated.I don't think I can go through with this.
Karl:You can't call off the wedding.How are you gonna pay for your surgery?
Susan:I don't know.You know,I'll just...I'll sell the car.
Karl:Susie,this is your health we're talking about.We're getting married.
Susan:Karl--
Karl:No.Dr. Ron would be the first to say that you're doing the right thing.I'll figure out some way to handle Edie.
Susan:How? How are you gonna handle Edie?That poor woman's dreams exploded in her face tonight.You know,it's not like you can just go out and buy her flowers,and everything will be better.
Karl:Then I'll propose to her.
Susan:Well,that's a little extreme.
Karl:Not really.I was probably gonna do it eventually anyhow.Obviously we're gonna have to get a divorce before I can actually marry her.But,uh... what?
Susan:Nothing. I just...I didn't know that you loved her like that.
Karl:She's a great kid.Total package.What's the matter,Susie Q?Jealous?
Susan:No,of course not.Well,okay,this is good because...you know,if this experience helped you to realize your true feelings,then,uh...then we did something good here.
Karl:Yeah. I think we have.Come here.
(Karl hugs Susan.)
Susan:I can't believe you thought I was jealous.It's not like I still have feelings for you anymore.
Karl:You're right.I-I was just fooling around.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Gabrielle's House]
(Carlos comes home.)
Gabrielle:So? How did it go?
Carlos:Fine.I just dropped off the luggage and left.
Gabrielle:Ah.
(Carlos kisses Gabrielle.)
Gabrielle:What was that for?
Carlos:No reason.Hey,I was thinking...we should look into adoption.
Gabrielle:Seriously?But I thought you wanted a kid with your own D.N.A.?
Carlos:Blood isn't everything.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Outside Lynette's House - Daytime]
(Lynette is bringing out her garbage. Mrs. McCluskey is across the street working on her yard.)
Lynette:Hey!
Mrs.McCluskey:I heard ya lost your kids yesterday.
Lynette:Yeah.It was cleared up.It was just a little confusion.
Mrs.McCluskey:Uh,help me out here with something.What exactly is it you look for in a baby-sitter?
Lynette:Excuse me?
Mrs.McCluskey:Well,I may be ancient,like you say,but I've never gotten drunk and lost track of three kids.
Lynette:What?
Mrs.McCluskey:I smelled wine on Bree Van de Kamp when she was looking for your boys.
Lynette:That's ridiculous.
Mrs.McCluskey:Is it?Yesterday I found her passed out on her front lawn,drunk as a skunk.
Lynette:I've known Bree for years and years.There's no way she was drinking while baby-sitting my kids.So...just go spread your poison somewhere else. Okay?
Mrs.McCluskey:I just thought I'd do you a favor and let you know,that's all.
Lynette:Okay,well,thanks.
(Mrs. McCluskey walks away.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Outside Bree's House - Daytime]
(Bree is bringing out her garbage.)
Lynette:Hi.You,um,you recovered from all of yesterday's excitement?
Bree:Oh,truthfully,I haven't been able to get my mind off it.What a scare,huh?
Lynette:Yeah,although I-I still can't figure out how my boys managed to sneak past you.
Bree:Well,you know how boys are at the age.They're escape artists.
Lynette:They're like lightning.It's just,Penny...
Breeenny?
Lynette:Well,I mean,I just don't understand how Porter and Preston managed to wrangle her into the stroller and then make it out your front door without you even noticing.I guess if you'd fallen asleep...it could've happened like that,I-I guess.
Bree:You know,I think,um,I must have been cleaning the kitchen,and I-I just didn't hear them because of the noise from the dishwasher.
Lynette:Look,I apologize in advance for how this is going to sound,but I have to ask. It's just gonna eat away at me.Were you drinking while baby-sitting my kids?
Bree:No!Ah,you know,I may have had just the tiniest little bit of chardonnay.
Lynette:Oh,gosh,you got drunk,and you passed out.
Bree:Lynette,if I close my eyes even for a moment,it's because of these antihistamines I've been taking.
Lynette:Really?Is that why you passed out on your front lawn yesterday morning?
Bree:Now that you're speaking to me in a fairly accusatory tone,may I remind you that I was doing you a favor?
Lynette:You put my kids in danger,and then you lied about it.Do you not get how big that is?Do you have some kind of problem with alcohol?
Bree:No!The only problem I have is with your children.They're incorrigible because you let them run amok.And if I hadn't drifted off,they would have waited until I was in the bathroom or stuck on the phone or upstairs doing laundry.
Lynette:On any given day,how many glasses of wine do you put away?
Bree:I will not be spoken to like that.I just won't.
(Bree walks away into her house.Lynette goes to Bree's trash can and opens the bag. She starts taking out all the wine bottles.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:Now and then,we all need a little help...so we ask for small favors.
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[Justice of the Peace Office]
(Susan and Karl are getting married.)
Susan:Thanks.I owe you one.
Mary Alice Voiceover:But it's always best to be wary of those eager to come to our rescue.
Justice of the Peace:Well,go on.Kiss the bride.
(Karl kisses Susan.)
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[Outside Mrs. McCluskey's House]
(Tom is talking to Mrs. McCluskey.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:Because even the smallest of favors...
Mrs. McCluskey:Sure thing,Tom.I'd be happy to baby-sit for you.My,have you noticed how clogged my rain gutters are?
(Tom looks up at her rain gutters.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:...carries a price tag.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Hotel Room]
(A bellhop is taking Lucia's luggage out.Lucia is on the phone.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:Yes,everyone has an agenda.
Lucia:I heard about your operation,Aunt Inez,and I'm jumping on a plane right now to come and help you out.
Mary Alice Voiceover:No matter what they may tell us.
Lucia:No,I'm happy to,and I'm prepared to stay as long as it takes.
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[Outside Bree's House]
(Bree comes out the door and looks down.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:And in those rare instances where there is no ulterior motive...
(On her porch are twelve wine bottles neatly lined up. A note is in one of the bottles.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:...we're so taken aback that we may fail to recognize the truth...
(Bree opens the note which reads: "Do you still think you don't have a problem?")
(Lynette,across the street,is cleaning up her kids' toys on the lawn.Lynette stares at Bree,who stares back. Lynette walks into her house.)
Mary Alice Voiceover:...that a loving friend has just done us an enormous favor.


~ The End ~

 

[michelle8126]

楼主真是太慷慨了!谢谢!万分感激!

 

[Aim]

跟着谢谢

 

[tk_lin]

谢谢，现在有新的了吗？

 

[fablemom]

真遗憾，当初看片的时候没看到这个剧本，现在都删了……