A feeling of half a lifetime

[dave]

A feeling of half a lifetime
David Du
Time like sand running through my finger,
The homeland like a swing swaying in my eyes,
Waiting to climb Mount Lao has
Right now become a shadow
flickering in my brain, I'm
sitting by the lakeside watching the maple leaves
Turn to us their red faces, and
The Atlantic Ocean seems covered by waves
From a far-away place - the Yellow Sea.
Jumping between the two channels' capital letters
and characters.
I suddenly discover that I am not a good dancer,
and I
Even have the illusion that I've sprained my ankle.
Watching the setting sun, thinking about youth or
some old ambitions,
As its glow, its light, languishingly, gets gloomy,
I am feeling heartbreak.

继续发英文诗，尽管有园友説读起来像白话，其实，英文诗和中文诗是完全不同的。中文古诗也好，新诗也罢，由于汉字本身的特点，感觉很有平仄感，有意境。但英文诗则不同。除了隔行押韵之外，很难感受到中国诗的那种意境和神韵。这大概就是汉字的魅力吧。

比如今年重阳节我依韵杜甫诗《九日蓝田崔氏庄》写了一首重阳书怀，我尝试着自己把他翻译成英文感觉真得如同白开水。我把它贴在这里。
先是杜甫原作及我的翻译，有兴趣的英文诗爱好者可以对比一下。我那首为了隔行押韵，我加了 lower and lower, 中文原诗没有。

九日蓝田崔氏庄

[唐] 杜甫

老去悲秋强自宽，兴来今日尽君欢。

羞将短发还吹帽，笑倩旁人为正冠。

蓝水远从千涧落，玉山高并两峰寒。

明年此会知谁健？醉把茱萸仔细看。
​

Double Nines Day at Cui’s villa in Lantian county

David Du

I am getting old and right now face the desolate autumn,

Though for this farce I myself am comfortable …

Festival today! An interest comes up – I'd like to enjoy it with others but

I’m very ashamed – my sparse hair is getting too thin;

I worry about my hat like Meng Jia’s wind-lifted …

I asked someone nearby, "Help me straighten my hat?"

Look, the stream of Lan runs from over a thousands gills

Through the long distance; Mount Yu towers,

Soaring frostily, its twin summits facing themselves.

Next year when we meet who knows who will still be alive?

I've become drunk and now gaze at the dogwoods carefully.

辛丑重阳书怀 依韵杜甫诗《九日蓝田崔氏庄》
曼舞一江冬

秋至云青心境宽，兴来书曲自寻欢。

休言风烈吹枯叶，懒观尘灰罩世冠。

红火终生时色褪，碧波却少道途寒。

明年九日身何处，依旧孤居落木看。


Writing a mood on Double Nine's Day this year
David Du
The autumn waves, the clouds clear and well down, my mood.
An interesting comes up- I 'd like writing poetry to enjoy myself
Don't say the wind too huge to interrupted the deadwood,
I'm tired of watch the world hat covered too much dirt themselves.
All in all the boom must be fading its color,
but the blue clear waves, of course, is lacking of the chilly
when they run their ruler.
where will I be next Double Nine's Day,
I still live alone and watch the leaves dropping
lower and lower.

 

[reed]

拼音文字与方块字相比，诗行的整齐性在视觉上天生就吃亏。

莎士比亚的十四行诗是很规整的，每行都是十个音节。

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate;
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date;
......

尽管如此，声音节奏上也不能完全规整，与方块字相比。

 

[dave]

拼音文字与方块字相比，诗行的整齐性在视觉上天生就吃亏。

不过如果把莎士比亚的十四行诗视为古诗的话，也是很规整的，每行都是十个音节。

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate;
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date;
......

是的，但我毕竟不是莎士比亚，我只是按现代英文诗隔行押韵来写。 当然，翻译古诗能按莎士比亚的十四行诗格式最好，最近，我在读美国翻译家David Hinton翻译的杜甫诗。我发现他这种 The selected poem 也不错，尽管也不押韵,但是每一行都很整齐。有点像莎翁的作品。
我贴一首他翻译的春望
Spring Landscape
The country inruins， river and mountains
continue, The city grows lush with spring,

Blossoms scatter tears for us. and all these
separations in a bird's cry startle the heart.

Beacon-fires three months ablaze: by now
a mere letter's worth ten thousand in gold,

and worry's thinned my hair to such white
confusion I can't even keep this hairpin in.

而我翻译的春望则是另一种风格。
Spring Observations

Du Fu

Translated by David Du

Although the country has been humbled, torn apart

The mountain and river are still alive.

The castle has been filled in by jumbled, upstart

Spring grasses and woods. My eyes

Watch the wildflowers where my tears are glittering,

I am so in sorrow. I hate to be apart

From my family – now if I even hear the bird twittering

It is so sadly shocking for my heart.

The war fire has been kept for several months, near us –

Now my family letters are like valued gold, so precious.

Dejected, I scratch my grey hairs, so short, so thin,

It’s very hard to find a place to clasp the hairpin.


我是采用隔行押韵的方式，英文诗很难做到中国古诗那种一韵到底。比如杜甫这首春望，全诗都是押的平水韵十二侵。英文根本做不到，如果强行去作，翻译的诗不伦不类。所以，我就按英文习惯改成隔行押韵，至于每行的音节齐整这对我这个第三语言翻译者来讲太难。所以，我只能按我的路子翻译。

 

[AZURR]

除了音韵，诗是不是还应该有瑰丽的想象？我的名字是写在水波之上的 是谁的诗句？

 

[dave]

除了音韵，诗是不是还应该有瑰丽的想象？我的名字是写在水波之上的 是谁的诗句？

说得没错，诗好主要就在意境，但是，英文诗没有意境这个说法。 我再贴一首我们当地诗人的诗。在中国人看来，一点都不像诗，但是，哈法当地的诗刊收录了这首诗。
The Return
Julia Rose
The City
Hasn't forgotten me
Despite
How tall I've become
Its stone and metal walls
Ever enveloping
With street lights like fireflies

 

[dave]

拼音文字与方块字相比，诗行的整齐性在视觉上天生就吃亏。

莎士比亚的十四行诗是很规整的，每行都是十个音节。

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate;
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date;
......

尽管如此，声音节奏上也不能完全规整，与方块字相比。

是的，汉字是诗化文字。 其他语言很难达到。非常幸运，今生能投胎中国，会写方块字的诗。