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- 发布时间 2012-12-18
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回复: 儿子遭遇bully
It's important to take bullying seriously and not just brush it off as something that kids have to "tough out." The effects can be serious and affect kids' sense of self-worth and future relationships. In severe cases, bullying has contributed to tragedies, such as school shootings.
Helping Kids
If your child tells you about a bully, focus on offering comfort and support, no matter how upset you are. Kids are often reluctant to tell adults about bullying because they feel embarrassed and ashamed that it's happening, or worry that their parents will be disappointed.
Sometimes kids feel like it's their own fault, that if they looked or acted differently it wouldn't be happening. Sometimes they're scared that if the bully finds out that they told, it will get worse. Others are worried that their parents won't believe them or do anything about it. Or kids worry that their parents will urge them to fight back when they're scared to.
Praise your child for being brave enough to talk about it. Remind your child that he or she isn't alone — a lot of people get bullied at some point. Emphasize that it's the bully who is behaving badly — not your child. Reassure your child that you will figure out what to do about it together.
Sometimes an older sibling or friend can help deal with the situation. It may help your daughter to hear how the older sister she idolizes was teased about her braces and how she dealt with it. An older sibling or friend also might be able to give you some perspective on what's happening at school, or wherever the bullying is happening, and help you figure out the best solution.
Take it seriously if your hear that the bullying will get worse if the bully finds out that your child told. Sometimes it's useful to approach the bully's parents. In other cases, teachers or counselors are the best ones to contact first. If you've tried those methods and still want to speak to the bullying child's parents, it's best to do so in a context where a school official, such as a counselor, can mediate.
Many states have bullying laws and policies. Find out about the laws in your community. In certain cases, if you have serious concerns about your child's safety, you may need to contact legal authorities.
Advice for Kids
The key to helping kids is providing strategies that deal with bullying on an everyday basis and also help restore their self-esteem and regain a sense of dignity.
It may be tempting to tell a kid to fight back. After all, you're angry that your child is suffering and maybe you were told to "stand up for yourself" when you were young. And you may worry that your child will continue to suffer at the hands of the bully.
But it's important to advise kids not to respond to bullying by fighting or bullying back. It can quickly escalate into violence, trouble, and someone getting injured. Instead, it's best to walk away from the situation, hang out with others, and tell an adult.
Here are some other strategies to discuss with kids that can help improve the situation and make them feel better:
At home you can lessen the impact of the bullying. Encourage your kids to get together with friends that help build their confidence. Help them meet other kids by joining clubs or sports programs. And find activities that can help a child feel confident and strong. Maybe it's a self-defense class like karate or a movement or other gym class.
And just remember: as upsetting as bullying can be for you and your family, lots of people and resources are available to help.
It's important to take bullying seriously and not just brush it off as something that kids have to "tough out." The effects can be serious and affect kids' sense of self-worth and future relationships. In severe cases, bullying has contributed to tragedies, such as school shootings.
Helping Kids
If your child tells you about a bully, focus on offering comfort and support, no matter how upset you are. Kids are often reluctant to tell adults about bullying because they feel embarrassed and ashamed that it's happening, or worry that their parents will be disappointed.
Sometimes kids feel like it's their own fault, that if they looked or acted differently it wouldn't be happening. Sometimes they're scared that if the bully finds out that they told, it will get worse. Others are worried that their parents won't believe them or do anything about it. Or kids worry that their parents will urge them to fight back when they're scared to.
Praise your child for being brave enough to talk about it. Remind your child that he or she isn't alone — a lot of people get bullied at some point. Emphasize that it's the bully who is behaving badly — not your child. Reassure your child that you will figure out what to do about it together.
Sometimes an older sibling or friend can help deal with the situation. It may help your daughter to hear how the older sister she idolizes was teased about her braces and how she dealt with it. An older sibling or friend also might be able to give you some perspective on what's happening at school, or wherever the bullying is happening, and help you figure out the best solution.
Take it seriously if your hear that the bullying will get worse if the bully finds out that your child told. Sometimes it's useful to approach the bully's parents. In other cases, teachers or counselors are the best ones to contact first. If you've tried those methods and still want to speak to the bullying child's parents, it's best to do so in a context where a school official, such as a counselor, can mediate.
Many states have bullying laws and policies. Find out about the laws in your community. In certain cases, if you have serious concerns about your child's safety, you may need to contact legal authorities.
Advice for Kids
The key to helping kids is providing strategies that deal with bullying on an everyday basis and also help restore their self-esteem and regain a sense of dignity.
It may be tempting to tell a kid to fight back. After all, you're angry that your child is suffering and maybe you were told to "stand up for yourself" when you were young. And you may worry that your child will continue to suffer at the hands of the bully.
But it's important to advise kids not to respond to bullying by fighting or bullying back. It can quickly escalate into violence, trouble, and someone getting injured. Instead, it's best to walk away from the situation, hang out with others, and tell an adult.
Here are some other strategies to discuss with kids that can help improve the situation and make them feel better:
- Avoid the bully and use the buddy system. Use a different bathroom if a bully is nearby and don't go to your locker when there is nobody around. Make sure you have someone with you so that you're not alone with the bully. Buddy up with a friend on the bus, in the hallways, or at recess — wherever the bully is. Offer to do the same for a friend.
- Hold the anger. It's natural to get upset by the bully, but that's what bullies thrive on. It makes them feel more powerful. Practice not reacting by crying or looking red or upset. It takes a lot of practice, but it's a useful skill for keeping off of a bully's radar. Sometimes kids find it useful to practice "cool down" strategies such as counting to 10, writing down their angry words, taking deep breaths or walking away. Sometimes the best thing to do is to teach kids to wear a "poker face" until they are clear of any danger (smiling or laughing may provoke the bully).
- Act brave, walk away, and ignore the bully. Firmly and clearly tell the bully to stop, then walk away. Practice ways to ignore the hurtful remarks, like acting uninterested or texting someone on your cell phone. By ignoring the bully, you're showing that you don't care. Eventually, the bully will probably get bored with trying to bother you.
- Tell an adult. Teachers, principals, parents, and lunchroom personnel at school can all help stop bullying.
- Talk about it. Talk to someone you trust, such as a guidance counselor, teacher, sibling, or friend. They may offer some helpful suggestions, and even if they can't fix the situation, it may help you feel a little less alone.
- Remove the incentives. If the bully is demanding your lunch money, start bringing your lunch. If he's trying to get your music player, don't bring it to school.
At home you can lessen the impact of the bullying. Encourage your kids to get together with friends that help build their confidence. Help them meet other kids by joining clubs or sports programs. And find activities that can help a child feel confident and strong. Maybe it's a self-defense class like karate or a movement or other gym class.
And just remember: as upsetting as bullying can be for you and your family, lots of people and resources are available to help.
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回复: 儿子遭遇bully
The consequences of bullying
Children who are bullied may be afraid to go to school. They may complain of headaches or stomachaches and have trouble concentrating on schoolwork. In the long term, the consequences of bullying may be even more severe. Children who are bullied have higher rates of depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and other mental health conditions. Children who are bullied are more likely to think about suicide. Some of these wounds may linger into adulthood.
The consequences of bullying
Children who are bullied may be afraid to go to school. They may complain of headaches or stomachaches and have trouble concentrating on schoolwork. In the long term, the consequences of bullying may be even more severe. Children who are bullied have higher rates of depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and other mental health conditions. Children who are bullied are more likely to think about suicide. Some of these wounds may linger into adulthood.
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回复: 儿子遭遇bully
Warning signs of bullying
If your child is being bullied, he or she may remain quiet out of fear, shame or embarrassment. Be on the lookout for these warning signs:
Warning signs of bullying
If your child is being bullied, he or she may remain quiet out of fear, shame or embarrassment. Be on the lookout for these warning signs:
- Damaged or missing clothing or other personal belongings
- Unexplained bruises or other injuries
- Few friends or close contacts
- Reluctance to go to school or ride the school bus
- Poor school performance
- Headaches, stomachaches or other physical complaints
- Trouble sleeping or eating
回复: 儿子遭遇bully
我没心思对一群陌生人去夸一个他们不认识的人，如果硬要这样说的话应该是在夸我自己，我让我儿子知道这个社会洁身自好是没用的，背诵再多的防御方法也不抵事除了阿Q精神胜利法。所以只有打回去一条路。
事实上，好的功夫老师不会教你天天去跟别人打架，武德教的也很好，因为他们知道山外有山，天外天。不可能扫平天下无敌手。功夫是防身用的，尽量避免使用武力除非别人动手了。小孩练拳时我在傍边经常听教练的说教。所以家长不必担心这事。
我没心思对一群陌生人去夸一个他们不认识的人，如果硬要这样说的话应该是在夸我自己，我让我儿子知道这个社会洁身自好是没用的，背诵再多的防御方法也不抵事除了阿Q精神胜利法。所以只有打回去一条路。
事实上，好的功夫老师不会教你天天去跟别人打架，武德教的也很好，因为他们知道山外有山，天外天。不可能扫平天下无敌手。功夫是防身用的，尽量避免使用武力除非别人动手了。小孩练拳时我在傍边经常听教练的说教。所以家长不必担心这事。
最后编辑: 2012-12-19
回复: 儿子遭遇bully
关于小雷音贴的英文的帖子，我非常的赞同。我只能接下来再介绍一点我的经验。因为我儿子个性比较柔弱哈，没法做到有些TZ说的以牙还牙，以眼还眼的。但我听到儿子被人bully了，还是非常upset的，所以对这个话题非常的感同身受。
有好几次，我儿子从校车下来回家后，我看到他眼泪汪汪的，我问他为啥，他就说有一个高年级的同学，在车上老是欺负他，开他玩笑。当着大家的面，老是叫他：xx is a loser,xx is a loser. 还把他书包里的东西倒出来。我很郁闷，因为这个孩子其实是我儿子的朋友，我和他家长都很熟，经常一起吃饭，出去玩的啥。
我老公当时听了也很气愤，他告诉儿子这事只能自己解决，要勇敢的告诉别人你不喜欢这样，如果他还这样，你去告诉老师。或者你直接反击。但我儿子说，他比我大很多，我打不过他。后来他终于去告诉老师了，结果那个孩子就和我儿子说，我是和你开玩笑的呀，你干嘛告诉老师。再后来，那个孩子是不欺负我儿子了，但是他们的关系也不如从前了。
后来，我给儿子请了个老外的家教，在聊天中谈起了这个事，那个老师就分析给我儿子听，那些喜欢bully别人的人，其实是对自己感觉不好的人，对自己没信心的人，他们就喜欢从欺负比自己弱小的人中获得满足。如果你明白这一点，你就不会很受伤，你可以减少和他们接触，或者想办法让他们觉得你比他们其实强大，让他们不会欺负你。我当时就觉得我儿子听了，心里释然了很多。
其实最近又有一次，我儿子又从校车下来哭着回来了（我儿子性格温柔天生的，我也没办法哈），他还说他以后再也不做校车了。我问他为啥，XX又欺负你了吗？他说不是的，这次是一个香港的小孩，那个小孩其实也是他朋友，长得很高大，还经常来我们家玩的。我很诧异，那个孩子看上去不是这么有攻击性的人呀？ 结果我儿子说，这个香港小孩很情绪化，心情好的时候很好，心情不好的时候，就喜欢和我取乐我儿子，有时候会比较过分。
这次我就比较有经验了，我就分析给我儿子听，你想想看为啥只有这两个男孩子喜欢惹你呢？我儿子很委屈，不知道呀。 你看，因为他们，一个是只有妈妈在这里带着他，妈妈还要上班，每天晚上8,9点才能吃饭，平时妈妈也没空管他，一个是单身爸爸带着两个儿子，你想想看他是不是很没劲。就像你karren老师说的，一个对自己感觉不好，内心深处不happy的人，才喜欢欺负别人，来获得自己的满足。而一个对自己有信心，觉得自己很幸福的人，往往是很尊重别人，也很nice的。你想想你自己，爸爸妈妈都在这里，都很关心你吧，都爱你吧。你觉得幸福吗？我儿子点点头，心情好了很多。然后我接着说：再说了，他们有时候也只是和你开玩笑，可能会过分一点，你实在不开心了，就直接和他们沟通一下，要是他们还是不听，你就减少和他们的接触，你自己也有自己的好朋友不是嘛。你不要因为他们欺负你，而感到不开心，其实真正不开心的，是他们自己。
这次沟通我觉得很有效果，首先我儿子很快calm down了，然后心里也感到舒服了。这以后，他再也不提校车上的不开心了，和人交往也有信心了很多，因为他知道他自己是被爱的，他可以有自己的朋友圈子。我后来一次去他们的学校，看见他和班里的同学很开心，和很多老外都玩的不错。（不是崇洋，是因为之前很多时候，他的朋友都只有中国背景的人），他老师也和我说，他和同学建立很healty的relationship.
很多时候，我们大人也一样，受到欺负，受到歧视，真正的不开心是来自心里上的，而不是身体上的。首先要把自己的心里调节好。而且有一句话肯定是对的，对别人粗鲁，喜欢歧视欺负别人的人，往往是自身不幸福的人。不是吗？最喜欢歧视我们这些新移民是谁呢？老移民，老香港人，其他国家的移民，生活在社会低层的层次很低的老外。再想想哪些人是经常对人nice,又彬彬有礼的呢？所以，我们大人遇到这些问题，自己分析一下，想清楚了，也就很释然了。然后再问问自己，到底我要做一个怎样的人呢？
关于小雷音贴的英文的帖子，我非常的赞同。我只能接下来再介绍一点我的经验。因为我儿子个性比较柔弱哈，没法做到有些TZ说的以牙还牙，以眼还眼的。但我听到儿子被人bully了，还是非常upset的，所以对这个话题非常的感同身受。
有好几次，我儿子从校车下来回家后，我看到他眼泪汪汪的，我问他为啥，他就说有一个高年级的同学，在车上老是欺负他，开他玩笑。当着大家的面，老是叫他：xx is a loser,xx is a loser. 还把他书包里的东西倒出来。我很郁闷，因为这个孩子其实是我儿子的朋友，我和他家长都很熟，经常一起吃饭，出去玩的啥。
我老公当时听了也很气愤，他告诉儿子这事只能自己解决，要勇敢的告诉别人你不喜欢这样，如果他还这样，你去告诉老师。或者你直接反击。但我儿子说，他比我大很多，我打不过他。后来他终于去告诉老师了，结果那个孩子就和我儿子说，我是和你开玩笑的呀，你干嘛告诉老师。再后来，那个孩子是不欺负我儿子了，但是他们的关系也不如从前了。
后来，我给儿子请了个老外的家教，在聊天中谈起了这个事，那个老师就分析给我儿子听，那些喜欢bully别人的人，其实是对自己感觉不好的人，对自己没信心的人，他们就喜欢从欺负比自己弱小的人中获得满足。如果你明白这一点，你就不会很受伤，你可以减少和他们接触，或者想办法让他们觉得你比他们其实强大，让他们不会欺负你。我当时就觉得我儿子听了，心里释然了很多。
其实最近又有一次，我儿子又从校车下来哭着回来了（我儿子性格温柔天生的，我也没办法哈），他还说他以后再也不做校车了。我问他为啥，XX又欺负你了吗？他说不是的，这次是一个香港的小孩，那个小孩其实也是他朋友，长得很高大，还经常来我们家玩的。我很诧异，那个孩子看上去不是这么有攻击性的人呀？ 结果我儿子说，这个香港小孩很情绪化，心情好的时候很好，心情不好的时候，就喜欢和我取乐我儿子，有时候会比较过分。
这次我就比较有经验了，我就分析给我儿子听，你想想看为啥只有这两个男孩子喜欢惹你呢？我儿子很委屈，不知道呀。 你看，因为他们，一个是只有妈妈在这里带着他，妈妈还要上班，每天晚上8,9点才能吃饭，平时妈妈也没空管他，一个是单身爸爸带着两个儿子，你想想看他是不是很没劲。就像你karren老师说的，一个对自己感觉不好，内心深处不happy的人，才喜欢欺负别人，来获得自己的满足。而一个对自己有信心，觉得自己很幸福的人，往往是很尊重别人，也很nice的。你想想你自己，爸爸妈妈都在这里，都很关心你吧，都爱你吧。你觉得幸福吗？我儿子点点头，心情好了很多。然后我接着说：再说了，他们有时候也只是和你开玩笑，可能会过分一点，你实在不开心了，就直接和他们沟通一下，要是他们还是不听，你就减少和他们的接触，你自己也有自己的好朋友不是嘛。你不要因为他们欺负你，而感到不开心，其实真正不开心的，是他们自己。
这次沟通我觉得很有效果，首先我儿子很快calm down了，然后心里也感到舒服了。这以后，他再也不提校车上的不开心了，和人交往也有信心了很多，因为他知道他自己是被爱的，他可以有自己的朋友圈子。我后来一次去他们的学校，看见他和班里的同学很开心，和很多老外都玩的不错。（不是崇洋，是因为之前很多时候，他的朋友都只有中国背景的人），他老师也和我说，他和同学建立很healty的relationship.
很多时候，我们大人也一样，受到欺负，受到歧视，真正的不开心是来自心里上的，而不是身体上的。首先要把自己的心里调节好。而且有一句话肯定是对的，对别人粗鲁，喜欢歧视欺负别人的人，往往是自身不幸福的人。不是吗？最喜欢歧视我们这些新移民是谁呢？老移民，老香港人，其他国家的移民，生活在社会低层的层次很低的老外。再想想哪些人是经常对人nice,又彬彬有礼的呢？所以，我们大人遇到这些问题，自己分析一下，想清楚了，也就很释然了。然后再问问自己，到底我要做一个怎样的人呢？
回复: 儿子遭遇bully
这种事没有一定之规，各人有各人的解决办法。
有的小孩就打回去，体力不行咱用武器。曾经有个小孩用泥巴团外面裹上碎玻璃渣，上门去找欺负人的孩子，一照面就一颗砍过去。结果被家长爆骂一顿，不过对方倒是再也不敢欺负他了。一一这种小时候还行，越大风险越大
还有的小孩结交厉害的朋友。曾经有个小孩把作业给班里厉害同学抄，自然无人敢欺负他。一一找靠山任何时候都有效
还有的小孩告老师，大事小事都报告，家长也老找老师。同学都很恨他，但也不敢惹他，毕竟唐僧的威力是很强大的。一一任何时候都有效
还有的小孩扮可怜，经常可怜兮兮的抽泣，有的大同学或者老师看到了一问，基本就帮着出头了。一一小时候不太管用，越大越管用。
还有的可能是阿Q精神自己扛过去了，不过就不太看得出来，内伤。
这种事没有一定之规，各人有各人的解决办法。
有的小孩就打回去，体力不行咱用武器。曾经有个小孩用泥巴团外面裹上碎玻璃渣，上门去找欺负人的孩子，一照面就一颗砍过去。结果被家长爆骂一顿，不过对方倒是再也不敢欺负他了。一一这种小时候还行，越大风险越大
还有的小孩结交厉害的朋友。曾经有个小孩把作业给班里厉害同学抄，自然无人敢欺负他。一一找靠山任何时候都有效
还有的小孩告老师，大事小事都报告，家长也老找老师。同学都很恨他，但也不敢惹他，毕竟唐僧的威力是很强大的。一一任何时候都有效
还有的小孩扮可怜，经常可怜兮兮的抽泣，有的大同学或者老师看到了一问，基本就帮着出头了。一一小时候不太管用，越大越管用。
还有的可能是阿Q精神自己扛过去了，不过就不太看得出来，内伤。
