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"黄色"英文短信 集萃(慎入)

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回复: "黄色"英文短信 集萃(慎入)

An Arab was interviewed at a U.S checkpoint.
  Guard:your name please?
  Arab:ABDUL AZIZ
  G:sex?
  A:6 times a week.
  G:I mean,male or female?
  A:doesn’t matter,sometimes even camel
  G:holy cow!!
  A:yes,cows and dogs too!
  G:man,isn’t that hostile?
  A:hostile,dogstyle any style!
  G:eek:h dear!!
  A:deer?no deer!they run fast….
 

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回复: "黄色"英文短信 集萃(慎入)

Q:why are typhoons named after women?A:because when they come,they’re wet and wild;and when they go,they take your house and car with them!
 

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回复: "黄色"英文短信 集萃(慎入)

little girl:”mommy,I just found out that the little boy next door has a penis like a peanut”
  mommy:”you mean its small?”
  little girl:no,its salty
 

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回复: "黄色"英文短信 集萃(慎入)

old man:doctor,I’m 90 and my 18 years old wife is pregnant!doc:let me tell you a stoty about an old hunter who,instead of his gun,brought his umbrella to the jungle,met a bear,aimed his umbrella,pulled the trigger and the bear dropped dead..
  old man:impossible!somebody else must have shot the bear..
  doc:exactly!!
 

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回复: "黄色"英文短信 集萃(慎入)

man:my wife needs a bra but I don’t know the size…
  sales girl:don’t worry sir,touch my boobs and try 2 estimate.
  man:eek:h..i forgot!!she needs panties too!!
 

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回复: "黄色"英文短信 集萃(慎入)

’sex’ is like a restaurant,sometimes you get good service,….sometimes bad service,
  ….sometimes no service,
  ….and sometimes you have to be happy with….
  
  
  
  
  ”self service”
 

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回复: "黄色"英文短信 集萃(慎入)

news!a 90years old man starts make love to his 85 years old wife.he started sucking the breast,after 10 seconds,he died.
  autopsy report:cause of death,EXPIRED MILK!
 

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回复: "黄色"英文短信 集萃(慎入)

there are 70 ways to make a woman happy,one is shopping and the rest is 69.
 

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回复: "黄色"英文短信 集萃(慎入)

LITTLE GIRL: "Mom, what’s a Penis?"
  MOM: "Be a good girl! If you grow up, you’ll get 1"
  LITTLE GIRL: "what if I’m bad?"
  MOM: "You’ll get MORE!"
 

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回复: "黄色"英文短信 集萃(慎入)

one day little Johnny came home from school and asked his mom about courting.flustered,she replied,”tonight go watch your sis when she comes home with her boyfriend.that’s courting.”
  The next day,Johnny tells his mother what happened.”well,sis and her boyfriend came home last night ans sat on the couch.they started kissing and stuff and I think sis was getting sick because she kept making faces.her boyfriend must have thought so to,because he started feeling for her heartbeat like the doc.he wasn’t as good as the doc though,he missed an awful lot. That’s when the fever started.i know it was a fever because sis said she was really hot.then her boyfriend ripped off her blouse and bra,and I saw why he couldn’t get to her heart,there were these big bumps on her chest!he then rips off her skirt and undies and she has grown a lot of hair there,she should clean it more often.i guess her boyfriend thought so to because he started sucking there,licking using his fingers.then sis yelled out to God and upzipped her boyfriend’s pants.this big snake jumped out and sis started to try and bite it’s head off.she stopped trying and then it squirted all over the couch.then sis took off his pants and sat on the snake,I think they were trying to squish it. Sis started to bounce up and down on it.she said it was nearly as big as Daddy’s!suddenly,she stopped and said she wasn’t on anything,but her boyfriend said it was too late.they had both come.So,did I explain it right?”
  His mom fainted.
 

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回复: "黄色"英文短信 集萃(慎入)

LAWYER:how many times were you raped by the accused?
  GIRL:I was raped 3 times!
  ACCUSED:liar!hey you,2 times only!
  GIRL:why 2 times only?the one when I am on top is not counted?
 

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回复: "黄色"英文短信 集萃(慎入)

judge:why did you kill your boyfriend?
  Lady:he picked me up from school,took me to a bedroom,remove my uniform,laid me on the bed,spread my legs & then said…joke joke joke!!!
 

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回复: "黄色"英文短信 集萃(慎入)

Boss:let me fuck you,just 1 time,I’ll be quick,I’ll throw p1000 on the floor & before you bend &and pick it up,I’ll be done!
  Girl likes the proposal&calls her boyfriend.
  Boyfriend:eek:k but ask for p2000 & be very quick to pick up the money…
  After 4 hours boyfriend calls &asks:”what happened?”
  Girl:shit!it was all coins!!
 

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回复: "黄色"英文短信 集萃(慎入)

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he will use to log on. The husband was in a rather humorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife’s attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife what he was keying in. "P....E....N....I....S.." His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied: **** PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH*****
 

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回复: "黄色"英文短信 集萃(慎入)

Three Caves Test
  >
  >
  >In the Amazon rain forest, three explorers were walking. One was Irish,
  >another English, and the last American. Soon, they came across a tribe,
  >and the leader of the tribe told them that if they wanted to pass
  >through this territory, they had to pass the three caves test. The
  >explorers agreed and asked what the three cave test was.
  >
  >The leader of the tribe took them to the caves, where he said, "Inside
  >the first, there are three bottles of rum, each 100 years old and said
  >to be toxic. You have to drink one each. In the second is a lion with a
  >thorn in his foot. You must remove the thorn. In the third is a woman
  >who has never been satisfied, and she must be satisfied."
  >
  >The three men were hesitant but could not back out, so the American went
  >into the first cave, drank the bottle, and died soon afterward. The
  >Englishman was second. He went into the first cave, drank the bottle,
  >then went into the second cave. There was a lot of commotion and
  >roaring. No one emerged from the cave.
  >
  >Lastly, the Irish man went into the first cave and drank the bottle. He
  >went into the second cave. At first, there was a lot of commotion, and
  >then there was a soft purring sound. Then he entered the last cave. Two
  >minutes later, he came out puzzled and asked, "Where’s the thorn in the
  >woman’s foot...?"
  >
 

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回复: "黄色"英文短信 集萃(慎入)

The man tells his doctor that his wife hasn’t wanted to have sex
  >with him for the past 7 months. The physician tells the man to
  >bring his wife in so he can talk to her.
  >
  >When the wife comes to office, the doctor asks her why doesn’t
  >she want to have sex with her husband any more.
  >
  >"For the last 7 months," the wife replies, "every morning I take
  >a cab to work. I don’t make much money and my husband doesn’t
  >give more than bus fare, so the cab driver always asks me, ’So
  >are you going to pay today or what?’ I always give him an ’or
  >what’.
  >That makes me late for work. I’m late, so the boss asks me, ’So
  >are we going to dock your salary, or what?’ That’s another ’or
  >what.’
  >On the way home, I take the cab and again I don’t have any money
  >so the cab driver asks me, ’So are you going to pay this time or
  >what?’ And, again, I do an ’or what’.
  >
  >So you see, Doctor, when I get home I’m all tired out and I don’t
  >want sex any more."
  >
  >The doctor thinks for a second. "So," he says, "are we going to
  >tell your husband or what?"
 

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回复: "黄色"英文短信 集萃(慎入)

in a sex seminar the speaker asked a woman”do you know what your husband is doing when you’re having an orgasm?”
  woman:”of course.he is playing golf!”
 

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回复: "黄色"英文短信 集萃(慎入)

a guy and a girl were having sex in the car.
  Guy:if I had known you were still a virgin,I would have taken more time.
  Girl:actually if I had known that you really had more time,I would have just taken off my panty hose.
 

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回复: "黄色"英文短信 集萃(慎入)

"....Mary,why do you bring your kitty to the classroom?"
  "Um....My sister’s boyfriend said last night i would eat your pussy tomorrow~"
 

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回复: "黄色"英文短信 集萃(慎入)

in 1964 the first topless bar opened in san Francisco.the good news is the bar is still open.the bad news is same girls still work there.
 

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